If you are slim, please tell me how the conversation in your head goes

[whatisheupto]

If you are over the age of 38 and reasonably slim / not overweight, please tell me this:

An hour or two after dinner when you really fancy a bit of toast, do you tell yourself "no" and force yourself to resist the urge? When your brain nags you again, do you give it a firm "no" until and tell it to go away?
When you really want a small bowl of cornflakes before bed, do you just stop yourself and ignore the hunger pangs? Do you tell yourself "come on, you can do this. Think how good you'll feel tomorrow"

Do you tell yourself these things every day? For years? And rarely give in to temptation?

Or do you just never usually fancy a piece of toast or a late bowl of cornflakes? So it's just not a problem for you?

Are slim people better at self control, or are they just experiencing fewer urges?

What else explains the fact that some people can eat like pigs and not exercise and remain super skinny

Because they don't do that. Any properly conducted study of what they eat over an extended period will demonstrate that they don't actually eat very much and burn off what they do.

Channel 4 did a programme called the secrets of slim people. I think there was one woman they couldn't explain, but for all the others, the 'slim people who ate loads but didn't gain weight' just didn't eat very much when watched carefully for a few days.

Going the other way, the Secret Eaters programme, which appears to be available on youtube, showed that the people who claimed that they 'didn't eat much' or 'lived on salad' simply 'forgot' about a lot of what they ate, or ate enormous portions. I remember a woman who ate huge portions of healthy food, like a washing up bowl sized fruit salad. The woman who 'lived on salad but couldn't lose weight' didn't think to count the things she bought from Greggs more than once a day when she walked past during her job as a traffic warden on the high street.

I eat curry and croissants most days and have 32ins hips

So? Depending on what else you eat, that could still add up to not very much.

Two croissants is less than 500 calories

www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/257005808

What is 'curry'? that could be absolutely anything and vary from under 300 calories to over 2000 calories depending on portion size, ingredients, sides and accompaniments, but say you had this for 750 calories in addition to your 2 croissants, that's only 1250 calories or say 1500 if you have butter, jam, cheese, ham or whatever with the croissants.

So even if you have something else each day, say a sandwich, salad or some soup, for under 500 calories, chances are that diet won't cause you to gain weight unless you literally never move.

Many 'inexplicably slim' people also undertake more day to day activity like fidgeting, never sitting down, or walking to work or being active at work. So burn more calories than an office worker who goes to the gym or runs a few time a week.

I have a smallish breakfast, a piece of fruit and perhaps a cereal bar at lunchtime and a decent dinner that fills me up between 6 and 7. I might have fruit and a couple of squares of dark chocolate for pudding. This works for me. If I fancy something else during the day, I dismiss the urge (most of the time).

but basically it's because people who are slim eat match their fuel intake with their energy output

@OllyBJolly Yes that is what I do, by deliberately restricting my food intake to stay slim, but in previous comments you were pretty adamant in refusing to believe this.

Barbara, it was a croissant from a bakery, and three dishes plus naan from a local Indian takeaway. Plus breakfast, lunch, and a chocolate bar after dinner for a snack.

You can’t tell me most people could eat like that and be a size 6, because if that was true everyone would be a size 6. It’s undeniable that there’s more going on that just calories in/calories out, and to claim otherwise is to deny a huge amount of medical and scientific knowledge into gut biome, neuroscience, metabolism, epigenetics, etc. etc.

You admitted yourself that one of the women on the C4 show had inexplicable skinniness, and that was out of just eight people. 1/8 is a very high percentage!

Fewer urges. The best example would be- I could go to a restaurant looking forward to the meal, including a dessert I like, maybe one I’ve had before. If I have a started and a main course and I am full - there is no way I’m having dessert. I physically cannot fit any more in and the desire is gone: it can look amazing but I do not fancy it.

However I’ve hit a milestone age and had surgery which put me in bed for a bit. Suddenly my upper thighs are huge and I haven’t really changed eating habits. I think genes and life stage play a big part

I'm normal BMI and will be age 64 shortly

I never snack between meals, which includes between supper and breakfast
No snacking is a fixed habit, so I just don't think of it

I find having a hobby not tv related helps in the evenings. I put the kids to bed, have dinner and take myself for a walk when my OH is home. I'm not an ideal weight atm however this is how I'm curbing snacking further

However the other thing I wanted to add. I generally eat “healthy” - ok not healthy but home cooked meals and I do not use a lot of salt. Whenever I have junk food I can tell a big difference in my wish to snack afterwards. I feel sort of hunger (I know it’s not - but it’s very similar) and I have more urgency to eat again and/or snack. My guilty pleasure sometimes is McD which I have with a Coke - and usually I don’t drink any fizzy drinks. I also don’t actually drink a lot - perhaps even not enough water. But as soon as I have salty food I am parched and drink so much. I think people underestimate how much salt and sugar there is in pre prepared food and how
Much this affects what you eat afterwards and how much you drink. I was on medication last year which made me retain water and when I stopped within a day my face looked slimmer (but really it just stopped being bloated). I’m not suggesting people stop drinking! But I think if you are cutting out salt and sugar you probably need to cut down twice as much as you think you do.

Try a glass of water, or allow yourself something healthy like an apple. If you don't fancy the apple, you aren't really hungry - you're just scavenging.

I don't talk to myself; I remember pain.

Certain foods and drinks set off my ring...hence name. This gives me bad piles.

Certain foods give me silent reflux/hiatal hernia...same again.

Pain rules, keeps me slim.

There was a useful thread about the one thing people felt had helped them lose weight. Someone said “going to bed hungry”.

I’ve been doing that - accept that I’m hungry and just not give into the urges. And now the urges are barely there. It does become habitual.

I always fancy toast. With butter. And Marmite.

I'm 53. I went from (before pic) to (after pic). I have no inclination to go back. There is no bread in the house: I don't eat it anymore

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace AMAZING! Yes I can see how that achievement is motivation enough to keep you off the toast! Well done you.

And I agree going to bed hungry (well at least no eating after 7pm) is a successful tactic.

I think this thread really proves that one woman's 'gorging' is another woman's 'restricting'. Which, as several PPs have said, is the key (most of the time) to why some are slim and others aren't. One PP thinks having 3 small squares of chocolate is a satisfying indulgence ... others would think that is a huge sacrifice compared to their norm!

This is quite a revelation to me. I thought all the slim mums around me were just lucky! Now I know they are working at it too, it makes me feel better about working at it myself. They are walking proof that being careful works!

Put it this way... before if you lined up 10 ladies in front of me and told me to pick out the ones who are watching what they eat, I would have picked out the overweight ladies. And assumed the slim ladies didn't need to watch what they eat. You get me?! Of course now I see it is more likely to be the other way around.

Said before I think, but try and think of good as fuel rather than obsessing about creating wonderful meals all the time. At the weekend why not but 80% of the time keep it healthy and routine. Try and keep things like wine, chocolate, cheese, crisps etc fir the weekend only.
If you have a huge meal one day don't eat much either the day before or the day after.
Avoid beige...

I just don’t snack very often and don’t fancy it. I eat my three meals a day and that’s it. Sometimes I might have a bit of fruit but luckily don’t have a sweet tooth. So not much into chocolate or biscuits. Occasionally have a mini magnum if the kids do but quite often I find them too sweet and don’t fancy it. The sugar sort of burns my mouth. I eat at 5 with the kids and then not until the next day. About once a week I’ll have a packet of crisps.

I would say don't buy the stuff you are trying not to eat. Like crisps, chocolate, biscuits, fizzy drinks, cake, sweets. If they aren't there you can't eat them. Resisting something that's sitting in the kitchen is going to be hard.

For a while in lockdown I was eating chocolate and crisps to put weight on in case I get Covid as I tend to be a bit thin and am shielding. But when I felt like I was about 1/2 stone heavier I stopped buying them and have gone back to not eating them.

I would never eat cereal or toast unless it was morning and even then I prefer porridge or eggs. I like to eat as well as I can so I can feel as well as I can with a chronic illness. I generally eat well at mealtimes and am not that hungry in between. I do drink lots of tea and coffee though if I'm feeling like something before or after a meal. We eat lateish at 7 and go to bed quite early. I like a book in the bath for a treat in the evening.

Can other people really sleep when they're hungry? Isn't it too uncomfortable? I try sometimes but can't drop off and eventually have to have a snack at 1am or something, only then can I sleep. Is there a secret??

I can sleep when I'm hungry, in fact eating late on is more likely to keep me awake. You just kind of.... ignore it!

Sensations of hunger are weird.

Eg today I had a banana for breakfast, then completely over binged on snacks with my lunch. Now I feel properly hungry, but I know that I’ve already consumed the majority of my calories for the day so there’s no need for the absolute hunger pangs I’m experiencing. I am going to eat some proper food now btw!

I do think that it’s hard to distinguish between feelings of hunger, but for me being truly hungry is where I’d eat absolutely anything, as opposed to something I’m specifically craving and choosing over other food

@LightenUpSummer I can sleep when hungry. Sleep wins over all other sensations

Thank you ladies for an interesting thread. What I find somewhat disconcerting is the number of women who have disordered eating and heavily restrict their diets and calorie intake even if they are young/active/run marathons.

The only woman I know who has a truly healthy attitude to food is my own mum. She eats cereal for breakfast, sandwich for lunch and a meat and two veg style dinner. She has cake and biscuits in the cupboard and might have cheese and crackers or a banana of an evening. She is very slim (size 8 -10) even though she is now in her late 70s.

I have battled disordered eating and yo-yo dieting throughout my life, striving to be a particular weight and usually failing. It has consumed a significant amount of mental energy.

My mum literally does not think about food until the minute she prepares it. She does not own scales.

I wish I were like her.

Their world probably doesn't revolve around food as mine and many of my like minded friends (who struggling with weight constantly) does.

I was a very skinny child pre 10 years old and I remember everybody commented on it that I was too thin and boney . I then started using food for comfort and I have ever since. I have have lost weight to varying degrees and have kept the bulk off ... my heaviest being 3.5 stone more than I am now and that was 10 years ago but I constantly struggle and have binge eating disorder which just controls my life to some extent.

I imagine life without thinking about food constantly must be quite freeing but everybody has their issues.

I am by,no means slim although have lost over a stone since lockdown but l find hunger comes in waves and if l ignore it,it will go away. I have 3 meals a day so by no means do l starve myself but haven't been snacking in between and def think pp have said it becomes a habit to snack.

I eat healthy low calorie food until I'm full so I won't be hungry. If I am still genuinely hungry, I eat more of the same.

@THisbackwithavengeance

I agree it is very sad, but in my experience a large percentage of slim women, like myself, maintain their slimness by some form of disordered eating. From people I know, this is especially true of those who remain slim in middle age.

I think this is in part a social change as historically I think there was less pressure on older women to maintain their figures as girdles and structured clothes were the norm.

If you are average height and don’t have a physical job or do large amounts of calorie burning exercise then you generally need to eat somewhere around 1400 calories a day to maintain slimness. Unless you have very little appetite this is likely to be a challenge and involve restriction.