i am morbidly obese and slowly killing myself. Please help

[mads1]

I weigh 19 stone+ and i am desperate to loose weight. the problem is, i can't seem to find my motivaation like i use to do. I tell myself that my 2 DDs and very wonderful DH should be incentive enough but it's not enough.
I am now at a point where my back, knees and basically all my joints ache and i'm finding it more and more difficult to do every day chores.
i am slowly killing myself but i don't want to.
another problem i might have to face is that i drink too much. i will drink between 1/2 to 1 whole bottle of wine a night.
i don't have anyone to talk to about this because all my friends are thin.

What do you think would happen if there was no drink in the house? How would you feel for instance if there was no drink tonight?

mads - i was a similar weight to you last year, and i think what motivated me in the first instance was having a potential dvt in my leg - which my GP said was as a direct result of my weight. I remember sitting in the hospital ward being so scared that my kids were going to lose me.

Once that got sorted (wasnt a dvt) i went back to my gp, and i agree visiting yours should be your first step. After a long talk, he agreed to try me with orlistat (like alli but stronger). I always thought that when i got too big, i would ask for a gastric band which would solve everything, but then found out that i wouldnt get funding. SO, i had to do it the hard way.

It has took nearly a year, i started last july at 19st 1, and am now 14st 8, so have still got some way to go. But, i also agree that motivation is the key. I found the lovely ladies on shiney's thread (general health) and they have kept me going when i was wavering, as well as cheering me on when i lost weight. It doesnt have to be our thread, but i would think that some kind of motivation would be really helpful. I have major self esteem issues, and at times it has been really hard, but i think back to sitting in the hospital last year, and am determined not to get back there.

exercise is also the key - but when i started, there was no way i was going to the gym, so i basically started with a 30 min walk each day, gradually increasing the speed. I can now go swimming, with only a few little anxieties.

I wont say anything about the alcohol, as i see others have that covered

Good luck hun, and keep posting, as it helps to write things down to see things clearly

I hope all that made sense, as i am trying to finish an essay - which unfortunately isnt making much sense

Mads, is today your GP appointment?

Best of luck, have and open and frank discussion, and I hope they are supportive.

Wishing you well from here too.

You can do this you know. You just have to convince yourself. Every little change is a step in the right direction.

let us know how you went on mads

Jetcat- wow what an inspirational story! Well done!!

Yes today was my appointment! Not a complete waste of time but no help offered!

I was honest and said I need help to loose weight and possibly with the drink. The dr basically said there is no clinics or support groups for weight loss. Dieticians won't help cos I already know what to do and how I'm supposed to eat (cos I've done weight watchers and slimming world) so therefore it's just down to me and will power!
I hinted at the fact that I really don't know why I can't get motivated or why I sabotage diets but again nothing was offered.

He said it doesn't matter which programme you do, as long as you follow it it'll work (I know that!!!!). Also should join a group cos that's where you can get the support.

Re alcohol consumption. -he said I should cut down slowly and not altogether.

mads - thats great you went to your GP, but crap at the advice Is there a nurse or someone you could visit for maybe a bit more constructive advice?

I have depression, which can get quite bad at times, resulting in very low motivation, which is why my GP suggested the tablets - as they dont give you any choice but to eat low fat.

What do you feel is your next move?

Hmm. I can kind of see his point. You know what you need to do and really nobody can motivate you except you. But some more help would have been nice!

Do you think my suggestion of white wine and soda would help you cut down on the alcohol?

When did you do WW and SW? Were they successful for you at the time? For me I found they allowed me too many carbs which led to cravings for more carbs and led me to constantly obsess about food.

What types of food are your particular weakness?

Hi Mads,

I need to lose at least 7-8stone and could do with some help to do it, fancy supporting each other via email/MSN?

My friend started her diet last Summer, weighing over 21stone, she is about to enjoy this summer at 10 stone, she looks amazing. She has done it all through WW and the gym, she's had bad days but always got straight back to it. If you had met her a year ago you would never have thought she could get the motivation to be where she is now.

So, if she can do it, so can we!

Also, the booze, it HAS to go! I used to drink every night (would open a bottle of wine with dinner) but now we have none in the house and my DH picks up a bottle on his way home on a Friday night, that is the only alcohol we consume between us all week. My father was an alcoholic (not had a drink for 15yrs) and it is not a good way for anyone to live.

Jetcat - hi. Yes I had pnd and so am on anti deps still.
He did mention the tabs but he said I'd have to sort the diet out first obviously because otherwise it could get messy!!( if you know what I mean!)
my next move? Not sure. Would love to try SW again but the only reasonable time is 6pm and my dh isn't around at that time, to look after the girls. Will check if they do online actually.
Re the tabs need to think about it. Bit scared.

Buda- hi. Yes wine and soda good idea thanks.
I did SW about 5-6 years ago and WW 2 years ago which was when they did the core plan too. That was the first time it really worked for me cos I switched between the points and core whenever I needed a change. I lost 50ibs on that. Then got pregnant with dd2 and since then have half heartedly tried ww again. Tried meetings for a while but really don't do well with points. My weakness is anything unhealthy! Pastries, chocolate, take aways, etc.

Lisad- well done on cutting down on the drink!! That's where I'd like to be!!
Your friend's story sounds amazing!! She must be over the moon! When I hear stories like that I just can't imagine that could be me.
Your idea of supporting each other is great. I need to get on a plan and do it!!

Thank you again dear fellow mumnetters for your advice, support and especially for caring and taking the time to write.

Shall keep you posted. Going to have a long chat with dh tonight ( btw he's also very over weight and desperate to loose. You'd think we'd support eachother but in fact we're as bad as eachother!) xxx

well if there's two of you to do it will be easier mads!

mads1 I think LisaD1's way of not having drink in the house other than a bottle bought on a Friday night is a good plan.

I hope your chat with your dh has gone well. It is a big thing making a lifestyle change.

Dh and I both need to lose about a stone. I've lost some recently but I've got time to do it as I don't work atm and dh, on the other hand, works long hours and is often away from home so it'll be more difficult for him. We'll do it, though, as we both want to be healthier and fitter than we are.

Good luck simply!!
Didn't get a chance to talk to dh as he is mad busy with his work and seems a bit stressed at the mo.
Thanks msboogie!!

Hi mads1

I've been perusing the threads in this topic and came across yours. I was wondering how you were getting on and if you had managed to have the talk with your dh.

I can wholeheartedly endorse the Idiot Proof Diet mentioned on here earlier. Yes, you do have to give up cakes, biscuits, drink etc but you never feel hungry which has always been my issue with calorie controlled diets. It also deals with the headstuff as to why we eat and the forum is a fantastic source of support.

Anyway, hope you're ok.

Haven't managed to read the whole thread but have you considered asking for a referral to a nutritionist? They could look at your current diet and then advise you how to reorganise your eating/drinking to start losing weight and give you a plan.

Just so you know it can be done - I was 15.8 in March and I have been since forever. I weigh 12.3 at the mo and I'm still steadily losing and entirely motivated.

I know they work for loads of people but groups like SW and WW don't work for me and I'm not on any diet per se. I just cut out the root of my evil - bread, cheese and chocolate. I also stop as soon as I feel full - better eat little and often rather than just everything laid in front of you.

I don't feel hungry at all. Sure I'm tempted by the yum yums when I see them but not that much. I love being thinner (and I know I can be a lot thinner than this!). My motivation - my little boy said one night 'X and Y say you are fat (their mums are whippet thin) but I told them I liked you like this as there is more of you to cuddle'. Diet started the next day. Sometimes you need to be told how bad you look.

So think about what would motivate you when you weaken.

Ideas:

1. ugliest fattest picture you have on fridge/cupboard door or by phone so you can't order a takeaway
2. bullet point list of health difficulties associated with obesity on mirror!
3. buy an expensive item of clothing you want to get into that is a size 12/14 and hang it on your wardrobe
4. get a mentor - i.e. ask your GP if you can come back every week/fortnight to be weighed (by nurse, nutritionist whoever) and stick to it. The shame of not losing is a good stick I think.

must be loads more.

Most of all don't do what I did which is wallow for years thinking - it'll take forever to lose weight so why bother. Plus I'm not that bad (yes you are!) As you know, once you get going it is really a buzz to see it come off.

GOOD LUCK

Mads Have just read your thread, and hope you are okay.I like you am beginning to think I have an issue with alcohol,I drink about the same amount as you.My thought patterns with regard to giving things up sound similar.I think the best option for us is to adopt the 20/80 rule, ie not depriving oneself but allowing yourself to drink ether half a bottle 2 nights a week, or what I have found helpful is just to drink a small 25cl carton a night Tesco have one for 99p it contains 2.5 units so one of them a day is okay.I also think if you can concoct an eating plan that includes the wine calories and th calories of your food to be no more than 1,700 and aim to do 30 mins walking a day.This would be a sensible approach, the weight would fall off slowly, but this is the most successful way to achieve permanent weight loss.I think do not be hard on yourself either, because if you are like me that is when you tend to comfort eat/drink.Have reasonable goals, put the emphasis at the moment on feeling better and healthier rather than it being stones and pounds.Good luck with it all.

spacefor three congrats on your achievement.

I'm going to be blunt here . I've just watched a close friend die from being obese and it was heartbreaking for all concerned . As she lay there in her final moments she could of passed for a 90 yr old woman ... she was 50. So sad that if she'd taken on board doctors advice (in her 30's ) - she may very well have lead a long life. She's left behind her kids, her heartbroken husband and 2 twin granchildren. And a ton of friends and family.
We all tried to get her to do something about it and we always feared this would happen (infact she was lucky to get as far she did). But in the end it had to come from her - and by the time she she came to terms with reality it was too late - she was too big to have the energy to exercise and she's damaged her heart badly by he weight and had developed diabetes.
Please dont this happen to you. Start off small - a tiny walk a day , cut down on a few things ... take it bit by bit - but dont give up. Do it for yourself, and for your kids . There's no need to aim for impossible thiness . You CAN speak to your friends about this - its worrying you ! And they can support you.
It takes time but if you start right this minute - this time next year your challenge will be to maintain your weight ! The best way is through exercise - I walk as much as i can. Diet alone doesnt do it.
You've taken the 1st step already - posting on here . Go for it .
Good luck !

Hello all!
Liberty 30 sorry I never read your post until today. So sorry to hear about your friend.

Well I finally got my head sorted and in 6 weeks Ive lost 17lbs. I joined fitnesspal.com which counts calories for you and exercise.

However, since Sunday I'm going down the whole sabotage stage!??!?!

I can actually hear myself say "sod it!". I feel like I have a hole to fill. Today, for the first time in 6 weeks I've had a day of bhinging. The only "bad" think I could find was the choc chips that we use in biscuits etc. Then after having a healthy lunch, I whipped out some bread and houmous and had the equivalent of another lunch!?!?!? AND takeaways every night since Saturday. Saturday is usually a relaxed day/no counting calories and Saturday night is "pig out night".
But I just can't get out of that. Oh and of course the wine has gone up again too. Up until now I've been counting the calories but at the mo back to bad habits.

We're going on holiday next Monday and maybe I'm thinking "well it's all goi g to go to pot then so might as well start now"

I feel so bad about doing this and this time I want to get out of it before I ruin it all.

mads, didn't want you to go unanswered and I'm sure loads of people will come along and encourage you. You have done so well over the last 6 weeks and hopefully you feel better for it. So you've fallen off the wangon since the weekend, get straight back on the wagon. Your holiday doesn't have to mean you are going to have a huge blow out, start thinking about your motivation for losing weight, re-read this thread - your head was in the right place a few weeks ago, get back to that place.

Keep posting mads.

Mads: there's another (if you include today) 5 days til next Monday & your hols. You could eat healthily til then & be a couple of pound lighter for your holiday.. don't forget 1lb weight loss a week is 4 stone in a year.

Whilst on hols look for the heathier versions to eat & enjoy the sunshine poss with walking - swimming etc?

Have you been writing a food diary? If so write down next to eat why you eat & what you were feeling at the time?

Hope it all goes well x

Plus Congrats on the 16lbs

Mads, how are you today?