I have got so fat I can't wipe my own arse

[Didthistomyself]

Not a poo troll. I wish I was making this up. Regular; name changed because I am so ashamed of myself.

Always been big, always eaten way too much but always had a good shape and been fairly active. Last few years been less active due to change in job and a surgical procedure I need. Now almost entirely sedentary.

I knew the weight was piling on. I knew I was too big to sit comfortably in a cinema seat without slotting myself in sideways. I knew I was too big for anyone to sit next to me on the train unless they literally had no other option. I knew I was too big to walk more than a few metres in a skirt without shredding my thighs until they bleed. I knew I was too big to go anywhere that I didn't know I'd be able to sit down and give my poor back a rest. I knew I was too big to wear anything but vast leggings and tent-like smocks. I knew I was too big to sit on an unfamiliar chair for fear it broke. I knew I was the reason our bed broke. I knew my constant acid reflux and diarrhoea were down to my diet.

And the worst of all: I knew I was too fat to conceive.

I knew that was the problem. I knew that's why I wasn't getting pregnant. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, and yet I ignored all of these things until I realised two weeks ago that I wasn't using the disabled toilet because I wanted more space for my bag and coat and it was cleaner; I was using it because only in there could I reliably spread wide enough and lean forward far enough to wipe myself properly. Like one of those people you see on TV who has to be washed in bed. Who have to have the wall taken down to get out of their house. That's where I was going.

Went to the GP and cried. They weighed me and I cried harder: 22st 13lb. And I'm short. I'm really short. Never mind over 30; my BMI is over 55 :(

I don't know how I have got here and how I will get back. It just seems like an impossible mountain to climb. There's so much to go.

My GP recommended a VLCD and cognitive behavioural therapy. Said it would get the weight off fast until I could have my surgery and then I might be motivated to carry on. Maybe I might be able to have a baby. I am lucky because at my health centre they have a dedicated obesity clinic. They are monitoring me closely.

Started a week ago. Weighed today: lost a stone. Miles to go, and I know that it will usually be more like 3lb, but it's something. It's a start. And today I went for a walk. Just a mile. It took me 40 minutes :(

I don't even miss food. What I miss is feeling like a normal person. What I miss is my husband talking about having children. What I miss is feeling like everyone doesn't stare at me when I walk down the street. What I miss is not thinking I am going to die before I'm 40.

Thanks to anyone who has read this. Just needed to confess to someone how bad it has got.

[Yarboosucks]

I lost this thread for a while, but was reminded of it just now. I am so pleased to read of your progress! Well done that lady, keep it going! You have made me smile!

[MrsJorahMormont]

Did this thread was linked to on another thread. I hope you're doing well - everything you achieved was amazing.

[IamBubbles1986]

What an inspirational thread. Well done Op and everyone!

[Didthistomyself]

Sorry for lack of updates guys - got locked out of my account and then got super busy BUT just a super quick post to say I have just boarded a plane and....

I DON'T NEED A SEATBELT EXTENSION!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!

Got to go as we're taking off soon but really wanted to let you all know. Thank you SO MUCH for your continued support. Promise I will update properly when home in two weeks. Four stone down and feeling great!

[TwoTonTessie]

That is fabulous
You have been an inspiration. It's not easy losing weight but I know that you feel so much better when you can start seeing the benefits. Have a great holiday.

[IamBubbles1986]

Awesome! Enjoy your holiday. You deserve it :-D

[NantucketNightbird]

Thank you for the update, I hardly ever post but you have touched me so much. Amazing.

[Ta1kinPeace]

Didthis you did it.
WELL DONE
Have a fantastic holiday.
Four stone down in four months is bloody amazing.

[nephrofox]

Awesome achievement

[CRtester]

Brilliant, well done you. Have a fab holiday.

[Mrscog]

Bloody well done didthis don't know if I've posted before but I've been following your story :)

Have a lovely holiday :)

[PotteringAlong]

How was your holiday?

[Sasha69]

I can't believe the amount of abuse fat get because they can't wipe their own arse

[Straycatblue]

Op, I hope you come back and update, your writing is very good and your posts inspiring.

[boonsy641]

I just wanted to come on here as a bloke, a husband. I often read Mumsnet as the advice is often true to form and at times funny. I feel so moved reading your story I have to write this.. I served 15 years as a soldier, during which time I faught alongside and watched freinds die, I played rugby with some of the biggest idiots you could imagine, I regard myself as a mans man.. Let me tell you this.. There is nothing stronger than understanding your own weaknesses. It takes a deep understanding of what you are and where you want to be that makes you look at the depths of your situation. Your self esteem has likely hit rock bottom, however that is where you were.. your now on the up, you have admitted to yourself there is a problem, to do that takes courage and a higher level than rock bottom when it comes to self esteem. Do you know, of all the situations I have found myself in, of all the times I have said to myself 'I may die here' I have never felt so encouraged by the human spirit as I do now. You are beautiful to me and I have never met you, you are inspirational to me and I have never spoken to you. I admire you, respect you and would like to say to you 'beat it' begin to love yourself. I dont see any ugliness in you, I see determination, joy and a wonderful wonderful woman.. Keep going sweetheart, I am sure you are a motivation to many. xx Andrew

[NantucketNightbird]

I often think of you op . I hope life is treating you good.

[hulahula10]

Just read this entire thread, you're such an inspiration! Seriously well done you!
Please continue to let us know how you're getting on?

[Dowser]

Hope you are still doing well and still managing to lose.
It's a marathon not a sprint.

[Juneewunee]

This is me. Will it ever change? How do I motivate myself to lose the weight. It’s killing me and running my life but still I stuff my face.

[AuLoinSontVontLesNuages]

@Juneewunee

Could you start your own thread and introduce yourself?

Tell us how old you are? How much you want to lose if you feel comfortable sharing that. What you tend to eat? The sort of foods you like? Any activities you like doing? I'm sure lots of people here would listen to you and help if they can.

Take care

[Aries456]

Agree with other posters- 1 st is a great start! But even more positive is you have reached for help. Weight gain (and weight loss!) are so linked with psychology and like any serious addiction or problem, it can't be solved alone. Well done for getting to the GP and well done for posting on here to say the words out loud. I think you are inspirational and I wish you lots of luck x

[usernamedificulty]

I found this post when I realized I'm too large now to reach, to wipe myself. I don't even know what to do about it. I can't lose the weight before I need to use the restroom again. I've been trying for years now. Nothing is working. I just keep getting bigger. First, I couldn't reach to trim my toenails. Then, I couldn't reach to tie my shoes. Finally, I can no longer reach to wipe myself - no matter what direction I'm reaching from. Last I checked, I had over a 50 inch waist. That was 30 pounds ago. I have asked my doctor for help, hoping she'd give me some fast working, miracle obesity cure. Instead, she told me to drink a glass of water before eating and try to eat slowly. Just wanted to let you know, I can relate to where you were coming from - the struggle is real! I also wanted to thank you for this post, letting me know I'm not alone. People say you can no longer tie your own shoes when you're pregnant. I always thought it was a joke, or exaggeration. I was always long and lean through my pregnancies and never noticed a difference in reaching my shoes. I also didn't realize obesity caused infertility. I guess that explains why I've had so much trouble now that I'm bigger.

[notapizzaeater]

Now you've realised you have a problem, it's time to take steps to sort it out. How do you loose weight best ? It needs t be something sustainable as it will take a long time.