What children's books make you skip bits when reading aloud?

[FrannyandZooey]

Following on from the fairy tales thread...

I presume everyone else finds themselves skipping bits in books that are too scary or otherwise unsuitable?

In preparation for a recent dentist's trip we borrowed some books about teeth etc, but didn't feel it necessary to introduce the idea of the drill to ds (age 3), so kept missing those bits out.

When we arrived for our appointment, we found an Usborne book about the dentist in the waiting room and dp started to read it to ds. The first child goes in and has a check up, but the second child needs a filling which took about 4 pages to describe. So dp's rendition went something like this:

"Well done Lucy, your teeth are great," said the dentist. Then it was Tom's turn to sit in the chair."

long pause

"Er...Oh. Erm, Tom's teeth were fine too."

"Ah! Then they all said goodbye to the dentist and went home."

lol - why on earth would you put drilling into a children's dentist book!

I normally skip pages due to boredom (I know that's awful) - usually it's a school reading book (the ones we read to them) that they choose themselves. Mine have a knack of choosing the ones the size of doorstops - normally on something fascinating like How to Build An Aeroplane or Handbook for Horse Ownership.

Not scary stuff, but I sometimes skip bits in the Mr Men books which are over wordy - or turn 2 pages over at once if we are late for bedtime. So far I have got away with it (DS is nearly 4).

Also I'm mean about the dentist - I had a wisdom tooth pulled out recently, dentist gave it to me - it was chipped and black in places - fairly horrible - but DS wanted to see it and know all the gory details and now is keen to brush teeth every morning and night, as doesn't want to go to dentist.

Oh no I'm a mean mummy and he'll probably have a lifelong fear of dentists - actually he said he wanted to be one when he grows up.

God, yes, Mr Men books are dreadful for reading aloud, but it's hard to skip bits once they can read themselves because the print's so big.

Anything television-derived which I haven't managed to "lose" in the library. They are so badly written that you have to rephrase every page.
Stupid comments by characters (eg sexist) that young children may take seriously, ie not realise that the views expressed are not representative of any sensible people.
Meat. You would be amazed how many people in books actually eat veggie sausages, tofu, etc

The Elephant and the Bad Baby as it just does my head in - aaargh!

In fact that reminds me, I must hide it before DS finds it and demands it every night as DD did!

I skip those AWFUL Disney books or Disney renditions of trad tales (I don't buy these I would like to point out, they've always been gifts)and yesterday I skipped a load of boring old shite in a poetry book.

Thomas the tank engine books!

I have often turned 2 or more pages at a time.

lol at veggie sausages and tofu! That'll get mentioned in therapy you know

At school the children love the Paul Jennings books, but sometimes the language is a little inappropriate.

Sometimes I just skip over it. Other times I make a big thing over missing bits out "oh that bits too rude, I can't possibly read that. If you want to know what it says you'd better read it yourself".

And sure enough they dive straight to the library - and so the plan works, they read more. They fall for it every time.

LOL Tooticky I have been known to cleanse books of references to filthy animal products or sugar containing substances as well

Oh this is one for Filly - doesn't that story in Joe and Timothy where they meet "the little brown girl" make you cringe? I think the word "brown" is mentioned about 12 times and the story where they all go out with the dads and see the jolly brown bus conductor with his jolly white smile about 20 times, oh lordy

oH YES, WWW,dISNEY BOOKS ARE DIRE!

Animal Ark books (Lucy Daniels I think) are hideous to read aloud. Far too much conversation. I have read them to my niece a few times and they are DIRE!

The Animal Ark books are dreadfully formulaic although they do raise awareness of issues such as badger baiting. Still, reading them is a bit like trying to run through cold porridge wearing a gown and flippers.

I take it your children aren't reading yet?!

Enid Blyton books frequently have the words changed as they are so old fashioned.

DS1 loves dinosaur books but proper Encyclopoedia types which get shortened a lot too!

Thomas the Tank is dire as are the Mr Men books.

Ds1 is starting to notice though and tells me I am not reading them properly!

Girls Favourite Bedtiem Stories and others of that ilk.... Yawn.

My DM keeps buying them for her. Yet to get the Boys version, expecting this year now DS is 3!

So pleased i'm not the only one who skips pages.

foxinsocks you made me laugh. You sounded just like me.

Those books are so boring.

Mr men books are ok a couple of times, but i'm now reading them to my third child and they really get to me.

Disney books are awful.

Especially Lion King and Jungle Book.

So many weird names that you're expected to know how to pronunce correctly!!!!!

Hooray! Glad it's not just me then.

Definitely Thomas the Tank, sooo tedious, thank heavens ds is past them.

He's into Horrid Henry now which are OK, but chapters are a bit long and I tend to skip bits just to speed things up a bit!

I would like to strangle the rev awdry,spose he must be dead already though?

Hum - have said the words "fat controller" so many times now my eyes ache, however then we have to explain that whilst Grandad has an uncanny resemblance to same, especially in our wedding photo in his top hat he is to be refered to as "stout".

I hated postman pat, and became super good as scanning a page and giving a precis! So a whole page of dire crap became, 'Look' said pat, 'A robot'

Missing bits out backfire when your ds says - no it doesn't say that because the word and and the word he are on the page and you didn't say them.

Only 30 more words to go and you can read this boring drivel yourself then.

oh god...Lazy Ozzie!
I know it completely misses the point of the book..but half the time my 3 aren't listening that well anyway!

The High Horse...The Not so High Cow....The big Sheep...The Slightly Smaller Pig...The next Level down Rabbit...??? God it annoys me!!!!!

oh yes, the littlebrowngirl bit is a problem.

in fact I have actually crossed it out of our books (yes frank i defaced a book, here have some smelling salts) to stop my PIL reading it gleefully (they do like a nice golliwog, every time ds goes over there they get out their extensive collection) .

OTOH JK Rowling does it too! FFS!