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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Original poster

BigMoFos Week 12

138 replies

WigWamBam · 27/07/2006 11:36

New week, new thread, new ooomph to get some more weight shifted

OP posts:
suejonez · 01/08/2006 21:24

Why don't you come swimmimg with me one day MrsJC I'm sure we can find a pool between us and my enormous bulk will hide you much more sylphlike figure from the crowds?

Anyone else want to join us? We could do BigMoFo's aqua-aerobics!

suejonez · 01/08/2006 21:26

And why would anyone else care whether you're fat or not. The worst they can say (or think) is "Ooh she's fat" and you will never see them again, (or alternatively punch them depending on the kind of mood you're in).

MrsJohnCusack · 01/08/2006 21:33

that would be lovely actually suejonez. where do you go?
I do really love swimming and do actually have a swimsuit (will need to check it fits though)

sorry about outburst, feeling generally down this week. and when that happens I can get oversensitive. not feeling that well either, excuses, exscuses!

suejonez · 01/08/2006 22:15

No worries - haven't been on top form myself this week. I'm member of a private gym but it's a bit expensive for guests £8-10? so ou might not want to spring for that! However I guess we could go to the Pols on the park in Richmond or isn't there one in Isleworth? Also Fountain Leisure in Brentford used to be good.

JackieNo · 02/08/2006 13:15

OK - just weighed, and have stayed the same. I suspect I'm lucky not to have put on weight - I'm now at home with the kids for 4 weeks, and we're going to be doing lots of excursions. I'm finding it very hard to be disciplined, when they're having nice snacks/lunches etc. I know we probably need to take our own food out more - that would help. Anyone got any other tips for not snacking when at home all day, or when out and about? It also doesn't help that DH brought these back from his business trip to the US. They're delicious.

Original poster
WigWamBam · 02/08/2006 13:17

That link needs a health warning attaching to it ...

OP posts:
suejonez · 02/08/2006 13:18

Oh god Jackie - I want some of those - send me some pretty please.

I will be lucky to stay the same this week have been really crap - my biggest achievement has been not to buy the cheese and onion pasty I wanted yesterday as a "snack" and instead went for an eggg sandwich because it was slightly less calories.

Am going to get weighed now...

JackieNo · 02/08/2006 13:20

Sorry. And because they're individually quite small, you can get a bit carried away and eat a lot more than you intended.

suejonez · 02/08/2006 14:26

oh bugger - put on again only a pound but v pissed off with myself. What did I htink was going to haooen if I kept eating!

JackieNo · 02/08/2006 15:09

Oh suejonez for you. But like we said at the beginning of these threads - don't beat yourself up (easier said than done, I know), and you do have all the adoption frustrations still going on at the moment - could you book yourself a massage or something to try to relax a bit? Or get off to the book shop and get something to read, to escape from all this .

niceglasses · 02/08/2006 15:11

Am going to do the deed tomorrow am and post results. have been on hols and eating like a pig on its bday so won't be good news...Bugger.

JackieNo · 02/08/2006 15:17

But did you have a good time, niceglasses? Hope so, and that coming back to real life hasn't been too much of a shock.

lislou · 02/08/2006 15:57

hey ladies im new to mums net.want to ask your advice.my hubby is very big.hes on that fat drug the one that makes the fat come out of u is u eat it.i am doin all the healthy food etc fotr him and hes lost 11 ibs in a month.i am very slimm even after 3 kids and i dont really understand how to support him and boost his confidence.his weight has been an enormous turn off for me and physically in the bedroom department its been quite and ordeal as i am 8 stone and hes 21stone.is there anything i can do to get the results we need so that he carries on losing the weight?

suejonez · 02/08/2006 16:15

Providing him with good healthy options to eat is very supportive, don't be down on him if he eats something you think he shouldn't - one of the most depressing things in my book is having a partner that "tutts" at you eating something and mostly you've costed it into your diet IYKWIM.

Problem eaters (including your husband) have a hair trigger when it comes to food so understand that the path to weight loss is a zig-zag not a straight line. Positive reinforcement when he does well (and positive reinforcement when he doesn't!). Read the kind of responses people give on here when we're struggling and you will see that people are very gentle in their encouragement. Significantly overweight people tend to have very low self esteem and are prone to depression and often a long seated attitude to treating food as therapy.

Just say to him regularly (ie weekly not hourly!) - I'm proud of you, I think you're doing really well, whether he is losing weight.

If he can lose and gain
And treat those imposters both the same... oops getting a bit carried away with that!

Does any of that help? Of course you should also ask him how HE wants you to support him.

Original poster
WigWamBam · 02/08/2006 16:16

Hi Lislou. Well done to your dh for the weight he's lost, and well done to you for helping him to do it!

The first thing I'd say is not to let him know that his weight is a turn-off to you. I'm not much smaller than your dh, and if my dh were to tell me that my weight turned him off I'd be straight in the biscuit tin. Concentrate more on the fact that he is taking steps to change his weight - he is at least aware that he needs to lose weight and is doing something about it. Give him lots of credit for that, and let him know that you're proud of him for doing so well. 11lb in a month is brilliant, he must be pleased and it would be nice if you could show him that you were pleased too.

With regard to boosting his confidence, think about other things about him apart from his weight. I presume you still love him even if you don't fancy him much at the moment? Make sure you tell him. Find some positive things about him and the way he is that you can use to massage his ego a bit - tell him he's a great dad, brilliant around the house, anything just to boost his confidence levels a bit. We all like to feel loved and appreciated, and men are just the same.

In order for him to carry on losing the weight, you just need to be as patient and supportive as you can. The weight isn't going to come off overnight and it can feel really daunting and depressing when you think about how long a haul it's going to be to shift it. He needs to feel supported otherwise it's easy to get depressed and jack the whole thing in.

Can you think of some non-food treats that you can get for him (or do for him) along the way? Maybe for every half a stone he loses? Just to keep up his incentive and let him know that (a) you're behind him and (b) you value him. One of the worst things for me about being so large is that I feel that society places very little value on large people - we're seen as lazy and stupid, judged by the label in our jeans rather than by the things we do and say, and I find it really important to feel valued by my dh.

Would he consider doing something like Weight Watchers? Getting outside support might be useful to him. Or maybe he'd like to come and chat on this thread with us - he wouldn't be alone, we already have one man who posts here.

OP posts:
suejonez · 02/08/2006 16:25

Thanks Jackie - I'm just taking the plodding along attitude at the moment, not knowing anything at all is so difficult - finding it hard to concentrate in work. It feels a bit how I imagine it feels when you first know you're pregnant but don;t want to tell anyone. I'm obsessed and desparate for news but no-one in work knows except my boss and he doesn;t want me to tell anyone until I have firm news.

And of course I find it hard not to cheer myself up by buying something fattening to eat. Had a reasonably healthy lunch which was an acheivement after steeering my way past teh yummy looking M&S sandwiches!

I may be pre-menstrual (it's so difficult to tell when you have PCOS) because I'm starving and miserable (only slightly not serious miserable!) maybe grumpy would be a better description. I don't really suffer badly from PMT - can you get PMD(depression)?

lislou · 02/08/2006 16:26

hi ladies thanks for that.it hepls a lot.he monitors his food very well cos if he eats bad he ends up on the loo all evening with this drug hes on.hes not started excercising yet so today i said i thougt swimming tonight would be a good idea.hes a fab swimmer used to be a competition swimmer so it will do his self esteem no end of good.i do tell him how proud i am of him.but i want him to do the bulk of his confidence building himself cos it should come from within.

suejonez · 02/08/2006 16:29

Ooh yes WWB was going to suggest he joined BigMoFo's too!

Also I forgot exercise, try to do some exercise together to encourage him - long walks or get him down the gym, get a personal trainer if you can afford it. Up his level of general exercise as much as possible, it has an even bigger effect on men than women they can shed laods if they get into aerobic exercise. We have a man who comes to our aqua class but he must have nerves of steel as the rest of us are women but its great exercise if you overweight as you can "hide" in the water and its kind to your joints.

JackieNo · 02/08/2006 16:30

But at least when you're pregnant you've got a definite timescale - it must be really hard not knowing when it's all going to happen. I keep thinking of you, and hoping you get some good news soon, for what it's worth.

On a happier note, I'm still looking forward to the picnic on the 18th - not sure who's still able to come - I think it's me, suejonez, MrsJC - WWB did you have any luck with trains? I'm planning to do a trip into Oxford maybe next week or at the weekend to check out Christchurch meadow as it's quite central.

suejonez · 02/08/2006 16:34

Yes he will build up his confidence back up himself but in the meantime don't underestimate what a help it is to have confirmation from the people you care about. Even more important to tell him how well he'e doing when he hits the tough part IMO, which he will do after the honeymoon period wears off.

suejonez · 02/08/2006 16:35

I'm still on for 18th August - anyone else?

lislou · 02/08/2006 16:38

yeh i used to do a dvd .u know the eric prydz one with them women in it?its called pumpp it up?i did that for over a year.it was ace .put it on dead loud through the stereo and did it 5 times a week.it made my bod amazing....gosh the vanity!soz...but it did.!but i got bored of it!got to find something else myself but we are at different levels of fitness and hes got to start gradually.1 hour of high impact would kill him!he did try it for a few weeks but hes just not bendy enuff to do it without hurting himself.hes best with the swimming!i think so anyway.i hate swimming.

Original poster
WigWamBam · 02/08/2006 16:40

Lislou, be aware that exercising may be really hard for him - both physically and mentally. He's aware of his size (otherwise he wouldn't be trying to do something about it) and mentally it can be terribly hard to strip off to go swimming when all you can think about is how you look in your swimming costume. His self-confidence sounds really low, and he may find that a real stumbling block when it comes to exercising.

You're right that confidence should come from within, but it is helped no end by external factors. When your self-esteem is down around your ankles your confidence is non-existant, and often all that comes from within is self-hate. He needs to hear it from you if he is to believe it himself - then it can come from within.

OP posts:
suejonez · 02/08/2006 16:43

Walking is great as a start if you haven't exercised for a while and its free! Get him to walk for 15 mins from the house as fast as he can in any direction he likes then turn around and come back. Build that up to walking briskly for 25- 30mins in each direction.

He can do that in his lunch hour at work.... hmmm, maybe I should try that now its cooler.

Original poster
WigWamBam · 02/08/2006 16:45

Yes, get him to do some walking. I find that if I stick headphones on with some good, beaty music I can get a good stride and a nice pace going - plus I can't hear the inevitable "fat slag" comments!

OP posts: