Small people who say they fat makes me feel terrible as I'm 14 stone

[drumsandbells]

Feel so terrible and then smaller size people who say they are concerned re weight or dieting makes me feel so bad about myself.
This is 'not' their fault or wrong of them either as they are just trying to maintain their weight and not go up. I remember being 9st 7lbs years ago and thinking weight creeping up and now I am massive.
Just feel 'so' out of control myself and can't believe I have got to this.
Food feels like a drug.
Wish I was young and ten stone again.
Some people would say that was too much but 14 stone feels out of control.
I am now in my middle age and regret how I look, my fault only, oh not attracted to me I'm sure as was on their way few yrs ago. Still here but weighs a few pounds more they should-pretty fit looking. Young beautiful women look at him. I see and pretend I haven't noticed how they are looking as if what's he with her for!? I just feel invisible and angry with myself as I am finding it hard to get a grip.
Any advice would be greatly received.
I hate reading when one of you mumsnetters says I'm 60kg and want to be 50kg. I feel jealous and envious but know you are always wanting to be in control and not become me. It's not your fault. It's my problem and I need help.
Feel tearful/somewhat depressed but weight journey just seems unreachable😰😰

Yeah that's true

I have a few friends who are morbidly obese. No idea what they weigh, but they can't walk far and can't fit on plane seats.

I'm sure they would feel exactly the same as you do if they saw you saying how big you are when you're 'only' 14 stone. They'd love to be your size and they'd have all the same thoughts about you that you've posted in your OP about people smaller than you.

Hello from another 14 stoner!

This is great for me. I lost 2 stone between October last year and March this year. I was worried! Had my bloods done for cancer markers and a CT scan. All back clear...

The only thing I think that I've done was to stop buying milk. I'd been a bit of a milk addict, I could easily chug 2 pints in one go. Then there'd be tea plus sugars or coffee plus sugars.

I don't have any of that now. It wasn't a conscious decision and I by no means exercised or did anything - it just happened!

I'm 5'9 so still another 2 to go, but that will take some effort 🤣 I'm maintaining at 14 though even after a holiday and not watching what I'm eating.

Who knows 🤷 Best of luck to you and don't be down ♥️

Good luck with your weight loss. You have done 'so' well already.

Yeah I get that just hard to realise when consumed with myself. Sounds self centred which I hate

I was nearly 19 stone until losing a lot of weight recently. I was pretty pleased when I hit 14 stone, but it's all relative - guess if you're overweight, any weight is better when you're on the way down not up. I found that sometimes thinner friends would tell me their 'weight stories' e.g. about the time they were 10 stone and got themselves down to 9, and that wasn't overly helpful.
Anyway hope you're OK and can make some peace with yourself, whatever you decide to do.

Yeah I know what you mean.
Realised I need to do it for myself too.

Er thank you. I think. Not sure about the 'so'.

Maybe not thank you. I'm sensing a dig.

Oh well. Care less? Not me.

Another 14 stone here. 14 stone 4 when I last checked a few months ago. And I'm only 5 foot!

But I'm happy, fairly active, am making more of an effort to eat healthier not necessarily to lose weight just focusing on nutrition and fruit and veg.

14 stone is my goal weight. I used to be 22 stone. Don’t worry about other people. Just do you.

I had a neighbour, mum of four kids, really into health and fitness, did at least an hour of yoga a day, very strict eater. If anything she was underweight. I (four/five stone overweight) didn't mention anything about food or diets, except one day I mentioned something and she said 'oh yes I need to lose weight too'. I think she said it partially as a bonding type thing but it was such a ridiculous thing for her to say really.
I don't think she thought herself she needed to lose weight, but it made me think jeez if she thinks she needs to lose weight she must think I'm an elephant.
Anyway, tomorrow is another day, snd instead of waiting for that switch to turn on, just start with a healthy breakfast. Have a light lunch and then a normal size dinner. No snacks. No wine. Get through the day. Then do it again the following. And keep on.

Jangling Jack no dig at all. I think you have done brilliant.
That's not what I'm about at all if you read my whole thread.
I'm definitely not someone who puts other people down so surprised you thought there was a dig there.

I was trying to reply to acknowledge how well you are doing and also thank you in a way for posting on this thread.
You sensed wrong.

Oh dear, I've just had exactly the same experience reading this thread.

I'm Australian and we don't use the measurement stones but from your description I had a picture in my mind of how much you weighed. Reading the thread, I planned to reply to comfort you and maybe give a few tips. Come to the end of the thread I decide to calculate it, 84 kg, the exact same as me! That's me told!

The good thing about this weight loss board is that there are loads of groups and if you sift through you will find your people! I'm on the 10 stone to lose chat. There's another that's for those that don't have much to lose (I haven't looked at that one!), and those on ozempic, etc.

I do understand - sometimes I open a thread and it's someone saying they're a gross enormous elephant and then you see they're 11 stone and you think oh!!! But I then just move on.

I've currently lost 4 stone and weigh a little more than you now OP. I know I have about 4.5 stone to go. I'm kind of just keeping going although it feels like a mountain and it's very hard, I'm hoping it will be worth it!

No dig made at you as I said further on.
I was saying something nice so really surprised that you said that on my thread.
That's not what I'm about at all.

Yeah thanks that's what I'm thinking now

My mum does this and it drives me nuts. She's a size 8 or 10 and has always gone on about her fat or her 'rolls' when I was a size 16 or 18. I think maybe she thinks she's sympathising or something but as she is clearly not in the slightest bit fat it is just infuriating.

Yeah some people almost want others to say 'oh no your not fat' when clearly at those sizes they are not fat.
It's different if they say I don't want to put weight back on as used to be such and such stone. Or I'm trying to maintain weight as know I could easily put weight on if I don't watch it.

OP I'd recommend a podcast called Intermittent Fasting Stories, with Gin Stephens. She does IF, and talks to people about how they lost weight, often huge amounts, way more than you think you need to lose. They're really inspirational, friendly and supportive.

Gin Stephens has also written books about IF ic you're interested in delving deeper into the subject.

I'm doing IF and have found it works for me, without dieting, or calorie counting, which I hate doing. It's flexible, and basically means you eat enough food until you're full, and then don't eat again until you need to, cutting out snacks. A popular schedule is 16:8, fasting for 16 hours, and ensuring your meals are eaten within the 8 hour window.

Hi all 5'3" here and I had usually been around 8 to 9 stone but since peri /menopause and HRT have had lots of weight gain am around 3 stone heavier just feel short and dumpy . I find I tend to nibble at comfort food when I'm down which had been a lot over the last 2 years . I also think that sometimes the people around me don't help with my weight loss . I made a decision to cut all the crap out of my diet earlier this year I also increased my water intake the lbs are just dropping off . My DH did a little food shopping yesterday and bought me a large bar of chocolate ! . I said I didn't want it and that he knows I've cut crap out of my diet . Fuck me talk about sulking . I could of punched him , he said " Oh I just wanted to buy you a little treat but yep if that's going to cause you to get pissy about it , you're right I won't do it again I just thought it would be nice." I literally stuck by my guns and explained to him I was doing really well and I had to be disciplined about it and that he is the one with no discipline. Fuck me you could feel the disappointment from him. How dare he spin it around on me that I'm the pissy one. He's made me even more determined now , Fuck him !!

Yeah so annoying

Hi OP, I could have written this - I was in your very situation last year. My self esteem was at an all time low after piling on the weight after years of eating junk food on the go and doing zero exercise. I tried and failed to lose weight on and off for years but was never in the right headspace or would just make excuses to myself as to why I couldn't possibly lose weight (busy work schedule and constant travel etc.). When I hit a milestone birthday at the end of last year, I vowed to get myself fit and healthy in the new year. I had numerous health problems from the excess weight and just generally felt miserable and unloveable. I started Weight Watchers and although it was extremely difficult at first (the no sugar headaches were terrible), keeping a daily log of food and drink became second nature and helped me to shop and meal plan accordingly. I experimented and started recreating low fat, healthier takeaways so I didn't feel like I was missing out as much. I also saved up the weekly points for treats such as meals out or a few glasses of wine so I could still go out to meet friends etc. and not have to drink water! There are some really good, lower calorie alternatives around - the Skinny chocolate bars from B&M and the protein choc puddings from Aldi were a godsend for when I wanted a sweet treat. I hate gyms - they're not for me at all so I looked into doing something that I would enjoy and not quit two weeks in. I started at a martial arts class, doing twice weekly sessions and although I thought I was going to die at first, it got easier and now I absolutely love it and I'm on my 5th belt! I've now lost 2 and a half stone and I feel so much better, physically and mentally - being able to fit into size 14 dresses again was better than any takeaway or chocolate cake that I used to crave! I still have a way to go but I'm determined to get there. I'm a bridesmaid next year so my goal is to be in a size 10/12 dress by then. My advice would be to find a healthy eating plan and a form of exercise that works for you and don't be too hard on yourself if you have a blip - you're only human! Set yourself small but manageable goals, whether it be 1lb a week off or walking so many steps a day. Meal planning for the next few days / weeks ahead will ensure that you have all the right ingredients in so you don't reach for the snacks / takeaways. It's not easy at all, it's extremely difficult, especially when your body craves the sugar and fatty foods it's been used to. Good luck OP!

I think “fat” is both a feeling and a reality.
And they can be separate or entwined.

Definitely. It's also possible to have fat yet technically not be fat. My rolls of fat are just smaller at 8.5 stone than they are at 10.5 stone but they are still there. Height makes a lot of difference too of course. I'm only 5'3" so I look a lot different at those weights than someone who is say 5'6".
The problem of one person is just as important to them as the problems of the person who has what most would define as a more significant problem.Might be money, relationships, work, health, or weight. The problem is just as valid even if to us it wouldn't be a problem at all.