Why don't people looking to loose weight just ask?

[Demant0]

This may upset people, but here goes...

I often find myself in conversations with my friends about their latest diets or weight loss aspirations but would never instigate a weight based conversation because - as a slim person - I don't think it'd be appropriate (don't want to seem like a know it all).

Yet lately I'm feeling quite proud that I've lost 8lb in the last few months taking me to 8 stone 4lb. I feel very slim and healthy for loosing this weight and many people have notice and commented. (It can get a bit derogatory however, 'skinny', 'getting too thin', 'scrawny' etc, but there you go. I don't care.)

Because of the fact I have made some changes that has led to this weight loss, I am always keen to join in a conversation with my friends because it hasn't just fallen off me. I've taken a few measures to do it that have worked.

The thing is no one EVER wants to know how I loose and maintain my weight and never asks me what I eat, how I live, how I exercise etc. It's always really one sided.

It's like my friends and colleagues think I have no idea about weight loss or calorie counting or whatever because I'm thin. It doesn't make sense - I'm the one who DOES bloody know, obviously!

I think if I struggled to loose weight I would find someone slim and then shadow them and practically adopt their lifestyle. Surely that's got to be more effective than WW that clearly doesn't work very well - for long term anyway.

For example. I've just been talking to my male colleague at work who is morbidly obese - dangerously overweight at about 22 stones with a huge stomach - and I sat there for ten minutes with him telling me about the best way to loose weight and that his wife (also overweight) is doing this and that and this is obviously the way to do it etc. Not once did he ask, 'hey you seem to know what you're doing. What can you suggest?'

This is after being out with friends last night and listening to a lady telling about the delicious food you can have at WW and how great it all is that you can eat sugar etc, but that she put 8lb back on because of Easter and has since lost half a stone again and ain't that bad because now she's going to have to pay again because she can't get to her target weight. She's one of many - I wish I had shares in WW.

When I voiced a couple of concerns that I have about the WW approach to loosing weight, I was emphatically told that I was wrong, implying I can't possibly have the faintest idea what I'm talking about WTF??

So why is it, that as a slim person, no one EVER wants to know my take on weight loss? Why is it they'd rather spend money and time listening to either other overweight people, or experts who want their money?

Is it because the assumption is I am 'just lucky' or 'have a good metabolism'? Or do they just not want to know what it really takes to be thin because they think the truth would be too challenging?

This has been going on for so many years now that I'm genuinely getting very curious.

Maudlinmaud Thu 11-May-17 14:37:32
bears

Thank You :-)

Demant0
Please share your tips here. I am asking and will love to know especially how to get rid of the mummy pouch. Thank you already.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHERE ARE THE TIPS!!! 😩

Nellie

My gp told me my meds where not the cause of weight gain, despite me asking why they where prescribed to anorexics to make them hungry. Funny that when I came off them I lost 10lbs in the first week I'm now underweight which also isn't a good thing. Nellie

OP - I just read your whole post in a Cher from Clueless type voice and it's hilarious, you should try it.

If you want any tips on how to eat 8 donuts give me a shout.

Ok @Demant0 you genuinely want to know why people aren't rushing eagerly to hear your pearls of weight loss wisdom?

Speaking for me only, one of the big reasons is that it would be fucking embarrassing. That sort of conversation will inevitably lead to how much I weigh and how much I want/need to lose - both hugely shameful for me (it's more than you weigh in total, for one thing) and I don't tell anyone that horrid hateful number.

Least of all someone who has no idea what it feels like to be quite this big and so cannot really understand the several complex issues it raises for me; as they are entirely different to you losing a couple of (unnecessary in the health scheme of things) lbs to be 8stone.

So you might think you are being a chirpy cheerleader type, but in the nicest possible way, you really don't have a clue what it is like for other people.

Yeah one of the issues with having so much weight to lose, and I DO want to lose it, and am doing so, is worrying if I will have saggy skin on my arms, legs, tummy etc. Suppose my stomach is a given really anyway after 2 children also, but an 8lbs weight loss is not going to lead to you staying up in the night, googling how to "tighten skin" or even how much plastic surgery may cost if need be.

Sometimes I sway between thinking it might be easier to stay fat, than be slimmer but with loose skin.

Don't understand this OP.

She wanted people to ask.

We are asking.

NOTHING.

Is it only IRL this matters to her?

Maybe we have all shown we already know her magic solution and have spoilt it now.

She didnt want to give tips or help anyone, she wanted attention which is what shes now got, she wont be back.

Yes or she would have offered help to all those asking in all the other threads in this section rather than make her own.

There're too many aggressive and sarcastic posts on here to defend myself. It's probably my fault I should've learnt by now. I admit I just clacked it out on the keyboard quickly and posted it and it's tone isn't great. But honestly. Some of you seriously need to calm down a bit. All you'll do is end up shutting down lively debate, chasing people off and then ..... silence.

As I've mentioned, over time I have had many, many discussions about weight as I'm sure most women do, but they are not instigated by me. I like them, they're interesting as almost everyone has opinions on it (ahem). Many of my friends want to talk to me about it in the first place, thus proving that I'm not smug or insensitive. In fact, I'm a really good listener and am very tactful. I'd never dream of risking hurting a friend's feelings by asking them such a question directly. So I just do what any other decent person would do. I ask the question on MN (duck).

The point of my post was not to lord it over everyone with 'listen to me everyone' but to turn the tables on the people who have issues with their weight (their opinion not mine) and ask why they may be so selective about their sources.

I reiterate I am not talking about medical conditions. I feel so sad that some of you feel you had to justify your weight on this post and some of the problems you are having. That was not my intention for that to happen and I'm sorry for triggering anything or making you feel bad. I do think I'm justified asking it in 'weight loss chat' though.

I just want to know why, when it comes to weight loss, some people are very blinkered. I have serious reservations about WW. Rightly or wrongly, I don't know, but I would listen if I was signing up to one of their plans and spending my money and someone who was successfully managing their weight gave their opinion that it wasn't a very good approach.

FWIW, I believe that any corporation involved in 'helping' people lose weight only have their profits at heart and not the best interests of their customers.

To spare you my bad grammar and spelling this article sums it up quite well I think, but still I don't think it goes into the whole addictive eating cycle that WW doesn't help conquer.

www.trythisforsize.com/weightwatchers-slimmingworld-the-truth/

That's just a bit of what I'd like to speak to one of my friends about but they won't have it. I am just wondering why. That is all.

I don't think it goes into the whole addictive eating cycle that WW doesn't help conquer

Seriously, though, are you really qualified to help people with addictive eating? It's very complex and trained and qualified professionals don't always manage to help. What makes you think you have the answers after losing all of 8 pounds?

Embarrassment and perhaps a feeling that you may not understand their sense of failing as you have been so successful at it.

Also, there are other reasons people are slim relating to health and eating disorders, so a slim person may not have the right advice or even want to give it.

If I know someone who had lost over a stone or so I will ask them how they did it go get some great tips. But I wouldn't ask a slim person who has always been slim as they would not have the knowledge of what mental,physical things you need to do to lose a lot of weight.

I also firmly believe it is not just about calories in and out. There are compulsions to deal with. Also, I really believe that we all have different metabolisms at different times in life and from other people. Also, I have very wide shoulders even when slim so am always going to weigh more than someone with a thin frame. My boobs are always massive and they must weigh a good half stone even when I am slim. So your slim may not be someone else's slim

Anyway, people here HAVE asked and we are eagerly awaiting the answers, please.

Rufus, I didn't think you were having a pop at all.

That link has a big smadvert pop up for whatever product the website is trying to sell. It also has a load of incorrect info about how ww and slimming world work.

I'm not saying I do have the knowledge. It's just an opinion, just my take. I'm not judging people on their inability to lose weight. I'm just judging them on their inability to enquire. And who are WW to tell people what to do? They're biased.

How come I've only just seen this thread now in active convos?

Pass the popcorn, I'm settling in

Ask 100 people how to lose weight and you'll get 150 different answers. No-one has a magic one-size-fits-all-you-fat-fucks bullet.

I have PCOS, like the 1 in 10 women in the UK who are estimated to have PCOS. What works for me might not work for someone who doesn't.

And, to be honest OP, fat bastards like me get preached at all the damn time by all kinds of people so you'll have to forgive, or just continue sneering at, the people who don't want it from you too.

But if you don't have the knowledge, why are you disappointed that people don't ask you?

Oh it's only one friend you want to talk to about this? Perhaps you should just leave her be, if she want advice then she will ask for it.

That article is very flawed and is just an advert from someone wanting to make money. Why are WW the devil but this person has it right? By the way I do recognise it's not always about calories and that emotional eating is another issue all together, but you can't deal with one without the other.

Plus I don't think that being super slim is necessarily healthy. That might not be great for you to hear and I don't want to cause offence but I like to have a bit of a curve about me and so don't want advice on how to look slim if that makes sense. So I would be much less likely to ask a slim person for tips than someone who had lost more weight and was a bit more like me.