Going to cry! - can't lose weight!

[Usersafe4]

I am at the end of my tether and don't know what to do! I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown because I can't cope with my weight.

For backstory - I have always been overweight and my confidence is affected (I don't go out and socialise and I haven't had a relationship in years), I have tried most diets (cabbage soup, military, low carb etc).

I realized after years of dieting that I was still overweight so I decided to try and stop fad diets and just start eating healthy.
My normal day would be:
breakfast - porridge
Mid-morning snack - banana
Lunch - Sandwich, orange, grapes, strawberries
Afternoon snack - apple
Dinner - various
Snack - melon and grapes
Weekends - eat a lot more and usually include wine

I then put on 1 and 1/2 stone (probably the heaviest I've ever been) and I went into depression and stopped visiting my family or going outside as little as possible. I read somewhere that some people overeat on healthy foods - which is completely true as I don't really eat junk food like chocolate or crisps unless its a special occasion and didn't count my fruit calories.

So starting on the 1st April I decided to count the calories of everything including fruit and cups of tea etc and cut down on my fruit intake. I have also cut out 1 meal a day so having 2 meals instead of 1. I walk 30-60mins per day and exercise at home for 30-60mins per day too.
My average calorie intake is 1000, my goals are 1200 per day but can fluctuate between 800 and 1200. MFP won't let you record anything under 1200. I also round all my calories up.

My average day is:
Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - Salad with cheese (lettuce, cucumber, pepper, small amount of cheese)
Snack - small yoghurt pot
Dinner - soup (no bread) every other day, normal dinner other days (spag bol, sausage & mash, stir fry etc)
Snack - orange, apple, grapes, ice lolly, - only 1 or 2 per day
Weekends - Up to 2000cals - cheese toastie, curry etc
This weekend was my bday so I had a takeaway - pizza and chips I don't the exact calories but I didn't eat anything else that day.

I thought by simply cutting out my breakfast it would see me lose a couple of lbs a week. I was hoping for an initial 3lbs a week but would be happy to be 1lb.

So 5 weeks later I should be at least half a stone down - but no I have put on 5lbs!!!!!

Please tell me what I am doing wrong!
If I go under 800cals then I don't have the energy to work out as hard and I really don't want to go on some fad diet where I will lose water weight one week and then put it back on the second.

I am 5'7" and at the moment 15stone I get so frustrated with myself as I am not not doing anything about it and it is all I think about from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep.

Please don't judge me as it has taken a lot to come on here and to be so honest.

worldsworststepfordwife well done, that sounds really good and sustainable and obviously something that you can do for the rest of your life rather than something that you find hard and are fighting to keep up.

@BuffaloCauliflower what are you on about? It is a calculation based specifically upon OP being 5”7 and 15 stone. Hence why it’s called a “calorie calculator” - here’s a link. www.calculator.net/calorie-calculator.html

Shedtheload

I agree. I am at my heaviest but I have always been overweight. And I think it is largely because I do things I can't stick to.

I found eating more helped me lose weight.

Can you give us your stats so we can see whether you're eating too little?
I weight 8 stone and I eat 1300 to lose weight!

Also it's quite simple: you're eating too many calories. You can say you're not but you are, it's very simple.

Either that or you have a medical condition.

Breakfast: banana pancakes (1 banana, 1 egg, blend, fry in fry light)

Lunch: I might have a sandwich (400 cals) a wrap (500 cals) or a salad. I often eat chicken and rice.

Dinner: pasta and meat, maybe fish and salad, steak and salad, meat and potato, spag Bol.

Remember oil/ butter is hugely calorific. What about ketchup? Sauces?

Hi OP! Apologies as I haven't RTFT but I am currently also 15 stone and having actual weight loss therapy. Things I have learned so far:

• the more you deprive yourself, the more pressure you put on your body and the more likely you are to cave in

• the less you eat, the more body fat your body will try and retain because it thinks it's being starved and it needs to reserve energy

• hunger is a good thing even though it feels scary. the pangs of hunger you get is your body drawing energy from fat, therefore burning it off

• don't try and do everything all at once, try to take on one new habit a week, your subconscious needs to be rewired in order to have better habits. the more you practise something, the easier it becomes to do

• I would really recommend reading How to Retain Your Appetite by Helen McCarthy, it looks in-depth into the psychological reasons behind why we struggle to lose weight and how our bodies actually lose weight

There is so much more I could say as I have been on the weight loss seesaw for almost a decade now and I am only just starting to feel better educated about my own body! I know you probably know all of this but I really would recommend starting with the book and letting go of the calorie counting for a while. I have also done it and while it did work for a while, it wasn't sustainable and my body needed more. We can do this!

lilliemai

What do you mean by stats?

Today I have had
Lunch = ham sandwich 300kcals
Dinner = pot rice 330kcals
Snacks = peach, ice lolly and I will probably have an apple later on too.
Drinks = squash and 1 x coffee and 1 x tea, both with milk and sugar. I will have a normal tea or peppermint this evening too

feelingsomewhatlost

Thank you for your advice. I definitely need to learn more. I will definitely start by reading that book.

I have attached the calories you should consume daily to lose weight. You should be seeing mild weight loss when consuming 1700 calories a day, so the fact that you’re not suggests that you’re eating closer to 2000 (enough to maintain your weight

Are you like my doctor who keeps waving that pyramid chart in my face and says I should give up cake and doughnuts in order to lose weight. The fact I don’t eat them and have never eaten them I don’t think it sinks in.
He can’t understands that just because I am a fat person it doesn’t mean I like cake and doughnuts.

I am sick and tired of people saying you can’t possibly be eating so little and not losing weight.

Everyone is different

Usersafe4 I was watching an episode on Secret Eaters. There was a woman on there who said that during the week she didn’t eat anything and only really ate at the weekends. Her children and family confirmed this.
The cameras usually follow them around and see the people tucking in to a chippy supper or a bag of crisps or 5.
But in this case the woman was true to her word and was hardly eating during the week.
The family would sit down to a meal and she would sit with them with a cup of coffee.

But at the weekend she was eating all the calories she had saved and several thousand more.

Whilst you might not be going to those extremes could you be undoing all your good work during the week.

Might sound odd but would you become vegetarian temporarily? I find that it’s easier to lose weight as you do generally eat less calories.

I also think some of the food you’re having isn’t very nutritious. A can of soup isn’t really much for dinner, turkey drumsticks I’m assuming are the frozen birds eye things? Perhaps you should find a meal plan online and try that. Losing weight doesn’t have to be miserable, you don’t have to starve yourself either.

I highly recommend getting your daily exercise in. It doesn’t take long at all to burn 100 calories on an outdoor walk, I’ve done that in about 10 minutes at a brisk pace. Maybe set a basic goal eg walk for 20 minutes, it will aid your mental health too

Oliversmumsarmy

I have watched secret eaters before and people would say they eat really healthily and then go into the McDonalds drive-through every day but not acknowledge it like they were sleepwalking or something which is why I track whatever I eat apart from weekends so I think maybe I am not acknowledging what I am eating and like you say undoing everything I have done during the week.

browzingss

Yes I would do definitely and I would definitely look into vegetarian meals as I want to reduce my meat intake anyway. The reason I eat canned soup or frozen chicken is just so I can track the calories easier but I agree it is less nutritious than homemade food.

If you can make nice homemade food, then don't waste calories on boring, salty tinned soup. If you are aiming for 600 calories for dinner - make them nice as you can! Grilled chicken salad with nonfat, nonsugar dressings (nonfat yoghurt and mint is amazing, or try apple or raspberry vinegars or balsamic); some new potatoes or bread on the side. You can make lovely meals that will fill you up on 500 or 600 calories. Just don't miss meals or undercut the calories you decide to eat in a day. Never let yourself get voraciously hungry.

Which low-fat, low-carb foods are a treat for you? Prawns? Miso soup? Eat stuff you actually like. Just make it healthy.

I've lost nearly two stone since the new year. I haven't counted or weighed any food at all but follow the 16:8 fasting method that pps have mentioned. I do quite a bit of exercise but its diet that makes the difference to fat loss.

I eat loads of carbs and stuff but try to avoid 'treats' as much as possible.

The thing is, I quickly realised that for now, while I'm trying to lose weight (and not just maintain), I have to pretty much stick to it all the time. So no weekends 'off' etc. I do have a bit of wine or chocolate here and there but it's not a binge, not a 'cheat day' and is part of the 'plan' so to speak.

I'm hardly deprived doing this, for info today I had no breakfast, lunch was a ham salad sandwich, grapes and a sugar free scone, dinner was macaroni cheese and a piece of garlic bread. None of it 'low fat', just normal food. I watch my portions though and don't eat outside of meals.

As I say - nearly two stone lost.

I'm size 12 and need to eat below 1000 constantly to lose weight. It sounds like you're just having too many calories for your metabolism

I will start eating more normal food and putting this into my plan. I know what makes me fall off is when it's someone's birthday or something and I feel I either can't go or eat something I usually wouldn't and then feel like I have messed up so if I can make it a lifestyle plan then it would be easier to stick to.

georgialondon

How much do you weigh and what type of things do you eat?
If I eat below 800kcals a day I feel really tired all day but i'm not sure i'm eating the right foods.

Below 800 calories a day is ridiculous, no wonder you can't sustain it and fall off the wagon every weekend.

I know you said you don't track it, but roughly what are you eating on a weekend? And what constitutes the weekend?

I might have a treat or a takeaway but it's one meal, not a whole day or weekend. I think you need to look at your week as a whole because you're in a starve/binge cycle continuously, which is mentally quite a negative place to be and also fucks your metabolism up.

On the weekend I would usually have pancakes or grilled cheese sandwiches for my lunch and then I would have a pizza or curry for my dinner. These are frozen or homemade (apart from last weekend) but I probably have a larger portion than I would on a weekend as I am not counting my calories as religiously. I am having this on both Saturday and Sunday so instead of 1 meal it is actually 4. If I am craving something like popcorn or something I would get this but eat it as one of my meals or eat a lower cal meal to make up for it - but again I don't strictly count calories or portion size on the weekends so I could be fooling myself into what I'm having and thinking this is ok. I also have a bottle of wine every other weekend.

I am definitely going to treat my week as a whole as I can see how I am falling off the wagon on the weekend. And then having to make up for it during the week.

I definitely think that's what's happening, I used to be the same - 'good' during the week and 'bad' at weekends. But I couldn't lose like that, I just maintained as it was all averaging out across the week.

Now I aim for 'quite good' but pretty much all the time. I don't have a great diet from a nutrition point of view (I've got three pre-schoolers so mainly cook what they will eat!) but I am losing weight.

I am definitely going to try and maintain it throughout the week. It would be nice to get out of the starve/binge cycle. Whatever I am doing is obviously not working so I will try and eat more calories during the week and not binge on the weekend. Thank you very much.

Alcohol can add a lot of calories. A bottle of wine can have around 600 calories.

I haven't RTFT but I feel your frustration. I guess a few people have come along and suggested try low carb rather than low fat for a bit. I would just like to put a word on for nuts, not peanuts, nice mixed nuts a few can really stop you feeling hungry and they are a brilliant natural food.

@Usersafe4
Have a look at James smith (James Smith academy) he can be a bit sweary but his fundamental approach is sound. He advocates seeing your calories as a bank account over the week and not concentrating too much on bad vs good days. His academy is free to join and has basics in there. You can also pay for personalised programmes of exercise but absolutely don’t need to.
Martin MacDonald and Ben Carpenter are also massively worth looking at (both on insta) there’s been a bit of misinformation on this thread and both of these people cite scientific studies to back up what they’re saying or discussing and do not advocate doing any particular ‘thing’ Martin MacDonald in particular is nutrition, he doesn’t have anything to ‘sell’ really but knows a heck of a lot.
Good luck.

I always say I will count the calories of wine but then I make an excuse as to why I should have it as a treat or a reward or something so I will definitely make sure I count it in the future.

Nuts are a really good idea. A lot of PPs have pointed out most of my snacks are sugary so it would be really good to have some savoury ones instead.

I will definitely look up James Smith too the bank account theory actually makes quite a lot of sense already and I haven't even looked him up yet. And I will look at the others too!

It's great to have so much really good advice. Thank you.