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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

A secret binge eater

279 replies

hurried · 12/09/2013 18:17

I am seeking, rather than offering advice. I have to be honest, if I could I would eat all day, and I will often have large amounts of carbs in one sitting. I put my toddler in the car today to drive myself us to a local shop to buy carbs- I have nothing against carbs, I haven't been trying to avoid them, I just started on my child's breakfast biscuits this morning and went into a frenzy, finishing off the whole pack. I was stuffing them as soon as I brought them. I looked in the mirror and saw my child watching me. I felt so ashamed and thought I would be so embarrassed if anyone saw me.

Today was a terrible day. My son has had chicken pox and both been in all week and suddenly it got to me. I can't talk to my GP about this, and I don't have friends that wouldn't judge me for this. So I am seeking support here x

OP posts:
Sleepwhenidie · 17/10/2013 07:53

Nice to meet you too Milly Smile. My sister lives in N Wales too, just outside Llangollen. We aren't Welsh speakers (like most S Walians of our generation). It certainly ls beautiful there but I can't imagine moving back, I have lost my heart to London and the thought of living somewhere quiet makes me feel twitchy Grin.

Well done Little, that's is so great that you are enjoying the gym and have a goal of doing the c25k. Even better about the clothes, I think your comment about feeling 'you' in them is so important. Keep it up Grin!

Sleepwhenidie · 17/10/2013 08:19

Milly I just have one small comment about your Mum, I keep thinking about her comment to your dd at the restaurant...I don't know whether it should make you laugh or cry rather than get wound up by it. She clearly is still obsessive about food, it sounds like she has spent her life controlling it and obsessing about weight gain and is still, as an elderly lady, doing the same thing...even if convincing herself she doesn't! What a miserable life. I know it took some time but at least you have freed yourself from that, you should be very proud of that and the way you have brought up your children. Xx

Bluecarrot · 17/10/2013 09:56

Hi ladies, only read the first few weeks if posts and skimmed the rest ( will read properly later) after coming to the abrupt realisation last night that i am a secret binge eater ( in phases rather than constant).. And so is my 10year old dd in a lesser way (hers is mainly icing- icing sugar, writing icing, Betty Crocker tubs of premade icing)

I'm currently pregnant so visible effects of my overeating won't be that obvious for a few months. To other people at least! I buy cheap chocolate and sweets then gorge on them. I barely think about the taste, just about having another. Then I'm having to dose up on heartburn meds to counteract it. It's like I'm in a trance or something!

For me its stress. I gave up smoking a few years ago and think ive replaced it with eating. I've never been slim, but size 12-14 which I have generally been happy with. But occasionally I go through phases where I binge - yesterday and the day before I reckon 1000 calories each day just in sweet food, not counting the extra "normal" food I eat. I also go through phases where I forget to eat meals. Normally skipping lunch as I genuinely forget.

Yesterday my food was

Breakfast
Large bowl bran flakes
2 glasses (about 400ml total) pure apple juice
Activia yogurt
Snacks
1 slice 50/50 toast with flora buttery.
2 bags of thorntons vanilla fudge ( not in one sitting)
Lunch ( late as we were out)
Tomato soup and 4 slices 50/50 bread.
Dinner
Chicken nuggets and chips with mixed veg.
Dilute juice with fizzy water
Large bowl of strawberries and grapes with Rachel's low fat vanilla yogurt.
Supper
3 slices 50/50 bread. Would have had cereal but we ran out of milk.

I drink milk, water and dilute juice ( no added sugar) through the day.

Today, if I wasn't putting any thought into it, is prob be eating the same except I made a mince based pie ahead of time, for our dinner ( extra lean mince, peppers, sweet corn, carrots and topped with sweet potato) and lunch is chicken and sweet potato with mixed veg.

Need to knock this on the head and get reading up for my benefit as well as my daughters.

Feels good ( and also really rubbish!) to get it off my chest. Think I maybe need to talk to someone in RL too. Like admitting it is facing up to it like with any other addiction.

MillyMillyMe · 17/10/2013 12:38

I have been reading and I think I have come to the conclusion that binging or overeating for the sake of it is a form of self harm. It releases some tension or stress that we are feeling by eating a lot and feeling sick (or not) and then after we calm down and can get on with our lives back in normal town!!!! What do you think?

Sleepwhenidie · 17/10/2013 12:54

Hi bluecarrot - welcome Smile. I hope Hurried's thread is helping you too. You have listed your food for a day - did you want some feedback on it in any way?

hurried - you still here Smile?

Sleepwhenidie · 17/10/2013 12:55

Oh and Milly - I think you are absolutely right with the self-harm thing.

MillyMillyMe · 17/10/2013 15:05

I think you actually might have mentioned something about binging and self harming yourself up thread Sleep??

MillyMillyMe · 17/10/2013 15:05

bingeing even Angry

Bluecarrot · 17/10/2013 15:31

Sleep - I guess I just wanted to see it in black and white. Obv the fudge is OTT, but the bread needs kicked out too.

Maybe feedback on the other food if you had any thoughts (bearing in mind Im 7 months pregnant!) Or perhaps Im hijacking! THink it was such a relief to read the thread that my brain just had to get it out!

Ive read through a lot and have thought about it in bits through the day but it makes me feel so anxious I have to distract myself! Im online now to read the blog someone mentioned (overcoming overeating) and also thought about body clutter by the flylady. I liked her style for the house clutter and think the friendly nature might help me with this too.

MillyMillyMe · 17/10/2013 15:32

Afternoon Hurried
How's you today?

Sleepwhenidie · 17/10/2013 16:28

Hi Blue - I don't think you are hijacking, most people on here seem to have a keen interest in eating healthily Smile. Obviously you want to focus on this particularly because of being pg - congratulations by the way! Anyone not interested can skip over this post!

Putting the fudge to one side (is that what you mean as a binge by the way, or is it habitual?), yes, as you say, there is too much bread! Moreover, way too much sugar. You could do with more protein and definitely more good fat.

To put the sugar into perspective, the recommended amount of sugar to consume is between 20-30g per day. You've had more than 60g in breakfast alone...and maybe (based on an estimate of another 400ml of juice in addition to the breakfast juice - I didn't add any milk after breakfast to my calculations) 180g by the end of the day (yes, still excluding the fudge which would add, based on 2 small bags, another 190g Shock). Your insulin levels would most likely look like some kind of rollercoaster if plotted on a graph Grin. Main step to address this - ditch all the juice. Have actual fruit instead. Also replace the Activia and low fat yoghurt with full fat greek yoghurt. These two things alone would reduce your sugar intake by nearly 100g. Hopefully this, coupled with the things below, will dramatically reduce your craving for sugar (though it may be tough for a few days I warn you).

Protein - try and have protein with every snack or meal. Greek yoghurt at breakfast would be good (greek yoghurt has higher protein content than other types) - maybe with some berries and nuts. Eggs also a good choice - however you like them, maybe with a slice of buttered toast, some grilled bacon or smoked salmon perhaps. A slice of toast with grilled halloumi and a poached egg and half an avocado maybe. If you feel you want a bowl of something, porridge made with milk is good, again, berries/nuts, perhaps a chopped banana are a great addition.

Instead of 50/50 toast with flora as a snack have some toast with peanut butter or an apple sliced and spread with peanut butter, or a handful of nuts and fresh blueberries and a big glass of water or herbal tea. Hard boiled eggs are also great, or a small tin of tuna..other suggestions upthread Smile.

Lunch - go for a soup that will fill you up more - one with beans or lentils in it would be great, or have some lean protein with a small salad on the side, maybe some feta cheese/ roast chicken breast/small tin of tuna with spinach leaves, some chopped tomatoes and avocadoes. Sprinkle some toasted seeds on the soup or salad for extra taste and crunch. Ditch the bread.

Dinner - you don't mention the quality of the chicken nuggets but plain roast chicken would be a much better choice.

Evening snack - if you are hungry in the evening then I'd go for a small banana and a glass or mug of milk, comforting, filling and great to help you sleep.

Fat - its been said before on the thread - low fat foods and artificial foods really aren't great - often full of sugar and devoid of the stuff your body actually needs. Have the real thing - full fat yoghurt, milk and butter. You need more good fat in your diet too - olive oil, avocado, nuts, oily fish like salmon and mackerel and (yada yada - I'm a broken record) - an omega 3 supplement.

Aim to drink 2l of water a day, which can include herbal tea. Fennel tea is very good if you are prone to heartburn.

Your meals today sound much better by the way Grin!

Sleepwhenidie · 17/10/2013 16:33

Apologies for way too many 'great's by the way Blush!

Sleepwhenidie · 17/10/2013 16:59

Oh and Blue, whilst I don't suggest calorie counting for anyone, if you look at your food without the fudge, your actual calorie intake isn't madly over what it should be for a pg woman - I allowed for a pat of butter on each slice of bread and it comes out at around 2,600. So if you can make a few small changes that will hopefully even out your blood sugar and help hugely with the cravings for more sugar, you can stop worrying about weight gain Smile

Bluecarrot · 17/10/2013 17:35

Thanks so much - that must have taken you ages! Thanks Brew

Bluecarrot · 17/10/2013 17:49

Ill never be the type to calorie count - no worries there - but perhaps I need to be more aware of the actual sugar and calorie content. Not to count them up in a "oh I have 50 left to use up today" way, but just to keep in mind other, better choices. Hmm, maybe in an opportunity cost kind of way? Hope that makes sense.

I was approaching 13st in Nov 2011 and with much discomfort got down to 10st 6lbs over the space of a year. Im now about 14lbs 6lbs - was 12st 10ish before pregnancy.

I wasnt even happy at 10st 6 lbs. Thats when the bingeing started - I thought Id be happy when I got there (it was my pre-pregnancy weight from before my dd) and I wasnt happy at all.

Sleepwhenidie · 17/10/2013 18:04

That's great Blue. I'd hope that more beans and good fats (including the supplements) would help the constipation too. Maybe switch to bread with a greater fibre content? Some people find porridge helps - but some the opposite! Do you do any exercise? This can also help, just a decent walk every day (obviously this will have lots of other benefits too)...

Slowing down and enjoying your meal is a great plan. Learning to listen to your body really is a key skill to practise, recognising hunger/satiety is amazingly difficult for many of us, we need to get back to that.

Your food today looks much better than yesterday, the only two things I'd comment on is the chocolate, if you wanted it, that's fine, have it and enjoy every bit, don't feel guilty about it, it's not 'going downhill', it's just a bar of chocolate, you weren't injecting heroin! Don't spoil your enjoyment of it because you think it is bad (and so, by extension are you). The crisps are irritating you I guess, probably because you know it was just mindless eating, which we want to get away from...but the more you can listen to your body, recognise the impulse to eat mindlessly, the better chance you have of stopping the habit Smile.

Re the pre-prepped fruit and veg, like you I think it's a much better choice than fudge Grin, anything that gets you eating more veg in particular has to be good.

Sleepwhenidie · 17/10/2013 18:08

I wouldn't worry about calories at all to be honest. I would, however, look at labels to see the sugar content of stuff, just so you develop an awareness of what is in what, bearing in mind the RDA of 20-30g per day (this is a pretty difficult limit to stay within though Smile. Otherwise with labels, look at ingredients, if there's anything there you can't pronounce or recognise, if there are trans-fats or corn or glucose syrup, leave it on the shelf Wink.

Bluecarrot · 17/10/2013 18:33

It wasn't so much that I ate the chocolate, its more that I couldn't put some of it away for later - I had to eat it all.

Probably a stupid question but would you count fructose ( grapes, strawberries etc) in the 20-30g or would you eat fruit and veg freely and only take into account sugar in other foods? I just googled the sugar in the half punnet of strawberries, handful of blueberries and handful of grapes - it would have sent me over the limit. (Though admittedly I could have had less...)

Then ill get back onto the threads proper topic!

MillyMillyMe · 17/10/2013 20:35

Blue brilliant advice from Sleep.
The only things I would like to add are that if you suffer from gas and constipation maybe you have a bit of irritable bowel syndrome. I have and I can not eat all bran and to be honest I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole. A lot of nutritionists now don't recommend fake bran but suggest getting your fibre naturally from bananas, nuts, broccoli and other veg and nuts and plenty of water.
My go to for a good toilet visit in the morning is a strong cup of coffee (preferably real ground ) and a couple of squares of Green and Blacks dark 85 per cent. Something about the coffee and the chocolate that gets my tummy moving. Coffee is brilliant as a clean out. But of course have breakfast too.
I eat my chocolate each day but only have about 5 small squares of Green and Blacks as there is more coco and less sugar. A put a small square on my tongue and sit down and be in the moment and let that small piece of chocolate melt until it totally coats my entire tongue and mouth before I swallow. Mmmmmm!!!! Sorry, Im a bit of a foodie now after years of eating too much. I now eat for pleasure only and really take it slow with everything I eat and tune in with every mouthful to see if im still hungry or not.

Sleepwhenidie · 17/10/2013 21:18

If you are being strict then yes, you should count the sugar in the fruit, this is one of the things that makes it difficult to stay within RDA Smile....and why veg is a better choice than fruit, but the standout items in your diet by far are the low fat yoghurts and the juice (and to a lesser extent, the cereal), so cutting those and other refined sugars will make a significant difference and be more beneficial than cutting out fruit in order to minimise sugar Smile. The other stuff is the bread, which you shouldn't necessarily cut out completely but bear in mind that it is high GI and so will add to the insulin spikes.

Your comment about still being unhappy even after reaching your target weight was really interesting Blue, and a bit like my bodybuilder story above. There is a theory that says that the small minority of people who 'successfully' diet and lose weight and then keep it off keep it off because there has been some other fundamental change for the better in their life, nothing to do with being slimmer. This could be anything, from meeting a loving partner, to ditching a poor relationship, changing career, moving house, pursuing a passion, learning to love yourself, letting go of an old hurt....weighing less guarantees nothing except that you will fit into smaller clothes Wink and that in itself really isn't enough if you have other issues Smile.

Sleepwhenidie · 18/10/2013 14:11

Hi Hurried, are you ok? V. quiet! ...

hurried · 18/10/2013 18:23

Hi,

A really quick note, I apologise for not coming back to the forum earlier and I will reply in full when I have time.

I do lov the way, I come to a group of perfect strangers, revealing all my deepest darkest thoughts and asking questions, seeking advice, then...I get thanked for it too. Of course I don't mind others posting. I wouldn't wish binge eating on anyone, but it can be so great sometimes to read others posts and think me too!!! when sometimes, speaking for myself, I have felt very alone and almost a freak at times.

There are so many points that have been made that I wanted to answer, but there have been so many posts it will take me a while.

I had a bad day today, I had three hours sleep and the urge to eat carbs all day has been the most extreme... and I have been trying to be mindful but all I have been thinking all day was please go to sleep to my LO- then he fell asleep in the car grrrr... any way..I think I will admit defeat with a lack of sleep day... I honestly didn't care what I ate today. I can't wait until bedtime :-)

I promise to reply in full, soon. As I said, I'm so pleased others are posting, I just wanted to log in and say hi, and thank you for all your advice everyone.. Sleep I loooove butternut squash soup... M and S do a great one, any sugar free recipes welcomed!

xx

OP posts:
MillyMillyMe · 18/10/2013 19:17

Hurried awwww sorry your having a bad day. It will get better. It usually does Smile .
I don't eat anything with sweetners in as they trick the body and also they are really really bad for you. Really bad!!
But there are lots of sugar free in the Paleo books but they use maple or honey etc which are natural lower gi sugars.

hurried · 19/10/2013 07:57

Bluecarrot, congratulations on your pregnancy. You are doing really well whilst pregnant, I found this one of the toughest times because a. I felt so sick (and only way to stop it was to eat stodge and b. Your appetite increases and generally at the later stages, you don't out as much. That's how it was for me any way so I am empathising.

It sound likes Sleep and Millymillyme have give you some great advice. I wouldn't worry too much about your daughter liking icing... my husband's mother tells me their whole family (not big eaters) would fight to polish off the bowl of left over icing. It's great you are being aware though. You definitely have a basis to work on, colourful food is looking good! I made myself a salad with all different colour peppers, red cabbage, olive oil, tomatoes and felt like I was eating a rainbow :-)

I think Sleep makes some great points, that to tackle overeating /eating issues inevitably something in one's life has to change, and unfortunately that can't just be "to go on a diet" as inevitably the diet ends... and all the reasons that one started to eat too much or have food issues haven't disappeared.. and arise again, well that's what happened to me. I think when I was younger the way I tackled overeating was by dieting, because I wanted to look nice for an event, but it didn't tackle why I overate in the first place or I didn't address that I have now discovered ie, for me, I turn to food when tired, sad, bored... looking slim motivated me when I was younger but now it's not enough. My husband pointed out to me, I have always kept my weight in check however, I can't rely on the methods I used when I was younger as motivations change and turning to food for help has become a way of life, a habit.

OP posts:
hurried · 19/10/2013 08:11

I slightly deviated to talking about myself Blue, sorry! I 'm quite partial to doing that on this forum! I know what you mean about eating crisps and not even liking them, I find if something is open in the kitchen I'm quite often just snacking there.. It's hard when you're preparing food. I think it's great your identifying that you're doing this though. I think at the moment (talking about myself again) identifying when my "danger" times are is helpful. Ie, I seem to have bad days when I am stuck in all day, and if it's raining, I was aware of this, and stayed in any way one day and inevitably I did the same thing! So it'a bout changing habits, for me any way, this has been just as important as highlighting my diet composition.

Millymillyme I love the idea of just having a few squares of dark chic, and savouring them. I find I can do this more with dark (all though I still eat way too much) but milk chocolate I just have a "eat it all" tendency even though I don't even really like it, it's so sweet!

I was reflecting the other day, perhaps my mum was a bit strict. I remember when I was younger all the other children having chocolate in their lunch box and I was never allowed any, and I used to ask the other kids if I could have some of theirs! usually they would ay no btw (I was about 5 at the time!). This makes me think about my son, and how each child is different, i gave him some carrot cake in his lunch box for a few days (alongside the other goodies) he just ate the cake lol and none of the other stuff. My mum also said we didn't have a sweet or biscuit drawer (some of my friends did and I raided it when we went round!) but she says she couldn't do that, if we had free access to sweet stuff we would just eat it all until we were ill.... so she gave up on that idea. yet I have a friend who would have one kitkat and then she was done. She is a childhood friend and in older years she has always had a sweet tooth, and sometimes says she is cutting it down to smaller portions due to high cholesterol, but she has always done moderation...

OP posts:
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