People saying I've lost enough weight...how to respond

[Fatmumslim01]

So I'm 11 months Into mounjaro, lost just over 4 stone (57 pounds) and gone from a BMI of 40 to 28! I would still like to lose another 2 stone which would put me at the top end of a healthy BMI.

In the past week I've had 3 different people comments that "surely I've lost enough weight" "why do I think I need to lose more" etc.

Clearly I'm still overweight with a BMI of 28.

How have people been responding to comments? Family are all very supportive I think they just don't think I need to lose anymore!

Just stare past them like they haven’t said anything then carry on with your day.

People can be really weird about OTHER people's weight! My DH is very tall, but recently weighed in at 17 stones which puts him either at the very top end of the overweight range or just into the obese range. He doesn't look massively overweight, but he's carrying quite a bit on his torso. Losing some weight would be better for his health. And at his recent asthma check, he was warned that his weight and blood pressure were not ideal and advised to try and do something about it.

This came up in conversation with my friend, who was over for dinner with her partner. She seemed to take actual offence to the fact that DH was saying he was trying to be more careful with his diet to lose some weight! Kept banging on about how he couldn't possibly be overweight. He literally IS very much overweight, and he's been told by a medical professional that his health is at risk because of it. But she was not having ANY of it. It was a really weird conversation, TBH.

We chatted about it after they'd left and came to the conclusion that there was some projection going on. Friend is 48 and quite fit and healthy in many ways, eats pretty well, is a regular runner who can cover a surprising distance surprisingly fast for a 4'11" middle aged woman. But she is, nevertheless, probably still quite overweight herself. And her DH, 10 years older than her, must be well into the obese range of BMI. I guess seeing somebody objectively in better shape than her DH, at least, and still worrying about their weight created some sort of cognitive dissonance.

Also, some people love having a 'fat friend' and it causes them to uncomfortably reflect on themselves if this friend is managing to lose weight. With or without WLI. Even the slim people will, weirdly, not want anyone else joining their exclusive club! I tend to assume that they are pretty smug about their own weight and just like to keep everyone else in their lives in the same weight-related mental boxes. They don't mind the skinny ones getting fatter, because it helps them to feel even more smug. But God forbid the ones who are 'supposed' to be overweight get thinner.

That's a fantastic achievement!

'That's between me and my GP'

People seem find weightloss in their friends and family hard. They don’t notice any change for the first 3 stones and then suddenly it’s weird for them.

The image of you they have in their head hasn’t caught up with the new reality of you. It will settle down after a while.

In the meantime it’s not their business, you don’t owe them the truth. You can just say “I’m just working to maintain my current weight” and merrily go on losing.

Pat them soothingly on the arm and say ‘There, there, you’ll get used to it in time’.

I've now lost 4 stone but my BMI is just hovering at healthy/overweight. When I look at photos from last summer, I think I carried the weight quite well - except for the fact that my head looked massive! Fat, bloated cheeks and fat neck. It's now really noticeable that I have a much thinner neck and face.
People obviously notice this, such that rather than mentioning my weight, they come close and whisper to me, asking if I am ok and do I have a serious illness! Very considerate I suppose, but goodness me, I'm not yet quite into the healthy BMI range! Hence I het lots of "don't lose any more".
I do just respond with the fact that I'm still officially overweight, but I also say that I started this diet because I had high blood pressure and high blood sugar, that I am getting this under control without drugs, and that I'm not quite there yet.

What they mean is that they don’t want you to be slimmer than them

"Thanks for your input, I'll take it on board" or some other non-committal waffle that shows you don't give a shit what they think.

I’d just say, I’m aiming for a healthy BMI.
if I like them.

Otherwise I might just ignore them.

I love this. This is how I feel.

People are so rude to comment on weight loss.

I think “why not” is a great challenge to you “don’t need to loose any more”. And then just look t them open mouthed in astonishment.

Add also “lifestyle changes” to the bingo cards

I don’t care about the flat stomach, toned limbs or perfect skin but I absolutely do want to get into a healthy weight zone. It’s been my aim right from the start. I’m a ‘normal’ size now, a 14 from 24 so the difference is staggering, but at the same time I don’t see much point in working so hard to lose over 8 stone just to stop before actually getting to a healthy weight. I might have well stayed fat.

For these people I use ‘well you are a healthy weight; why do you think I should not be?’

I was 19st 5lb, BMI of 42, now I’m 9st 9 (although on Holiday this week with buffets galore and very high on the carb selection and low on the protein selection so might be a couple of lbs up by the end of the week) BMI 22. I’ve been holding firm at this weight plus/minus 7lb for about 6months now and not aiming to lose more just sat around this zone. I’ve gone from size 22/24 to a size 10/12.

Only a couple of people have mentioned stopping and having lost too much, I just do a vague half smile ummm-hmmm type verbal nod and carry on with a different conversation, effectively dismissing them without making a thing of it.

It’s rarely innocent when you get these comments.

I have tried various retorts, including “my consultant endocrinologist is really happy with my progress” but of course that doesn’t shut everyone up.

Most of the time it’s jealousy rather than concern. A big smile and “I feel great” is probably the easiest response.

Ah, I’m getting this now too! Agree with PP it’s like a bingo game of comments.
Mostly I just ignore it and divert to a different subject but with my mum in particular I will give her the numbers - her 70s conditioning means she thinks anything over 10st is enormous (the poor woman has spent her entire life trying to be under 10st) and I am still well over 10st so it tends to placate her. The fact I’m 5ft 10 and can deadlift 100kg mean nothing 🤣

A few thoughts on what could be going on here…

You probably look really different and they’ve not adjusted to it yet. If you’ve always been overweight your weight loss will look very dramatic even if you’re technically still overweight.

You might look better with a little bit more weight on you. Some people just do. Major weight loss can be very ageing too. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t lose more for your health but they may be thinking more about your appearance, whereas you’re more focused on your bmi.

You say ‘clearly I’m overweight’ but are you? No one else knows your bmi so are just going on appearances. I’m taller than average so even when my bmi has been higher weight gain isn’t as obvious as it would be on a shorter person. So I may know I’m overweight but without knowing the numbers others wouldn’t really know.

Some people do get obsessive or carried away with weight loss so maybe they have concerns about you going too far the other way. Maybe the way you talk about food or your behaviours could be raising red flags for them and they’re worried about you.

I don’t know these people or their intentions but I don’t think comments like these are always from a bad or jealous place (which often seems to be the suggestion).

No one’s business. I’d love to respond by saying that, but in reality I’d probably just say nothing and change the subject.

@Strawberrryfieldsnormally for me they are completely unsolicited comments and I never talk about food, dieting or weight whether that’s mine or anyone else’s. It might not be jealousy or meant in a negative way, but it is often thoughtless, tactless and overly personal out of nowhere.

I just say actually I'm still overweight (even though I'm happy to maintain at 26) I know my face and belly look the most dramatic since losing weight so people see quite an extreme change but I also know how much fat still sits on my thighs and bum and I'm not skinny!

I think this is maybe a little self soothing. No one says you look fat, everyone lies. Everyone. And when you’re overweight it is very rare it’s not visible, very different if an elite athlete and it’s muscle, but if you’re over weight it’s visible.

this doesn’t mean you can’t look good, we all can, but telling ourselves no one knows is a little a bit of denial.

also no one is talking extreme weight loss. It only becomes ageing when we move out of s healthy bmi, and thats either way, be it over or underweight. It really isn’t limited to someone being underweight, the matronly bust, fat tummy, double chins is just as ageing as under weight and a bony look.

It is also interesting this idea that appearance and the utter dread of ageing seems to be a driver for these comments, rather than health and wellness. What would be ageing would be the huge health risks of remaining morbidly obese! My body “age” will be much more like my chronological age since losing all the weight. The fact that some people might think I look “aged” is their issue not mine. I know women are supposed to care deeply about appearance but I am thankful that I generally do not.

I’ll admit, I did say that to someone. In my defence, it was because they look really gaunt and rather ill. It seemed a kinder way of saying they’ve lost enough weight.

However, you are right, if some people want to carry on losing weight when they don’t need to, then it’s no one’s business but their own.

I bet they didn't look gaunt or ill really. I expect it was a combination of your shock at the difference between their old fat face and their new thin one, combined with some laxity that often resolves over time to an extent but can look dramatic after recent weight loss. In any case, the face doesn't indicate how much body fat a person has or how healthy they are.

I've not read the whole thread !
It's so fucking annoying well-done on your current weight loss thou op.!
I lost 3 stone with slimming world got to my target weight but before I got there with 10 pounds to go I had people saying where u gunna lose another 10 pounds from !!
It's a real head fuck !
I did it and now have gained a little back but because of these comments it makes u feel like it's ok because everyone thought how skinny I looked before I got to target I wasn't skinny I was still at the high end of a healthy BMI it's because people think u look skinny compared to how you was previous and people are so used to seeing people overweight it's looks weird when people start looking normal !!
I'm getting myself back on track and this time I am not discussing or letting anyone's opinions sway me from getting to the lower end of my BMI plus when things settle and stable u look good !!!!