How can I lose 10lbs before my holiday on, er, Monday?

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

In a panic. Was meant to start diet in May but one thing (or rather, one pizza) led to another and now I've got less than a week.

I'm 5'6" and look great at 9st 7. This morning I was 10st 11! Shiiiiiiiit!

What can I do? I really REALLY need to crash some of this off. I don't care if it's unhealthy, it's only for a few days and I can do it properly when I get home.

Any and all ideas MASSIVELY gratefully received. What are your tried and tested tricks? Thank you!

So a pyramid seller then Judo?

A friend of dh's is also a 'Wellness Coach'. His before and after pics are one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Pic 1. Dim lighting, Y fronts, sad face, belly pushed out, arms by sides.

Pic 2. Bright lighting, tan, righty whitey's, big grin, stomach pulled in, arms tensed above head.

Tis brilliant! Try it yourselves, I guarantee you will lose a stone in the time it takes to turn the lights up, change your clothes and smile.

My money is on the products including aloe Vera gel drinks that are just perfect for detoxing

I'm back down to 11st 13lb after Tuesdays binge lunch. The next few day will probably be a variation on the shitty good diet then James Duncan on Monday.

Back to 11.5 today thank goodness. Still no period not panicking at all

Bog off Judo, we want none of your 'love thyself' bollocks here. or your aloe vera/ protein shake/ dried frog pills shenanigans

@Judo. Do you have any snake oil in your arsenal?

I am so envious of you smokers. My Fags + Coffee + Stressful Job was my most successful keep slim plan ever.

I do love myself Judo, really. My husband and my daughter also love me, as do my mum, my sisters and my nieces. I couldn't hate myself when all those people show me how loveable I am.

I just don't think it's necessary that they have quite so much of me to love.

Push your wellness or wellbeing or whatevers somewhere else, there's a dear.

I reckon Herbalife.

They were practically camped in our work canteen for aaaaages. It was great when they were there at the same time as the cupcake sellers.

Just had dairy milk ritz. Not sure if I like or not .

I am so tired today. Been very busy. DD been very horrible.

Still fat.

You are nearly all great.

Ok can I join too please! I have been reading from the beginning, and WhatsGoingOnEh - you really make me laugh, you have such a wit about you, in the way you write. Are you a columnist?!
Anyway - I am 11st 5, 5ft 7. Desperate to go back down to 9st 10lb which was pre baby weight and suits me well. I am quite long bodied so people think I'm slim but the minute my clothes come off, its like jelly on a plate.
I've been drinking this , its fairly good and fast acting but I have been neglecting the crazed fast dieting this week and gorging. Now is the time for me to act!

My party dress has arrived. It's flipping gorgeous and a size 10 (I was feeling ambitious). Based on experience it'll fit once I lose about a stone. Party is in 23 days. Game on.

Itsfab - step away from the chocolate! (I know it's easier said than done though, especially if you're having a bad day).

Ha Judo! If the contents of my wardrobe flattered me I wouldn't be trying to diet. No amount of 'wellness coaching' is going to make me love my wobbly bits, they need to go!

As for my progress, I can officially say that Slimmatee is now doing what it is supposed to (either that or the 5 day old roast veg I had yesterday is playing a part). I am now pretty much cleared out . Weighed in at 9.12 this morning but that was before it had started to take effect, I've got to have lost at least 2lb today!

Evening all. I ate an entire dr oetker pizza to myself and I'm not even sorry.

BUT I haven't had one drop of alcohol which is obv calories saved. I brushed my teeth at 8 pm to avoid further eating.

So far, it's working!

Have not been able to face a colon cleanse tablet in the ring today :) the flatulence was at fever pitch. I had to hide a scented room spray in a slipper under the bed and spray the room before DH came home. No naked flames!

My dh is amazing, he has just made me guilt free meringues as a surprise!

Apparently you beat 4 egg whites til they are frothy, then add 8 tbs of Splenda or similar sweetener.

Whisk until it forms peaks, then shape them onto a baking tray covered in grease proof paper and pop them into a preheated oven (120 degrees c) for 45 mins.

Then (apparently this is the important bit) turn the oven off and leave them in for a further 30 mins or so)

It's helping my sweet cravings no end. Along with the sugar free jelly I made yesterday.

Ladies, ladies! Let's not let our calorie-deprivation deprive us of our manners also. Judo, thank you for your pep talk but I'm afraid we've all fallen prey to the false God, Quicketh Fixeth. He has lured us off the path of self-loving righteousness and into the Valley of the Shadow of Epsom Salts. We'll be back out soon, fatter than ever no doubt, but until then please consider us Lost Souls.

We really need to sort this thread out. :) Bar the odd joyful weigh-in (well done Fuckella and primal), we're all actually just boasting about how MUCH we've eaten! Something has gone seriously askew.

I know we're all saving ourselves for Slimtember, but I do think a Grip needs to get Got. I'm not saying this in a holier-than-thou manner. I've just eaten my Dad's amazing home-made goulash and PASTA FFS, and my bed is still littered with food wrappers from this week. (I woke up this morning with a Quavers packet stuck to my thigh. Like a visual metaphor of where the 88 calories have gone.)

But we really need a plan before Monday. Who's doing what? I'm lost. If we want to do the James-Duncan-Possibly-From-Blue diet, shall I post a shopping list? It's mainly eggs. Mainly that massive catering box of eggs you can get in Asda, with a few tomatoes (carby!) and a token bit of protein lobbed in. Would that help? Preparation will help us. And preparation over and above the "let's eat all the crap in the house so it's gone before Sept" regime we all seem to be undertaking too enthusiastically.

As well as eating rubbish I have googled the James Duncan thing and made a shopping list so there :P

End-of-Aug-Anarchy is a critical part of preparing for Slimtember. Like Pancake Day before Lent

I am so hungover from an attempt at our crash diet at a dinner. I was nervous and didn't really eat but gave the bar a hefty workover. Today's rather fragile state has meant that i have only eaten Rich Tea biscuits. Perhaps 330 calories worth. Which is 15 of them, for you actuarial types.

I am hoping for a lowly weigh in tomoz and then loads of eggs, meat and veggies all day. There will be a rise of a Phoenix. You tribe of skinny fuckers will be one woman stronger.

James Duncan "Lose a Stone in a Week" Diet shopping list

10 eggs (it doesn't specify how many eggs you're allowed to use to make the scrambled-egg breakfast on Day 7 so I've gone bossy and allocated you two. Add more if you want, but on your own arse be it.)
3 portions of tomatoees - fresh or tinned
6 portions of grapefruit - fresh or tinned. I can just about boak down 1/2 tin a day, but maybe you can handle more! Good for you. Plus a glass of grapefruit juice. Just one. Note; they serve that in pubs.
5 servings of fresh fruit - enough to make up your lunch. Because quite often, that's your entire lunch. Don't cheat with dried fruit, or Winders.
4 slices of bread with which to make the classic PoW Camp dish, Dry Toast
2 portions of chicken - he doesn't specify a size so I say, get two whole chickens. Work the system!
2 portions of steak - see above.
2 grilled lamb chops - he specified a size here, sorry. Killjoy.
6 portions of salad
Carrots - only a few, for dinner on Day 6 (with chicken. I don't really feel that carrots and chicken are natural plate-friends but I'm sure by Day 6 we'll eat anything.)
Spinach - boak, one portion for Day 7.

James Duncan Shopping List Continued

ShitterTea (the SlimmaTee from Amazon is the most "cleansing" if the reviews, and my Cousin's experiences, are anything to [literally] go by)
Water
Full & Slim sachets
Sugar Free gummy bears
Chilled toilet roll

I am going to stick with the low carb for a bit longer if that's ok?

I am 11.6 and a half today, which is, barring the half a pound, the lowest I have been in about 5 years.

And I'm not actually hungry anymore, I think, or at least hope, that I may be in ketosis, that magical stage when your body starts actually burning your fat reserves for energy.

Having said that, if I am not 11.2 by Sunday I will be joining you on Scarsdale.

Ps dh is off to Tesco tonight, which shitter tea do they do?

CatThief, you are a thinspiration! Yay for you!

I think Tesco do the Pukka Cleanse. I want to like it but can't, the taste is overpowering. But they also sell a non-shitting but lovely Salted Caramel flavour Green Tea (Twinings?) which is LUSH.

Thanks for that Whats.

Adding Epsom Salts to the shopping list.

That's shopping list is genius. I'm all over it. I'll be nutri-bulleting all the fruit and veg and gnawing on a chicken drumstick. I am so close to where I want to be....

I'm all down with the shopping list. I'm good with a list. Now that list.....is that all for Day 1?

Oh no, now I can't decide. Can I do both the Scarsdale and James Duncan from Blue diets at once? twice the amount of crap boring food?