Potential genital herpes, devastated

[Insheerpanic]

I went to the dr this morning as I've been so sore down there for the last week since I had my smear test, thought I was just sore and had severe thrush. Had enough of it so went to dr today. She thinks its herpes and is sending me to a clinic for swabs tomorrow to confirm. I'm devastated been with one partner for 13 years and only had one more partner which I used protection for. Me or DP have never had a breakout or a coldsore, when the dr told me herpes I just started crying and I'm actually in shock. I keep bursting out randomly crying and haven't eaten since I just feel sick. I'm well aware it can lay dormant for years but I'm baffled as to where this has come from, partner has also only been with 2 other people which he used protection with. I'm just sad. And Worried. I'm pretty sure it is as the more I've read the more signs and symptoms I've got. Has anyone been in this position? I know to some people its 'just a virus' and is common but in a way I feel dirty?! I did get sexually abused at 14 and was forced to give oral sex with no protection so thats all been triggered again, I'm just heartbroken. How the fuck do I tell my partner when he gets in. I'm petrified hes going to think I've been elsewhere or I'm dirty or judge me. And I'm scared of future flare ups and how the hell I'm going to live a normal healthy life. I've been through so much and this is just the icing on the cake.

I have 2 young children who are in nappies and require intimate care (wiping cream etc) I had no idea it could be herpes and I'm now petrified if I've passed it on to them by not washing my hands well enough after I've put cream on myself. So scared of telling my husband and what he's going to think. And cant even imagine having sex, especially oral ever again. My sex drive was already none existant but it'll be gone forever now. Sorry for the rant :( just have no one to talk to.

When I was pregnant I had an outbreak downstairs and swabs confirmed it was an atypical coldsore outbreak. They're different viruses. Wait for your swabs to come back to see if it's the coldsore type or the genital herpes type.

I was diagnosed with genital herpes about 15 years ago. That first outbreak was truly horrendous, and one of the most painful, uncomfortable things I've ever experienced. I'm sure you can relate! I had another 2 or 3 outbreaks in the following couple of years and they were a fraction of the intensity of that first one. I can't remember the last time I had an outbreak, it was many years ago. So from a physical point of view, you are over the worst

From an emotional point of view, I can well imagine how upsetting this is for you. Honestly though, it's one of those things. It's a virus like any other, it just happens that this one is passed through sexual contact. It's painful and unpleasant but nothing to be ashamed of x

This is so odd. The initial herpes outbreak usually happens 1-2 weeks post infection and you are experiencing it exactly 1 week after a smear test. Could be coincidence or could be whoever did your smear didn’t use a sterilised speculum?

Dont @Discovereads this is the major thing in my mind. Like major. I am friends with the nurse so it was very causal and chatty I just laid back didnt even look. She also pinched my cervix which bloody killed. I am petrified this could of happened too but id never have any proof or get that answer. I've never had anything like this before, and mine and my husbands sexual experiences are limited and protected so I really am clueless, and scared to be quite honest. I was absolutely fine until I had the smear then I had pain, then thrush type symptoms then the blister/sores. I'm in genuine shock I've always been so sensible and careful and if I've got them ill be devastated to be honest.

I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to come across as not treating it seriously. I am. I know it’s a major thing with a terrible stigma. I really feel for you.

I only suggested it as it is a possibility (if you have it). Could also be an allergy to the lube if not herpes?

You’ve had the same partner for 13yrs and had children together and such. Given what you’ve said about you and him, I think cheating is very unlikely?

You’re clearly wondering how in the hell did this happen. I would be too. So just felt you needed to hear a possibility that for one would ease any suspicions your DH may have of you, as you’re clearly anxious about his reaction.

It is almost impossible that you got it from your smear. It transmission generally requires direct contact with a sore, and friction. OP, i would go to the herpes viruses association website for facts and information. There is a remote chance the nurse had a herpetic whitlow on her finger and a hole in her glove. Very remote.

Genital herpes can either be HSV1 or HSV2. HSV1 normally causes coldsores but can be passed to genitals through oral sex. Both types can be passed on when using a condom as it's passed on by the skin rubbing together, so if the male had a sore not covered by the condom, it would offer no protection.

Practically, you may not have it. It's not been confirmed. After that, what happens next in terms of outbreaks etc is very dependent on whether you have type 1 or type 2. Type 1 normally causes coldsores and generally results in less frequent genital outbreaks. Type 2 can generally cause 4 or 5 mild outbreaks a year at first, reducing in regularity over time.

Assuming you didn't recently catch it i.e. from your smear, DH more than likely already has it but doesn't know it. Over half of people don't get symptoms.

Emotionally, when I was diagnosed (type 1 caught through oral sex) i was devastated. Same as you, felt dirty, disgusting, confused. Just awful. However, 2 years on, I've had two very very mild outbreaks and genuinely it's had very little impact on my life. I've made my peace with it. You will too, just give it time. It is very very common, far more common than you'd realise.

Please do visit the herpes viruses association, honestly it will do you the world of good.

It really is not a major thing. And it really does not have a terrible stigma. I was single and casually dated when i caught it, and only one man (out of many), who had terrible health anxiety, rejected me for it. It really doesn't have the stigma you think it does.

I was responding to the OP agreeing that it is a major thing for her (as she’s said that numerous times). And it depends where you are how much stigma there is, and the OP is obviously feeling the stigma based on how she feels “dirty”, “sick” and is devastated.

Im not going to invalidate her feelings on this.

I would wait for diagnosis, op. It could definitely be some sort of reaction. It sounds bizarre. From what I've read on here over the years, it does seem to fade away over time.

Thankyou both. @Blsp thankyou ill have a look, I just genuinely am baffled where its come from! I am worried how my husband will see me definitely, if he appeared with it one day I'd be shocked and abit confused. Will have the test tomorrow and see, I'm almost certain it is apparently thrush doesnt get sores/blisters? Were meant to be going to a party tonight but I just keep sobbing, I've been through much much worse and harder things but this has really got me! I'm glad it hasn't really impacted your life @Blsp that makes me feel a tiny bit better x

Hi op,

I had my first herpes outbreak about 8 years ago. I was in a committed relationship with my then partner (now husband). I have no idea how I caught it but assume it had being laying dormant for a while as there is no way either of us cheated. Mine is actually the cold sore strain common on your face rather than the genital strain although it can infect both so I guess it really doesn't matter either way (I asked the nurse when I got my results if it was strain 1 or 2).

I was absolutely devastated at the time. I had a really rough couple of weeks until I started the antivirals and then it disappeared pretty quickly. Unfortunately I am someone who gets recurrent outbreaks (when I am stressed or rundown) but they really don't bother me at all now and I'll take antivirals if I need to. I have a child and I'm pregnant with my second and my main concern was keeping them safe, particularly as newborns when they can be vulnerable. I went on antivirals after birth for a month to be safe but just practice good hygiene and if I have an outbreak I'm extra careful. I haven't passed it on and I suspect my son will have some form of immunity now. The greatest risk to children is during childbirth for a mother who has a brand new infection, new babies can become very poorly. Older children it's not such a risk. I always wash hands before changing nappy and use hand gel (which I guess you should do anyway!) and I've never had any issues.

The only precaution my husband and I take is that we don't have sex if I'm having an outbreak but over the years we probably have inadvertently and he's never had an outbreak. Just remember a lot of the population have been exposed but never have and issues with it.

For me it really was the stigma associated with having herpes, and it really just took time to process it. I actually told my friend about it and turns out she had it too. So I really do think it's more common than you are aware of, it just isn't something people like to talk about.

Something I read at the time was also be really careful with washing your hands as you can transfer it your fingers if you have a cut. I think that risk diminishes once you've had your first outbreak but it is really something you want to avoid for obvious reasons as dealing with genital herpes is a lot easier than if you were to get it on your hands (but I do think that is very rare so please don't worry).

The way I dealt with it was research. Read a bit about it so I felt like I understood more rather than just what I'd heard (which is often untrue).

Fingers crossed that you don't have it, but if you do it really isn't the end of the world. Of all the issues I have, herpes is the least of them 😂 If you have any questions, feel free to DM me xx

You're right, her feelings certainly should not be invalidated. They're very valid feelings and I felt them myself. However, it's helpful for OP to know that those feelings have their basis in shock, upset and confusion. They're not based in reality, which is that this will not be a big deal for her or have a material impact on her future.

OP i also had a little one in nappies when i was diagnosed and was terrified i would pass it to her. It really is almost impossible as it requires skin to skin contact but practising normal good hygiene is obviously sensible. Not to worry you but i developed a herpetic whitlow on my finger when i caught it, passed it to myself when trying to figure out what on earth was going on. This is only likely to happen very early on after catching it.

What i think is most likely is that either you don't actually have it at all, or, the smear has caused an outbreak for you after it's lay dormant for a long time. In either of those scenarios it's unlikely you can pass it to another part of your body, but it can't hurt to be mindful when changing nappies.

@blep
It transmission generally requires direct contact with a sore, and friction.

The WHO says otherwise:
”HSV-2 is mainly transmitted during sex through contact with genital or anal surfaces, skin, sores or fluids of someone infected with the virus. HSV-2 can be transmitted even if the skin looks normal and is often transmitted in the absence of symptoms.” www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus

What a great response 😊

Oh are you going to take issue with stuff I say now? Some sort of weird revenge? Herpes Viruses Association is clear

"How is herpes simplex caught and passed on?
The facts about passing on/transmitting herpes are clear:

Herpes is passed directly from the affected area of skin (which could be the genitals, face or hands), by direct skin to skin contact, with friction, when the virus is present."

I trust them. If you've got a different source that says something else, that's fine.

Have you had chickenpox in the past op?

I thought I had genital herpes but it turned out to be shingles (which is also herpes but a different kind). It was at one side and spread from front to back and all places in between!

It was years ago and hopefully a one-off. GPs don't often see genital shingles so may not have considered this, I wasn't diagnosed correctly for over a fortnight.

You have my sympathies op, I know how painful it can be.

@Sarahlouise86 thankyou for your lovely reply it means alot and makes me feel abit better.

Thanks for all the replies they really do help knowing im not alone and its normal to feel this way, think its just shock to be honest and pain!!! How on earth did you all tell your partners?! I'm honestly petrified. How quickly will I get the results from a sexual health clinic? I just need to know for definite now feel like I can't relax. Do I tell my husband or keep it to myself until I know what I'm dealing with? Weve not been doing anything anyway because of the pain I've been in

@kneedles Yes I've had chicken pox before

Honestly, he loves you, it will do you the world of good to confide in someone and have a cuddle. I obviously don't know him or your relationship, but I would tell him.

Honestly you could be me 2 years ago. I was an anxious nervous wreck waiting for my results. I saw a nurse out of hours because the pain was that bad, she prescribed codeine. Pouring cold water over whilst doing a wee helped, so did vagisil as it contains a mild anesthetic. And epsom salt baths helps heal them up quicker and gives some relief. X

Thankyou @Blsp he does love the bones of me but I think it'll be as much of a shock to him as it is to me. Thankyou I cant have codeine or cocodomal as it makes me sick but I still have some strong pain killers from after my baby. Ill try vagisil Thankyou, I've been using thrush cream because obv I thought I had thrush which has been hurting me. Not surprised why now! Suppose I need to come to terms with it. I dont want to ruin my husbands night tonight tbh but don't want to deal with the worry on my own. I've told my mum because she had my kids whilst I went to the drs and knows I've been having issues with my bits for the last week. She told me to go get checked, when I got back to hers I just burst out crying so atleast I'm not totally isolated. She is confused how I've got them but nothing I can do about it now I suppose. Will wait for confirmation.

Oh I've just read it can actually make a herpes infection worse. Super will stop using that!!

@Insheerpanic not at all, I'm glad it helped a little.

You will be in shock right now and that's completely normal, give yourself some time to process it and in my opinion, knowledge really is power in this situation. It will help to sort out all the untruths about herpes and what it may practically mean to you, but as the people on this thread have already said, once over the shock it really has very little impact on peoples lives. It doesn't occupy my thoughts at all except when I see threads come up on Mumsnet as something similar helped me when I first got diagnosed.

Your children will be absolutely fine. It really does take exposure to the active sores to transmit but practice good hygiene when changing nappies etc and I'm sure it won't be an issue.

I told my husband after I'd had the test but before I'd had my positive result. I needed the support and part of my worry was how he would react. By telling him and him accepting it, it really helped me to process the positive result when I got it, because it changed nothing in my life. He loved me and we'd deal with it together. Please give your husband that chance to support you.

Doi dr - All speculums are single use and go straight in the bin. They're not sterilised and reused (in the UK at least

Also to say practically, Epsom bath salts are brilliant, drink lots of water to dilute your urine, pee in the bath or shower if you need to or even take a cup of water and pour it over yourself when you wee.

Pain wise (if this is a herpes outbreak), the first really is the worse. Any subsequent ones I've had are just annoying, not ata ok painful. If it is getting worse then push for antivirals even before the diagnosis, they usually bring relief in as little as a day! I waited way too long to get them in my first outbreak.

And I'm crying again at your reply @Sarahlouise86 I think he'll support me but I worry what he won't tell me and keep to himself he isn't the best communicator I'd rather him be annoyed at me (not like ive done anything) but talk to me about it. Ill wait until were back from our party I think. I also love a drink but feel so sick and haven't eaten all day think ill pass. Hes going to ask how I got on at the drs though.. and hell need to look after the kids tomorrow whilst I go get tested.. oh I'm just so worried. Should really eat something because now I've got headache but unsure if its from crying and stressing so bloody much x