5 stone weight loss, nobody has said a word

[laylay9]

Hey guys i have joined this forum because i read good stuff and tips, was silently lurking for a while but now i have joined.

I need advice because truly i am baffled
I have lost on the scales 5 stones and 2 pounds

I have gone down 3 dress sizes, i can do things i would have dreamed of many months ago, walk for miles, touch my toes no wheezing and even my silouhette has gone down big time aka on narrow pavements people dont need to move out of the way.

What is absolutly baffling is unless i mention it to people, nobody brings it up. Literally nobody, whether it is people i have not seen for 3 months or people i see every day, nobody.

Worst still - the odd time i do mention to people 'have you noticed i have lost weight' they will make a vague reply of' oh yes your face looks slimmer'.

Ugh i mean what the heck. Face? that all? really?

I did not do the weight loss for them, it was so i can get to 50 without a heart attack, so i do not care wether they approve or are happy for me or not.

However - when i look it up on chatgpt and many forums apparently it says people are shy, might think i lost because of a medical issue, etc etc.

However - this is what gets me, the same people who are making more or less zero comment on my massive weight loss aka neighbours, and shopkeepers are the SAME PEOPLE who had no problem making big comments in the past like 'have you always been a big lass' or ' i have an xxl dress you can have it if you want'.

While these people did not say this stuff to be mean to me, it was so insensitive and they really did not seem to grasp how rude it was.

Suddenly i have lost all this weight, and they are silent.
It is so annoying and frustrating, while i did not do this for them. Where are their comments now? Why is everybody silent.
Really.

Yes my reward is fitting into smaller clothes, being able to do so many things i could not previously.

But my god, i am so disheartened by this all (really making me think about even wanting to be friends with these people in future or not).

Has anybody had a similar issue?

Again i do not buy the shy excuse, they were not shy making insensitive inhelpful comments in the past.

Thanks for reading

I wouldn’t comment on your weightloss unless / until you bought it up. Weightloss can be a positive thing for some people, whilst it can represent a health condition for others. That and the fact that someone’s weight is one of the least interesting facts about them. So for me, that’s why people aren’t saying anything.
However, huge congratulations! It’s a massive achievement, and clearly it’s something you have really committed to x

Some people worry about causing offence; others don't want to encourage the person who has lost weight.

I'm also 5ft 9 and started out at 16 stone 4lbs I'm now 14 stone 1lb, so still a way to go. However, I've been going to the gym, so I've also built muscle. I'm down more than a dress size. 3 people have commented positively - a lady from church, a lady from the local shop and a lady at the cafe where I sometimes have lunch. A friend has told me not to lose more weight...

No one else has commented. 2 of the three who have commented have their own weight challenges.

I lost more than 4 stones 25 years ago and had similar. (My start weight then was 15 stones 4.)

Well done OP!

I can't understand the comments from your neighbours unless potentially a cultural thing where mentioning being overweight is acceptable? I'd see those as rude. Years ago I did a temp shift and bumped into someone I'd worked with 10yrs earlier. I had put on weight due to a later MC and was still shifting the weight. In front of an entire room of staff, she commented on how much weight I'd put on!

I colleague I was close to lost a huge amount of weight. Like others, we complimented her weight loss. Years later when she had put the weight back on, she confided that she hated the fact that everyone was SO complimentary when she was thinner, but not when larger.

I would never bring it up now unless the person brought it up. Please don't turn into my current colleague who mentions her weight loss daily! TBH- it drives me absolutely nuts and I have more important things in my life than knowing how many sizes of underpants she had bought.

I've been away for an hour or two, and notice that someone commented on my earlier post but theirs was deleted.

I hope I didn't say anything controversial. I didn't see the reply - Apologies if I did, it was not intentional. It was just an opinion, which I think others have since covered too. Well done OP on your weight loss.

Same with me OP. I have lost 2 stone on WLI snd my sister knows I'm on them. She has made zero comment on my weight loss. She wouldn't be shy or worried I was ill. She knows exactly what's going on and she knows me. We either aren't as close as I thought as being guarded and civil isn't us. Or she judges me. I "think" she views me as a cheat tbh and disapproves. I won't see her for a few more weeks or months so I'm going to make sure I'm wearing something undeniably smaller.

If she still says nothing then I do wonder if sharing that I am on WLI was unwise.

Still like you say it's our own health isn't it? Can't expect everyone to be on the same page.

What a horrible comment!

When I did Slimming World the first time, I remember bumping into someone in the corridor at work I hadn't seen for a little while and the first thing they said was that I'd lost weight. I'd only lost about 10lb at the time but it was clearly noticeable. I didn't mind at all, in fact I was happy it was showing!

Five stone is bloody amazing and you should be so proud of yourself! Well done!

It's not horrible, it's the truth. None of us can expect to be congratulated for something which should just be standard.

Don’t be a cow.

I wouldn't comment unless you had shared with me that you were working on your weight. It's not polite and my relationship with you would be based on more than your looks. In my experience the older generations have no problem and would probably comment though.

I knew someone who lost a little weight (weren't overweight to start with) and was told, "wow, you look really good, you've lost a little weight." This kicked off an eating disorder that ultimately killed them.

My son also lost a lot of weight before he was diagnosed with a medical condition that was causing it. I don't know if you are having medical problems to account for the weight loss and that's personal unless you tell me about it.

So, unless I know you're trying and I want to compliment your efforts and let you know it's making a difference, for these reasons, I'd say nothing.

I have always thought it was rude to comment on other people's weight and hate it when people comment on mine(only my mother in law does this).
I know a couple of people who have recently lost a huge amount of weight, I assume with mouranjo, and i haven't commented. I would happily talk to them about it if they brought it up, but I don't want to upset them by bring it up if the attention is unwanted.

Well done @laylay9
great achievement.

I think some people are rude. And they are not your friends if they do not comment when weight is going up AND when it is going down again.

if they worried that it might offend they would usually preface it by saying “I hope you don’t mind me commenting / Hope this is positive & not illness induced….. but you look amazing / well done etc”

cut out the people who are rude and find friendlier supportive uplifting friends.

Firstly, well done OP! That's an amazing loss.

As someone who has seen similar with a friend (from 12st to 9ish) - apart from a couple of compliments, I have never said very much about it. Because to me, it just .... didn't mean that much? I loved my friend the same before, and the same now, I don't think about my friend's weight at all unless they draw my attention to it. Unless you are a real outlier in some way (i.e very very large or very very small), you won't stand out and people won't dwell on this stuff.

Same here OP, I’ve not lost as much as you but nobody has noticed. I wonder if they genuinely haven’t, or maybe because we’re not allowed to comment on people’s body’s any more, they daren’t.

Well done OP .
Please don’t be downhearted. People can be quite cautious about people’s appearances but agree that unfortunately comments about being overweight seem more acceptable than if someone has lost weight.
I have lost about 2stone intentionally over about 5 months and very few people have commented apart from friends and family who know I have been consciously dieting.
Well done and enjoy feeling fitter and healthier for your own wellbeing. It really is great looking in the mirror and liking what you see.💐X

but thats my point most of these people being quiet are the same people who saw me when i was huge or had no problem making unhelpful and rude comments in the past

thanks for your comment, thats why i dont get the shy thing when people are like your a big lass arent you etc, but when you lose the weight suddenly im excpected to be sympathetic that they are shy or they are cautious because they think i am ill, lol!
well done on your weight loss too what did you do to lose it

thank you sister!! thank you

The OP seems to answer her own question - it's rude to comment negatively on someone being big or fat so why should the same people be nice and compliment her when she's doing well? They're horrible.

Will out myself as a bloke now but probably not necessary... it's not enough always to lose the weight, though in a way it is, what I mean is, if you're still wearing the same kind of clothes as before. Perhaps you need to 'switch on' and get some nice new clothes to show off your figure and look the business. Being overweight myself for years I tended to buy rubbish, rudimentary clothes because I had nothing to show off, and also thought I'd lose weight at some point so why fork out for nice outfits you can't wear in a few weeks time?

Buy some new streamlined outfits - not too many as you may lose a bit more weight - also remember you need to keep it off for a year or so so your fat cells change for good and become efficient, otherwise it is just waiting for you to start eating crap again and revert to 'normal'.

Huge congrats on your weight loss, I’m glad it’s worked out for you. I would not comment on someone’s appearance. It is not the sum total of them and you never, ever know what’s going on in their life. Unless someone decides they want to discuss it, of course. But I wouldn’t want to make a deal out of it because I don’t think someone is less of a person when they were heavier, so I would probably be vague too, even if you alone to me directly about it.

Well done Op that’s a great achievement.

I wouldn’t comment unless you brought it up. I would overthink and worry about causing offense. Like, if I said, ‘you’ve lost so much weight, you look great!’ I’m implying you didn’t before for all of that time.

when I was a teen my friend had bad skin and I remember it suddenly getting loads better after she started a new product. I commented on how good it looked and she said i must have thought it looked really shit before. So I now get paranoid!

Someone I know has lost four stone and I hadn’t noticed. But she carried it all lower down and her face looks the same. Are you that way? To be honest your start and end weights are such that it should be extremely noticeable but I think people only pay attention to their own fat!

I wouldn’t comment unless I knew you really well. It’s rude.

I lost 3 stone a few years ago (I’m short so makes a difference) and only one person commented. An ex colleague at the supermarket.
Although I am probably as guilty, one of my friends has really gotten into weights and looks very buff. I feel a bit embarrassed saying anything but I have asked for advice.

I was talking about this with a friend recently. How it’s become a bit awkward congratulating someone for losing weight. Because so many have done it via WLI and don’t want it brought up in conversation.
I work with three people who have been fat for years and have lost lots of weight this year. I know two are on WLI. I have told one he looks well and he seemed pleased. Another one I heard being told she had lost so much weight and quickly changing the subject so I think doesn’t want it mentioned. The third has been very ill and definitely isn’t happy about it.
Anyway. Well done. Fantastic achievement. You must feel great.