Potential genital herpes, devastated

[Insheerpanic]

I went to the dr this morning as I've been so sore down there for the last week since I had my smear test, thought I was just sore and had severe thrush. Had enough of it so went to dr today. She thinks its herpes and is sending me to a clinic for swabs tomorrow to confirm. I'm devastated been with one partner for 13 years and only had one more partner which I used protection for. Me or DP have never had a breakout or a coldsore, when the dr told me herpes I just started crying and I'm actually in shock. I keep bursting out randomly crying and haven't eaten since I just feel sick. I'm well aware it can lay dormant for years but I'm baffled as to where this has come from, partner has also only been with 2 other people which he used protection with. I'm just sad. And Worried. I'm pretty sure it is as the more I've read the more signs and symptoms I've got. Has anyone been in this position? I know to some people its 'just a virus' and is common but in a way I feel dirty?! I did get sexually abused at 14 and was forced to give oral sex with no protection so thats all been triggered again, I'm just heartbroken. How the fuck do I tell my partner when he gets in. I'm petrified hes going to think I've been elsewhere or I'm dirty or judge me. And I'm scared of future flare ups and how the hell I'm going to live a normal healthy life. I've been through so much and this is just the icing on the cake.

Yes possibly @fUNNYfACE36 especially when it started after thrush cream and it was a stronger one I hadn't used before but we shall see x

When are your results due?

She said 2 weeks!!

That seems a long time, fingers crossed for you

Just got the text, positive for type 1? Atleast now I know. The flare up is over now so I hope for no more!

The same virus that causes coldsores. Interestingly overtaking type 2 in prominence for genital herpes too 🤷🏻‍♀️ perhaps we're all having more oral sex nowadays.

Nonetheless HSV1 should be far less troublesome for you than HSV2 would have been. I think average number of outbreaks is about 1 every 15 months, but of course we're all different and they often become less frequent over time.

Hopefully won't bother you again OP x

I hate to mention this and apologies if it’s been mentioned by a pp. but has your DH definitely been faithful? I’d be getting a full std check if you have not already done so, just to be certain

Type 1 diagnosis has gone through the roof I was told; I think it’s the prevalence of oral sex as PP said. Hopefully you are luckier than I am and not get many, if any, subsequent outbreaks.

I still however only know two people in real life who have it (or at least told me they have it) genitally. It would be nice to know of more so you can talk about the effects of it; it’s a much bigger metal anguish than physical, at least in my case.

A lot of people are asymptomatic or have very mild symptoms having never had an initial outbreak where they are diagnosed, so are passing it unknowingly and putting the redness/pain/small cuts down to thrush, post-sex injury, etc.

Mental impact was greater for me too. How long have you had it?

Get him to get tested.
He almost certainly has it but it's worth checking.

Oh I am so sorry to hear that. I also have genital herpes type 1, and my subsequent outbreaks have been very mild and extremely rare (like one in several years).

Thanks @lillipilli hope mines as rare!
@girlmom21 you can't just get tested.. it only shows when it flares up and they swab the actual blister so if he never has a flare up well never know. Weve been together so long I'm presuming we both have it.

I'm kind of over it now and will just deal with it when it rears its ugly head Which hopefully won't be often. I have been alot more run down than normal and have never ever slept so poorly so maybe that's why its appeared but pointless guessing will never know. Pretty sure he's never been unfaithful hes said he hasn't and I believe him and ill never know, he could also blame me which he hasn't done, pointless playing the blame game when we don't have reason or suspicion to, is what it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

@aeio it’ll be 2 years in October. I could deal with it much better if I was one of stats - 0.8 outbreaks per year. Ha, yeah right.

@Insheerpanic glad you’re feeling better now. 67%+ of the population carry type 1, with more and more genital diagnosis all the time. Your partner is therefore technically more likely to have it than not, same as everyone else, but it doesn’t mean he’s been unfaithful. That’s what I was told very first off when I was initially livid with my partner at the time. He’d never had a coldsore nor had anyone else I’d ever dated so have no idea who it came from or when and it just drives you mad trying to work it out!

I once.developed some strange coldsore like infection "down there" also after being in a monogamous relationship for years and was certain my husband hadn't cheated on me.

I went to the STD clinic where the very experienced doctor told me it looked like herpes. I was devastated. They did a blood test to be certain - and it came back negative. The doctor confirmed that the negative test meant there was no way it could be herpes.

It never came back - it's been more than 12 years now - and to this day, I have no idea what it was - just that it wasn't herpes!

@Elvisrockstar the herpes virus association advises that the blood tests are very unreliable and not recommended! Glad whatever it was hasn't come back for you though.

Hsv1 is so much easier to deal with than 2. 2 comes back a lot more frequently so that should be a weight off your mind.

I was misdiagnosed with shingles on my shoulder for about 3 years (!), only to find out it was herpes when I changed doctor's surgeries and the GP queried it. Apparently they are getting a lot of odd herpes presentations - he said I was the 2nd person in that week with cold sores in an odd location (ie not the mouth/genitals). I have eczema so my skin is susceptible.

Ask the doctor for some antiviral tablets that you can keep just in case you have another outbreak and take them as soon as it starts. But fingers crossed you won't have another one for a while!

You're not dirty or a bad person, OP. It's just one of those unfair frustrating things.

DD is a student in London. STIs are rife in her social group. They tell each other explicit details about their own sex lives & that includes all the STIs & barrier protection many of them don't (ever) use. In the middle of this conversation I had to explain to DD (not for 1st time) that contraception is FREE and condoms are available FREE even to gay males. She has male gay friends who have had treatment for multiple (simultaneous) STIs.

It was an eye-opening conversation.

I'm frustrated that those students aren't more careful but none of them are bad people who should be ashamed of their busy sex lives.

If it’s type 1 then oral sex is the most likely culprit. Common things are common, so look for the simplest answer.

@Elvisrockstar @Aeio is right - the blood test is hugely unreliable and they are no longer offered in the UK unless you pay privately. They only show up results once your body makes antibodies so it can be a false negative early into the infection and even swabs can come back negative if the sore isn’t ‘weeping’ - if it’s started to heal already or anti-virals have been used beforehand then you can also get a false negative.

@lljkk sadly there is no protection as such for herpes; condoms may lessen transmission but it’s a skin condition spread by skin to skin contact. Often it’s in places condoms don’t cover and literally no one uses dental dams for oral sex as far I am aware!

Really unhelpful posts

Firstly, it is not a huge thing- OP, it's just a virus. 70% of the population have been exposed to a strain of HSV by the time they reach adulthood. It is not dirty, and you must have a good read around the internet for proper, factual information.

Secondly, the idea that OP caught herpes from a routine smear is ridiculous, and insulting to healthcare professionals.

@Elvisrockstar @Aeio is right - the blood test is hugely unreliable and they are no longer offered in the UK unless you pay privately. They only show up results once your body makes antibodies so it can be a false negative early into the infection and even swabs can come back negative if the sore isn’t ‘weeping’ - if it’s started to heal already or anti-virals have been used beforehand then you can also get a false negative.

Oh gosh it was actually over 13 years ago so memory fails - perhaps it was a swab result rather than a blood test result that I received back (no anti virals were taken, don't think there was ever any weeping but don't remember).

But if it was herpes, would it have reappeared by now (after 13 years)? Also how long can it be initially dormant for as I had been monogamous before it appeared for over five years?

@Elvisrockstar it can never re-appear again with symptoms or can reoccur often. Sometimes you can get mild or prodrome symptoms without an actual outbreak and still be infectious.

Sadly every case and body is different and it can lay dormant for many years I was told by the GU consultant I saw and HVA.

There isn't much point testing your DP if he doesn't have symptoms.The only real usefulness of testing to to confirm diagnosis for treatment purposes.Testing requires active infection in any case.The majority of us on this forum have herpes although the majority of us don't know it.We will probably all occasionally shed some virus and that can be passed on.This is why long ,loving relationships are often the most likely scenarios for infection.
The days of stigma should be long gone.You are in a relationship and your friends and family assume you have sex .No need for stigma at all.One of my DC has had cold sores since they were a babe in arms ; none of the rest of us have ever had one although I assume that at the very least their close sibling and I must be positive and probably all of us.
A first infection can be very unpleasant but subsequent outbreaks if they occur tend not to be and treatment started early works well.

Type one is the same type that is on lips. If your husband had a cold sore and went down there it could have spread, but usually HSV1 likes the face more so hopefully you never have another breakout down there! Really good news imo OP

@Insheerpanic I haven't rtft so apologies if it's already been said but I would highly recommend L-Lysine supplements to keep future potential outbreaks at bay. I contracted it from an ex partner 15 years ago and it was causing me regular issues until I started the supplements, since when I haven't had any further problems.