Binge Eaters - Anyone want to chat/support?

[NannyOldElf]

I'm NannyOldElf and I'm a binge eater.

Today i weight 21 stone. I have a BMI of 46.

Today i have eaten: a sharing size bag of crisps, a tub of ben&jerrys, a packet of biscuits, 4 dairylea dunkers

Im terrified. Of carrying on like this. of stopping. of being out of control.

I'm currently mulling over councelling and/or hypnotherapy.

right now step one is going to my aqua class tonight and working hard. properly sweating in the water hard.

Step 2 is to call a friend and arrange a coffee. i want to tell her what's wrong, to make it real by actually saying outloud to a real person 'i have binge eating disorder'.

Anyone else a binge eater and would like to join for support/chat?

Interesting to know how other people's started. Mine I think was partially comfort and partially rebellion. I used to read and loved laying on my bed reading a book and eating crisps. My parents have always been obsessive about weight and food and diet. They started nagging at me about weight and eating when I was 11. I started sneaking food as they looked so disgusted with me whenever I had a snack. So it escalated and I would eat even if I wasn't hungry. I'd sneak crisps and eat them at night hoping no-one would hear the rustling!

I still don’t know if I really count here, I don’t want to somehow offend as I’m not at the point of bingeing as some have described. I definitely used to be. I started sneaking chocolate bars from the sweetie box as a kid, and it coincided with lots of house and school moves in the space of a year so I think looking back it was stress. Nowadays I can recognise that I always eat when stressed - today the baby wouldn’t nap so I came downstairs to get my book and scoffed 2 squares choc (90% Lindt, the only stuff in the house as otherwise I would have definitely have eaten a load more, can’t have it in the house!). Then I have just sat with the kids eating beans on toast and I just compulsively steal stuff off their plates. Don’t know why. I know it’s not good as I’m doing it. I had a massive jacket potato last night for tea even though I wasn’t hungry.
I’m focusing on eating only 3x a day, trying to be really hungry for my meals, drinking a ton, chewing gum/brushing teeth after eating, fridge any leftovers if necessary before I eat them all or pouring salt on whatever is left on my plate to make it inedible 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is a great thread. Think mine started from comments about my weight from a very young age, compounded by other memorable (yet each in themselves rather innocuous) events thereafter. The net result is that I don’t really know what a normal relationship with food is - I’m either dieting in a really restrictive way, or generally overeating whatever I like, with lots of bingeing thrown in for good measure.

I’m intrigued as to whether anyone has gone to their GP to address this and tried the nhs way of dealing with it. My head tells me it’s the sensible thing to do but my heart is saying ‘nah, just try that 800 calorie a day diet one more time first’. I really am an ‘all or nothing’ kind of person!

I started to binge eat from a very young age (around 3 or 4) and it is something I have battled with ever since (I'm 35 now). I weighed 17 stone a few years ago, I weigh 10 stone now. I developed even more bad eating habits on my dieting journey - starve/binge cycle, laxative use etc.

I think it's something you cannot cure, but rather learn to live with. You have to find a way of eating that lets you control your binges. Eating too little always sets me on a path to a binge, there are so many paths to a binge (for me) that I literally just take it day by day and hope that I can make it through without eating too much.

Btw I am just as unhappy at a smaller weight when it comes to food and body image. So weight loss doesn't solve much really. I am pretty sure I was abused by a family member as a young child/toddler and I do believe this may be where the binge eating stems from.

Daffy I went to see two different GPs at various points of my life about my weight/binging. One told me they couldn't control what I put in my mouth - that was up to me. The other gave me orlistat and advised a low fat diet. I did really well for two months but it didn't address my issues.

Years later I ended up with 10 sessions of counselling in the NHS for various issues (early death of my Dad, issues from my childhood and PND which I suffered from badly after having both children). It was there where I realised there is a lot of 'loss' in my history - I deal with that loss by overeating

Does any one have 'trigger' foods? I find crisps/biscuits/chocolate are my 'trigger' foods - if I can avoid them I tend not to binge. But once I start with one of those three then I tend not to stop!

Had a bad afternoon despite all the talk this morning about having a 'good' day today. My excuse for today is I am tired ..... tomorrow who knows, it's another day, I will try again!

Aw Moon just spotted why you think your binging started! Sending hugs! Have you ever thought of seeking counselling to help you figure things out?

My childhood wasn't brilliant, never any abuse, just things I couldn't always make sense of. Counselling helped me put a few things straight in my mind and it's been useful going forward as I learnt to talk things through in my own head when I feel lost again!

I am in binge eating recovery, I still get the occasional urge to binge but can work through these now. I can go weeks without the urge.

The secret to my success is brain over binge, it is the only thing that has made any sense to me. It is written by a recovered bulimic and has scientific basis.
Essentially you need to help to rewire your brain to not get the urges anymore and you do this by distancing yourself from urges and recognising them for what they are - faulty brain wiring caused by repeatedly binging.

I couldn’t say when my binge eating started it had been going on for so long but it reached a peak in my late 20s when I hit 23 stone and binged many times a week. I’ve since lost 6 stone through healthy eating (I joined SW as the routine suited me) and exercise (clubbercise) but I can’t emphasise enough I would not have succeeded without stopping binge eating.

This thread is fab and I wish you all the best with your journeys. There is nothing special about me, if I can recover anyone can!

Morning all! hello to new people!

Yesterday was ok. i didn't binge. but i did eat more than i should - i had an icecream and some pretzels. but i did not full on binge which is good.

I checked my weight this morning and i'm actually 21st4lbs. so 1st 5lb to loose for first target.

i'm out most of today which is good. i'm going to see if i can make today a fast day.

I go on holiday in one month, i would really like to have shifted some weight by then.

coffee i have trigger foods - crisps is by far my worst one and then tuna and cheese melts! i wasn't happier at my lower weight either but at least i was healthier. i'm trying to focus on that.

i have another swim aerobics class this morning so will put plenty of effort in to that. then i have those cakes to finish. tricky point is going to be going to the shop to buy the extra icing i need to finish them and avoiding buying anything else.

good luck today everyone! keep strong!

Its my youngest child's birthday party today, too much temptation in party food! Went to bed feeling ill again last night so really need to make an effort to eat properly today. Doing lots of veggie sticks to go with party food so will nibble on them in hope I can avoid the triggers! Think that's my first aim to work on ..... just simply not to eat the stuff I know sets me off in one!

I struggle with exercise due to hyper mobile joints - even just walking to and from work is agony (only 10 mins away) and part of my job involves heavy lifting so class that as a work out. I can't get on with swimming/aqua aerobics as I hate the noise and smell in our local pool. We go on holiday soon and they have an out door pool which I plan to take full advantage of.

Brain over binge is about to be ordered, I do love a good self help book so will give that a try!

Have a good day all.

Stumbled through the door of this thread!....hallelujah! I am not alone! I too am a twenty-something (stone) and feel defeated by this obsession of food and binge eating! Thoroughly miserable about it, just can’t seem to get a grip! Today, so far, 2 x ice creams, 3 x crumpets with butter, packet of crisps! Not even 9 am in the morning yet! The “ not to worry, I’ll start my diet tomorrow” occupies my head to some how “allow” me to eat what I like and make me feel better about things, kidding myself I have an element of control when I actually feel I have none! My mind wants to do so much stuff but my body hurts because of the weight. It’s driving me nuts! I feel like I have an addiction although I have not given up all hope, I feel there is something out there that can help me and agree with the sentiment “one day at a time”. I will definately have a look at the recommended book. I am also considering food counselling, has anyone tried it? I believe it is along the lines of CBT. Have tried slimming world which is really successful when I actually stick to it but slip into the cycle of weight loss, reward myself with food, back into the binging and eventually back to the diet. And so it goes on....!

Hi Gracie I haven't had CBT for the binging but had it the first time I was diagnosed with PND. Local waiting lists were horrific and I was lucky to receive CBT through a friend of a friend. Without it I wouldn't have been able to have returned to work at that time. It changed my outlook on a few things and gave me a few strategies to cope and get myself out of bed every morning.

I am sure it would be successful for binging as it's about changing behaviours and the way you cope with things! Really wish I could afford a few sessions right now as I would be back to it in a shot.

My book will arrive thanks to amazon prime on Sunday. Looking forward to having a good read in the bath on Sunday night

And yes it's so nice to know we are not alone, I haven't been active on mumsnet fo ages, just a long term lurker! This thread really hit a nerve for me and I feel has come at the right time so thank you all for being brave and posting!

Had a massive binge last night at 10 pm, can you believe that? I was sitting there thinking I need to go to bed or I WILL eat..and of course I ate.. big bowl of stew and mashed potatoes..few slices of cheese..a twix..slice of bread and butter and choc spread straight from the jar (half a jar!). Yep, I am ashamed of myself this morning. Victory is a distant thing at the moment.

gracie that is so how i feel most of the time, i could have written your post myself.

goodfortune i have lost count of how many times i have been 'good' all day only to blow it at the last minute.

slipped up a bit, just eaten 6 slices of toast with butter - it was seeded toast if that makes it better?! however that is all i have eaten so far today and i've stopped eating now. so if i have a sensible dinner that still wont be too bad a day i hope.

i did however go to my exercise class and work really hard so feeling good about that bit!

hope my book arrives soon!

Hello. This thread really resonates with me, I've also struggled with binge eating since I was a child. I'm 32 now and really don't know how to stop.

Trying to navigate my way through and desperately searching for a reason why I’m like this. Is it a form of self harm?....is food my medication? (As opposed to alcohol)...does there even have to be a reason? Maybe there isn’t one and Maybe I just like food? Yup! I definitely do! I like the way it tastes and the way it makes me feel....temporarily until the feelings of shame and self loathing creeps in. Oh God! There’s that word- ‘feelings’. Maybe I should just concede there is a reason but I’m damned if I can figure out what.
The late night binge? Yep! Been there, done that. I think because I’ve done so well all day and because I can go to bed shortly after my night time binge, I don’t have to experience the negative feelings associated with it...I can just go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day after all and I’ll DEFINITELY get to grips with it tomorrow. Can go to sleep all happy because of my new found resolve!
Thank you for sharing your experience of CBT, I think I may look into it further, but yes, you’re right, it is expensive but I’m getting desperate!
I’m a long time lurker and don’t usually post so haven’t quite worked out the logistics of copying and pasting significant parts of posts to reply to. I’m working on it. Thank you for the un-judgemental postings from everyone. I think we give ourselves too much of a hard time as it is! Perhaps we should give ourselves a break and be kinder to ourselves! May take the pressure off a bit!
I don’t know about anyone else but I’m either an all or nothing person....I’m either dieting or I’m not (“not” aka “binging”!),theres no middle ground. If I feel I have broken my diet, I’ll think, may as well eat everything in sight now and I’ll start again tomorrow!
Anyway, lovely to be part of this and I’m now sat here thinking that I’ll be really pro-active, I too have ordered the book and have set a day for the start of my diet and the new me as Monday!...definately!

Joining - binge eater since I kicked bulimia, so about 20 years. Gained about 1.5 stone over the last 2 years, lack of sleep is the main trigger. Will read through later.

I know that forcing a planned eating is usually the cbt approach and I need to as I’m terribly disordered on eating at set times

I don’t know about anyone else but I’m either an all or nothing person....I’m either dieting or I’m not (“not” aka “binging”!),theres no middle ground. If I feel I have broken my diet, I’ll think, may as well eat everything in sight now and I’ll start again tomorrow!

This is me, completely.

I believe that’s exactly the mentality that keeps us bingeing - we are either in diet prison or we are treating ourselves rather than having a better overall plan

Restrict and binge..restrict and binge..ad infinitum.

i hope if nothing else this thread helps us all feel less alone with this addiction (and i do believe that's what it is). But hopefully we can help each other make positive steps in the right direction.

Still not binged but i did eat an ice cream. it was only one though which is an improvement. i have had to 'talk myself down' a few times today though.

totally get the 'all or nothing' and also the 'well that's buggered it may as well binge til next monday then' mentalities.

gracie yes i thinkit is a type of self harm.

i think i can date this sudden worsening of my problem over the last year to DH being diagnosed with anxiety. it has been a very stressful time and i think i have turned to food as a crutch through this.

it has also got worse with each pregnancy too.

i've seen the suggestion to write down everything you eat to really face up to what you'er doing so feel free to do that too on here if it helps - not for us to judge but just to be accountable to yourself about how bad the problem is.

Today:
6x toast with butter
1x slice of cheese
1x ice lolly
1x apple
2x fajitas (dinner, not yet eaten)
1x malibu and coke (my friday night tipple to come!)

so not too bad really (but not the fast day i'd planned!!). I am not hungry right now but i am not stuffed. i am comfortable. i am trying to tune into that feeling of 'comfortable' and trying to reprogramme my brain to acknowledge that as 'full'.

beach the 'forced eating thing - is that like having a meal plan laid out? i wondered about planning all my meals so there is no thinking in the day, i just eat the pre-arranged meal and move on, no wondering what to make for lunch and eating the contents of the fridge while i think about it!!

Nanny that’s the one thing I liked about Cambridge Weight Plan (meal replacement) - took all the thought out of food, no anxiety, just eat what’s in front of you. I worry about things like bananas because of the sugar, I can’t eat anything without anxiety these days.

I’ve had a bad day and am down in the dumps, I was just telling myself I need to keep trying my best, but also it’s just going to get harder to lose weight as I get older (I’m 28) and I can’t lose any as it is now. And I’m not trying my best. It’s exhausting to try your best all the time. But I should do better. Today’s food:

Vegan porridge (too big portion really)
Big salad - lettuce, baby spinach, cucumber (1 mini homegrown), 1/3rd pepper, about 6 sundried tomatoes (too many), cherry tomatoes, hummus (2 tbsp, too much), balsamic glaze, 1 portobello mushroom (fried in fry light). Would have been OK lunch but then I had 4 squares 85% Lindt (250 cals ish) through stress.
While kids having lunch I had 1 cupcake - there were 12 up for grabs so could have been worse, but I didn’t even like it as I was eating it but still did), pack of kiddilicious veg crisps (they are amaaaazing but empty cals. 67 cals a pack I think?).
I usually would have had a spoonful of peanut butter and some berries as I was serving the kids those things but managed to resist. Was going to resist the cupcakes and crisps too but didn’t. Ugh.

Who knows what dinner will be. I need to plan. I used to do weekly meal prep on a Sunday night which made me feel so good - made 5 mason jar salads and didn’t need to make myself lunch all week!

I’m just so tired of worrying about every little bit of food, but still continually shovelling it in! Lately my feet have started hurting and I don’t want to get weight-related illnesses as I age. And I want to be a good example to my kids. So why can’t I DO it?????

Sorry rant over.

BendydickCuminsnatch, I know exactly what you mean! I want so desperately to stop. I know it’s bad for me, I’m short of breath, going upstairs is real hard work, my back hurts and my feet swell up, yet still I continue. I really want to travel, I want to go on hikes, I want to walk without pain, I know how to achieve this and yet I don’t/won’t/can’t. I feel I’ve been taken over by an unknown entity making me binge. I have to remind myself in my more positive moments that I control what goes in my mouth, I make the decisions, I’m In charge here not some binge. Monster!
I want things to change, I really do. I Think I need to go on a massive self help book spending spree! I’m also thinking of doing a menu for next week and pre-cooking it over the weekend and putting it into portions ready for Monday!

sorry you've had a bad day bendy but just look at the things you did say no to today - only 1 cupcake, that's really good!

Does slim fast still exist? or could do the special k diet which has the same idea - same thing for breakfast and lunch and the normal dinner. think i will spend some of this weekend planning for my lunches so no thinking during the week.

so far so good this evening, eaten my 2 fajitas (normally have 3 or 4) and i ate them slowly and i feel comfortable (full). i am basically reciting in my head 'you're full, this is what full feels like' to see if i can get that 'stuffed so much you're going to hurl' is not the definition of 'full'!

gracie i get all of what you feel too. i cant play with the DC the way i want. and i have 2 DDs, i need to be a good example to them. i am going away in november and last time i did this plane trip i could only just do the normal seat belt up...and that was 3st ago.....surely the thought of having to ask for a seat belt extention should be motivation enough?!?!

I could honestly cry reading these; as much as I don’t want anyone to be going through the pain of having bingeing disorder I haven’t met anyone in real life who has and it’s so lovely to have people who empathise. My best friend calls eating 3 Jaffa cakes a binge.
I’ve had a week now of not bingeing..and I’m super proud of myself today as it was last day at school before holidays and chocolate was a plenty.
Love this thread!