Busty Babe With GSOH Seeks SW Partner for Weigh-Ins, Bad Jokes & Barely Veiled Self-Loathing

[BlooferLady]

All right, when you've un-cringed from the above -

I'm about to (re-)embark on Slimming World and since I have neither the time nor the funds to go to classes could really do with a coupla pals for those delicious weekly morning weigh-ins. Is anyone interested? I guess it would be ideal if we were all SWing, but it ain't essential. It's the praise or blame I need, alongside willing recipients of lengthy descriptions of the size of my arse .

Few stats (and needless to say we needn't go in for actual weights here)

I lost 3.5 stone a couple of years ago on SW, and have gained about 20lb of that. I KNOW! Silly bint.

As a first step I want to lose 10lb because this will take me into the 'light enough for IVF' category (I have 6 months left before referral for fertility treatment and if not pregnant by then would like to arrive in the pink of health).

After that I would like to lose another 10lb and say 'hello stranger!' to my sad neglected wardrobe of vintage frocks.

Finally, if you are interesting in hanging out, would you mind awfully looking in the mirror and checking that you actually are properly overweight?! Because nothing would depress me more than celebrating getting into a size 16 dress, when everyone else on the thread was lamenting finding their size 10 skinnies a little snug

Right. I'll now sit back and await rejection. Alpine my luvva, if you're reading this do join!

I yearn to look like the woman in the special K ads in my swimming costume. I bought a red one from Tesco especially. It's a halter neck and the weight of my boobs mean it's a relief to take the damn thing off after swimming.

Don't think I'll ever wear a bikin ever ever again though - although I might be persuaded into one of these when my norks weigh a bit less.

I know, it was my premenstrual week so I am hoping thats what did it because I really wasn't that naughty except for the huge slab of cake I had on wednesday I was great for the rest of the week.

I have had a great week this week except for a major gin binge on Friday (yes I calculated the syns I had 36 in one day and 30 of them were gin) but in my defence I was with a friend who has just been diagnosed with skin cancer. Poor love she needed drunken sympathy and laughing, shes gonna be ok but she was scared to hell.

Bloofer I could just reach for a sobranie menthol whenever I crave chocolate, non? If only I could afford them. I only smoke other people's fags these days, on the sly, so My Mom doesn't know I started again. Whaddya mean I'm 38 and my own woman?

wow cute burlesque bikini boo. You will look delicious in that. Whats your syn value, Huh mummah?

/Chomps on Boo's shoulder........

Bloody hell, probably in the squillions with my sky high BMI I should imagine

Nevermind getting back into a bikini.... I'd like to wear one for the first time ever without worrying about some tie dye clad tree hugger from Greenpeace trying to push me back into the sea

I'm with you, Fuck - by the age of 13 I was wearing night shirts over my swimming costumes. Literally cannot conceive of what it would be like to wear a bikini. It is honestly as beyond my grasp as the concept of flying. Bah!

Just for the record - I didn't say I wanted to get back into a bikini WTF - just was having a little dream about whether I could wear one of those lovely 50's style ones from WhatKatieDid one day is all. I have to wear something when I take miniboo swimming. Sometimes I wonder if buying one that is so buzzwam focussed (to take attention off my barrel c-section apron tummy) was appropriate for a preschool swimming session.

Oi Fuck, shall we let her back in the gang?!

Ooooo was it from WhatKatieDid? I must have a look - a lass I know models for them....

a) no that's not her and
b) I WANT one of them!

Is your mate a burlesque performer Bloofer? I do so love their stuff. I bought something from their seconds/last stock ebay shop to wear under my wedding dress but it was too small. That's in the wishful thinking box too.

She is, yar. I went through a phase of certain clubs and haunts....at the time it seemed a very empowering thing to do/watch but now I feel all conflicted

I wore a biki once at age 17 (and about 11 stone), and a boy on the same campsite as me was quick to inform me that I was "far too fat for it, and my dad agrees".

I wouldn't have minded so much, but he was 15 and his name was Lindsey, how very dare he have an opinion on anything

I had a burlesque themed hen weekend with just my friends, in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere - so completely safe and just about women celebrating who they are with each other. And cocktails, lots of cocktails. :o But yes, I know what you mean about being conflicted. I've never been to a proper burlesque show though.

Fuck Lindsey, and the horse he rode in on Colditz.

and his stupid Dad.

I remember when I was 18, and about a size 12. I had this black jersey dress that I saved up for and bought and loved. My boyfriend at the time said it made my belly look fat. And I looked, and mournfully agreed, and although I still loved that dress because it felt nice, I never got quite the same pleasure from wearing it after that - he'd pissed all over my bonfire.

Of course, I had no fecking belly. But that's where all the self loathing starts isn't it? Little one-off comments that don't ever go away. Hence my vitriol towards Lindsey, and his bloody Dad. Bet he's bald now. And never did get a girlfriend. :o

Can I join the party please? I have had all I can take of "Ooh, lets give Barbara a big clap - she has lost half a pound this week!!"

I started SW in January and did really well for about ten weeks, then went off the rails completely. In the last month I have lost a whopping.... 2lbs

So, my target loss is 4st, I have lost 20lbs so far and my loss this week was 1lb.

I have just eaten an Easter Egg so already things aren't looking great for next weeks weigh in

And bollox to Lindsey.
I remember my XP telling me, (at the age of 18 and weighing in at about 8st), that I was becoming a bit of a porker. Twat.
I would kill to be 8st now.

I'm off to bed now Pixie but you seem like just our sort. When Bloofer gets back she'll get you on the next Fat list fer sure. No queues and no raffles. Welcome :)

Once upon a dream, I weighed less than 10 stone. I'm 5'10", so was errm, back in the day, about a modern size 8-10. Could only eat only 500-600 calores and walk 4-5 miles per day to maintain this weight, but Hey! Even now, 30 years on, Aged Mama (82) tells me "But Daaarling - you looked absolutely Gorgeous!!"

I was living with a 3rd year medical student studying psychology at the time. I ended up being referred to his supervising consultant psychiatrist for an eating disorder. Ex-DP asked me not to tell him that he had told me I was TOO FAT TOO FUCK, otherwise he'd fail his course. I didn't, but he failed it anyway.

This was the guy with a chronic skin complaint and probable undiagnosed Aspergers Syyndrome, who I'd ended up with out of pity. Yes ladies, I actually used to shag guys 'cos I felt sorry for them back then. Even though I looked like a cross between Angelica Huston and Kate Bush (80's Stylee, natch!)

So, 30 years on - I seriously need to lose some lard. Have chronic feet probs. which will only resolve themselves if I lose at least couple of stone. Can't walk for long anymore, and don't drive. Am truly sick of being size 16/18 with a BMI of (only) 26.9. Full time undergraduate with SN teenager and V. aged Mama to take care of, plus toyboy DH.

Have lost 1 stone in last 6 weeks. Also gave up smoking 6 weeks ago, so feeling somewhat treat-deprived. Just polished off bottle of wine. Must get back on track. All support much appreciated.

Forgiv my pique of jealousy, Boo. I'd love to wear that bikini. I adore WhatKatieDid. I bought some burlesque shoes from it last year. You know the ridiculously high type? I figured looking taller would make me look thinner However, they're so nosebleed inducingly high that they just sit in the box, intimidating me. I will conquer them one day...

I'm 35, so my window of opportunity to wear a bikini is rapidly narrowing. I may print a pic of that WKD one and stick it to the biscuit cupboard as a visual reminder that mainlining custard creams will not further my efforts.

Pix and Flittersnoop, come here to my ample bosom. Welcome, and a thousand curses be upon your wretched exes, damn their bleeding eyes.

Pixie 'tis very hard to plateau, but console yourself that you didn't gain in that time. Whoo, check me out with my ready SW platitudes . It is the truth, though. Here you will find competitiveness to drive you onward.

Flitter I am very impressed that you were that loquacious at 1am on a bottle of vino destructo. I would say well done for giving up smoking but obviously I am a firm believer that it is deeply cool and very good for the lungs

now then you both: I will put you on the Big Fat List next Tuesday, which is The Day of Doom round these here parts.

For that, I need to know your target loss (it can be overall, or interim), and the weight you loose next Tuesday when you weigh in, so if you don't know what you weight today hope the scales this morning after a nice big poo. The list does not demand actual weights, but some of us have found it quite therapeutic to share it - it sort of diminishes the number, seeing it written down: it becomes only a figure and not a sort of demon crouching round the corner leering and making you sad.

Well, today is The Big Event. Eating will be necessarily chaotic. I did manage to find an outfit, but it's not what you would expect from a professional , being grey suede studded shoe-boots, a black jersey draped skirt, a black slightly transparent vest with a scalloped collar, with a narrow plaited belt over the top, and a black Religion cardigan with a long draped collar with two layers of torn chiffon and a layer of jersey covered in fake cigarette burns. Whoopsie! But literally NONE of my go-to working-girl outfits would do the trick, so there it is.

Oh and incidentally, I think even though we all went to get fitter and healthier, let us remind ourselves that we need not attain the Western ideal of slender hairless blondeness to be SMOKIN'. I love this blog. Will never in a thousand years be anything approaching that gorgeous but there is no harm in looking and admiring!

loose LOSE!

I have A level English you know.