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A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Original poster

Small people who say they fat makes me feel terrible as I'm 14 stone

61 replies

drumsandbells · 10/09/2023 15:33

Feel so terrible and then smaller size people who say they are concerned re weight or dieting makes me feel so bad about myself.
This is 'not' their fault or wrong of them either as they are just trying to maintain their weight and not go up. I remember being 9st 7lbs years ago and thinking weight creeping up and now I am massive.
Just feel 'so' out of control myself and can't believe I have got to this.
Food feels like a drug.
Wish I was young and ten stone again.
Some people would say that was too much but 14 stone feels out of control.
I am now in my middle age and regret how I look, my fault only, oh not attracted to me I'm sure as was on their way few yrs ago. Still here but weighs a few pounds more they should-pretty fit looking. Young beautiful women look at him. I see and pretend I haven't noticed how they are looking as if what's he with her for!? I just feel invisible and angry with myself as I am finding it hard to get a grip.
Any advice would be greatly received.
I hate reading when one of you mumsnetters says I'm 60kg and want to be 50kg. I feel jealous and envious but know you are always wanting to be in control and not become me. It's not your fault. It's my problem and I need help.
Feel tearful/somewhat depressed but weight journey just seems unreachable😰😰

OP posts:
drumsandbell · 12/09/2023 15:07

ToughTimesDon'tLastToughPeopleDo · 12/09/2023 12:34

Hi OP, I could have written this - I was in your very situation last year. My self esteem was at an all time low after piling on the weight after years of eating junk food on the go and doing zero exercise. I tried and failed to lose weight on and off for years but was never in the right headspace or would just make excuses to myself as to why I couldn't possibly lose weight (busy work schedule and constant travel etc.). When I hit a milestone birthday at the end of last year, I vowed to get myself fit and healthy in the new year. I had numerous health problems from the excess weight and just generally felt miserable and unloveable. I started Weight Watchers and although it was extremely difficult at first (the no sugar headaches were terrible), keeping a daily log of food and drink became second nature and helped me to shop and meal plan accordingly. I experimented and started recreating low fat, healthier takeaways so I didn't feel like I was missing out as much. I also saved up the weekly points for treats such as meals out or a few glasses of wine so I could still go out to meet friends etc. and not have to drink water! There are some really good, lower calorie alternatives around - the Skinny chocolate bars from B&M and the protein choc puddings from Aldi were a godsend for when I wanted a sweet treat. I hate gyms - they're not for me at all so I looked into doing something that I would enjoy and not quit two weeks in. I started at a martial arts class, doing twice weekly sessions and although I thought I was going to die at first, it got easier and now I absolutely love it and I'm on my 5th belt! I've now lost 2 and a half stone and I feel so much better, physically and mentally - being able to fit into size 14 dresses again was better than any takeaway or chocolate cake that I used to crave! I still have a way to go but I'm determined to get there. I'm a bridesmaid next year so my goal is to be in a size 10/12 dress by then. My advice would be to find a healthy eating plan and a form of exercise that works for you and don't be too hard on yourself if you have a blip - you're only human! Set yourself small but manageable goals, whether it be 1lb a week off or walking so many steps a day. Meal planning for the next few days / weeks ahead will ensure that you have all the right ingredients in so you don't reach for the snacks / takeaways. It's not easy at all, it's extremely difficult, especially when your body craves the sugar and fatty foods it's been used to. Good luck OP!

Thankyou
your post is so inspiring and motivating. It sounds like you have totally changed your eating and exercise routines and made your changes part of everyday life.
Well done you have done brilliantly and your post has made me think more about how to change my lifestyle so I'm more healthy.

Reddog1 · 12/09/2023 16:00

@Wiccan I hear you about people trying to sabotage you (whether they are doing so in bad faith or not). With my DP it’s alcohol. He loves drinking and finds it tiresome when I say that I’m having a month off the booze. Tough!!

LocalHobo · 12/09/2023 16:08

Someone of 20 stone is probably thinking the same way about you
And potentially, being less self absorbed than you, are not saying how, inevitably at that weight, they feel repulsive and unlovable.

(On another point, I think the 'so' was meant to appear as so)

Wiccan · 12/09/2023 18:30

Reddog1 · 12/09/2023 16:00

@Wiccan I hear you about people trying to sabotage you (whether they are doing so in bad faith or not). With my DP it’s alcohol. He loves drinking and finds it tiresome when I say that I’m having a month off the booze. Tough!!

I know my DH loves me very much and I him but it did feel like he was testing me with the chocolate. I really think some people find it hard when someone in their life makes good and healthy changes like somehow it highlights their lack of wheelpower . I don't drink at all now but I have a family member who keeps telling me I'm boring now . I'm not going to drink just so she doesn't have to admit she cannot control her drinking .

Wiccan · 12/09/2023 18:32

Wiccan · 12/09/2023 18:30

I know my DH loves me very much and I him but it did feel like he was testing me with the chocolate. I really think some people find it hard when someone in their life makes good and healthy changes like somehow it highlights their lack of wheelpower . I don't drink at all now but I have a family member who keeps telling me I'm boring now . I'm not going to drink just so she doesn't have to admit she cannot control her drinking .

Show quote history

Will power 😂

AvocadotoastORahouse · 12/09/2023 20:43

@Wiccan have you explained to your husband that you don't see chocolate as a "treat" any more, so if he wants to treat you, you would prefer flowers/handcream/trip to cinema/insert your preferred non-edible version here.

Then he can have no excuses to sulk as you've given him alternative ideas. Tell him the biggest treat would be his support and compliments when you're doing well and feeling great!

Wiccan · 12/09/2023 21:10

AvocadotoastORahouse · 12/09/2023 20:43

@Wiccan have you explained to your husband that you don't see chocolate as a "treat" any more, so if he wants to treat you, you would prefer flowers/handcream/trip to cinema/insert your preferred non-edible version here.

Then he can have no excuses to sulk as you've given him alternative ideas. Tell him the biggest treat would be his support and compliments when you're doing well and feeling great!

Yeah he knows this now . It just makes me more determined .

MoonlightDreamer · 13/09/2023 16:18

Sorry your feeling rubbish .
Losing weight is definitely not without its challenges.ive had to lose weight for ivf. I've gone from 14st.3lbs and I'm down now to 11st12lbs .
Food for me is life. Some people eat to survive but I survive to eat 😆
I just really enjoy food.
It's hard to cut that unhealthy relationship.

I'm doing much better but I definitely still struggle. I think the best thing you can focus on just gradually introducing healthy little foods and habits

dontletsaskforthemoon · 13/09/2023 16:43

fatandmiserable23 · 10/09/2023 18:32

Hey. I just came onto this topic to see if anyone was feeling the same. I have never been skinny, but was a healthy 9.5-10.5 stone through my 20s. (5'6") Up and down with pregnancies, but mostly around 11ish in my 30s which looks fine on me... now mid 40s, had a rough few years and somehow find myself just a few pounds shy of 14. It's horrifying. I've tried a couple of times to start and lost a bit (most of a stone) but always fall back into constant binge grazing and it creeps back up. I'm really determined to fix this. Have no illusions of being skinny but I want to feel comfortable again and get back to 11 ideally. I feel so uncomfortable, flew recently and the seat felt narrow. Had to buy size 18 jeans.

Would love to have a thread for anyone else in a similar position.

Hi 👋
I could have written that! It's an exact replica of my life. Always fluctuating between 9 - 10st, then after kids I was 11st, then when I hit 40 another stone went on, then peri menopause (age 46 to now 53) meant I packed on another 2.5st!!! Just hate it...and I've shrunk from 5'6" to 5'5 1/2 so have lost half an inch in height which doesn't help! 😂

Kids are flying the nest now so I've got more time for 'project me'. I've started doing slimpod (not really sure if it's helping or not) and have also recently joined a gym as I need exercise to be structured.

OnSilverStars · 14/09/2023 09:57

I'm 14 stone too. And a bit more. Been doing exercise class 3x a week and counting calories and have lost about a half of a stone but it's taken months and months. So disheartening. I thought I looked ok - 14.5st at 5'6 I was kidding myself I know. And it's been made official by a recent picture of myself in a swimming suit. Im horrified. Going on holiday in 2 months and want to cry.

OnSilverStars · 14/09/2023 09:59

I've considered posting that photo of myself on here (face blacked out!) for the competitive starvation crew on here to have a go at me... maybe motivate me... hoping that'll work!!!

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