5 stone weight loss, nobody has said a word

[laylay9]

Hey guys i have joined this forum because i read good stuff and tips, was silently lurking for a while but now i have joined.

I need advice because truly i am baffled
I have lost on the scales 5 stones and 2 pounds

I have gone down 3 dress sizes, i can do things i would have dreamed of many months ago, walk for miles, touch my toes no wheezing and even my silouhette has gone down big time aka on narrow pavements people dont need to move out of the way.

What is absolutly baffling is unless i mention it to people, nobody brings it up. Literally nobody, whether it is people i have not seen for 3 months or people i see every day, nobody.

Worst still - the odd time i do mention to people 'have you noticed i have lost weight' they will make a vague reply of' oh yes your face looks slimmer'.

Ugh i mean what the heck. Face? that all? really?

I did not do the weight loss for them, it was so i can get to 50 without a heart attack, so i do not care wether they approve or are happy for me or not.

However - when i look it up on chatgpt and many forums apparently it says people are shy, might think i lost because of a medical issue, etc etc.

However - this is what gets me, the same people who are making more or less zero comment on my massive weight loss aka neighbours, and shopkeepers are the SAME PEOPLE who had no problem making big comments in the past like 'have you always been a big lass' or ' i have an xxl dress you can have it if you want'.

While these people did not say this stuff to be mean to me, it was so insensitive and they really did not seem to grasp how rude it was.

Suddenly i have lost all this weight, and they are silent.
It is so annoying and frustrating, while i did not do this for them. Where are their comments now? Why is everybody silent.
Really.

Yes my reward is fitting into smaller clothes, being able to do so many things i could not previously.

But my god, i am so disheartened by this all (really making me think about even wanting to be friends with these people in future or not).

Has anybody had a similar issue?

Again i do not buy the shy excuse, they were not shy making insensitive inhelpful comments in the past.

Thanks for reading

i guess this shows how different i am to many people, i would never make an insensitive indirect comment to a big person as i know how much it can hurt (something people had no issue saying to me in the past and were not shy about it)

but at the same time when i worked in a well known busy shop in a city center, if i saw somebody who had lost weight i would always say it, always being nice to them.

its so hard to think every single person has gone shy or thinks i might be very ill. lol

Most people think you’ve got yourself some mounjaro or whatever !

Well done on your achievement OP it’s really difficult to loose weight.

Ignore other people and their comments. It’s a little like telling someone you’ve got a promotion/bought a bigger house/sorting your life in other ways. They react like you are holding up a mirror to show what they haven’t achieved.

That is not your intention or your responsibility.

Just concentrate on yourself and your health.

I dont know why people are skirting around the issues

There are only two options

1. Jealousy of the weight loss or the fact they suspect you use the jabs so jealous of that too or think it's cheesy I g or so e other bullshit
2. They are worried your unwell and so t want to brng it up.

They probably think you have cancer so don’t want to comment.

I was really enthusiastic and congratulatory to a school mum who must have lost half her body weight. I think i said something like, oh wow you look fantastic, and she didn't look happy at all. I was just so thrilled for her as I'm overweight myself and know how I would feel. Its put me off saying anything to anyone again. She had WL surgery so was definitely trying to lose weight. Maybe the attention and focus on it just gets too much.

No-one should be commenting on anyone's bodies. That should be the standard.

It’s not considered form to comment on a ladies weight or size. This is progress, where we don’t make comments on something which should be irrelevant to them as a person.

Yes but only if I think they deserve it.

It’s hard, you’ve lost nearly a 1/3 of your body, so people might just not want to address it or it might not be that noticeable if you are particularly short. I went from 14st to 8st and certainly people didn’t start mentioning till I was around 9st really.

I think it’s very taboo to comment on people’s bodies unless you bring jt up.

They probably think you used weightloss injections.

I dropped a dress size recently and found people were quite reticent in their compliments, to the point where several people prefaced by saying “I hope you don’t mind me saying”

Its only on MN that I’ve ever heard anyone say they hate people commenting on weight loss or emphasising how rude they think it is.

The trouble with saying to someone "Oh wow, you look amazing!" when they'e lost weight is that the implication is that you looked awful before. It's a hard one OP.

I think some people feel rude commenting on others' weight. It's not usually a good topic.
A good friend of mine lost 30kg over a year or two by exercising and dieting.
I knew she was losing weight and had said across that period that she looked amazing etc but when she told me how much actual weight she'd lost I could hardly believe it.
I think it's because I'd always loved her and thought she looked fantastic when she was her original weight too. So because to me she was the exact same truly wonderful person I just didn't see her weight at all when I looked at her and therefore never really fully noticed iysmim.
We talked about this and she said her husband said the same.
Maybe it's like that ?

I think people are a bit meh about huge weight loss because of the jabs. It’s not really seen as an achievement and sort of has a bit of a stigma. I commented on a school mum’s weight loss who I suspect had been on the jabs ( I’m on them myself) and she went off on one ranting about how everyone thinks she’s taking mounjaro but she definitely isn’t 🙄

@laylay9 that's a fabulous achievement, congratulations.

I bet you look amazing.

I can see why youre reconsidering friendships if "friends" can put you down but not acknowledge your achievement.

You haven't said, I don't think, but some people do think being on the jabs is "cheating". (ETA, I'm on them myself)
And some people are jealous of other people's achievements. If they thought of you as the "fat one" they perhaps can't cope that you're not any more. They can't cope with the mental shift.

I feel for you. And once again, well done on a fabulous achievement.

@Allthatshines1992 please let me lend you a spade so you can keep digging. You're doing a fabulous job of showing us all who you are. Do keep going.

Not a view I share but people assume it’s the weight loss jabs and think it doesn’t count as an achievement. This has happened a bit in my experience with school mums who have lost a lot on them.

Wow @laylay9 that's such an achievement.

You must look and feel fantastic.

I lost a lot of weight and found that people didn't mention it - well a few close people did but not many. I go to a Slimming World group and find that, because we're all in the same boat there, we talk really openly and confidently about our own losses/gains/shape. It's really supportive.

In the wider world generally people are more reticent and afraid to offend I think.

Also, it was quite a while after I lost weight that I cottoned on myself that I was thinner, so I stayed in baggy clothes for quite a while. When I finally bought more fitted stuff people mentioned my weight loss more. They thought I was still filling out my old clothes.

Obese people gorging and starving people don't normally sit at the same table. That puts it into perspective.
They aren't normally even in the same country, so by eating less wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference

These are people who knew me when i was much much much bigger and had no issues making insensitive comments

er, haven't you answered your own question?
The people who commented before liked to hurt your feelings. Now they don't have their usual way to hurt your feelings, they don't have anything to say.

Why are these people in your life, why do you care what thoughts are in their heads?

sorry i didnt explain earlier, i did not use jabs or any medication
i went from 3500 calories a day, (at my worse when comfort eating 4000 calories a day) - and sometimes as much as 200g of fat a day, to about 850-900 calories a day and about 10 g of fat
i ate two slimming world meals a day, the beef noodles korean style, at 430 each
one in the early afternoon one late evening
no snacks before, after, nothing
i also dropped all fizzy drinks and swapped to sugar free low fat low calorie dash of cordial in a 95 per cent water drink, or just water
and i started walking.... a lot.......
that is how i lost weight
it was absolute agony at first, even walking to the shop felt like i had ten elephants on my back it was so difficult
i dont use mental health as an excuse but i had a lot of trauma the last few years and had been comfort eating, binging on ready meals/crisps/fish chips/ takeaways, (binging on big korma and rice (which can come to over 1000 calories as literally a start)
when i think back now what i used to eat, its unbelievable compared to now
it was so hard getting out of the habit of ordering takeaways daily, had done once or twice a day for the last 3 years every single day
i should have included this in the op

Firstly, congratulations on your weight loss. That’s brilliant and I hope that life is good for you going forward 💐

Some people, (vile idiots), are fattist. I used to be friends with someone like this. They view larger people as inferior, so feel entitled to make belittling comments, sometimes to their faces.

Someone of this mindset would act polite to someone of a ‘normal’ weight. Hence why they now say nothing to you. Definitely phase out these kinds of people if you can!

But the majority of people are just being polite. I was taught it is rude to comment on people’s bodies unless you know them well.

This ^
its really sensitive topic these days.
However some of us don’t mention it because we are envious e.g me. I’m going through weight gain because of menopause and some other health issues, I don’t feel good about myself, there are lots of family stuff so I don’t want listening about your achievements, sorry, I just can’t .