Why don't people looking to loose weight just ask?

[Demant0]

This may upset people, but here goes...

I often find myself in conversations with my friends about their latest diets or weight loss aspirations but would never instigate a weight based conversation because - as a slim person - I don't think it'd be appropriate (don't want to seem like a know it all).

Yet lately I'm feeling quite proud that I've lost 8lb in the last few months taking me to 8 stone 4lb. I feel very slim and healthy for loosing this weight and many people have notice and commented. (It can get a bit derogatory however, 'skinny', 'getting too thin', 'scrawny' etc, but there you go. I don't care.)

Because of the fact I have made some changes that has led to this weight loss, I am always keen to join in a conversation with my friends because it hasn't just fallen off me. I've taken a few measures to do it that have worked.

The thing is no one EVER wants to know how I loose and maintain my weight and never asks me what I eat, how I live, how I exercise etc. It's always really one sided.

It's like my friends and colleagues think I have no idea about weight loss or calorie counting or whatever because I'm thin. It doesn't make sense - I'm the one who DOES bloody know, obviously!

I think if I struggled to loose weight I would find someone slim and then shadow them and practically adopt their lifestyle. Surely that's got to be more effective than WW that clearly doesn't work very well - for long term anyway.

For example. I've just been talking to my male colleague at work who is morbidly obese - dangerously overweight at about 22 stones with a huge stomach - and I sat there for ten minutes with him telling me about the best way to loose weight and that his wife (also overweight) is doing this and that and this is obviously the way to do it etc. Not once did he ask, 'hey you seem to know what you're doing. What can you suggest?'

This is after being out with friends last night and listening to a lady telling about the delicious food you can have at WW and how great it all is that you can eat sugar etc, but that she put 8lb back on because of Easter and has since lost half a stone again and ain't that bad because now she's going to have to pay again because she can't get to her target weight. She's one of many - I wish I had shares in WW.

When I voiced a couple of concerns that I have about the WW approach to loosing weight, I was emphatically told that I was wrong, implying I can't possibly have the faintest idea what I'm talking about WTF??

So why is it, that as a slim person, no one EVER wants to know my take on weight loss? Why is it they'd rather spend money and time listening to either other overweight people, or experts who want their money?

Is it because the assumption is I am 'just lucky' or 'have a good metabolism'? Or do they just not want to know what it really takes to be thin because they think the truth would be too challenging?

This has been going on for so many years now that I'm genuinely getting very curious.

I can tell you very simply why I don't ask slim friends for wright loss advice: embarrassment.

As is so often the case so many on here are interested in judging your post rather than what could be an interesting discussion

I would love to hear your tips.

Op should write a book to share her insights - or would it be a fairy story?

Fat people are stupid. OP don't tell anyone your secret. Write it in a book, publish and make millions.

Do it now! You'll be worshiped like a god by the fatties.

Scrolled through all these pages to find the brilliant life changing diet advice... Somewhat disappointed.

I've had many friends who eat whatever they like, do little to no exercise and yet are still stick thin. At least with DP he's slim (but not beanpole thin) because he doesn't always eat and he might eat crap for a meal but he doesn't snack/pick. I'm fat because I can't exercise and sit on my (fat) arse and pick all day, then have a meal with DP on an evening.

so OP still hasn't given advice on losing that elusive half stone?

What was the point of the post?!

Can I just say - skinny people are not always fit and healthy. Skinny does not equal healthy OP. Maybe that is why no one asks you.

i lost 5 stone through, what i presume you'd call a 'faddy diet'.....low carbing

now i'm slimmer people do actually ask me questions but more about how i keep it off......not how to lose it (as everyone knows what to do there)

Marjorie is that you?

Come on then op what's your secret that it's so easy? In fact why haven't you patented it and solved the obesity problem, in fact the problem of every slightly overweight person in the world??

I am fat, I DO know how to lose weight, as oddly being overweight does not mean I have lost brain cells as well as my waistline!

However, losing 8lbs when you were already healthy to begin with, is a MASSIVE difference from the over 5 stone in total I want to lose.

Now, I have lost a stone in the last couple of months (see, told you I knew how!). I am using MFP and re learning portion control.

I used to be slim, I did not wake up suddenly one day and decide to get fat, I had two babies very close together (mind you, as do lots of people who stay slim) and then with the 2nd developed PND where I barely touched my own baby for the first 7 months of her own life, stopped caring about myself, put weight on, cared even less about myself as my self confidence nose dived, and on and on till 7 years down the line I was over 5 stone overweight and reaching a point I hated myself so much I did not want to leave the house as I felt people were laughing at me for being so big.

So, you want to help me with that then?

Look in real life, I just laugh it off, make it a joke "oh yeah I am fat, I love cake ha ha ha". But I hate myself, I hate how I look and tbh there is nothing worse than someone who is a slim size 8 eating a ruddy kit kat then laughing at me about how "oh I am so stuffed, I feel fat today". Not that I am saying you do this, but it is such a personal thing, why someone is overweight, and I mean massively overweight, that someone who they perceive as being "naturally" or "easily" slim trying to advise or imply they are in the same boat, is just going to get their backs up.

When I lost 5 stone a few years back, people did ask me how I'd done it (low carbing). When I told them, they invariably said 'I could never do that, I love bread/pizza/cake too much'. They did ask, though. Maybe you (OP) weren't noticeably overweight to begin with, and therefore no one sees you as a source of weight loss knowledge?

I used to drink a few glasses of wine a week, so I gave up alcohol for lent - and now have just one glass a week - it's quite easy. I wonder why alcoholics don't come to me for advice...

That's what you sound like....

to be fair though, losing 8lb when already a healthy weight can be quite difficult

It might be because when people start these conversations they are looking for empathy, understanding and to share experiences.

I think talking to you is maybe a bit like talking to a man- you want to explore an issue; the man can only offer a practical solution.

What the 'overweight' people are really looking for is a conversation, a discussion, someone who identifies with their situation and feelings. Not a solution. We all know the solution but there are lots of complications!

bears

to be fair though, losing 8lb when already a healthy weight can be quite difficult

Yeah, was going to post this. It's far harder at 9 stone than at 19 stone.

Reason's for gaining weight, being overweight or obese, staying overweight or obese are varied and complex - while there are many similarities, I'll bet every single overweight person has a unique tale to tell re their eating, weight, weight loss, dieting history, feelings about their body etc.

I for one can gain and lose 8lbs virtually overnight, but good on ya OP. And as I've aged, yes the weight has become more loose! Yay me!

But for the Op the short answer is "because it's not about you".

HTH

I would leave it love if I were you.

You clearly don't have a clue. HTH

I had a gastric sleeve done privately but I wasn't massively overweight to start with maybe 3/4 stone but I have never been able to lose it and keep it off in over 20 years of trying

One person in the hospital lounge was morbidly obese maybe 25 stone
She was quite nasty to me asking me why I was having the operation when clearly I should have just dieted to lose the weight and she went on & on about for ages ( yeah like dieting really worked well for her )

In the end I told her It was simple I didn't want to get as fat as she was so I was doing the op as a preventive measure to prevent me getting to her size

It would be like someone who is attempting to climb Everest asking someone who walks the dog for fifteen minutes around the park for advice.

^This. Exactly this.

Slim people don't HAVE a secret to staying slim. It's just not in their nature to be snacking/picking as well as having proper meals. They probably have better or more natural control around food i.e. they know when they are full and might not comfort eat. (Although I truly believe just about everybody does to a greater or lesser extent.)

However, I can't help but think of slim people, 'what's your Achilles heel ?' What aspects of your life AREN'T under control ? As it goes I don't care but, the majority of people on those t.v. shows about financial indebtedness are not significantly overweight. Drug addicts don't have to worry about being overweight as their body is thin and wasted, quite literally, from drug use. I could go on.

OK, I'm fat, I weigh 18st 13lbs. So, you if you need to feel superior to fat people, I'm glad to have been of service to you. Yeah, I'm trying, failing, then trying again to loose weight. Just like I did a few years ago when I lost six and a half stone. (I'm attempting to loose regained weight.)

A PP who remarked pretty much that the lifestyle change is harder than the diet itself. Also, bit of a light bulb moment for me was a PP who remarked the diet will work but the emotional stuff gets in the way. Yep, comin' right back at you.

Mind you, the OP could probably have lost 8lbs with an all over body wax.

Hurry up op. I'm getting fucking fat sitting around waiting for the holy grail of Weight Loose to come back.

Yeah, fat people just fucking love sitting at the feet of slim people, gazing up in complete adoration and begging for low-fat tidbits of glowing wisdom.

Some of them might even polish your halo for you, OP, I'm sure that would burn a few calories, too, right?

^This. I thank you.

I'd be genuinely interested OP. Really. And I do think you've been bashed a bit unfairly...

I work with a slim girl who works incredibly hard at maintaining her weight. It's not easy for her. I use her as a sounding board ALL the time. She's an inspiration in all honesty. If I go to get lunch with her, my choices are certainly VERY different. Smaller, healthier etc.

Losing weight is hard, for most people. 9st or 19st. For the most part, it's a simple process... I am all up for people who have achieved it, sharing their personal stories can be helpful. It's a SLOG, but doable for otherwise healthy people.

IME, sadly, most people can't keep the 'end game' in sight constantly and food becomes a 'short term gain' situation. Which to 'long term pain' and a difficulty losing or keeping weight off.

I have lots to lose BTW.