Busty Babe With GSOH Seeks SW Partner for Weigh-Ins, Bad Jokes & Barely Veiled Self-Loathing

[BlooferLady]

All right, when you've un-cringed from the above -

I'm about to (re-)embark on Slimming World and since I have neither the time nor the funds to go to classes could really do with a coupla pals for those delicious weekly morning weigh-ins. Is anyone interested? I guess it would be ideal if we were all SWing, but it ain't essential. It's the praise or blame I need, alongside willing recipients of lengthy descriptions of the size of my arse .

Few stats (and needless to say we needn't go in for actual weights here)

I lost 3.5 stone a couple of years ago on SW, and have gained about 20lb of that. I KNOW! Silly bint.

As a first step I want to lose 10lb because this will take me into the 'light enough for IVF' category (I have 6 months left before referral for fertility treatment and if not pregnant by then would like to arrive in the pink of health).

After that I would like to lose another 10lb and say 'hello stranger!' to my sad neglected wardrobe of vintage frocks.

Finally, if you are interesting in hanging out, would you mind awfully looking in the mirror and checking that you actually are properly overweight?! Because nothing would depress me more than celebrating getting into a size 16 dress, when everyone else on the thread was lamenting finding their size 10 skinnies a little snug

Right. I'll now sit back and await rejection. Alpine my luvva, if you're reading this do join!

Oh I gotcha Pix - I can see how that's perfect for folks such as don't fancy the gym for whatever reason. I could never do it partly because I couldn't possibly exercise in my living room - it's a mess charmingly cluttered and I would feel for the neighbours in the flat below

Good morning Cheepcheep, Good morning ducky - a big fat bingo-winged welcome wave from me

Now, as you may have gathered, Tuesdays are the Day of Doom. No need to share your weight unless you want to: on the day just PM me your target (I'm going for 20lb as an interim target, others being braver are posting the whole thing), your weight loss that week and your overall loss since starting (so obviously this coming Tues it'll be 0 and 0 for those).

We like a bit of bitter, tooth-grinding resentful competition round these here parts, so we'll rank the losses week by week and I will always come last probably.

Now then Ducky, as fred originator I am going to annoy the tits off you by urging you to get some scales. Trust me, we ALL know the feeling - I have already shared my years of mental of stepping on the scales and getting my DH to lie about my weight . It's as if by stepping onto the scales, you magically inflate to become whatever it says on the damn dial! Nonsensical. Just jotting down the number will make no difference to your bottom and all the difference in the world to your state of mind. It means you've grasped the bugger by its throat and are going to shake it into submission, and you only need to do it the once, and then you know where you are. It means you are in control, and not CAKE! It means you Rule the School! It makes you one of the Pink Ladies, probably Rizzo, let's face it! And also, don't forget that others' scales differ massively, and what if the first week you hope on 1 set of scales, then weight yourself on another set a week later and it says you haven't lost anything when actually you've lost 5lb? Ghastliness abounding.

That is the end of my pep talk and I will now return to swearing and vulgarity. TITWANKS! (Toldja).

What I Am Going to Eat Today by B. Lady

My day is RED (I have no idea why I've started talking like a 5 year old )

B - Eggy bread with weeny slices (HEB)
L - Baked salmon, squash and carrot 'chips', mushy peas, fruit salad
Tea - Sardines on toast (HEB), Mullerlight

I expect there'll be syns in some ketchup and I'll probably have my HEA cheese with an apple as a snack.

Also I'm off to a concert tonight but despite the disreputable company I shall be in will avoid binge drinking again. No honestly, I will. I WILL! I am kind of broke at the moment so will probably take a hip flask of Scotch, and, as we all know, there are no syns in spirits.

PS if any of you not doing a formal 'plan' would be interested in knowing the basics of SW eating (it is extremely simple) I am happy to try and explain.

I'm going to stop clusterposting and go make some bread that is eggy.

Binge-drinking & retribution, non?

As for the running vs. x-trainer/bike type cardio - I think it's just sheer effort. With x-trainer you don't need to physically lift your weight from the ground (i.e., work = force x distance) and there's some "resistance" with the x-trainer in that you can use your arm muscles to compensate for tired leg muscles, or you can do the "down & back" motion just be applying weight - which could be a small wiggle of your hips in this instance - you're playing off one "weight" against another "weight". Excess weight just does make some sports virtually impossible - e.g., pull-ups on a bar or climbing a rope. These are hard enough for women as it is given our low upper body weight, throw in an extra 30 kilo or two and you'll just get rope burn on your foo. Some cardio is "easy" - I could row for a week, yet my boyfriend could run for hours. I suppose it's all just physics in the end isn't it?

I rode my horse hard last night and it was fucking awesome. I hate people watching me ride which is really fucking stupid because I ride very well and it's also quite difficult to go to competitions and ask the crowd to "not make direct eye contact with TheAlpinePony and not to stare". Anyway, as a result of the stables being deserted I rode beautifully - although may have made the mistake of wearing a sheepskin lined jacket - although I suppose it acted as a sauna. Afterwards (immediately!) I ripped off the jacket and minced around in a stringy vest top, would not have felt comfortable doing that with others around.

I wanted to go for my run today but boyfriend has offered (and is currently doing!) to do the garden - which frankly, is too good an opportunity to miss. However, if when the baby falls asleep I might nip out to the gym anyway. My bf gets quite stressed about "watching" the baby, I figure he can be in the house sleeping if dad's in the garden. I mean you don't take the baybee in the karzi do you? Well, having read mn - some do!

E.g., because I've got good form with skiing, it requires very little effort on my part - it's simply a transference of weight through the hips. Sports avoiders - find sports that you personally love (if possible!) - I think lots of us have horrible memories of school "team" (i.e., popular girls choosing their friends) events. I've got my two favourites (riding & skiing), but I love lifting weights and if I had time I'd experiment with a climbing wall or swimming. Avoid team events at all costs. Arseholes. n.b., archery doesn't work with tits. :(

(low upper body strength re: rope climbing)

Truly you are our exercise guru, Pony.

I know what you mean about not wanting folk to see you ride. For a bit I cycled to work (about 3 miles from Hackney to Holborn). But alas, oh alas, living on the 1st floor in a small flat meant I had to have a tiny folding bike with a low saddle and tiny wheels, and I must've looked like a fucking Beryl Cook painting . I never wear trousers (except in the safety of a darkened gym) and saw would fly along the Regent's Canal desperately trying to stop one of my floral skirts billowing up around my neck. ALtogether it was a highly comical sight, and when a friend (middle aged gym instructor with amazing physique) saw me from a bus window he made no bones about quite how daft I looked. The bike has since been in my Dad's shed

Wimminz here don't worry about the whole skirt/dignity thing. JB loves spring because out come the pants, he's even seen a girl cycling in a skirt with NO pants! I'm like you though, one hand on the handlebars, one trying to maintain my dignity. Oh to be as happy as a lady in a Beryl Cook painting.

Ha ha, I can just imagine menfolk all over the Netherlands brightening at the prospect of a sunny day . That being said I don't think I'd be protecting my modesty all the much were it not for my thighs. Seriously most of the 4st excess weight I'm carrying is on those babies. They are monumental. Early civilisations would have either worshipped me as a fertility goddess or dined for a year off one leg. If I had a fabulous pair of pins I'd air them to the breezes with nary a care in the world...

fancy a picnic anyone?

My legs are shaped like chicken drumsticks, ankles fine, calves fine (large but toned), knees -approaching wobble, 3" above knees OK, 4" above knees WTF? There's been an explosion in the jelly factory! Cap'n she's gonna blow - etc., etc.

I cannot quite decide whether that's a Beryl Cole "let's have a naked uninhibited picnic" - or a chubby chaser/feeder's wet dream?

(It looks a bit lesbotronic to me - I thought you'd come over all fat-Manga and were directing me to porn sites)

'Fat Manga'

Hello ladies, please can I join? I am 5'10" and 14st 9lbs. 1st of this is post baby weight, and I'd like to get to my wedding weight of 12st7lbs. (wedding to my ex husband back in 2001, not to MrFC, just so we are clear!)
I eat healthily all day, and have just started exercising and running after giving birth 14 weeks ago, but I turn into a crazy grazer in the evening. This is currently out of control as Mr FC fell out of a tree (I KNOW!!!!!!) two weeks ago, and my life has turned into a treadmill of baby care, hospital visiting and housework. When I finally sit down in the evening I EAT. lots. Packets of biscuits, bars of chocolate, cake and more cake. No exercise as I have no one to babysit.

Anyway. I need to get a grip. I am going to do a mini workout in my lounge this morning. Watching all those people run the marathon has shamed me...!

Wise words indeed from Bloof re the scales

I'm mildly panicked now Pone as I AM one of those women that takes the baby to the karzi Is this a heinous sin? She is six months old and rolls around on the carpet happily instead of screeching for me in another room. Am I horribly PFB and haven't even realised?

Teeny toast and ravioli in a tin for breakfast. Am embracing my inner 3 year old. The baby had papaya porridge. Something is wrong here, methinks.

Our bathroom is about 10ft by 12ft though so she's not trapped in a shoebox with me doin' a poo, does that make any difference?

pix taking a baby to the loo is fine so long as it doesn't fall in . I have done many a No2 (& No1) with a baby on my knee.

Today is a xtra easy day and will be governed by what is in the cupboard We are off on holiday tomorrow so we are a bit on the Old Mother Hubbard side today.

B Scrambled egg on BIG bread! (so shoot me)
L Left over turkey meat balls (no nice so the DCs won't eat them)

D ??????

Right then, thank you for being here and motivating me! I have just done a mini workout.
10 mins housework to warm up. Making beds, emptying bins, filling dishwasher, tidying up. I did it all briskly, and tried to run up and down the stairs. (not too fast, we don't want another broken ankle in the family!).
2 mins walking lunges in my hallway
10 burpees
2 mins squats
20 box press ups
1 min step ups
1 min of straight arm circles
2 min lunges

I would have done more, but then my friend phoned and I got distracted. But tomorrow I'm going to do all that but three times. Anyone else want to join me and have any other suggestions? I'm a bit nervous of sit ups or crunches as I had a c section...

Thank you all for being here!

morning all,

I am slightly jaded after the big party last night, i was relatively conservative on the gin, I was knackered all night so didn't really get into the mood of the party until the 4th g&t but i lost my gin after that and we left shortly after-my measures of gin are not pub measures so i'm not even counting the syns. I also fell upon the buffet table for a short spell. Blue cheese on white french stick was like angels dancing on my tongue, followed by nachos and some cheesy sausage rolls. in my defence a veggie mate of mine asked me to taste test one first because she could tell by looking if they were meat based and, well once you have had one....................
I did compensate somewhat by walking up a frickin massive hill because our taxi couldn't find us so we walked back to main rd and then I jumped on my DH mercilessly when we got back for some very lovely "horizontal exercises" of the bed related variety. ahem ahem. Thats gotta have burned a few calories surely :)
I have just packed him off to the farm shop for ingredients for a hangover breakfast SW styleee.

pixie coooeeee. St just-do they still do the banger racing there? I have extremely fond memories, my first boyfreinds dad had a banger and I used to help take money on the gates, and thrill the boys in high cut denim shorts and teenytiny teeshirts. :) Or so I thought "Channels inner Rizzo"

Alpine pony I totally get the chicken drumstick thing-I flippin won competitions for these legs of mine when I was 17. Now they thunder along causing minor earthquakes on the floorboards :)

welcome to the new ladies-good luck with the plan :)

MsFC you remind me of a very dear friend of mine ! WELCOME TO THE THREAD FOR LOSERS. I am impressed by your indoor workout sesh. You are much more busy than I am. Hey I dunno about crunches and what not post C section....can you ask a trainer and similar?

Sorry about MrFC. What a donkey.

'Fell upon the buffet table'

Self Pity Alert...

Things that will make you miserable when you have recently gained 20lb and lopped off your lovely long locks #341: having to provide a by-line author photo for a magazine It's only a head and shoulders shot thank the Great Spaghetti Monster but Jeez even my fucking shoulders are fat.

Bloof were de-lee-boppers (or however you spell it) it will distract from the shoulders no probs.

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE THOSE? And where can I get some?!

Wear! Grrrrrrr @ predictive text