i am morbidly obese and slowly killing myself. Please help

[mads1]

I weigh 19 stone+ and i am desperate to loose weight. the problem is, i can't seem to find my motivaation like i use to do. I tell myself that my 2 DDs and very wonderful DH should be incentive enough but it's not enough.
I am now at a point where my back, knees and basically all my joints ache and i'm finding it more and more difficult to do every day chores.
i am slowly killing myself but i don't want to.
another problem i might have to face is that i drink too much. i will drink between 1/2 to 1 whole bottle of wine a night.
i don't have anyone to talk to about this because all my friends are thin.

Get a gastric band fitted, or have a bypass, I was 18 stone 10 lb, had a band fitted and lost 6 stone. i can really recommend it xx

Have you been this weight for a long time mads?

how tall are you?
how about a slimming club?

the alcohol is deceptive....hidden calories

thinker,,,, funny you should say that! i've just been on google to check this out!!! don't think my dh will agree to it!

i have been over weight all my life.
i would say this is the largest i've been for the last last year.
I am 5'5'. yes been to WW and about 5-6 years ago slimming world. can't stand points system.

thinker.
Do you mind if i ask how much the op was. how long was recovery and what criteria did you have to meet to get this. BTW Well done girl!!!!!!

What kinds of things do you eat and what kinds of foods do you like that are healthy?

break it down....too daunting looking at all that weight that needs to go....do it in stages.

i have 3-4 stone to lose....i have lost a stone of that through low carbing.

I had it done 5 years ago, it cost £3200, I went to Belgium, my BMI was 42, the NHS wouldnt help cos I wasn`t big enough, even though I could hardly wipe my own a**e I was that big . The recovery time was about a week I spose, was sore where I had the incisions ( it was laparoscopic) I got to the stage where it was more dangerous to continue getting slowly fatter than to have surgery. The op only lasted 17 minutes apparantly. So worth it, it has transformed my whole life dramatically.

mads1 - I am in a similar position regarding my weight. I am not planning on having surgery, I was thinking of maybe getting a "hypo band" - apparently they do the same job as normal gastric band! I am also going to do through healthy eating and exercise but if you want someone to loose weight with, for encouragement etc, we could support eachother!

what about the gastric mind band? apparently same effect but done with hypnosis... you think you've had the op and behave accordingly but without op risks

maybe you can be hypnotised in to hating that feeling of being full.

Losing the amount of weight that you need to lose can be done through following a healthy diet plan and exercising. I know someone who did it very successfully and has kept the weight off since.

I am currently trying to lose weight and get fitter. I used to have 1 small glass of wine a night but have cut this down to about 3 glasses a week. I've cut out the mid morning toast and butter. I'm only having coffee (no sugar) twice a day instead of whenever I feel like it. I'm drinking herbal tea instead. I'm exercising a bit more. I've only been doing it about 2 weeks but my jeans are already more comfortable for me to wear. You can do it, too.

Surely it would be better to try and lose the weight through diet and exercise rather than the first option being extremely risky surgery???

I imagine it's taken quite a long period of over-eating/drinking to get to this weight?? Logically it should take the same amount of time to come off rather than hoping for a quick fix?

The most important thing to do is what Korma said. Small steps, take it slowly. 1 change per week.

If you suddenly deny yourself everything you want/crave/love you will lose motivation.

Start with the wine, as another poster said it's full of empty calories, iirc 1 bottle has almost a full days worth of calories in. If you really feel you need a drink to relax on a night switch to 1 small measure of Vodka with diet coke.

After week 1 change something else, maybe a healthier breakfast? Or start swimming three times a week. Swimming is great for burning calories and toning up but won't out any pressure on your joins.

Mads - it can be done. I know how miserable and defeated the weight makes you feel. And creaky and sore, as well.

You just have to get your head in the right place to lose it. That's the hard bit! But you can, I've lost nearly 50lbs since mid Jan and I feel so much better even though I've still got more to go.

Tackle the drinking, first. Alcohol makes you hungry, makes you overeat and saps your willpower. Is it habit? Relaxation? Do you want to cut down?

What do you like to eat? I couldn't do weightwatchers because it makes me hungry and food obsessed. But I get on really well with low carb diets (e.g)the Idiot Proof Diet (IDP) or New Atkins.

I think it can be overwhelming to think of all the weight that needs to go. Break it down into small steps. Set a target of 7lbs and try to achieve that. That's not so hard to do. IDP is really good about getting you to understand why your overeating and strategies to stop it.

Exercise helps as well. I got a Davina video - I looked a right idiot, huffing and puffing around my living room and I couldn't get a quarter of the way through when I started, but it was in the privacy of my own home, so noone (apart from small child) would see. And it gets better and easier. Just go for a walk 10 mins.

Most importantly, just do it. Don't think I'll start on Monday or after the weekend. Just pitch in there. Even if you cheat don't eat all the right things, you're getting your head round the idea that you are going to do it.

Sorry for the essay! Hope something in it helps. [smiles}

at 50lbs since mid-Jan! Well done!

I am trying to lose weight too, but am finding it hard to motivate myself. Am increasingly thinking that I need to find out why I'm overeating to tackle the problem...

please read my recent post under this topic heading
"the best personal trainer in the world" or follow the link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/big_slim_whatever_weight_loss_club/958138-The-best-personal-trainer-in-the-worl d-IMHO

I can honestly say that Sian is a wonder-worker. She has rescued me from eating madness and I now feel normal and healthy. She never "tells" me what to do, she just guides - everything, from the food I eat to the exercise I do has been my own choice. She has changed my thoughts about food more than the actual food I eat. She is not expensive, hardly more than a slimming club and you only commit to a month at a time.
I get emotional thinking what she has done for me, and also for people who feel overwhelmed by trouble with food. I hope that some of this will help.

Mads - please go and see your GP. If they are sympathetic then there is a lot GP's can help you with. There are NHS weight management centres if you are lucky enough to live near one and can get your GP to refer you. They cover a range of options fom diet and lifestyle changes through drugs and surgery. You should get prper information about the pros and cons of each and quite a bit of support.

Very few weigh loss centres will approve you for surgery until you have made a conceerted effort with the otehr options first.

I'm sorry you're in the situation you are, but I think posting here is a great first step.

There is a US magazine called SELF and they have lots of free online stuff. You register for free and I would sign up for the Self Challenge. Unfortunately you're only eligible for the prizes if you live in the US!

There are lots of resources on the site, the best one I think is the food diary. When I used it after the birth of my daughter, I tracked what I was eating and it automatically calculated the number of calories, fat, salt, carbs etc. which is really useful. Be really honest, you don't have to show it to any one.

In the meantime I would definitely go and see your GP, not for surgery options (risky and relatively unproven) but because you might have high blood pressure or be at risk for diabetes.

Let us know how you get on and good luck.

I agree with Kew - first stop would be seeing your GP. If nothing else, they might frighten you enough to motivate you to do something about your weight. Even the kindest doctor in the world couldn't dress up the facts if you are morbidly obese.

I would have written your post a few months ago - I had 6 probably 7 stone to lose and no motivation although I don't drink so I don't have that added complication. I have joined threads about how you get that motivation but you have to wait for something to click. For me it was being faced with a reflection of a fat woman in the front door of the holiday cottage we rented in February and realising it was me. Seeing that several times a day didn't allow me to ignore the fact that I was fat even though I did know.

I started an eating plan called the alternate day diet where you restrict your calories to 20 to 25% of your normal calorie intake one day and eat as you normally would the next day - effectively you are dieting every other day. I have lost about 16lbs in 10 weeks and feel chuffed as I have never managed to lose anything before. The odd thing is, although you can eat anything you like on your unrestricted day you don't want to. You work towards having more even calorie intakes on all days.

It sounds a bit faddy (although no more so than Atkins or whatever imo) but I am just doing an essay for my MSc on ageing and caloie restriction is one of the ways that scientist have discovered that increases lifespan. The book that goes with this plan acknowledges that living on 1,000 calories indefinitely is beyond the capabilities of most people but claims that you get similar effects if you do it alternate days.

However, I appreciate that me telling you all about it is not going to make you suddenly find motivation, but I think that part of the motivation comes from having a plan that you believe might work. I saw this diet in the Sunday Times mag a few month ago and it appealed to me and when faced with the evidence of my obesity I knew what I was going to do. So, I think you have to read around to see what appeals to you and what you might stick to.

Good luck (and apologies for the length of this!!).