A secret binge eater

[hurried]

I am seeking, rather than offering advice. I have to be honest, if I could I would eat all day, and I will often have large amounts of carbs in one sitting. I put my toddler in the car today to drive myself us to a local shop to buy carbs- I have nothing against carbs, I haven't been trying to avoid them, I just started on my child's breakfast biscuits this morning and went into a frenzy, finishing off the whole pack. I was stuffing them as soon as I brought them. I looked in the mirror and saw my child watching me. I felt so ashamed and thought I would be so embarrassed if anyone saw me.

Today was a terrible day. My son has had chicken pox and both been in all week and suddenly it got to me. I can't talk to my GP about this, and I don't have friends that wouldn't judge me for this. So I am seeking support here x

Heirtothethrone, sorry for such a late reply. I think for you it has become a habit too, you have been lighting up your reward centre but you have recognised it. A huge step... Is it every time you go int he car?

I'm certainly no expert and to be honest maybe I'm the worst person to talk to, but I know what has helped me so far, is to identify when it happens, even if I think everything in life is great... then , maybe a habit is forming. ie, for you, every time I drive the car I eat, mine would be, after a stressful event, or being alone (I have millions of triggers btw) but I have recognised that I ahve "habits" and if I keep doing the same thing, nothing is going to change. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I noticed I overeat on days at home, I recognised this, identified it, and then thought "well today I'm not going to do that" I didn't actually go out and guess what.... by 3pm I was bingeing (it wasn't hunger, it was boredom, mainly).

I'm sorry I'm not giving more advice directly, I don't know each of you, and I know Sleep and Milly are much better at this. All I can say is if I'm learning, and recognising, I'm also wanting to sharejust incase it helps anyone too

I have highlighted this before, someone on here identified that a lot of what I describe is similar to those on "obese- a year to change my life" I might have got that title wrong, but having watched it, I do think "that's exactly like me" the thought processes.

I am also struggling with I don't want to go down the diet root, I know this leads to problems, but I love the thought of treating your body well as being a positive thing, rather than a "I mustn't do that" mentality, as the latter doesn't work for me. Yet the idea of feeling great, looking my best, being the best I can be seems like a powerful way to think. I haven't quite achieved any action yet! but the idea I am warming too. I love the ice of spa holidays, walking holidays (I can't afford them) but thi sis motivating. I'm rambling, sorry, but just highlighting part of me gets excited by these things and I wonder if focusing in on this will be helpful. Most of the time though, I just think what's the point, it' s an excuse, but food is easy, it's there, it's accessible... it's quick... but of course, liek for me, it has become my drug of choice. All food, not just the beige stuff...although I don't think I have binged on broccoli...ever...

I love really long walks they feel like a massive achievement, but i also want to do stuff this time that I can maintain... even when I'm 80, so things like running are out (running makes me feel great) but walking (for a long distance) gets my happy hormones floating about, which I'm finding useful and reduces cravings.

Any way, I have had a brain dump and I was hoping to address individual posts. I will have to get a pen and paper, it's a shame you can't write under individual's posts, my short term memory (as is my long term come to think of it!) is non existent!

Hi hurried. It's great to hear more from you. I don't have tv but will look out for that programme on YouTube or something!

You did well to wait til 3pm... That's what, 7/8 hours of non-bingeing time first?! That's a long time!

I'm similar in that its boredom is one of my main triggers... So I stayed busy all day yesterday! I had one planned dessert of choc brownie and ice cream and intentionally left some in the bowl ( v v difficult!). And tonight is a dominoes pizza night (monthly treat), so light eating through the day is planned, and I've a salad to eat before my pizza so I'm not actually v hungry when pizza arrives.. Will see how that goes!

Have you tried having pre-prepped veg in the fridge? Or frozen veg in the freezer? As I said above, if a fruit salad is ready, ill eat it! Love carrot sticks. Not sure if pre-prepped broccoli will ever work though....

I love walking too! Once spring comes I hope to be out with baby every day for at least the 4 mile circular route near our home. Can't do it now as too many steep bits for my pregnant body! Do you like any other exercise? Pre-preg I loved tai bo and Zumba ( in comfort and privacy of my living room with curtains closed!) as they really got me buzzing. ( max I do now is yoga which is actually hard enough!)

As for my daughter and icing, its 500g of premade rolling icing in one evening , or one whole tub of Betty Crocker stuff ( prob roughly same weight) She sneaks food away from kitchen and I find wrappers everywhere. I'm not overly strict with sweet stuff but nowhere near as lenient as some of my friends whose kids are slim... But a few have had multiple ( like 10) teeth out.

Hi Hurried, nice to hear from you, great to read your posts. So glad I guessed right about you welcoming whoever wants to join to the thread . Wrt boredom, I think that is probably an issue for many people, whether they binge or not, I know I certainly I do it too. It comes back to changing habits and becoming mindful again doesn't it, which takes lots and lots of practice! Have you been doing any of the things I suggested, the lists and the nice thing for you every day? Sorry about your lack of sleep, I know how hard that is and it won't be helping at all. It will pass eventually though, hang in there .

I'm waiting with interest to see what advice Milly has about your dd Blue. That's quite a worry for you I am sure. My knee jerk reaction would be to stop keeping the icing in the house and just buy it for when you need it, but I am aware that a replacement would no doubt be quickly found! What is your dd like? What does she enjoy doing? What kind of things do you do together?

I am learning that frequently our relationship with food mirrors our relationship with life in general and that our relationship with our body (this is specific to women), mirrors our relationship with our body. What do you think about these ideas?

Hurried if you don't have a pen and paper handy then I find opening another window to read through the thread whilst posting and commenting on pp's is helpful .

Durr, sorry, that second idea was that our relationship with our body mirrors our relationship with our mother.

Well, the icing is bought for baking with by the end of the week (though maybe further in advance occasionally if theres a special offer on - we have a clearly labelled bag of baking supplies for wear it pink day and halloween baking, both for dds school. so far its remained untouched since monday)

She did eat a lot of veg etc until dp moved in - he doesnt eat any and shes taken the lead and put up a bit of a fuss now but just need to distract her a bit and she forgets then eats it happily. Similarly, I stick pre prepared fruit or carrot sticks in front of her and they are gone in a flash! Before dp, we didnt keep any sweets or fizzy drinks in the house (we baked something if we wanted something sweet) He has been good and not bought loads of coke etc (he went through 2l a day) but is a grazer and almost entirely what would be considered stodgy, unhealthy foods. Though today they both tried my sweet potato - dd loved it, dp didnt.

Hobbies are limited and our (dd and mine) relationship is pretty jekyll and hyde - though I think its rather normal for pre-teens based on what I read here.

Most of the food packaging is found in the living room so probably consumed mindlessly while watching minecraft videos on youtube.

How long ago did dp move in Blue? Does DD get on well with him? How is she feeling about the new baby?

Do you and DD enjoy baking together? If so would she and you enjoy planning and preparing great nutritious meals together (or even you helping her to do it herself with you supervising as necessary?) Would you make it a challenge to get DP to eat new and healthier things you create ?

This is a really constructive thread. Nice to see.
Can I dabble my size five croc in?

I am not and have never been a binge eater, but we have several people on the 5:2 threads who have been, and getting them to change their mental relationship with food has been really interesting and rewarding.

What really seems to be coming out of those big threads is that people who have had eating disorders (too much or too little) do not eat with awareness.
I've set some of them a challenge and would be interested to see if the same thought process helps you splendid ladies

LOOK AT EVERY BITE YOU TAKE
Eating mindfully and with awareness seems to have made a big difference to those starting from high weights and with past food issues.

Eat what you like

• 400g bar of dairy milk in one go. Fine. But look at each and every square before you put it in your mouth and decide if you actually want / need to.
• Family pack of crisps after supper. Fine. But do not just shovel from bag to mouth. Lift out each crisp and look at it before scoffing.

Mealtimes
Turn off the telly, turn down the radio unless it is music, sit around the table
Make a point of looking at your food on the fork before you eat it.
Also then you'll stress less over what the kids are doing.
Meals will take longer, but you will savour them more.

PS as somebody with teenage kids - enjoy being able to get them to eat what you choose, it may not last

Her sneaking junk started years and years ago though. I had hoped she would grow out of it though.

DP moved in part time (to make job hunting easier - his hometown is a few hours away) in April and full time from start of september when he got a job. So hes actually here less now....Shes very fond of him and rushes to him when he comes home.

She seems very excited about the new baby. I have assured her its normal for some feelings to come up that are not 100% joy and am open about feeling anxious about things etc. We looked at a show house today and DD said she wanted a particular room because there was room for a cot in it. When Im resting she snuggles up in bed beside me and reads to the baby.

She came shopping with me today and chose salad and fruit to eat (without prompting) and can cook some basic healthy meals (the chicken nugget one the other night is one of her favourites) Shes aware of the food triangle etc, asks intelligent questions about food etc.

DP...I give up. He huffs if I try to give him good food!

Talkinpeace - I 100% agree that thats v important (Ive been setting fork down in between mouthfuls since last night...almost the same thing!) I have been too busy to binge the last two days and not sure if, in that frame of mind, Ill be able to have the same focus. I think I shove it in because I dont want my conscious mind to stop me!

Hi Talkin I think we have crossed paths on threads before and been in agreement re healthy eating .

Mindful eating has definitely been a recurring theme on here and I think your advice is absolutely right. It might be interesting to know that there is also sound science behind it. Sitting, breathing and thinking about enjoying the food you are eating puts your body into a state of relaxation. Eating in a state of stress - on the run, at your desk, with 'I shouldn't be eating this, it's bad for me/will make me fat' running through your head - prompts a fight or flight response in your body, diminishing your digestive and metabolic processes (and raising cortisol and insulin, both of which contribute to weight gain/retention). In contrast, by relaxing and eating slowly we not only enable recognition of when we are full, and indeed feel like we have properly eaten because we have thought about it, we maximise our metabolic efficiency, getting the most benefit and calorie burning power out of whatever we eat, whether it's a big cake or a big salad .

Blue I wasn't necessarily suggesting situation/relationship with DP or the baby were the causes of DD eating so much sugar, just that they are the obvious possibilities, given what you have said so far. There must be some issue there though. As I said, I am curious about what Milly has to say about it as she has been through it herself and with her daughter. Also, Hurried can remember bingeing as a child...although, correct me if I am wrong, I'm not sure you fully recognise why Hurried?

I would hope that if you can address your compulsive eating Blue, you modelling eating well and loving and nourishing your body would have a big knock on effect on dd.

This thread is so interesting.

hurried every single thing you have written strikes a chord with me. You could actually be me.

Sitting here in tears that I may cause my daughtes to be as screwed up about food as I am

Oh Ivana, I just read your post and feel so sorry, I hope you aren't taking any of my posts to blame mothers for their daughters' issues with food. Undoubtedly we play a huge role in our children's eating habits but the most important thing, as Milly has demonstrated through her story, is that we love our children for what and who they are, not what they look like - and we must make sure they know that.

Please tell us some more about yourself, what is going on?

Good Afternoon Ladies...... I know for a fact totally that my mother screwed up my view of my body, my image, my self worth and how I viewed food but...and heres the thing, I did not pass this on to my daughter. Once I read "Overcoming Overeating" by Jane Hirschman I started a long lengthy process to change the way I was with food and bring my children up with no food issues. Its well worth a read. My daughter is now 23, 5 foot 7 and size 6 to 8, gorgeous curvy shape and eats whatever she wants whenever she wants it. But she never overeats, she eats "normally". She has long blond hair and loves herself and has the most amazing sense of self worth and she knows she is gorgeous and loves her figure. I don't mean she is big headed, she just is totally happy with herself. My son is thin like a beanpole and cant gain weight at all despite eating loads and loads.

So you see you can do your best to change how you view food and therefore change how your daughter and her relationship with food and her self worth . Its seriously about stopping dieting forever and seeing food as nothing more eating what you feel like. You will be surprised that at first you buy all the lovely foods you want and you eat them but something happens and you find because you have all the foods you have always wanted around you, that you no longer need to binge on them. In fact you find that you might not bother with them or you might have a little bit but you will also find that you will also eat lots of veg and fruit, meat, nuts etc.
I hope that might help all you ladies who are bingeing and doing it in secret. Come out of the closet and have all those foods that you binge on in your kitchen and eat them openly without guilt. Once you stop feeling guilty for eating and loving these binge foods then they will once again take their normal place in your kitchen and your life.

Too much emphasis on "healthy eating" has a tendency to push you towards bingeing and then its a vicious circle. You need to normalise all food and eat all food before you can hope to let go of the bingeing. Even if your bingeing because of an emotional need, by sitting down and eating with all the foods in front of you, you can take back some control. Why binge on them if you allow yourself to eat them . If you give yourself permission to eat anything and everything and have them in the house they do eventually lose their hold on you.

Its not easy but I did it and you can too.

Talkingpeace Hi, the way of eating you describe is "mindful eating" which is a brilliant way to eat. Paul McKenna does this in his book.
The worse thing for bingeing is dieting in any way, shape or form. 5:2, 16:8 etc are the fad of the moment and they will die a death eventually. So many people are now struggling with this diet and are finding themselves bingeing on their off days and struggling to keep to their 500 calories on the "starve" days. Starving will always lead to bingeing and this is not the way to deal with disorded eating at all. The supposed health benefits from the 5:2 are the same benefits used to sell most diets to people. Diets do not work.

MillyMilly
We'll have to agree to disagree on 5:2 because it is working for lots and lots of people, including former bingers, as it is the way of eating that we lived with for tens of thousands of years before fridges and shops.

Three meals a day is a very modern invention.
Snacks were invented in the 1970's by the confectionery industry to increase profits.
The 2000 calorie figure on the side of the cereal box is based on a time and motion study of a 1950's housewife. It bears no relation to modern reality.
Millions of Muslims fast for a month a year for hundreds of years and it does not seem to do them any harm.

However, mindful eating is really important for everybody, regardless of age, size, sex or body shape as it is healthier in itself.

Yep but they don't fast for the whole month, they eat in the night and most of the Muslims I know tell me how bad it is for them because they all go mad and binge at night during the "eating hours". Not that good really.
I don't think you can say that 5:2 is the way our primal ancestors ate. They ate when they caught meat and then foraged for berries etc in between. Paleo and Primal eating is how we were most likely to have eaten but starving ourselves twice a week and eating anything the other days is not the way our ancestors would have eaten. Same with 16:8.
I agree we will disagree on this. For people with disordered eating this way of eating as with any diet is dangerous and will not sort out their issues with food.

the way our primal ancestors ate
No, I was thinking more of how most of the people in the third world eat currently.
A small snack at the start of the day then nothing till the evening and that not every day.
Even in big cities three meals a day is not the norm.

Why overcomplicatate the simple process of eating when your hungry and stopping when you are satisfied. It shouldn't be any more complicated that that. That is why people are so messed up. Diets cause disordered eating. 5:2 is just another diet. Atkins, Slimming World, Weight Watchers, Diet drinks etc etc etc. Its just food. Until we stop punishing ourselves by feeling that we are bad for eating when we are genuinely hungry then we will continue to believe that dieting will actually work. It doesn't. Most people go from one diet to another. There will be another brilliant diet that will come along soon and everyone will jump on the bandwagon in the belief that this new diet will be the one that will finally make them slim and keep them slim for life. Its all just seriously screwed up. Im glad that that this diet works for you and I hope that you can keep your weightloss off forever and never have to diet again. But generally the world over, that is not the case. That is why you are on the 5:2 now. because the other diets didn't work.
You have to make peace with food and with yourself and trust that if you allow yourself to eat normally when your truly hungry and stop when you are satisfied that your body weight will sort itself out.

Talkin I'm not sure people in the third world should necessarily be held up as the epitome of health as we would wish for it ..however..you regard 5:2 as a woe but the truth is, it is a method of restricting calories. That, to me, is a 'diet' in the sense we usually know it and as such, I definitely agree with Milly that it probably isn't the best way for anyone with disordered or compulsive eating issues to help themselves.

Having said that, I also think that whatever method you find works for you, in the sense that you feel healthy and energised (rather than just thinner!), where you don't feel as if you are using willpower to maintain it (but I find it hard to believe many people actually feel like this while fasting ), go for it. My only concern about 5:2 is that all the positive press regarding health benefits is based on the tests done mainly on men. It can and does play havoc with female hormones and can be extremely detrimental to fertility, I am sure there are many, many women unaware of this, yet happily jumping on it as the latest way to lose weight ...I suspect there may be a bit of a backlash in time in this respect....

ifasters.com/intermittent-fasting-and-fertility-in-women/

www.medicaldaily.com/does-52-diet-encourage-binge-eating-people-consume-10000-calories-weekends-256669

I agree Sleep here are some articles that say what you have said.

With regards to my bit about "bingeing", Im sorry if that came across as too simplistic, its just that it is the way that I have stopped my bingeing and therefore to me it seems that it is the way to control it.

article re IF and how the tests are skewed towards men, also potential effects for women....

Talkin I would also love to see how you got on for a month say, solely with mindful eating, dropping the fast days. I suspect that you would maintain a healthy weight without difficulty .

Many people eat Paleo without fasting. Paleo to me is just eating more like our ancestors did. No wheat or fake food at all.