Going to cry! - can't lose weight!

[Usersafe4]

I am at the end of my tether and don't know what to do! I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown because I can't cope with my weight.

For backstory - I have always been overweight and my confidence is affected (I don't go out and socialise and I haven't had a relationship in years), I have tried most diets (cabbage soup, military, low carb etc).

I realized after years of dieting that I was still overweight so I decided to try and stop fad diets and just start eating healthy.
My normal day would be:
breakfast - porridge
Mid-morning snack - banana
Lunch - Sandwich, orange, grapes, strawberries
Afternoon snack - apple
Dinner - various
Snack - melon and grapes
Weekends - eat a lot more and usually include wine

I then put on 1 and 1/2 stone (probably the heaviest I've ever been) and I went into depression and stopped visiting my family or going outside as little as possible. I read somewhere that some people overeat on healthy foods - which is completely true as I don't really eat junk food like chocolate or crisps unless its a special occasion and didn't count my fruit calories.

So starting on the 1st April I decided to count the calories of everything including fruit and cups of tea etc and cut down on my fruit intake. I have also cut out 1 meal a day so having 2 meals instead of 1. I walk 30-60mins per day and exercise at home for 30-60mins per day too.
My average calorie intake is 1000, my goals are 1200 per day but can fluctuate between 800 and 1200. MFP won't let you record anything under 1200. I also round all my calories up.

My average day is:
Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - Salad with cheese (lettuce, cucumber, pepper, small amount of cheese)
Snack - small yoghurt pot
Dinner - soup (no bread) every other day, normal dinner other days (spag bol, sausage & mash, stir fry etc)
Snack - orange, apple, grapes, ice lolly, - only 1 or 2 per day
Weekends - Up to 2000cals - cheese toastie, curry etc
This weekend was my bday so I had a takeaway - pizza and chips I don't the exact calories but I didn't eat anything else that day.

I thought by simply cutting out my breakfast it would see me lose a couple of lbs a week. I was hoping for an initial 3lbs a week but would be happy to be 1lb.

So 5 weeks later I should be at least half a stone down - but no I have put on 5lbs!!!!!

Please tell me what I am doing wrong!
If I go under 800cals then I don't have the energy to work out as hard and I really don't want to go on some fad diet where I will lose water weight one week and then put it back on the second.

I am 5'7" and at the moment 15stone I get so frustrated with myself as I am not not doing anything about it and it is all I think about from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep.

Please don't judge me as it has taken a lot to come on here and to be so honest.

Oliversmumsarmy

This is why I have never been to a gp or to a slimming group because I worry people will think I am lying about what I eat. I will definitely look into those youtube videos as I expect to eat less and loose weight but it isn't happening so like you said I need to look at my actual eating habits.

Ploughingthrough

I don't understand how some countries have really carb heavy meals but don't seem to be overweight.

Honestly? I know that you are trying hard to change the way you eat, but rather than creating new habits, you are just suffering through to the weekends and then going overboard.

1. Losing several stone will take a long while. That's okay. You'll hit lots of points along the way that feel amazing.

1. Whatever you do, do it every day. Pick a way of eating that can become your everyday habit. No weekends off. It needs to be sustainable.

The best advice is to decide on a way to eat that keeps you at a calorie level that will mean weight loss. One you can do every single day without needing to pass out or binge. So eat a reasonable number of calories. 1000 calories a day is not reasonable for a 15 stone human! Maybe 1600 is (your mileage will vary). But if you ate 1600 calories every day, no exceptions and no excess, you would lose weight! As you near your weight goal, you will likely need to go lower.

You will have to watch carbs and sugar. Cutting way down will be tough at first, but after a couple of weeks, the cravings will subside. So if you're falling off the wagon every weekend, you will have to keep fighting the cravings. Which sucks.

Oh, and a glass of wine needs to be a very occasional treat. Lots of calories in alcohol and it does not fill you up.

Only do fasting if that's really a way that you can eat longterm. Works for some people, results in binging for others.

I eat every meal, no skipping. 300 for breakfast/500 lunch/600 dinner. No snacks between and no calories from drinks. Works for me. You might prefer 16/8 or 5:2 or weightWatchers or whatever.

It will work! And it really does get easier once you establish your new habits. Good luck!

Also read The Diet Myth, it’s not what you think but it will really change how you think about food

I definitely will thank you. I haven't paid much attention to my mind and how I think about food or anything.

Oh, and I live in Italy. I eat bread and pasta daily. Just in small amounts, within my calorie limits. How can anyone survive without pasta??

I love fruit, too. But again, within the calorie limits. I don't snack on it.

Bless you op, how frustrating.

Are you only going by weighing yourself? With the exercise you are doing are you noticing any change in your body? If you’re exercising and building muscle / toning then this can explain some initial weight gain as muscle weighs more than fat, so your weight would increase for a while rather than losing.

I refuse to weight myself (except at the moment I’m having to as I’m pregnant, so I have to be weighed occasionally) and generally go on how I look and feel and going by measurements. Before I fell pregnant me and my friends had started a good workout routine and found we were gaining the first few weeks but were looking much trimmer than before.

As others have pointed out and you are beginning to realise “the weekend calories don’t count” is really not helping and probably undoing all your hard work. It’s good you have started cutting down the alcohol consumption, bear in mind every time you have a bottle of wine your are consuming between 600-700 calories alone, on top of having pizza / curry / cheese toastie. These are all calorific and will be adding up. Think breaking this habit will be beneficial. Perhaps just choose one treat over the weekend instead of seeing the weekend as a free for all.

I am a little concerned if there are some days you are only consuming 800-1000 calories, this is quiet low if you are exercising, it’s just not enough for your body, therefore it might be clinging on to stored fat as a reserve of energy (which you are getting from bad weekend eating). They say to lose weight in a healthy and sustainable way you should aim to lose around 1-2lbs a week. Try and think of it as a lifestyle change rather than a diet.

I think some of the other suggestions others have made are fab (e.g. the Mediterranean diet really helped my dad lose loads of weight, swapping out fruit for veg, etc) and hopefully by trying them out you will find something that will work for you.

I don't know if there is any science behind this, but I'm convinced I lose weight by cutting out Diet Coke. Do you drink that type of thing?

YootInit

This is really great advice thank you. I didn't think about having to reduce my calories more when I get closer to my goals!

1600 calories seems so much! But I am going to do it every day including weekends for 2 weeks and then see what I loose. It might help my body's metabolism too. I will use a calculator to work out how many I should be eating.

xxxemzyxxx

That is a really good suggestion. Yes I only weigh myself. I weigh myself on a friday (to try and stop myself binging on the weekend) but I think this might have the opposite effect so if I haven't lost much I think what's the point and eat more on the weekend and then it all starts again on monday. I think I will weigh myself less and measure myself too.

PenfoldsFive

Not very often as fizzy gives me acid reflux but someone I know said they lost weight because they were drinking diet fizzy as it stopped them from eating so much and has hardly any calories.

Thank you for everyone's advice - I thought some people would be unkind or judgemental but you've all been so lovely and helpful!

Hi, I was in the same position as you, I am 5'6" and weighed 15 stone, I put on 6 stone in a year and never even noticed it until I realised one day that my favourite dress didn't fit anymore!

I started a "diet" recently and have lost one stone so far. I say "diet" as it is more of a lifestyle change than a diet, changing the type of things you eat etc but doesn't leave you hungry or unsustainable. It's called Juice Plus+ if you want to have a look at all, I have a rep on Facebook and it's just messaging but there's a support page on there too where everyone shares meal ideas and tips for helping (I personally don't post as I don't really like to but I like seeing other people's tips and getting ideas for snacks and meals)

If you want to count calories this website is really good for working out how many calories you should be having: www.calculator.net/calorie-calculator.html?ctype=metric&cage=25&csex=m&cheightfeet=5&cheightinch=10&cpound=165&cheightmeter=180&ckg=65&cactivity=1.375&cmop=0&coutunit=c&cformula=m&cfatpct=20&printit=0&x=90&y=27

Personally when I used to count calories I became obsessed with it and it became an unhealthy obsession for me. I stopped counting calories and now just focus more on portion size and what I'm eating/how often. I was eating way more in a portion that I should be, probably 3 times as much I'd say and eat to the point I felt uncomfortablely full rather than just not hungry anymore which is what I do now. I also love crisps so found it hard cutting them out but I've started having healthy savoury snacks instead. I love cucumber sticks and houmous or a rice cake with boiled egg for examples.

Just be careful with counting calories that it doesn't become an unhealthy obsession as it is very easy to get caught up in.
As PPs have said too it sounds more like what you're eating, weight loss isn't just about calories, fruit is a healthy snack but maybe don't have it for every snack, try to stick to a maximum of 2 snacks a day aswell as your meals but try things like a boiled egg or cucumber sticks/carrot sticks etc and don't eat too many, try to remember it's just a wee snack to keep you going until your meal.
Make dinner your last meal, some people do have a snack after but I would always suggest stopping with dinner. Try not eat within a couple hours before going to bed aswell as you want your body to have digested all your food before going to sleep, you will get a better nights sleep for this too.

Try and see what little changes you can make, I would stop taking sugar in your tea as the amount of cups you're having all with sugar in does add up, even though you're logging the calories it is still stopping you from losing weight. Try substituting honey in for a bit of sweetness.
Also if you're having pasta, rice etc go for wholemeal rather than white. Where you would normally have say mashed or roast potato, try to swap for sweet potato or turnip for example.

Hang in there, it felt impossible when I was doing it and I still have a long way to go (and I have actually put a wee bit back on during lockdown as I'm not as active) but once you lose initially a couple of pounds, it really does help motivate you to keep on track.

I would also highly recommend getting one of they soft measuring tape type things and measuring inches, round your waist, hips etc, sometimes even though you're not losing weight you may actually be dropping inches. Especially as you are exercising your body will be toning up a bit and muscle weighs more than fat so you might not always lose. I keep a wee diary of my inches and the weeks I wasn't losing anything I did sometimes lose inches round my waist and it still feels really good!😁

Also, most important thing is don't be too hard on yourself, if you have the odd day where you slip up and maybe have a chocolate bar or packet of crisps or even a takeaway for dinner, don't restrict yourself in other ways or torment yourself over it, everyone deserves a treat once in a while just try and get back on track after and forget about it, as long as it's not happening too often there's no harm in it x

I have attached the calories you should consume daily to lose weight. You should be seeing mild weight loss when consuming 1700 calories a day, so the fact that you’re not suggests that you’re eating closer to 2000 (enough to maintain your weight.)

Do you exercise, if so what exactly? If you exercise, you can eat more per day and still lose weight.

Don’t ignore the calories of anything, whether it’s the weekend, fruit or drinks. Everything that enters your mouth counts. I drink 2-3l of water a day, meaning that I don’t drink squash or tea as I’m trying to meet my water goal. If I do drink another drink, I’d certainly adjust my food for the day as squash/tea/fizzy drinks can be quite sugary so I won’t overdo sugar elsewhere. Honestly your drinks could add be adding 100s of calories to your daily intake.

If you constantly binge every weekend, you undo your “diet” throughout the rest of the week

It seems that you need a snack between meals as standard, try to avoid snacks.

It’s better for your metabolism to eat small portions throughout the day instead of fasting, so have fruit and yogurt for breakfast and salad without cheese for lunch - instead add protein whether that’s vegetarian or meat.

Re fasting - I think it’s better to cut your food off in the evening, not morning. Eg stop eating at 6/7pm including snacks and only drink water.

I am curious about your dinner portion sizes. I eat 1200 maintenance calories per day as I’m short/slim and my portions are small. From 400-600 calories, eg a supermarket ready meal size. I also have side salads with dinner.

I think I am going to make smaller changes and see how I go as the bigger dramatic swaps that I am doing are obviously not sustainable. I will try not to get too focused on calories either as I think this is part of my problem.

My portion sizes during the week are good but on the weeks I subconsciously add a bit more because it's the weekend which is obviously my downfall. Yesterday I had a ham sandwich for lunch (2 x 50/50 bread, butter and 2x thin slices of ham) and for dinner I had a can of soup. The day before I had a can of soup for lunch and for dinner 2 x mini turkey drumsticks and 3/4s of a can of sweetcorn. The rest of my calories that I've logged are from fruit, yoghurt, cups of tea or an ice lolly.

I definitely think I will stop snacking and maybe add salad to my meals so I am getting fuller instead of snacking.

@browzingss that’s a really unhelpful chart. The amount of calories needed varies hugely between people, it’s not one size fits all. I put on weight if I eat over 2000 calories and generally need to eat 1300 or less to lose, as I’m short. The 2000 calories a day for a women is really outdated and goes on vague averages

Thank you for the calculator link too.

Buffalo it might be based on the OP’s height and weight? She’s 5’7’’ and weighs 15 stone so will definitely need more than 1300 calories. I do accept that someone small and light will need less though and will probably not be starving hungry on that either as someone with higher energy consumption would be.

For reference, I lost 2 lb a week eating 1700 cals a day, which is in the ‘extreme weight loss’ category on that calculator and suggests that I have a much higher daily energy expenditure than someone who gains eating 2000 cals. It was the 5000 cal binges due to emotional issues that caused me to gain and that’s what I had to address but I realise that not everyone who gains weight does so due to binge eating.

5ft6 and spent most of my adult life 13st2 and trying every diet known to man until 7 years ago and over the course of 4 years!! I lost 2 stone in loosely half stone increments, I spent longer keeping each half stone off than loosing it, but the main thing is it’s never gone back on.

I walk the dog 60-90 minutes 5 days a week that’s my only exercise

Breakfast is toast or cereal smaller portion than in the past

Lunch is a sandwich that’s it none of the past three course meals of fruit diet crisps yoghurts!!

Tea is a Pinch of non/Hairy Dieters type meal

Then a choc biscuit and a cup of tea, water for the rest of the night

Go a bit wayward at the weekend got to admit

I definitely don’t eat as much as I did portion size and no snacking at all, I’d like to have another half a stone off but realistically the calorie deficit I’d have to do to keep that off permanently and my age now it feels too much like hard work

Good luck

I'd say try and count accurately over the weekends. Don't snack on fruit and try and cut carbs down if possible.

Handsoffisback

No I haven't as I didn't want to sound like I am making excuses for my weight. I think I will do as others have suggested and keep a diary and if I'm still struggling to loose it then go and see the gp.

worldsworststepfordwife

Do you count calories?

My friend swears she lost weight by eating toast in the morning, cereal for lunch and half a pizza in the evening. I wasn't eating bread at the time so I thought that can't be true.

Yes I will definitely start accurately counting my weekend calories.