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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Why don't people looking to loose weight just ask?

302 replies

Demant0 · 11/05/2017 12:25

This may upset people, but here goes...

I often find myself in conversations with my friends about their latest diets or weight loss aspirations but would never instigate a weight based conversation because - as a slim person - I don't think it'd be appropriate (don't want to seem like a know it all).

Yet lately I'm feeling quite proud that I've lost 8lb in the last few months taking me to 8 stone 4lb. I feel very slim and healthy for loosing this weight and many people have notice and commented. (It can get a bit derogatory however, 'skinny', 'getting too thin', 'scrawny' etc, but there you go. I don't care.)

Because of the fact I have made some changes that has led to this weight loss, I am always keen to join in a conversation with my friends because it hasn't just fallen off me. I've taken a few measures to do it that have worked.

The thing is no one EVER wants to know how I loose and maintain my weight and never asks me what I eat, how I live, how I exercise etc. It's always really one sided.

It's like my friends and colleagues think I have no idea about weight loss or calorie counting or whatever because I'm thin. It doesn't make sense - I'm the one who DOES bloody know, obviously!

I think if I struggled to loose weight I would find someone slim and then shadow them and practically adopt their lifestyle. Surely that's got to be more effective than WW that clearly doesn't work very well - for long term anyway.

For example. I've just been talking to my male colleague at work who is morbidly obese - dangerously overweight at about 22 stones with a huge stomach - and I sat there for ten minutes with him telling me about the best way to loose weight and that his wife (also overweight) is doing this and that and this is obviously the way to do it etc. Not once did he ask, 'hey you seem to know what you're doing. What can you suggest?'

This is after being out with friends last night and listening to a lady telling about the delicious food you can have at WW and how great it all is that you can eat sugar etc, but that she put 8lb back on because of Easter and has since lost half a stone again and ain't that bad because now she's going to have to pay again because she can't get to her target weight. She's one of many - I wish I had shares in WW.

When I voiced a couple of concerns that I have about the WW approach to loosing weight, I was emphatically told that I was wrong, implying I can't possibly have the faintest idea what I'm talking about WTF??

So why is it, that as a slim person, no one EVER wants to know my take on weight loss? Why is it they'd rather spend money and time listening to either other overweight people, or experts who want their money?

Is it because the assumption is I am 'just lucky' or 'have a good metabolism'? Or do they just not want to know what it really takes to be thin because they think the truth would be too challenging?

This has been going on for so many years now that I'm genuinely getting very curious.

OP posts:
SouthernNorthernGirl · 11/05/2017 18:27

Fanny Yes, I asked and was waiting too.

I think OP put the answer up via a link to her website. If you sign up to follow her, she will send you two ebooks and then you get to ask her about it all via her weight loss coaching courses.

Hmm
SouthernNorthernGirl · 11/05/2017 18:33

Is that right OP?

AprilLady · 11/05/2017 18:55

OP, you really don't have a clue, and seem mostly interested in bashing WW. Over a period of 16 months I have lost 8 stone, not 8 pounds, going from morbidly obese to a healthy weight. People do ask what I did, and are always disappointed in the unexciting answer - I calorie counted and walked a lot, so creating the necessary calorie deficit.

As many others on the thread have pointed out, how I did it is actually not the point. Those who, like me, have genuinely struggled and had significant weight issues, are more interested in a different discussion: what was the trigger that lead to me finally managing to make myself actually do what needed doing, and how did I manage to keep in the right headspace for the 16 months it took to do it? I now have a new challenge, and again it is one I think only those whose weight has yo-yo'ed over time can really understand, which is finding a way to stay in the right headspace to maintain the loss. Unless they were a trained psychologist specialising in these issues, I would not think someone whose weight fluctuation was 8lb rather than 8st had anything to contribute to the discussion of these issues.

Topseyt · 11/05/2017 19:25

So this is virtually an attempt at advertising?

That explains why OP is so persistent without giving away any of her tips. It shows all the subtlety of a bulldozer.

FairNotFair · 11/05/2017 20:20

So it's not aloe vera?

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 11/05/2017 20:30

You spelt lose wrong. Grin

Fantasticmissfoxy · 11/05/2017 20:31

My best friend is just under 8st and people ask her for advice on how to lose weight every damn day. Mind you she is a qualified nutritionist, which I assume you are not. It's not how little you WEIGH that stops people asking, it's how little you KNOW.

PurpleDaisies · 11/05/2017 20:31

And you didn't read the thread mrsbeverley.

MrsDustyBusty · 11/05/2017 20:31

OP, you're obsessed with weight watchers. If only you would ask me, I would tell you the secret tips that lead to not being obsessed with weight watchers, like I'm not.

ifeelcraptonight · 11/05/2017 20:32

Op can you confirm you have no connection with that blog you linked to? Because unless you do this is a big fat stealth advertise and that's not allowed.

StrangeLookingParasite · 11/05/2017 20:37

My knees are fucked. My back is fucked. My neck is fucked. My shoulder is fucked. I have breathing problems. I have cancer. Two types. Just to make it fun. I have gynae issues. I have other debilitating conditions no limited to but including MS

ifeelcraptonight, that's just rude. Your body is a bastard. (this is actually meant to sound sympathetic, I suspect my tone isn't going to come across how I mean).
I think it should be the law that only one thing is allowed to go wrong at a time. More is just rude.

StrangeLookingParasite · 11/05/2017 20:39

Gosh that blog reads like one big ad, and the illustrations are really uncomfortable.

ifeelcraptonight · 11/05/2017 20:40

Does the fact that I have multiple ailments mean I get more cake?

bloodymaria · 11/05/2017 20:56

How does that blog illustrate your point? The author is very careful not to make any point at all unless you sign up. Dodggggyyy.

libbyliz83 · 11/05/2017 21:08

Sat in a room with two (size 6 maybe 8) colleagues today while they discussed their 'weight loss'; One of them describing how mortified she was when the scales had hit 9 stone so she "simply had to do something about it, it was disgusting", and the other explaining how after losing the half a stone (yes half) she needed to she's been so happy sticking to her target weight cos she couldn't live like that again. These women are both a good 15 years older than me and I'm early 30s.
So I feel qualified to answer this. I would never ask them for tips to lose my 5 almost 6 stone because I find their 'tips', knowledge and encouragement extremely insulting. The whole conversation left me feeling massive, ashamed and pathetic for having to wrestle with the enormity of my task ahead of me and as I struggle with my 'fat' thoughts every second of the day. Yes we seek solace in other fat people because they empathise with us and we can share the guilty thought of wanting to lick the windows of the nearest cake shop if it would make us feel better.
Well done losing the tiny bit of weight you had to lose but honestly r post was incredibly condescending.

FatGirlWithChocolate · 11/05/2017 21:12

I've lost 5 1/2 stone so far, another 3 ish to go..95% of people I know don't even acknowledge that I have lost this (and since I have gone from a size 28 to an 18, sometimes a 16 if I am lucky, one assumes it's noticeable)..nobody has ever asked me how I did it.

Ellieboolou27 · 11/05/2017 21:48

fatgirl how did you do it?!?!! That's amazing!
Seriously I'd love to know as I need to lose at least 3 stone, I've been using mfp for 10 days and only lost 1lb eating too much but drastically less calories than before I started Grin

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 11/05/2017 21:55

I would like to know how as well fat

I need some inspiration

HoldBackTheRain · 11/05/2017 22:05

Sorry OP, you still haven't explained how you did it, what changes you made, you just wanted to goad people and you've done it. Well done, pat yourself on the back and have a stick of celery, you deserve it.

Moanranger · 11/05/2017 23:08

To take OPs question at face value, overweight people would assume you had no difficulty in staying slim. I think that is what people would generally assume.
On the other hand, if you were known to have successfully lost a lot & kept it off, then they might be interested.

StrangeLookingParasite · 11/05/2017 23:09

Does the fact that I have multiple ailments mean I get more cake?

Absolutely. If you were here I'd make it for you.

pigeondujour · 11/05/2017 23:42

I fluctuate between thin/very thin and have been asked how I 'do it'. It's usually a rhetorical question intended as a compliment - I hope, since answering it honestly would be very hard while avoiding sounding rude or slightly mad. I certainly wouldn't presume to give anyone weight loss tips; why on earth would you want to anyway?

FatGirlWithChocolate · 12/05/2017 07:45

I did it through Intermittent Fasting (started off 5:2, but there are lots of other forms..4:3, ADF, 16:8 etc etc), swimming seriously, and the hour and 20 mins (40 there and 40 back) walk to the swimming pool, as many times as my body would let me. That's it really, pretty boring!

FatGirlWithChocolate · 12/05/2017 07:46

*as many times a week as my body would let me.

PortableVirgin · 12/05/2017 07:56

Fat, can I ask how long it took?