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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Original poster

24 stone and absolutely lost and ashamed

42 replies

MoreThanChunkyDefoNotfunky · 26/10/2023 22:10

Hi all,
I don't even know where to begin. My whole life as long as I can remember I have been obsessed with food.

Once I hit my teen years every weekend involved lots of alcohol. I got away with it until around 17 where I started to put on weight and went upto a size 16/18, I'm now a 28/30 and only 5 foot 3.

I was very ashamed and my mum tried to talk to me about it and instead of helping it has the opposite effect and I pushed her away and our relationship has been strained ever since.

I moved to a different country and actually haven't been home in about 10 years because I'm so ashamed of myself and my appearance. I barely leave the house these days due to negative comments from others and fear or judgement. I am absolutely ashamed of what I've done to myself.

I am a very good cook and I know what I need to do to lose weight but I have no self control. My portions are huge and I often eat nothing all day and then have a huge dinner. I crave bad food when I am sad and I am convinced I am actually addicted to crisps. I just have no self control when it comes to food.

I am in councilling already, have cut out fizzy drinks and a trying to cut down my portions but the weight is coming off so slowly and I feel like the only option is surgery which I simply cannot afford.

It also seems almost impossible to order any of the new weight loss drugs and I can't get them or the surgery through my GP as you have to go through group activities which I am unable to participate in due to my severe mental health/autism /social anxiety.

I just feel so lost and like I'm waiting to die. I think I have sleep apnea, I am in pain constantly, I am always breathless and I am basically a hermit and I just do not know where to start. Any help or advice where to start would be appreciated. I am only 33 and am on medication for my thyroid, blood pressure and am pre diabetes. I just don't know where to go from here.

Please don't be mean I am well aware how awful my situation is.

OP posts:
Thebigblueballoon · 26/10/2023 22:19

I can feel just how upset you are through this post. You mention that you’re a good cook and eat a huge evening meal. What kind of size are we talking? Why don’t you eat breakfast or lunch, or break up your portions into smaller meals throughout the day?

Original poster
MoreThanChunkyDefoNotfunky · 26/10/2023 22:27

I don't really have an appetite in the day, it started at school and work where I was embarrassed to eat in front of anyone. I now cannot work other than from home due to health reason (MS, long covid aswell as mental health issues).

By a large meal I mean maybe a homemade curry with maybe 200g of chicken and a full boil in the bag rice (which I know is meat for 2) and I wouldn't hesitate to have a mini Naan with that too.

But I can also sometimes sit down and eat a multipack of crisps or a whole pizza to myself. I get so frustrated as I know how to cook and I love vegetables but I also think my mental health plays a huge part as food has always been my comfort going back as long as I can remember.

OP posts:
Northernsoul72 · 26/10/2023 22:28

I'm really sorry you are feeling so desperate. You have been cutting down and that is really good. Could you find any online support forums in you can't face anything face to face?

DrJump · 26/10/2023 22:30

Oh your poor thing this is a an utterly awful place to be in. I have been in a similar situation. 4 years later I am just in the overweight category. I had surgery and medication.
I had to attend groups and they actually ended up being really helpful. I didn't want to and cried a few times to the team about it but in the end I am so glad because they provided so much.

Maybe you could break it into smaller chunks and work with someone to make you feel comfortable attending a group first then you could access the treatment available.

I am sorry that you are going through this obesity is a bastard of a disease.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/10/2023 22:33

Oh sweetheart. I can’t offer any advice because I haven’t experienced what you have. My husband has always been obese though so I think I understand a little.

That you feel ashamed is very sad. You’re just as valuable as anyone else.

Is reaching out to your family a possibility? If you were my daughter, I couldn’t give a damn how you looked, I’d just want you in my arms.

Underthehollytree · 26/10/2023 22:34

I borrowed the money to have surgery privately in the UK, it was expensive but absolutely worth it - I appreciate it's not an option for everyone though. Can you try the GP again, see if they can make any reasonable adjustments so you can access the required activities to get on the NHS surgery pathway? x

jhy · 26/10/2023 22:35

Can you try some gentle exercise? Exercise is great for mental health too. Even just a walk?
I would ask your doctor to re-check you as from what you say you eat in a day, one large evening meal? - is not really that much for excessive weight gain.
It really is hard, but the fact you are willing is a great start and I agree at 33, you need to be living life!

Ipadannie · 26/10/2023 22:35

I hear you and have been there too. Please believe me that it is possible to make changes that will make a difference.

There's no magic formula or quick solutions but please don't be so hard on yourself. If a friend came to you with the same problem.think what you would say to them and treat yourself with the same kindness.

Bellabelloo · 26/10/2023 22:36

I've just started Wevovy. If that's something you'd consider you sound like a perfect candidate to get it on the NHS.

WanderingAroundintheLark · 26/10/2023 22:36

Can you go private for Wegovy?

WeightWhat · 26/10/2023 22:39

You need Wegovy or Ozempic. You’ll be buying your life back.

MrsNK28 · 26/10/2023 22:40

do wegovy, join slimming world. And throw away every junkfood in your house. Dont evwr think to eat it.

MinnieL · 26/10/2023 22:41

You’re not alone, trust me. I’m early 20s and nearly 22 stone. I have binge eating disorder and I’m also a huge comfort eater. I don’t smoke, take drugs and only drink socially so I don’t do any of these things when I’m sad/stressed/upset.

I should be having counselling soon to help with my binge eating but God only knows how much difference that’ll make. If you’re good at cooking, then batch cooking should help along with smaller portions? If you can’t make it to the gym, can you just try home work outs? Literally 20 mins a day can make a difference.

I have two young children, both are disabled. I work part time but still try to make it to the gym a couple of times a week. I find changing my eating habits to be the most difficult of it all. You’ve recognised there’s a problem so it’s all about what you do from now on. You’ve got this!

Original poster
MoreThanChunkyDefoNotfunky · 26/10/2023 22:43

@Northernsoul72 I am in a few online forums but haven't found the right one yet.
@DrJump

@MrsSkylerWhite i think my mum would probably be very upset, she has no idea how much weight I've put on. She was concerned the last time I seen her so I think that's what's put me off. I had many comments from family about if I was on steroids etc because I had put on so much weight so I haven't gone back.

@Underthehollytree unfortunately due to having bipolar disorder I have destroyed my credit rating or I would have done that long ago.

@jhy I am basically agrophobic because I'm so ashamed of myself, I've had men in vans shout stuff at me and throw a milkshake at me so I struggle getting outside but I do try walking back and forth whilst watching TV. I doubt that counts though.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreThanChunkyDefoNotfunky · 26/10/2023 22:51

@Ipadannie thank you for that, you are absolutely right I would treat a friend with kindness and encouragement.

@Bellabelloo in my area it's only available through tier 3 weight management services which involve group activities which I simply can't participate in, I really have tried and managed 2 sessions but it made my mental health spiral as I was huge compared to everyone there. It was done via teams but that did not make a difference I felt so ashamed afterwards.

I have looked at wegovy etc but it's sold out everywhere and tbh I'm doing so few hours these days I doubt I could afford it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreThanChunkyDefoNotfunky · 26/10/2023 22:52

I know I sound so negative and like I have an excuse for everything so I apologise for that but I don't know how to change

OP posts:
WanderingAroundintheLark · 26/10/2023 22:54

I think your GP needs to find out how they can get it for you via the nhs. Which county are you in , the guidelines might be published

Original poster
MoreThanChunkyDefoNotfunky · 26/10/2023 22:57

@WanderingAroundintheLark I am in England, East Anglia

OP posts:
Nsky62 · 26/10/2023 23:00

Sending love, strength to tackle your issues and get help

Vinrouge4 · 26/10/2023 23:00

It must be very isolating to go through this on your own. I cannot praise Slimmers World enough for this reason. You would not be alone and it is definitely motivating when you are being supported. Please find the courage to reach out to someone there.

Thebigblueballoon · 26/10/2023 23:00

MoreThanChunkyDefoNotfunky · 26/10/2023 22:27

I don't really have an appetite in the day, it started at school and work where I was embarrassed to eat in front of anyone. I now cannot work other than from home due to health reason (MS, long covid aswell as mental health issues).

By a large meal I mean maybe a homemade curry with maybe 200g of chicken and a full boil in the bag rice (which I know is meat for 2) and I wouldn't hesitate to have a mini Naan with that too.

But I can also sometimes sit down and eat a multipack of crisps or a whole pizza to myself. I get so frustrated as I know how to cook and I love vegetables but I also think my mental health plays a huge part as food has always been my comfort going back as long as I can remember.

Edited

I can understand only wanting to eat one meal a day. For different reasons, and it’s very complicated, I know.
One thing I can offer an insight for is the group sessions you mention. I know just how hideous the concept is. I refused to get involved with any sort of group therapy for years. When I eventually conceded to give it a try, it was so much easier after giving the first meeting a go. They’re non judgmental and everyone has experience within your set of circumstances. Totally understand the anxiety and fear of it, but can you bring yourself to try one?

fishfingersandtoes · 26/10/2023 23:04

I don't have any practical advice, but I just want to say that you are not your weight. You're a worthwhile person and I'm sure there are people who love you so much. I have people in my life who really struggle with their weight and I'd hate for them to be feeling this way.
What you're describing sounds really serious physically and from a mental health perspective. I'd treat it as a medical problem, not anything to do with your character and not something to be ashamed of.
Sending hugs x

Glitterybee · 26/10/2023 23:07

You need to remove the guilt from your eating.

The serving size you’ve quoted for curry with 200g chicken & a full bag of rice (which is basically 2 portions) comes to 766 calories - I know as I had this exact meal & measurements last week! I aim for 1800-2000 calories per day so having this for one meal is more than doable

I have a huge appetite and I try to stick to 3 meals a day but sometimes it’s one massive meal and a couple of snacks…

caringcarer · 26/10/2023 23:07

OP if you have thyroid problems don't underestimate how much that affects weight gain. Are you on the correct dose? Also I weighed 22 stone and also on Levothyroxine and my GP put me on Ozempic. In a little under 8 months I've lost 4 stone 4 lbs. I have a long way to go but on the Ozempic I don't feel hungry all the time. Some people get side effects but I don't seem too. I've never had to do a group thing to get it. See your GP. Tell them your weight is affecting your MH and want help to lose it. Ask for Ozempic/Wegovy.

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