Going to cry! - can't lose weight!

[Usersafe4]

I am at the end of my tether and don't know what to do! I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown because I can't cope with my weight.

For backstory - I have always been overweight and my confidence is affected (I don't go out and socialise and I haven't had a relationship in years), I have tried most diets (cabbage soup, military, low carb etc).

I realized after years of dieting that I was still overweight so I decided to try and stop fad diets and just start eating healthy.
My normal day would be:
breakfast - porridge
Mid-morning snack - banana
Lunch - Sandwich, orange, grapes, strawberries
Afternoon snack - apple
Dinner - various
Snack - melon and grapes
Weekends - eat a lot more and usually include wine

I then put on 1 and 1/2 stone (probably the heaviest I've ever been) and I went into depression and stopped visiting my family or going outside as little as possible. I read somewhere that some people overeat on healthy foods - which is completely true as I don't really eat junk food like chocolate or crisps unless its a special occasion and didn't count my fruit calories.

So starting on the 1st April I decided to count the calories of everything including fruit and cups of tea etc and cut down on my fruit intake. I have also cut out 1 meal a day so having 2 meals instead of 1. I walk 30-60mins per day and exercise at home for 30-60mins per day too.
My average calorie intake is 1000, my goals are 1200 per day but can fluctuate between 800 and 1200. MFP won't let you record anything under 1200. I also round all my calories up.

My average day is:
Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - Salad with cheese (lettuce, cucumber, pepper, small amount of cheese)
Snack - small yoghurt pot
Dinner - soup (no bread) every other day, normal dinner other days (spag bol, sausage & mash, stir fry etc)
Snack - orange, apple, grapes, ice lolly, - only 1 or 2 per day
Weekends - Up to 2000cals - cheese toastie, curry etc
This weekend was my bday so I had a takeaway - pizza and chips I don't the exact calories but I didn't eat anything else that day.

I thought by simply cutting out my breakfast it would see me lose a couple of lbs a week. I was hoping for an initial 3lbs a week but would be happy to be 1lb.

So 5 weeks later I should be at least half a stone down - but no I have put on 5lbs!!!!!

Please tell me what I am doing wrong!
If I go under 800cals then I don't have the energy to work out as hard and I really don't want to go on some fad diet where I will lose water weight one week and then put it back on the second.

I am 5'7" and at the moment 15stone I get so frustrated with myself as I am not not doing anything about it and it is all I think about from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep.

Please don't judge me as it has taken a lot to come on here and to be so honest.

I would suggest looking for a psychologist who specialises in eating disorders. A good start would be seeing your GP (!!??) and very specifically saying you think you have an eating disorder. Be quite persistent. And they hopefully should be able to refer you to some psychological support.

In reality though you will probably have to privately fund - so look for a good psychologist locally who specialises in eating disorders. Don't be afraid to try out a few until you find someone who fits.

What diet plan to follow, how much and when to eat etc to be honest is all a red herring. The key is to get to what the emotional drivers are.

Good luck!

JamieLeeCurtains

That sounds really good and something I can stick to.

I did the cabbage soup diet for 3 weeks so I only ate cabbage soup 3x a day every day. I did lose 5lbs but as soon as I came off it then I put it back on whereas I could stick to something like that.

I should say that I am not dismissing that there might not be a medical reason (e.g. thyroid etc) but its just that from what you've written you;ve got a disordered approach to food.

x

It will be the sugar. It’s always the sugar. Loads of it on fruit even if you think fruit is healthy.

FFSFFSFFS

Thank you I will do this. I have always been worried to go to the gp as many people think people who are overweight are scoffing chocolate and biscuits all day so say cut out them and you will loose weight and I worry they won't believe me if I say I don't have these. But I think I am going to write down a diary and so I can show them that I am trying.

you;ve got a disordered approach to food.

I agree

StaffordshireKnot

Friend has done slimming world and swears by it.

I did one week and put On 6lbs.

Loads of it on fruit even if you think fruit is healthy.

I think because I eat fruit instead of crisps or chocolate etc then I must be healthy without thinking of the sugar content of fruit too.

Honestly it will be the hidden sugar. Instead of fruit as a snack you need something that won’t trigger an insulin response like a hard boiled egg or veggies.

My partners is somewhat overweight and we've been trying to find a diet that works for years,

Hes currently losing weight by sticking to 1,200 as a minimum, when he drops below this his weight loss stops and weight starts to pile on again, no exercise, and we have upto 2,000 at the weekend and have been losing about 0.5kg a week

Great thanks @baskin

@Usersafe4 it was the cereal companies that started the 'breakfast is the most important meal of the day' myth

It's really disheartening isn't it?
Everyone will have their own idea on what you should do. For me what worked was slimming world, it does get some bad press for suggesting you should eat loads of artificial sweeteners and other unhealthy stuff but at the end of the day it's down to you what you choose to eat.
I've lost just over a stone and have two and a half to go.
This is what I'm having today
B-coffee (I'm just not breakfast person)
L-chicken and bacon salad banana, strawberry yogurt and cereal bar
S-fat free Greek yogurt with blueberries, strawberries and raspberries with a drizzle of maple syrup
D-lime and chilli griddle steak, chips and salad
I will probably have a small bar of chocolate, maybe a hot chocolate and another cereal bar tonight.

Sw is good for me because no food groups are off limits and there is space for treats worked into the plan. Also very few food have to be measured or weighed so less faffing.

Hi OP. First of all, I have massive sympathy and understand your frustration. The heaviest I went up to was over 14 st.

I noticed you said you have an issue with binge eating. I do/did too. I think the nature of binging is such that you try to block out how many calories you consume but sitting down and thinking about it, I could consume about 5000 calories in a day through binge eating, easily. I kept pushing it out of my mind to block it out but I went through my bank statements one night, looking at my paypal too and basically from the transactions there, it was clear that I was binging at least once a week on takeaway but was kidding myself it was okay. That alone would have caused a steady weight gain. So I think the first thing you need to try to do is to stop the binge eating. Forget about weight loss for the time being and instead see if you can get to grips with the binge eating. If you pay for takeaway stuff online or with a card, it can also be good to have an honest conversation with yourself about how often you actually do this because if you’re anything like me, you’ll be in denial and will be underestimating the problem. If you estimate that each binge adds a pound (which it definitely does, at the least), then you can soon start to see why the pounds have crept on.

The other thing I would say is do not under any circumstances consider 5:2 if you have any issue with binge eating. Intermittent fasting is not good for those with an unhealthy relationship with food and I could write for a long time about the impact 5:2 had on me and my already bad relationship to food.

1000 cals is too low, full stop. If you walk 10,000 steps or so a day, your body at 15st burns off about 2300 or 24000 calories. You should increase your intake, making sure it is full of whole natural foods rather than processed stuff and has plenty of protein. If you continue to eat this little, I can more or less guarantee a fall off the wagon. It’s not sustainable and I believe you when you say you record everything. Even if you didn’t, you’d still be losing, not gaining, unless you were eating 3 times what you think which seems unlikely. If you starve yourself, it will go back on and the cycle will continue.

Is there something you could do every day like yoga? That will help to tone but also will help build mental focus. I can’t recommend it enough. Then make sure your meals total about 1700 calories which along with walking will mean you’re still in a good deficit. Use natural protein, vegetables and whole grains and cut out anything processed. Focus on trying to calm your mind out of the starve binge cycle rather than putting it through even more. You need something that you will be able to continue with for the rest of your life. Bingeing/restricting and vastly underrating won’t give you what you need.

NekoShiro

That is good to know that if he went under his weightloss stopped as I am under most days. So I will try and stick to the 1200 annd see if that makes a difference.

troppibambini

I do like the idea of no food groups being off limits as there is so much difference in opinions about which are good and which are bad so I get so confused and probably end up doing more harm than good.

You need to count the calories at the weekend too, you can allow yourself a few more calories if you like but you do need to be counting them, otherwise you could be doing 4,000 a day for all you know which would sabotage all you're good work during the week.

I'm using MFP and it's been brilliant just for making me realise just how many calories are in certain foods, I'm now a lot more careful with things like crisps and chocolate chip cookies.

I now realise how many calories I must have been consuming when I ate half a packet of biscuits or a big bag of crisps with dip, and no wonder I was putting in weight.

Shedtheload

This is really good advice thank you. I have always struggled with bingeing as I just wouldn't eat and then binge, then feel guilty and not eat and so it just continued. So I don't lose weight over all and have probably messed up my metabolism too.
I am going to try and eat more good calories and I love the idea of starting something like yoga and I have never thought about it before. My focus is always on reducing calories and not where the calories come from or my mental health.

Is fruit really such an enemy? This isn't really my experience - I agree there are naturally occurring sugars in fruit but I would bet that most people who are significantly overweight are not that way because of fruit.

Complex carbs are not so awful either. If you stick to a 16:8 pattern and are mindful of carbs (ie don't eat them every meal) then there is a lot to be said for brown rice, quinoa and occasional skin-on potatoes which all have all-important fibre and will keep your full therefore reducing the likelihood of snacking and binging.

I'm not sure someone who has a complicated relationship with food should start cutting out entire food-groups.

Good luck op- you will find something that works for you. I eat fruit and carbs in moderate amounts and I lost 2.5 stone (I live in Asia where the local population eat fruit and rice with pretty much every meal and are not fat btw).l

What you need is the Blood Sugar Diet/Fast 800. It’s serious business but the science is solid and it works fast, which is really motivating.

I was watching you tube videos about losing weight and got onto cortisol levels and insulin resistance.

It was an eye opener after years of being told that I was subconsciously eating or out right lying as the calories I was saying I was eating meant the weight should have been falling off me.
And being shown that damn pyramid and being told that if I really wanted to lose weight then I must cut down on doughnuts and cake
I don’t really like cake and doughnuts make me heave.

If you are in the area of insulin resistance then you could be sticking to 1000 calories per day and the weight loss will be painfully slow to non existent.

If what you are eating isn’t working then you have to overhaul your eating habits.

I have cut out bread and coffee, rice and pasta It didn’t matter that the calories of these were within the limit of my daily intake they just kept the weight on.

It is also about what works long term.

One thing I have noted is when I am abroad, whether it be the US or Spain/France I seem to eat well but the weight falls off me.

happinessischocolate

I will definitely start doing this. I think I probably ignore some calories and some I don't think about. I probably allow myself bigger portion sizes on the weekend too without even thinking about it.

Also read The Diet Myth, it’s not what you think but it will really change how you think about food

Is fruit really such an enemy?

I love fruit and wouldn't have thought of it as the enemy as it has vitamins in too. But for me I know I overlook how many calories I am eating if they are in fruit so I need to be more aware of this.

Yes but it also has fibre, water and vitamins which are important for a healthy body. Fruit in small amounts is okay, much like everything else really. The only thing I would avoid completely is wheat based products like bread and pasta