Husband says I stink

[Jez2510]

Hi everyone,

I'm 15 weeks postpartum and breast feeding, I also have an older child in school. When I get back from school run everyday my husband tells me I "stink like wet dog" even if I've had a bath/shower the night before. He says is probably from the hormones from breastfeeding. No one else has mentioned it and I have asked a couple of female friends if I smell and they say no. I'm doing everything I can think of to help with the smell. Using Fussy deodorant, perfume and nice smelling spray on my clothes. Sometimes I have to wash jumpers after only wearing them the once because he says they stink.

Obviously, this is making me feel very self conscious and embarrassed. I don't want him to lie to me, if I smell I'd rather know but I can't live in the shower when I have a baby to look after,

Has anyone got any tips/tricks to help with this? I use Fussy deodorant as most other antiperspirants seem to make me smell worse!

I've never smelt 'the cold' and I do also jog in the cold and have a kind of cold sweat. I wasn't aware it had a distinctive smell.

I totally understand your worry. I have no sense of smell so I have to rely on others to tell me things like this, and although I’ve asked them to it still stings if I get the “you smell a bit sweaty” comment.

explain to your friend how much it’s stressing you out and to please be totally honest with you. Lying to you will only make it worse so please be honest.

does he make the comment at any other time? Is it only after the morning school run? If so it could be a problem with his nose that gets worse overnight. in that case I’d just be saying “well there is nothing that I can do about it my love. You’re the only person that can smell it and I can’t be any cleaner than I say have so you’ll just have to stop sniffing me in a morning.”

my husband would say this to me but in a kind way. Postpartum with a toddler and I actually did stink. Even after showering i felt that i still smelt. It's normal, you secrete extra smells postpartum so baby can find you and breastfeeding makes you extra smelly too. I would warn my friends/family but they'd just say i can't smell you. I could smell me and my husband was just closer to me and spent more time with me so he could smell me more.

Perhaps you've become nose blind to it? perhaps your husband is smelling something that's not there? mine started associating wipe smell to poo so perhaps he's made an association to something and you don't smell.

He doesn’t sound very tactful:(

infections make me smell: my sister is very forthcoming about this if I have a cold!

One thing that helps me smell fresher is using antibacterial soap (both Palmolive and even better Dettol make them, in a range of fragrances so you won’t smell like disinfectant don’t worry!).

Without bacteria, BO type smells are less (I barely need deodorant now). I also wear a dressing gown for a while before getting dressed so I dry/air properly, and sometimes change socks twice a day

Hopefully it’s just a temporary thing

Dettol soap, Mitcham roll on deodorant and laundry sanitiser plus a GP apt for your dh who has a nose problem as well as being an arsehole

It might be your coat that smells like wet dog. With all the wet weather recently I've found that my coat stinks when it gets slightly damp, especially the furry hood. I have to wash it regularly.

I smelt very milky when I was breastfeeding, it was like it came out of my pores, I could smell it but no one ever commented and if my husband had described it the way yours did I would have been pissed off, what a twat.

@Jez2510
"He usually has to leave shortly after the school run is done so hasn't got time to wait with baby while I have a wash."

I think he should do the school run on his way to work. Then you aren't rushing around getting flustered, and can sit and feed the baby into a milk-coma and have a shower in peace.

I can imagine it is a bit off putting for him to get close to you if the smell is as bad as he says it is.

Your husband might just be very sensitive to smells, and yes it’s an evolutionary response to give off an odour when breastfeeding to help your baby feed! It’s probably more obvious in the morning because I am sure like me you feed the baby and nappy change just before you do the school run to ensure that your baby is settled.

I am sure most people are unaware of it, but if your husband has a very sensitive nose, then maybe he can?

The smell helps the baby to recognise its mother and supports bonding! Perhaps completely covering this up might not be helpful? It might confuse the baby!

Finally you won’t be breastfeeding forever…. don’t feel embarrassed to allow your body to do its own thing!

www.news-medical.net/health/Breastfeeding-and-Hormones.aspx

Could it be that your laundry detergent reacts with the cold air in a weird way? When my husband did his compulsory military service he always smelled something awfull when he came home. It was obviously his clothes - army issued fatgues - that were also laundered on site. I think that the combination of the washing detergent (something course and industrial) with the cold and whet weatherconditions ánd especially with plain young-man sweat&skin odour caused this particular smell. I of course tried and laundered the clothes but that smell always lingered. I think in the army they really soaked everything through&through with their detergent wiich I suspect contained sharp smelling disinfectants and repellants. I never got rid of that irritating smell whatever how many rinces I did. Not saying there is anything wrong with your laundry products, just sharing what caused the smell in our case.

Make him do the school run and take the baby with him so you can have a shower. (then tell him he smells when he gets back)!!

It sounds as though he's smelling the cold on you.
Could you take something of his out with you (jumper or similar) when you do the school run and then ask him to sniff that once you're back? That would possibly help narrow down the source.

My son is on the spectrum and doesn’t like crowds either. I still expose him to situations like that especially for important day to day chores such as food shopping, because it’s an important life skill. If I coddle him and let him sit at home all day, it becomes too uncomfortable to do something he doesn’t like and he will have reduced self confidence. He can go into crowds when his motivation is high though, eg an interesting festival!

I want him to be an independent adult, who doesn’t have to rely on a partner or parent doing everything for him. And for him to be in a position to share tasks with them. I can see the pride in his face when he accomplishes his own things.

When I was in the post partum period I felt like I had a "wet dog" smell. I had completely forgotten about it until I read your post! Noone else ever commented on it but I definitely noticed. Can only remember that it faded over time.

Let him do the school run?

Sounds like he doesn’t have to leave until after it so maybe it’s a great compromise. See if he smells after he has done it!

That is a very serious suggestion…

But also, do you walk through a wet muddy park or lots of grass on the school run. I have quite a sensitive sense of smell and I can’t stand the way my husband smells after a run. It’s a bit damp doggy, not sweaty, but I know it’s the wet muddy grass smell because my daughter smells the same after going to the park with friends. It wears off after a while but it is very much of the environment rather than of the person. Not much you can do til it dries up out there!

I've not had children so I don't know what it was with me, but after showering and vigorously rubbing with all manner of shower products I would still smell like a wet dog after showering. Then, following a yeast 'infection' and using anti fungal shower gel I suddenly smelt clean and body lotions smelled like they were meant to. You could check it - Organic anti fungal shower gel on line

Are you travelling in the car to do the school run, perhaps its something inside the car making you smell? (no shade, my car is gross). Or a specifc item of clothing your wear to do the school run, like trainers or a coat/hoodie?

When you do the school run do you stand with anyone or talk to anyone on route. Do you stand in a particular area. I know when my neighbour stands near me the smell of cannabis from him radiates and a few times my 11 year old son has said "You smell like Connor, sickly and sweet" he knows now what it is but I soon realised the smell was radiating and it was only after been around neighbour. So I try to keep my distance and open windows if they happen to come in the house. They don't smoke it in my home but the smell follows them.

It's not your coat is it? My son has a down coat and as soon as he gets hot in it he smells like wet dog. It doesn't matter how many times I wash it, it still smells the same 🤷‍♀️.

I actually had this problem! But I noticed it myself. It actually disgusted me how much I smelt but I put it down to hormones because of the breastfeeding. I actually found other people didn't notice it as much or they did but it didn't gross them out the way it did me. I could smell it was a different smell to normal sweat. It made me feel dirty all the time. When I researched it, I found this to be true and very much related to hormones and breastfeeding. It just went away eventually. Now I don't have this problem for "no reason" just when being super active in the day and not wearing deodorant etc. But even then it's no way near what it was like during this breast feeding stage. Your partner had terrible delivery in how he put it across. But sometimes I think that level of honesty whilst hard to hear, is actually often from a loved one who has forgotten about boundaries and not necessarily to upset you. But only you know their intentions. Oscar Wilde said a true friend stabs you in the front! How lovely! What I will say though as much as you may feel embarrassed, dont worry! You're a human being thats done an incredible thing and youre still doing incredible things breastfeeding and running around as mums do. The smell is going to definitely go away. I usually use natural deodorant but in this period I did opt for an antiperspirant like dove which helped. Also if you take witch hazel or IPA and swipe it across your pits it will kill bacteria. But I would only do this temporarily whilst it's potent or when you need to be somewhere. Your body just needs to do its own thing for now.

I don't have any answers OP, but a couple of anecdotal things:
When I was pregnant, my sweat didn't smell at all, and I never needed deodorant. As soon as both DC were born, 3 years apart, my 'normal' smell came back.
When my sister was pregnant, she and her Dh went to antenatal class, and the leader asked the men if they'd noticed any changes in their wives. All the others said things like 'she's more sleepy' or 'sexy' or 'angry'. My BiL said 'She smells different'.
So it may possibly be hormones...

He may have nasal polyps. If associated with infection he may be thinking you smell but it’s actually an issue with him. Worth checking.

If you bathe at night by the time your husband gets home you are ready for another bath or shower, you've had a day and a night since your last one and no doubt been busy all day.

He needs to be a bit more sensitive. I don't suppose he always smells fragrant after a day at work.

This isn't going to last forever, when you stop feeding and things calm down a bit you'll be fine.

Yikes what a tricky situation. I hope you're OK OP. I do remember my bra smelling of rancid milk when I was breastfeeding but I only had a couple of b/feeding bras and probably should have washed them more! Someone else mentioned natural deodorants like Fussy. I have tried a few of them and I'm afraid I got quite a whiff off my armpits later on in the day. I had to return to the bog standard stuff like sanex, mum, sure etc. Very disappointing but they do blast body odours away more effectively than the natural deodorants. Hope you get to the bottom of this OP!