I am getting obsessed with not losing weight and it's making me unhappy.

[Bintle]

I'm mid fifties. On HRT. Either 5 7 or 5 8, not sure! Weigh 13 stone. I've put 10lbs on since beginning of December- living away from home for a week looking after an ill relative started it, then Christmas, then I injured myself (broken arm) and currently can't drive or go to the gym.

I am OBSESSED with looking fat. I won't have my photo taken at all, assume I'm the fattest person in the room. I'm worried that my dh doesn't find me attractive any more. I am constantly worrying about food.

I've started trying to walk 10000 steps a day but I've aggravated my broken arm somehow so really need to rest.

I'm drinking a Huel shake with fruit in it every morning which I enjoy. I bought this to make sure I got enough nutrients and protein to heal my arm and because cooking isn't the easiest. Lunch will be a tuna salad or some heated up leftovers. Last night we had quiche and salad for dinner then I had a skyr yogurt. Today its fish stew. I barely drink alcohol. Dd3 is doing exams and stressed so to relax she makes cakes which I'd feel ridiculous saying I can't eat a slice of cake because I'm dieting so I ate a couple of slices (delicious!). I'm obsessively weighing myself and already dreading my holiday in 6 weeks.

I have a break from the progesterone part of my HRT for 5 days and during that time I do seem to drop a couple of pounds.

It's making me really unhappy and I'm piling the pressure on myself.

OP, have you worked out your calorie output? If you have a broken arm and are not able to do much, it is possible that 1400 calories is too high and you could go to 1200 to get an effective loss.

You are very insistent that you don’t regret the cake (‘my DD made it’ etc) as though eating it were an act of love. But - just guessing - your DD is not at primary school and you are capable of saying No. You say you are obsessed with your weight (I relate) but then cannot prioritise doing anything about it (I also relate).

Bluntly, you need to be more honest with yourself about everything. Huel is too many calories for breakfast. You can organise cereal even with a broken arm.

Try not to be overwhelmed with it but do calorie count and weigh your food.

I don't want cereal. I want something that gives me lots of nutrition. I agree 1400 a day is probably just maintenance and the cake probably set me back a bit.

Honestly, so many women in their mid 50s would be happy to be a size 14. My friend has been eating so healthily and swimming loads to get down from an 18 to a 14 after a diabetes scare. My friendship group cheered her when she said she is now a 14, and she looks great. The weight fell off her at first but she did say it is getting harder now.

I know everyone is different and I understand that you are not happy to be a 14. But can you see that you are not hugely overweight, only a little overweight? That is why it is so hard to shift the weight, because you are probably close to optimum weight for your height. I'm sure a size 12 will be possible for you but it won't be easy. All you can do is keep up the good work, eat healthily and hopefully you will very slowly lose weight. But maybe also treat yourself to things so you can feel happy about your appearance in other ways. Like new haircut/manicure/pedicure etc - all a bit frivolous but worth it if it helps to make us feel good about ourselves 😀

Thank you. I appreciate your comments. I honestly feel massive. The weight is mainly on my tummy and boobs so from the side I think I look really big. I honestly feel like I have body dysmorphia or something.

Is your goal to lose weight or to stop obsessing and being unhappy about the way you look?

I think to stop obsessing. And to lose a bit of weight!!

I’m not sure of this. It’s hugely minimising. At 5 foot 7 she’s a bmi of nearly 29 and is 1 point short of obese.

so yes, loosing a stone would put her in the healthy range, but only just. It’s also not about focusing on dress size in general but what’s right for her, we all carry our weight differently

im the same age and height as the op, likely about the same weight I don’t weigh myself, but I go on my clothes, as I know what’s right for me. and I agree with her. For her health she needs to lose weight, due to age, it starts to impact on our joints and our overall health

it isn’t difficult for her to go down a dress size if she so chooses. It’s ludicrous to say it won’t be easy. But she does need to find the right way for her.

she’s also unhappy with how she looks. So supporting her is what’s important, not telling her she’s not that fat and it will be hard.

How about cutting down to 2 meals a day? I have brunch then an early dinner around 5pm. I'll have a snack or two between the 2 meals. I really don't think I need 3 meals a day and feel lots of people do simply put of habit. Like "Oh I must have breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks each day because that's the rules". I feel much better after reducing to two meals.

No, as I don’t do calorie counting. For me it leads to obsessive behaviour due to thr constant focus required as well as the huge room for error.

On the positive side I have lost just under 2 stone in 9 months- but still feel pretty huge. (I am 14 and a half stone now) - mind you I had to take 2 things back to M&S and change for a 16 this week which cheered me up. People do tell me I look great for my age, have got a pretty face, lovely skin etc - it's just I've got big boobs, big arse and far too much tummy ( they don't say that- that's what I feel) - I think in my case part of it too is my pre diabetes (insulin resistance) and if I get that lower the weight will continue to come off. I think def over 50 it's going to be a hard slog and consistency is key over a long period - I'm aiming for a size 14- once I can fit in them I don't care what the scales say!!

It's not ludicrous to say it won't be easy. OP is already experiencing the fact that it isn't easy in your 50s to lose a stone when you aren't very overweight to begin with. A size 14 is a size I think people still look a healthy weight at in middle age (only slightly overweight), so I'm sorry for OP that she doesn't feel that she looks good at the moment.

I wasn't telling her not to lose weight, in fact I said that I'm sure she can achieve a size 12 and that I myself would also like to get to a size 12 if I can. I feel like I was supporting her in my way and she seemed to take my advice the way it was intended. I wonder if you could give your advice to OP re dropping a dress size since you think it's easy?

So how do you know mfp is wrong?

I’m not sure of this. It’s hugely minimising. At 5 foot 7 she’s a bmi of nearly 29 and is 1 point short of obese

Thanks. I'm not actually obese though,.as far as BMI goes anyway.

Thank you. It is definitely harder to lose once older. I am not sure that HRT doesn't play a part tbh

Same height but a bit, not much younger. I've lost just over a stone since xmas and I am with you op, size 14 would be problematic for me. I was hitting a 12 and wasn't happy and am back comfortably in a 10 now. Started at about 12stone and now 10 stone 11.

No breakfast. I have a couple of cups of tea and black coffee. Lunch is never before 12.30, preferably later, protein, chicken, cheese, some tarama, hard boiled eggs etc. I snack on raw veg, peppers, carrots, sugar snaps, cucumber, tomatoes. Dinner no later than 6.45 pm and that's whatever I'm making for the family including a pasta / rice etc / protein veg but much reduced portion size and heavy on the protein and less on the carbs. No alcohol sunday to thursday unless on holiday.

I've tried my best to avoid crisps which are my downfall, no crackers, bread, rice cakes. I don't have a sweet tooth so that's not a problem but I have succumbed to the crisps a few times.

I am not hungry and I don't find it difficult

Go find Slimpod if you want to stop obsessing. Slow and steady with no diet head.

Have you tried intermittent fasting OP? I try to fast for 16-18 hours which mean my first meal is later in the day. Then you only eat 2 meals in a day and fewer calories.

@AmilyChestnut the other side effect of being perimenopausal is that my IBS is rampant! I can't eat seeds, or alot of fruit, veg, gluten. It's such a joy being middle aged! (hence the rice cakes, which I can tolerate). Do you follow a specific diet?

This is bad advice and is part of the reason the NHS is on its knees. ‘So many women would be happy to be size 14’ is not helpful.

The OP is upset about her weight - she doesn’t need to accept that weight because other people are fatter!

OP, do not listen to this. We are the same height and similar ages (although I found HRT helped me lose some weight). 13stone is not healthy and you are right to want to get comfortably into a healthy BMI. It will make you look and feel so much better and you’ll be proud you did it.

Sorry if this has been mentioned but how long have you actively been trying to lose weight OP?

OK - that's good, the second goal should follow the first! Happy to have a chat if you'd like.

This is well put.

You say you want nutrition, have porridge ( microwave so it's easy) or Weetabix and berries. Natural yoghurt and fruit or a boiled egg ,there's lots of options even with limited range of movements. Ditch anything like shakes,there's plenty of other easy ways to get good nutrition.

Don't underestimate the shock one goes through after breaking a bone,it's awful.

Not RTFT but I am 51, 5"7 and lost a stone in the last year or so, going from 11.5 stone to 10.5 stone and taking my BMI down to 23. It was very hard to shift the weight because I was not very overweight, but I did it because I am S Asian and diabetes runs in the family. Plus all my excess weight glues itself to my belly.

No magic formula: I just eat less, move more, ration my carbs and do intermittent fasting. In peri-menopause, we need to eat far less. No way around it.

Someone of 5 7 or 5 8 should be losing weight on 1400 calories a day.

People saying it's too many calories. That's insane.

Numerous articles on it, there was also a tv program by one of those doctor brothers on it a couple of years ago where they looked at a few of them, mfp was drastically out. Sorry I thought it was common knowledge.

I'm 59, 5ft 8 and weigh 12 stone 4 having previously weighed 11 stone 4 for many years. I'm now in the overweight category and have been trying for ages to lose weight without success (well I might lose a couple of pounds but then go on holiday and I'm back to square one)

I exercise regularly - spin classes 3 times a week plus a walk (5miles +) at the weekend and I do arm weights after spin class. I don't do diets as they don't work for me - the minute I tell myself I'm on a diet I want to eat more chocolate

I don't eat processed foods or refined sugar. I've cooked from scratch for years. I eat porridge and berries for breakfast, salad or poached eggs for lunch and a sensible home cooked meal for dinner. And I don't lose weight. I'm not on HRT either so I can't blame that.

I've almost resigned myself to the fact that this is my new 'normal' weight.