i am morbidly obese and slowly killing myself. Please help

[mads1]

I weigh 19 stone+ and i am desperate to loose weight. the problem is, i can't seem to find my motivaation like i use to do. I tell myself that my 2 DDs and very wonderful DH should be incentive enough but it's not enough.
I am now at a point where my back, knees and basically all my joints ache and i'm finding it more and more difficult to do every day chores.
i am slowly killing myself but i don't want to.
another problem i might have to face is that i drink too much. i will drink between 1/2 to 1 whole bottle of wine a night.
i don't have anyone to talk to about this because all my friends are thin.

[PinkFuschia]

My friend and I have lost 10st between us in the last eighteen months. She goes to Slimmers World and I follow the principles of SW (can't stand weight-loss clubs!) You can eat loads, particularly if you do the green (non-meat) days, where so many foods are 'free' and you don't have to points-score.

But what has really worked for me is gradually reducing my portion sizes. And I try not to eat carbs after 7pm.

I echo what others have said above about small steps. This is the millionth diet that I've been on, but the only one that has worked (I've kept the weight off for over six months now.)

As for motivation - the one thing that motivated me was that I wanted to lose weight for MYSELF, not for anyone else. Do it for yourself, sweetie. You are SO worth it.

Both my mate and I were over 18st and we will never be a size 10 (or even a 14!) But we both look and feel great.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

[mads1]

Wow!!! Thank you so much every one. Your support and kindness mean so much to me during these very low times.
Everyone has given some fantastic advice. The two main ones that stick out are 1)go to the GP and 2)cut down the drink (this might be another issue in itself!).

Starting to feel just a little bit more positive already.
Many thanks xxx

[uggmum]

Hi, why don't you join us on my Dukan Diet thread. Its a bit cold turkey but a good quick start to weight loss.

[GypsyMoth]

and a little exercise too mads....start slow

[Simply]

Just popping back for a mo. I'm pleased to see that you've found this thread you started helpful in just one day mads1.

[notnickgriffinschick]

Im not sure a gastric band is right for you ....yet.

Try and control how much you eat,every mealtime the 2 less potatoes you eat or the chocolate you dont quite finish are all markers of success.

If you drink all that wine try to drink less- make a bottle last 3 days instead of 2,and cut back slowly.

Times when youd drive or catch a bus walk a bit first park a bit further away from your destination.

This is a great time to start a healthy eating plan that wont limit you for life like a gastric band will,if you want to do it you can.

[meltedmarsbars]

How do you feel today Mads?

How much did you drink last night?

[mads1]

Sorry not been on to reply.
Still having bottle a night. Have made an appt to see docs on thurs.
Hopefully will get somewhere. Thank you all so much for taking the time to write your advice xx

[DavidHameron]

I didn't have as much weight to lose but I have lost 2 stone since Jan using the Idiot Proof Diet. It is genius. It works because it STOPS cravings and you can still eat nice things and not feel hungry. I can't recommend the book enough.

And I found out a LOT about carbs and the misinformation about 'healthy' eating advice from the book The Diet Delusion by Gary Taubes. Very enlightening on the causes and treatment of obesity...

Hope you can get some help.

[BudaisintheZONE]

Hi - well done for posting and being so honest. Great first step. I had 6 stone to lose and joined a thread on here - the nothing tastes better than slim feels one - it's a tough love type one. If you eat something youshouldnt you get shouted at - I need that. So far am 10lbs down.

I was drinking far too much as well up to last Jan 09. And I could not imagine not drinking like that. But I was getting worried about the effects it was having so I decided not to give up but change how I drank. For me it was the social aspect of having a drink with DH that I didn't want to give up. So I switched fromwhite wine to White wine with soda. A bottle of wine now lasts me 4 or 5 nights but I still enjoy my drinks. I used to have 2 or 3 glasses of white wine and then share a bottle of red with DH. Now I have 3 or 4 White wine sodas as long drinks with lots of ice but I am only having about a glass and a half of wine a nght. It has worked for me.

Food wise I obsess if I feel I am on a diet so I have just decided to change what I eat. I have cut out bad carbs - rice, pasta, potatoes and anythng made with flour or sugar. Am still eating lots but much healthier food. And I have so much more energy.

For exercise we got a dog so I have to walk her. Walks have got longer and harder and I am enjoying them.

I feel so much better in myself - have more energy, no heartburn whch I was getting every day and I am so much more motivated to do things.

Well done for making the appointment! And keep posting here. There are lots of us here to help you.

[menopausemad]

mads

I am a failed dieter (and drink too much wine . I have a health background and know how bad this is.

www.joannahall.com/index.php

Take a look at this website (she has written lots of books). She is is great advocate for walking and eating well with very few rules (the hardest is no carbs in the evening) and a belief that you only need to be 'good' 80% of the time. Meaning, if you fall off the wagon it does not matter at all as long as you get back on.

My mum is 22 stone and virtually bed bound taking opiate painkillers for her knees, back etc. I suspect she is a fair bit older than you but your post made me feel very sad. Very happy to join you on a thread - to be honest I could do with a kick up the arse to lose some weight too!

[mads1]

ok. Day 1. I was all full of the talk last night that today was day 1. BUT after my lunch i started raiding the cupboards for something sweet. Ended up having my girls rich tea bics - i never eat those !!!

then. got the girls into bed and DH suggested chinese for dinner!! only had a chow mein however.

Wine? just over 3/4 of bottle and ready to pour the last bit.

Why is it that my brain is spilt in two? part of it is telling me what i NEED to do. The other is saying oh sod it!

With regards to the drink, do i have a problem? it worries me now if i think i can't have one in the evening. I don't want to go down any route of admitting to alcohol dependence. My dad was an alcoholic and i watche dhim kill himself with it. I was 15 years old when he died. oh god what if that happens to my girls.

[msboogie]

mads I have been where you are with the drinking too much wine and eating too much and being 5 stone over weight.

The reason you cannot get started is because you have a huge daunting task ahead of you, change is scary and you know that once you get on that diet treadmill you won't be "allowed" to get off it. So you say tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

I don't know whether you have a drink problem but I used to drink a bottle of wine every night. I thought it made my evening meal so much more enjoyable. Then I used to drink a bottle of wine at the weekend. Now I have a couple of glasses a week and am horrified and disgusted at the amount I used to drink. The sad truth is that it was the wine that made me fat, not the food. I have got out of the habit now, you can fall out of the habit just like you can fall into it. You can control your desire for alcohol if you really want to.

Anyway there is a switch that you need to flick in your head before you can begin. If you can flick this switch it will make your task much easier. What you have to do is

a) not think in terms of diets, hunger or deprivation,
b) realise that the wine is a habit, you do not deserve or need it every night - you will enjoy it far far more if you treat yourself less frequently
c) find a new healthy eating plan that you can stick to and that fits in with your life, whatever your plan it has to be one where you re-educate yourself about food and which does not EVER involve you going hungry, feeling miserable (apart from the first few days) or feeling deprived.

I am currently doing my own version of Atkins which allows me to eat plenty of nice food and never go hungry while burning off my body fat all day long. My DP said it was the first diet he has seen me on that has not left me with a face like a slapped arse.

If you want me to tell you more I am happy to do that.

Why don't you tell yourself you will save the money spent on wine in the week and buy a really nice bottle to savour at the weekend? That makes it a positive scenario for you rather than one of depriving yourself of something you want. You will enjoy it more than the stuff you glugged tonight!

[STIDW]

I've always battled with my weight and mobility problems and at this time last year was facing the prospect of being confined to a wheelchair. No one can help, it's really down to you. Last June I just decided enough was enough and I was going to loose weight. I weighted 20st 12 lb, BMI was 49 and I could hardly manage to walk from the house to the car.

It's not for everyone, but I joined Weight Watchers online and found setting small goals was the key. I set a target of loosing an average of 2lb a week for a year and exercise gradually increasing exercise every day. The plan awards stars when you reach milestones - 7 lbs, 5% or 10% of start weight, 25 lbs, 50 lbs etc. There are also graphs so you can see your weight drop. I've lost 102 lbs (7st 4lbs) so just 2 lb to go before I reach my goal for the year and still a few weeks to go. Although I'm still overweight that brings me out of the "clinically obese" and "obese" range.

I found planning, eating lots of veg and filling foods such as eggs helped as did substituting foods high in points/calories/saturated fats with something else. Generally I avoid cakes, biscuits, crisps and alcohol although I don't deprive myself entirely. After almost a year healthy eating has just become a way of life and I fully intend to keep going until I've lost another 50 lbs and my BMI is lower than 25.

Instead of biscuits I eat a Scotch pancake with a teaspoon of maple syrup or a banana which are more filling. Also you can keep a M&S Count On Us Chinese meal in the freezer to eat when the rest of the family have a carry out. Not only is it healthier, it's cheaper and if your children are anything like mine you may find that you end up having to buy COU meals for them too. Rather than deprive or binging can you cut your consumption of wine to one glass?

As others have said 10 min swim is a good starting point for exercise. I used to have great difficulty even getting from the car to the changing rooms and getting changed but by persisting and going most days I've gradually increased to 45 min swim, 25 min gym and 30-45 min cycling. Often I exercise late in the evenings so I don't sit watching TV and munch. Although walking isn't that great and never will be, it is 100% better than this time last year.

Personally I find going to meetings, reading and talking about slimming doesn't help because the focus is constantly on food. Apart from the first two or three weeks when I was learning to plan I concentrate on controlling and recording the points I use and I try not to think about food. Instead I keep motivated by looking at clothes I can wear when I'm a size or two smaller.

Although only you can decide that you really want to loose weight and the best way to do it which fits into your lifestyle there are lots of people you can draw on for support - your GP, practice nurse, gym staff and other slimmers.

[msboogie]

wow STIDW well done - that is amazing!

[BudaisintheZONE]

I agree STIDW - bloody well done!

mads1 - I SO recognise the 'oh sod it' way of thinking. That was me. I felt I had such a huge amount to lose that it was an insurmountable hill. But even having only lost 10 lbs I feel so much better.

How about focusing on one thing for this week? The wine. Do you drink red or white? Can you switch to white wine with soda? I use a long glass and put about an inch of wine in the bottom and fill up with soda water and a few ice cubes. Try that for a few nights. I love it now and find it very refreshing.

I think the issue with high fat and sugary foods is that they are addictive. And I find they fog the brain up too. Cutting them out will make a huge difference. It takes 3 days for the cravings to stop. But in that time don't let yourself get too hungry. Eat. But not bread or cake or any thing sugary or carby. Someone on the other thread I am on had oatcakes with Philadephia light on with a strawberry on top. She said it was a bit like a strawberry cheesecake.

[nighbynight]

There are so many good ideas on this thread. I am stuck in the no motivation zone as well, though I only have ca 3 stone to lose.

I am going to read some of the eating plans suggested here, and try and motivate myself to start one of them.

[nighbynight]

mads - hope today goes well.

[mads1]

Wow!! Well done to you all for your achievements!! Some fantastic stories.

I feel really bad that you are all taking the time to write your stories and advice and yet I still haven't done anything yet.

I'm just waiting for thurs to see the gp.
Ran out of wine tonight so have got out the whiskey.

[msboogie]

you need to stop keeping booze in the house - if it ain't here you can't drink it!

[meltedmarsbars]

Mads, keep coming back to talk to us, before and after you see the GP.

I find keeping my hands busy helps - you can't eat/drink with knitting/embroidery/paintbrush in your hand.

[menopausemad]

Dont be daft. Success is not measured by a day or even a week. Read. Think. Keep posting. Your day will come.

[BudaisintheZONE]

Don't worry too much yet. It is a lot of big changes to make and mentally you have to adjust your thinking.

The drinking may well be the first thing to tackle and if so i think that you might be better to concentrate on that for a little while.

Do you drink on your own or with DH/DP?

If with DH/DP will he support you in stopping?

[mads1]

I drink alone. Dh doesn't drink. He always says that he thinks I drink too much but I turn it into joke and avoid the topic.
Doesn't know I sneak drink in the kitchen when he's in the lounge. Plus I usually have boxes of wine so you can't see how much is drunk.

[msboogie]

you need to decide whether you are self medicating with alcohol like you are with food and thus whether or not you are able to get a grip of your consumption on your own

or
whether you have an actual problem with dependency that means you need to give it up totally (or, if not, carry on and get worse)

you are hinting that you think you have a drink problem - are you telling yourself this so that you have an excuse to carry on as you are? You have to be honest with yourself - no-one else can answer the question for you.

The thing that really shook me up about my alcohol consumption was whaen all this stuff started getting published about how drinking causes cancer.I always thought you could batter your liver for a few years and then stop before too much harm was done. But it's not that easy.

Would the potential impact on your health (pr the risk of not being around for your children) motivate you to take better care of yourself? It did me.