I have got so fat I can't wipe my own arse

[Didthistomyself]

Not a poo troll. I wish I was making this up. Regular; name changed because I am so ashamed of myself.

Always been big, always eaten way too much but always had a good shape and been fairly active. Last few years been less active due to change in job and a surgical procedure I need. Now almost entirely sedentary.

I knew the weight was piling on. I knew I was too big to sit comfortably in a cinema seat without slotting myself in sideways. I knew I was too big for anyone to sit next to me on the train unless they literally had no other option. I knew I was too big to walk more than a few metres in a skirt without shredding my thighs until they bleed. I knew I was too big to go anywhere that I didn't know I'd be able to sit down and give my poor back a rest. I knew I was too big to wear anything but vast leggings and tent-like smocks. I knew I was too big to sit on an unfamiliar chair for fear it broke. I knew I was the reason our bed broke. I knew my constant acid reflux and diarrhoea were down to my diet.

And the worst of all: I knew I was too fat to conceive.

I knew that was the problem. I knew that's why I wasn't getting pregnant. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, and yet I ignored all of these things until I realised two weeks ago that I wasn't using the disabled toilet because I wanted more space for my bag and coat and it was cleaner; I was using it because only in there could I reliably spread wide enough and lean forward far enough to wipe myself properly. Like one of those people you see on TV who has to be washed in bed. Who have to have the wall taken down to get out of their house. That's where I was going.

Went to the GP and cried. They weighed me and I cried harder: 22st 13lb. And I'm short. I'm really short. Never mind over 30; my BMI is over 55 :(

I don't know how I have got here and how I will get back. It just seems like an impossible mountain to climb. There's so much to go.

My GP recommended a VLCD and cognitive behavioural therapy. Said it would get the weight off fast until I could have my surgery and then I might be motivated to carry on. Maybe I might be able to have a baby. I am lucky because at my health centre they have a dedicated obesity clinic. They are monitoring me closely.

Started a week ago. Weighed today: lost a stone. Miles to go, and I know that it will usually be more like 3lb, but it's something. It's a start. And today I went for a walk. Just a mile. It took me 40 minutes :(

I don't even miss food. What I miss is feeling like a normal person. What I miss is my husband talking about having children. What I miss is feeling like everyone doesn't stare at me when I walk down the street. What I miss is not thinking I am going to die before I'm 40.

Thanks to anyone who has read this. Just needed to confess to someone how bad it has got.

[Jasmineskye]

Another nod of support over here :)

[littlejessie]

And from over here! A stone in a week is incredible OP. Keep going!

Also a massive well done to lubeybooby on page 1. What a huge achievement in five months, and all your advice sounds so sensible.

[shebedee]

Hi Didthis
I've just found your thread while looking around for good advice about losing weight. I couldn't not reply. Your words have really moved me and it's obvious from the strength of emotions in other posts that I'm not alone in that. I'm really rooting for you and can't wait to see your achievements. I weighed 23 stone at my heaviest and have tried most diets going. I'm quite tall and thankfully, still fairly fit but I worry that I won't be around to meet any grandchildren. I've joined the MN bootcamp which is really suiting my life and is full of very supportive, motivating women who help each other along.This morning the scales moved under 20 stone for the first time in many years and that feels bloody wonderful.

Keep on keeping on- you really are amazing.

[Fairy13]

Place marking because I would like some of your motivation!!! You are doing great, well done!

[Spidergirl2015]

You sound like you are doing great. Can I ask what meal replacement you are on? I tried slimming world but without success as I still eat too much food ??

[Stillyummy]

You have done the hardest bit now. You will get there and it is totally inspirational you share your story

[MrsJackAubrey]

I just ordered a Fitbit as you've inspired me to shift the 4 (okay, 5) stone I do want to lose. As I've got older (51 now) being fat just makes me feel slow, old and scared.

OP, you are inspiring and a joy to read. I hope you post here regularly - the downs as well as the ups, don't feel you'll be judged badly!

[Didthistomyself]

Hi again everyone!

I'm feeling as I weighed today and another 5lb has gone! Really happy. That's 19lb in total. I'm 3lb from my first major goal which is to get down under 300lb, or to 21st 5lb in real money. Obviously I am still huge but my BMI has already dropped from 55.1 to 51.8. I am really focused to get it down under 50 ASAP.

I also tried on some clothes today, very prematurely I thought, but one of the pairs of jeggings fits me, as does a black dress I bought several months ago but have never been able to wear. I'll try and attach a picture - although of course it doesn't look like that on me! It only just fits under the bust, but I am hopeful that for a wedding I've got to go to in three weeks it will fit comfortably. It is a rock n' roll wedding so black is appropriate for once! I really didn't want to wear the voluminous blue tent in my wardrobe which is currently the only occasion-ish thing that is really comfortable, so I'm super chuffed about that.

I have already noticed that my hip, which had recently started aching when I got into bed at night, has stopped hurting. It is amazing what a difference a relatively small weight loss has made.

It's a massive boost to see changes so quickly. I'm really stunned. I've been on so many diets in my time and one of the reasons I have always found them so hard to stick to is that it never seemed to be working. Of course the real problem was that I didn't give it long enough to make a difference, but with these meal replacements - I'm using Exante, for the poster who asked - I can't tell myself the 'it's not working' lie because it clearly is. I don't relish my meal packs or anything but knowing they are working is making them minutely more attractive. The Dr has got me on some vitamin supplements as well which I have learned the hard way to take with a pack, not on an empty stomach!

It's not all plain sailing: DH went out on a stag do yesterday and stuffed himself on Jamaican food, how dare he, which I'm afraid I took as a personal slight and on the train I nearly mugged someone for their Burger King but I am finding that if I go and have a fizzy water (Lighter Life grapefruit sachets from Superdrug are lovely) or a pack I can white-knuckle it out.

Thank you shebedee and everyone else who has shared their story with me. I can't tell you how helpful and motivating it is. And MrsJack I hope you love your FitBit!

[PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom]

Wow. What a great second week

[TalkinPeace]

Well done you.
And yes, your DH stuffed himself : but at least he had the courtesy to not do it in front of you.
Y Y Y to getting up and moving around the house as much as you can.

If you make a point of going upstairs with each thing one at a time
and taking each bin out one at a time
and standing tall rather than leaning on the trolley at the shop
and walking that fraction quicker in normal errands
your calorie usage will creep upwards and you'll start getting your muscles more in tone for when the lean and mean you emerges.

[Preminstreltension]

did. This is great news! I read somewhere that even losing 5pc of body weight can reduce your risk of heart attack by some large amount that I can't remember and you've already done that for yourself already.

You are on this journey now. This is happening. You know it's not easy but you've done the hardest bit. Now you just have to keep on keeping on.

Go did

[Crazyqueenofthecatladies]

OP just popping on to say well done you, you are so inspiring! Giving it your all to be the best possible version you can be, when you know it's a long journey, that takes real grit. Just pom poms for you really x

[Methe]

You are an inspiration op :) bloody well done!

[Purpleball]

Oh that's fantastic well done you. You've already made a difference to your life

I found other people eating hard to begin with when I did LL but you do get used to it and TBH you need to get used to it or else hide away which is no good at all

[HeinousPieTrap]

that is fabulous Didthis you are doing SO bloody brilliantly! It's good to hear you are feeling the benefits so soon as well

Keep on keeping on, things can only get better and better!

[PinkSquash]

Well done Didthis It's great to feel the benefits quickly.

[toriap2]

Welldone for losng a stone! And for walking a mile. Don't think about how far you have to go, celebrate every little milestone and be kind to yourself. Think of what you would say to encourage a friend in your situation and say it to yourself. It sounds crazy but it does seem to work.

[BeansInBoots]

Just wanted to say that although I have less to lose than you, you have been my motivation to go out for a walk this evening instead of complaining about how fat I am. Your doing great!!

[KnitFastDieWarm]

op thanks to this thread I got off my achy, sicky, fat pregnant arse today and went for a lovely brisk half hour walk in the sunshine and tomorrow I might got swimming! your honesty and willingness to share your journey is so inspiring and I really feel like we're all in this together on this thread - it's great. You should be so very proud of yourself (and you are going to look gorgeous in your dress!)

[KnitFastDieWarm]

Just think - this time next year we could all be out running in the sunshine! Baby steps...

[Spidergirl2015]

Well done that is amazing! How are you finding it on the diet with such a low calorie intake?

[frankie80]

Your so inspiring OP. You've inspired me to make more of an effort with my own diet, I've even started blogging about it and I would recommend you try it too, you can see on here so many people are interested in your journey x

[Fourarmsv2]

Wow! Your first post was really moving. Good luck on your weight loss journey.

I went to the GP nearly two years ago to ask for their advice on me doing C25K. They suggested walking for five minutes a day instead. Then upping to ten. I was horrified. They were right. I was 214lb and 5ft 4.

I went on a LC diet, lost 5 stone and 5 dress sizes and have maintained that for nearly a year. I feel so different and so much healthier.

Please take lots of pics and have a goal item of clothing in the next size down to keep trying. But also keep your biggest pair to compare. I haven't tried mine for a while so I'm going to right now. :)

[HeinousPieTrap]

OT but KnitFastDieWarm your name is genius!

And back on topic, well done for getting out. It'll make you feel so much better, but it's so hard when you've got that pregnancy tiredness, so definitely you deserve a pat on the back. And have fun swimming tomorrow! Swimming pool is just the best place to be when you're pregnant I thought, I hated getting out and feeling gravity exert its evil force again