Officially my heaviest and time to change. Anyone with me?

[DreamingOfADifferentMe]

Hi all,

Well, having just returned from a gorgeous week's holiday, I decided to take the plunge and step onto the scales. Bloody hell.

I'm officially the heaviest I've ever been. I look awful. And I'm desperate to change. I've spent the last few days reading threads on here that I think will inspire me and I'm determined to make a change.

I have a number of milestones to get to, including a holiday in October, but the big one in my head is going to see the GP in a few weeks' time for a repeat prescription for my contraceptive pill. Last year, she made some reference about my weight as they may not have been allowed to prescribe it, given my high BMI. She did, and prescribed me a year's worth, and they're nearly gone. Have I lost weight? Have I heck - I'm actually heavier, and I can't bear the idea of going back and having the same utterly humiliating conversation.

So, I'm just debating the best approach. I know low/no carbs works really well for me, though I can struggle to stick with it, but that's what I'm going for initially.

This morning I weighed in at 15st 11, and I'm just 5ft 4. I'm a size 18. This cannot be who I am. I am not the woman who looks back at me in the mirror.

My mission is to shift, ideally, around 3st initially. I know that I look and feel great at 12st something, and even though I'll be far from a size 10 skinny minnie, I will feel fantastic. Then, when I get to that point, we'll see.

However, when there's such a long road ahead, I know I get easily defeated. So, does anyone fancy a hand to hold along a similar path? I'm happy to give tonnes of support and will cheer folk on, anyone fancy returning the favour?

Thanks dream.
My thing is definitely savoury food.
Not crisps or bread though but pretty much everything else. Cheese, meat, my homemade chips, rice, more cheese and any hot meal but for 2 people

I am not a sweet person though so I think that has saved me a few extra stone pounds.
For health reasons also I think I need to be kinder to my body.
Its bloody hard going though!

Good luck everyone!

Jessbear yes it is. Thank you. Just downloaded it to my phone but it doesnt seem to sync in the same way as it does on my laptop. Always something huh?

Welcome Buffalo, Crumb, Jess and gbuk!

Well done Dreaming on your loss, I totally get you about being a bit disappointed but 4lb is not to be sniffed at!

I've had another pretty good food day, have mainly been snacking (healthy snacking obv!) throughout the day rather than having proper meals, but planning tuna and salad in pitta for dinner. Needed a few bits so went round sainsburys and only bought the things I needed and didn't even feel tempted by crisps or sweets or chocolate, felt very proud

I don't think I would have got this far still eating healthy if I hadn't discovered how much I love hoummus - I feel like I'm eating it by the bucketful!

Welcome to everyone new, I love that there are more and more people who are joining in so we can motivate each other and know we're not alone

Dreaming 4lbs is fantastic, please don't be disappointed! I had the same issue of scales being kinder a few days earlier (3lbs chuffing kinder!!) but I'm going to see what the next week brings. If I continue to lose its all good but if not I'm going to do a food diary and count out all carbs. See if I'm eating too much, and also dairy as I am going crazy with cream!

I'm so glad there are other people like me when it comes to the sweet stuff! I feel ashamed when I go and buy my daily treats. I feel like the till person is looking at me thinking "what a fat cow!"

Dinner tonight is cheeeesy cauliflower and broccoli with bacon and salad. I'm stupidly excited for it and over yesterday's sugar and carb cravings thankfully.

Ok, so this part is going to be a list of all the things I hate about being fat. I'm going to list them down and when I'm feeling the urge to go off track I'm going to reread them to remind me why I'm doing this!

So:

I hate that my thighs chafe and I have to wear leggings under my maxi dress.

I hate that walking DD in her pram whilst singing 'The wheels on the bus' has me puffed out.

I hate that I have to heave myself off the settee.

I hate that I have two stomach pouches of pure fat.

I hate that I can't shop in every clothes shop. They don't always have my size.

I hate that I've completely lost the motivation to make myself look presentable. Most days it's minimal or no makeup and my hair scraped back.

I hate that when I do get dressed up I feel out of place wherever I am.

I hate that I have absolutely no confidence in my body, and that i actually hate it, despite the fact that it gave me my beautiful DD.

I hate that I'm not a good role model for DD. I want her to have a healthy, NORMAL relationship with food but how can I teach her that if I don't have that mindset myself?

I hate that my knees sometimes hurt under the strain of my weight.

I hate that I can't stand having pictures of myself taken. And I hate that this is why I don't like looking back on pictures of happy occasions, because I'm repulsed and embarrassed by what I see.

And that is all I can think of right now, I'm sure there are many many more

Buffalo that would be cool :o I've not had a Mumsnet pregnancy! I only joined when my youngest was a few months old. I've often wondered if I'd do the whole antenatal thread thing! Not that I can guarantee that DC3 will happen of course. Didn't stop me suggesting a name to DH the other day though (he liked it!)

Yep Letme same here with the deserving sweets and that sort of thing. Totally. In fact I have a whole child free day at home tomorrow (very rare indeed) and one of my automatic thoughts about it was 'yay I can eat junk food all day' :(

Mini breakthroughs today - firstly, my dad suggested Harvester for lunch and I didn't finish my plate, I only had a small bowl from the salad bar too. Mind you if we'd had time I would've had dessert. Back at home I happily shared some snack food around without panicking that it wasn't all for me.

I think I will try a little of my Tai Chi DVD tomorrow - hardly intense cardio :o but hoping it'll help healthwise.

fuzzpig child and DP free time isy favourite as its the time I can be a COMPLETE pig and not care at all! If DP is playing football on a Friday night I practically push him out the door so I can start pigging out Netflix just doesn't seem so fun without crap food

I have a weird ice cream sharing phobia too. DP loves ice cream! He could eat an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's in under 10 minutes. So if we have a tub to share, I HAVE to be in control. I hold the tub, I make sure we take it in turns and if his spoonfuls are too big (they always are!) I reprimand him for trying to have more than his fair share! He just likes to have BIG spoonfuls very quickly, whereas I use a teaspoon and like to let the deliciousness melt in my mouth and savour it. This does not a happy relationship make :O and now I want ice cream...

Now though its all off the menu and I've told DP he's to finish all the chocolate we have in the house. Strangely it hasn't been bothering me having him next to me eating it all. Mostly because he eats it so quickly I barely notice!

Congrats on your harvester achievement! And just think of the calories saved by skipping pudding I'm so bad at our local Carvery because they do the best breakfasts ever, all you can eat and so so cheap! I go back at least 3 times each visit

Morning all!
Well done at Harvester fuzz, eating out is (one of many) downfalls of mine - another area where I've to feel I deserve to pig out and make the most of it.
I didn't have too bad a day diet wise yesterday, and I went to Vinyasa Yoga at the gym last night once DP got home which was nice but hardly an intense workout, I felt very peaceful and thoroughly stretched at the end of it though, and I think it helped my achy knees a bit, I'd like to go 2-3 times a week to really feel the benefits and also go to some more high intensity classes and some swimming (don't trust myself to use the actual gym just yet as I know I'll let myself off the hook and do the minimum possible). The machine that you can weigh yourself on and it tells you body fat etc was broke so I think I'll ask today when that will be fixed as I'd like to do that each week to get a detailed look at how I'm doing.

New day, new diet. Have a good one everyone

I am at the same point. Im trying hard this week but God its hard to stay motivated.

Can I join in too please? 5'9 and 15st 5lb. I'm going to try and cut out snacks and processed carbs and up the exercise but with at least 3 stone to lose it feels insurmountable. I think being able to check in with you all will really help

OK so I've just weighed myself. Will do it Mondays like everyone else from next week but it has been playing on my mind that I had my clothes on when the hospital weighed me last week and when I used to weigh myself at home (havent done so for months as it depresses me) I always did so naked. Anyway, the naked me weighs 12st 13lb, still very bad for my 5ft 4inch height, and only 3lb different to the hospital scales, but somehow it feels better weighing under 13 stone than over it.

feeling very low today so exercise and food control is going to be hard

I'd like to join you lovely people please!

I am 5'10" and 15st 6lb. Losing 3st will just tip me into the healthy weight BMI category (which I know isn't the best device but gives me a goal of sorts). Ideally, if like to get there by Christmas but am happy to go slow and steady.

I'm doing C25K and tracking what I eat on MFP. I'm on maternity leave and breastfeeding, so need to find a regime that works around boredom and hormones!

I tend to have days where I binge on obscene amounts of sweets, chocolate and crisps. If I can conquer this, I think I'll be on the right track. I have started to force myself to log the calories on MFP if I binge, which sometimes shame me into stopping at a sensible point!

Welcome all! And thanks folks for the well done on my Harvester achievement :o

Another mini epiphany today. We left mega early today to get the DCs to childcare so I didn't have time for breakfast myself. But I didn't grab food on the way home despite having ample opportunity. Normally I would've dashed into Greggs or the Co-op for something, even risking missing my bus, and ending up buying a whole bag of crap. I just reminded myself I had breakfast waiting at home (not healthy - DCs begged for some cereal so we have some at home at the moment) and that was enough!

I do have a can of Dr Pepper in the fridge but I'm not letting myself have it until I've drunk a whole bottle of water!

I do feel just a little hard done by that I won't be eating a junk food type lunch today though (what I'd normally do if on my own). I will be on one (ok... both :o) of the other two childcare days this summer, because it'll be the only chance I have to chill out child-free in town after work. But I will really think hard about exactly what I want to eat/drink, and then savour it. I'm not even going to read a book - I want to actually focus on enjoying the food (mindful eating seems to help). Today I'm doing more batch cooking so I'm going to have some lentil stew (it is bloody delicious if I say so myself, just not in the same way as some of my favourite fast food!).

Forgot to post my list for Tuesday

• Big bowl of cereal
• Roast chicken with chips and peppercorn sauce
• Salad bowl containing salad veg, coleslaw, potato salad and crispy toppings
• Small bread roll and butter
• 2 large glasses of Pepsi
• Small bowl scrambled egg
• 3 mini muffins
• 500ml water
• 2 scones with clotted cream and raspberry spread
• 250ml water

Plan for today

Danone Activia cereals yoghurt
Watermelon
Coffee

Baked potato (small) with beans (no butter!)

15 cashews

Mediterranean Tomato chicken breast (Maggi papyrus sheet)
Flatbread
Salad
Roasted proper slices

DH bought me my favourite bottle of Sancerre on Sunday. It's still in the fridge. I really wanted a glass last night!

Weight Goals:

Current weight: 16st 3lbs.

Goal 1: lose 2-3lbs per week for 4 weeks - under 15st7lbs by end of August.

Goal 2 : Under 15st by end of September.

Goal 3: Under 14st 7lbs by end of October.

And so on.....

Activity Goals:

Some form of outdoor activity with DD every day / activity at the gym 6 days per week (including swimming).

Other Goals:

• 3L of water per day.
• No S.

There, it's written down now so I absolutely have to do it or feel the wrath of all you ladies

I'm not brave enough to do an actual weight loss goal yet :( I feel like I will just be maintaining if anything. Mind you I am not quite at my heaviest - 17st5lb now but I'm sure I was pretty much up to 18st at one point maybe earlier this year? So I must have done something vaguely right. But I have a feeling it was because of the longer school run (DD moved to juniors in Sept so had virtually twice the distance) - and of course now we are homeschooling we don't do that anymore. It was making me ill doing it but of course it burned a lot of calories.

Just shoved a chicken curry in the slow cooker. Bulked out with some ground almond, chickpeas and lots of veg. No idea if it'll taste any good though!

OMG it's noon already. That's depressing. So much to do :( (on the other hand... it's noon and all I've had is a bowl of cereal) better go and get that lentil stew underway.

Hi everyone. Welcome to the new folk.

Not much to report. Just checking in as it helps keeps me focused. Just had lunch of three scrambled eggs and a cup of coffee. I know coffee isn't great but there is no possible way I can give it up at the moment. I find it easier to stick to eating more healthily if I just rotate the same meals so soup/eggs/porridge are my main stay and then I can have something different for dinner ever night.

Hope everyone is remaining motivated.

About to walk down to the library with the boys and then head to the gym once DH gets home. Seriously I could live off water and lettuce but unless I exercise I don't lose a pound so aiming for 4 to 5 times a week for at least an hour.

Been for a walk (40 minutes)

Breakfast was oats, 4 chopped dates, 4 chopped brazil nuts & milk
lunch was 1 slice home made bread with scrape of clover, banana, large bowl of salad mixed with 1 tablespoon grated cheddar & 1 tablespoon low fat mayo. Small home made fairy cake.
Also had 1 cup tea no sugar, 1 cup coffee 2 sugar, 3 glasses water.

I try to make as much food as I can from scratch but of course that makes it harder to add it to fitbit food diary because of not knowing the calories in everything

Aargh - had to go to the supermarket to get something for dinner tonight and ended up getting pate for lunch... pate FGS, what was I thinking?!

I ended up eating 1,100 calories at lunchtime but am hoping to sneak in a run once the baby is asleep tonight, so might be able to redeem myself slightly.

• Pâté

Just did w1r2 on c25k, it was harder this time - I think probably because it was warmer - but the knowledge that I had completed it on Monday meant I had to keep going because I KNEW I could do it. Whoever said upthread (I'm too tired to check sorry!) that so much of it is mental was so right.

BBQueen, how far are you into c25k?

Got some chicken in the fridge so going to go and grill that off with some garlic and rosemary spice rub that I bought yesterday, also got to use up the salad in the fridge before I go away on Friday!

Got to try and remember this post-run feeling for next time I'm struggling round... Knackered but proud!

Well I haven't even made it out of the house yet, I'm having terrible cravings for chocolate and biscuits and general junk food and I know if we go out I'll find myself back home with crap food so we've done lots of crafty stuff in the house and we will go for a walk to the park when DD wakes, I've had a hot chocolate to help
I'm going to go for a swim once DP is home from work.
How is homeschooling going fuzz?
Do you think the fitbit is good gbuk? I've been looking at those and jawbone, not sure which is best.

Are the runs on C25K about 30 mins mess? Wondering if perhaps I could start it on a treadmill at the gym pre-swim.

Well done Mess on completing your second run. You're right that it is as much a mental feat as a physical one.

My next run will be week 3, run 1. I am doing Run, Zombies! but as I've done it before would love any recommendations of other apps or podcasts that make the training more interesting.

Your grilled chicken lunch is so much more sensible than my pate/pombear/toast/biscuit binge. I think it's time for me to stop blaming hormones (I have a 3 month old baby) and start taking some responsibility.

Fuzzpig we are home edders too