If you are slim, please tell me how the conversation in your head goes

[whatisheupto]

If you are over the age of 38 and reasonably slim / not overweight, please tell me this:

An hour or two after dinner when you really fancy a bit of toast, do you tell yourself "no" and force yourself to resist the urge? When your brain nags you again, do you give it a firm "no" until and tell it to go away?
When you really want a small bowl of cornflakes before bed, do you just stop yourself and ignore the hunger pangs? Do you tell yourself "come on, you can do this. Think how good you'll feel tomorrow"

Do you tell yourself these things every day? For years? And rarely give in to temptation?

Or do you just never usually fancy a piece of toast or a late bowl of cornflakes? So it's just not a problem for you?

Are slim people better at self control, or are they just experiencing fewer urges?

@bumblingbovine49

If you’re hungry for toast an hour after dinner it suggests you aren’t eating properly at dinner? It

It is almost never about hunger for me. I nearly always want to keep on eating after I have finished a meal and I regularly get urges to eat without being here ngry throughout the day. The more I eat the more insistet the urges are . But I am fat so am reading this with interest

Fasting helps with this a bit as I find weirdly that the fewer times I eat during the day, fewer opportunities there are for those urges . They are nothing to do with hunger.

The more carbs and sugar you eat the more you feel ‘hungry’. It’s just a chemical reaction in your body.

Have never, ever fancied toast after dinner or a bowl of cornflakes before bed. I see these as breakfast foods which I would only eat in the morning and I don't much like either option.
Similarly I don't like crisps or cheese.

Now what I do like is a glass of wine and that can easily get to 2 or 3. I am also much more tempted by sweet stuff eg biscuits, chocolate, cake. The posher and more luxury versions are my favourites. If I fancy these I usually eat them but I have a mental limit on how much is too much. Never more than 2 biscuits, never a whole bar of chocolate. If I eat more than that I feel a bit guilty.

So basically yes I do have cravings although for different stuff and I don't ban the foods I crave. I see them as a treat that I am allowed a little bit of but I have mental limits on how much
(Might even be from childhood. My mum always had the no more than 2 biscuits rule and I have it for my kids)

It would work not to have these in the house but DH always buys them and I do miss them if they aren't there (not to the point of being arsed to go to the shop though)

I think my liking expensive versions is also sort of a limit. I buy posh biscuits and chocolate and ice cream so that it would feel/ be too expensive to eat loads of them. I would not see a bowl of cornflakes or toast as a treat so I would not think the calories vs pleasure was justified.

I also am fairly obsessed with everyone eating 5 a day fruit and veg and getting enough protein and I think that does contribute to feeling full and not wanting more.

Overall my attitude is that the food you eat day to day should be healthy but you are allowed a few treats (even every day) but limited and these should be stuff you really enjoy. If it's a special occasion with really lovely food I eat whatever I like but I usually find I them don't want much later eg if I have a huge lunch I'd probably not bother with dinner.

I don't keep snack foods in the house, and I don't have a toaster. I often fancy toast in the evening or before bed, but knowing I'd have to grill it makes me stop and think twice.

I would never fancy it. Once I have eaten dinner I wouldn't think to eat again. I am done.

Toast and cereal are meals to me, it just would never occur to me to "snack" on them if I'd had a meal already. I have a small bar of chocolate in the evening usually.

If we have biscuits in the house, that's usually what I can't stop myself from helping myself to in the evening!

I am so interested to hear most slim people saying that yes, they do have to reign themselves in a bit all through the day, every day. Obviously it becomes habit and is easier on a low carb or low sugar regime. But I think I honestly thought that slim people were just..... slim, with minimal effort. Or that they just don't want the cake at the office birthday. Or that they're just not hungry at 3.30pm when others reach for a biscuit. It's really, really good to know that you slim, healthy people are indeed making a constant effort and are not just 'lucky'. That helps me, it's what I needed to know! That it is normal to be a bit careful every day. I think I thought everyone just ate what they fancied and some get a bit fat and others don't. I think I thought if you're being careful every day, that would be unsustainable or miserable. This thread shows it's neither of those things. I think because I always had a good diet and a high metabolism and just never really thought much about food until I had kids (and a hard few years which saw me begin comfort eating) it just never occurred to me that people would be being careful like this as the norm - I thought if you were thinking like that about food it would be a temporary diet.

@RiverRover

I have never really been overweight (although I have got to the high end of a healthy BMI on a few occasions over my life due to things like pregnancy and medication changes), but it is a constant endless struggle for me to stay slim.

If I stop obsessing over what I eat and just eat intuitively to hunger cues then I pile on weight really fast. I gained 10lbs recently when I had covid and just really couldn’t be bothered to watch what I eat all the time as I felt so rubbish.

My mother is obese and one of my siblings is significantly overweight/ borderline obese. They both eat very healthy food, just too much of it for their metabolisms. We all eat tonnes of fruit and vegetables (although I try to restrict my fruit intake to keep calories down) and all home cooked meals.

I have assumed that we as a family are just predisposed to being overweight or having large appetites. But that doesn’t mean I have to be overweight because will power can overcome this and ultimately you can’t get fat if you heavily restrict what you eat.

From the outside I expect most people look at me and think she is lucky to stay slim, but they don’t know the constant struggle that it takes. I may stay a physically healthy weight but this definitely isn’t psychologically healthy.

I also have genetically high ldl cholesterol (familial hypercholesterolaemia). I can’t reduce this with diet as I am already eating the perfect diet for low cholesterol, so I have to take statins. I guess I am just genetically unlucky?

@whatisheupto

I think some very lucky people are just slim with no effort. But I know for me it is a lifelong struggle which is a form of eating disorder. I can only stay a size 8/10 by using anorexic type strategies and it causes me a lot of stress. I know this isn’t psychologically healthy and many people would say “why do I bother?” but this is a 30 year habit now (since puberty) and being slimish is part of who I am.

Honestly I think for most people it is genetic, and not will power. Not just metabolism but body frame. I’ve never been larger than a 6, and I don’t usually think too much about what I eat. I try to eat a healthy breakfast and I try to make sure I eat lots of vegetables and healthy protein, but I also eat croissants and pizza and crisps on a daily basis, and I consider toast to be a healthy snack, not junk to be avoided. The only thing I need to do is, if I eat too much junk (real junk like doughnuts) my belly stops being flat and starts being wobbly, so I have knock off the junk and do some sit-ups for a week or so. Otherwise I don’t really do anything.

I was anorexic in my early teens so I don’t know if that caused any lasting effects.

I’m also fairly tall but physically very slight (my hips are 32ins) so even when I do gain weight, I can wear loose clothes and still look small.

No to all of those things you say.

Two hours after dinner there would be no conversation, I don't have those sort of conversations, I would just think I fancy some toast, so I would have some.

There seems to be some assumption that people are slim because they deny themselves food, but for many people that is not the case. In my case I have always eaten when I am hungry, but I don't necessary eat a meal at a set time if I'm not hungry then, so if I've eaten cake at 11am I don't then have lunch at 12 just because it's lunchtime.

Having said that, I read somewhere that larger people underestimate what they eat, and slimmer people overestimate. So my perception that I eat loads is probably wrong. I think I eat more in terms of volume than in terms of calories, for example I might have three big bowls of dinner but it’ll be very low call vegetable soup, or a tagine or veg stew or homemade veg curry. In terms of junk I can easily have one biscuit with my tea, or eat half a chocolate bar then wrap the rest up for later. It’s not self denial I just don’t fancy eating more than a couple of bites.

I am under 9 stone and 5 foot 3.

I eat at 8pmish so would not feel hungry again before bed unless I had not eaten enough for my meal.

I often finish breakfast or lunch and think, oh I could eat that again, but know for a fact that if I wait 20 minutes my mind will then register I am full and don't need anything else.

I think it is alot about training your mind to recognise you are replete.

My sister is a natural size 0 and has never thought about what she eats. She weighed her normal intake one day as I was doing it (for me it was prep for a weight loss diet) and she was eating 3,000 calories per day. Her sister in law who is also naturally slim did it too and was eating even more. Neither of them move much. This is why I said to OP that you shouldn’t take advice from a woman who doesn’t put in any effort to stay slim - because chances are, after menopause, they will gain weight. Mum was just like my sister until her 50s and is now 3 stones overweight.

Just read your last post... I definitely have to make a conscious choice to not eat more, to not have cake at the office party, to not eat chocolate. I exercise most days. I choose healthy low fat meals to cook. It is not inherent it is definitely a choice and telling myself I can't have those things very often... I would rather be slim than eat those things. I guess it just becomes easier over time because you get used to it.

Simple question to myself: does my stomach want this, or does my mouth?
If its stomach then I go for it, if its mouth then I dont. But you have to be brutally honest with yourself for it to work.

@GrumpyHoonMain

Does she do a lot of exercise? It seems crazy that she can eat 3000 calories and stay slim. That is roughly twice what I eat to stay slimish.

@whatisheupto

I am so interested to hear most slim people saying that yes, they do have to reign themselves in a bit all through the day, every day. Obviously it becomes habit and is easier on a low carb or low sugar regime. But I think I honestly thought that slim people were just..... slim, with minimal effort. Or that they just don't want the cake at the office birthday. Or that they're just not hungry at 3.30pm when others reach for a biscuit. It's really, really good to know that you slim, healthy people are indeed making a constant effort and are not just 'lucky'. That helps me, it's what I needed to know! That it is normal to be a bit careful every day. I think I thought everyone just ate what they fancied and some get a bit fat and others don't. I think I thought if you're being careful every day, that would be unsustainable or miserable. This thread shows it's neither of those things. I think because I always had a good diet and a high metabolism and just never really thought much about food until I had kids (and a hard few years which saw me begin comfort eating) it just never occurred to me that people would be being careful like this as the norm - I thought if you were thinking like that about food it would be a temporary diet.

When I first replied, I had only read the OP because it came up in Active conversations. I have now read other replies and am quite surprised by most of the answers, but that might be because it is on the weight loss board, which is not a board I usually visit. I think if the people replying are ones that frequent this board regularly, they are probably not representative of many slim people, i.e. those who do not spend their whole lives making sure they stay slim, they just are. What I'm trying to say is, whilst most people on a weight loss thread who are slim may have to make a lot of effort to do so, there are people who, as you suspected, do stay slim without consciously trying.

What does “natural size 0” mean, out of curiosity, or are you American?

Ther “genetics” spouted on here is bullshit. Yes, there is a genetic predisposition to weight gain, mostly through appetite AFAIK, but it is a minor influencing factor. It does not drive the difference between a BMI of 20 and 40.

If it’s not a mealtime, why do you need to eat? It’s not a hobby. If you’re bored, do something else. If you brush your teeth after dinner, it might help you not snack. It just wouldn’t occur to me to have a snack after dinner.

Have a big glass of water instead.

I don't think there's any way a person could eat 3,000 calories a day, not exercise and maintain their weight - not scientifically possible unless say they were vomitting 1,000 calories up a day or more if inactive or 8 foot tall. It doesn't sound a healthy way to live at all.

I'm sceptical its predominately genetics though could be wrong on that - I ate 5 meals a day with the one child whilst pregnant, he's slim and has been underweight at times. Ate a normal amount with other child also slim. I am normally slim apart from one pregnancy. I have two siblings one is obese, one is slim, same parents for all of us.

If it's genetics, then why do we have an obesity crisis? Why are schoolkids much fatter now than 20 years ago? Being overweight is almost solely down to eating more food than you need and it's really not helpful to say "It's all in your genes".

We have to take control of this, for our own and our children's sake.

@MoltoAgitato I am not sure if your comment was in reply to me because my comments mentioned genetics, but in case it was, to make it clear, I didn’t say that anyone is genetically obese BMI.

Anyone can control their weight by controlling their diet, it is just that as this thread has shown, some people don’t really need to try and can eat intuitively to their hunger levels and stay a healthy weight and others have to fight their hunger to do so.

Hunger levels and various other metabolic factors (such as cholesterol metabolism) are heavily affected by genetics, epigenetics and other factors like gut microbiome.

I am of a small meal portion preference ie a big plateful would put me off , but also of grazing tendency which is the sort of thing that can easily get out of hand ie end up eating much more in total than I need and responding to slight urges rather than hunger.

What has helped me is being married for a long time to someone who never snacks - not through iron will but just because it is something that would just never occur to him.