Starting WLI and not telling DH

[Nancylancy]

Basically that's it. I know DH, family and friends will be judgemental, and so I won't be telling him or anyone else. I can't be bothered with being judged or feeling like I have to explain, so I've ordered it and will be doing click and collect, and injecting there and then. I will then carry on with diet / exercise and hope the weight starts to come off!

Is anyone else doing the same? Since I won't be talking to anyone IRL about it, I've posted here to tell someone about it!

I am overweight and have high cholesterol, I've started going to the gym and have tried to diet but I end up feeling deprived then failing miserably, I'm constantly tired and looking after my 2 kids with husband working away and a full time job, I just really want some help to feel better and make the weight loss easier. I have a terrible sweet tooth, and impulsive tendencies so when I've had a bad day or am a bit tired I go for sweet things, I comfort eat. I'm hoping Wegovy will help curb the cravings so that I can find other ways to cope.

Interested to be hear anyone else's stories and maybe create a supportive thread for those keeping their WLI's completely private.

Exactly.

I would never keep it from my husband-presumably he's your next of kin and the first one the doctors would ask if you were suddenly ill? I don't take any of this medication, so I apologise if the articles I've read have been wrong, I would never judge and I would take these myself if I could afford them and thought they would be helpful (not sure for reasons I won't list). I respect doctors put people on WLI because benefits can outweigh very rare risks, but if there's any chance it could be a factor in a medical event, I would want to be sure he knew.
If his family is judgmental, he shouldn't tell them. If he is, he should listen to you and your medical advisor.

I’ve told nobody. My partner doesn’t know, none of my friends or relatives. It’s totally secret. I keep my pens in the fridge in the salad drawer as he never ventures into them.

We don’t share a bank account so I have happily purchased multiple pens for the last nearly 13 months and when they are delivered, I get them straight into the fridge, packaging in the bin and life goes on.

I find this a surprising comment. We also have a joint account and our own accounts, and how we chose to spend our disposable incomes that we earn, is our choices, neither questions the other, neither checks the others bank accounts and there is no hiding involved.

i discussed it with my husband and daughter before starting, as i did my gp, and fully educated myself, and i do think it’s sad people have to lie and hide it as their partners are ill informed and judgemental, but hiding spends only happens when people don’t have access to their own disposable income.

We only have a joint account for bills and shared expense and pay into that what we need to cover it. The rest is to do with as we please and stays in our own accounts. Also I'm the higher earner. I could certainly hide it if I wanted to. The comment reminded me of what someone said when I treated myself to something in a small shop. "Spending your husband's money?" Er, that would be a no.

Thanks all. Good to know I'm not the only one. I may tell him at some point, but at the moment I just don't want to and I'm perfectly happy with that. I might feel I can't lie to him once I'm losing weight and tell him. Who knows! For now this is the only way I think I can start.

I'm not particularly worried about a medical event, I'm pretty sensible and I work in a healthcare profession. If I feel unwell, I'll obviously tell someone. It will be on my medical record too, and honestly, it's so extremely unlikely that I won't be able to say something myself, I'm fine with the minimal risks of not telling someone.

Funnily enough, my payment was declined and so the pens haven't gone through (I got a new card recently and didn't change it on Google pay) so I'm now dithering again about re-ordering and wondering if I should take it as a sign!
I'm so tired, I barely have any time but maybe if I try hard to get more sleep I'll be able to stick to a diet better... All the usual thoughts. But I've not managed that for 4 years, and all I've done is put weight on since having kids and struggle to exercise because if I make time to exercise, something else suffers for it. I'm just at a loss.
I am going to take some more time, and order next week.

I have also realised I can actually get it cheaper (I had bought from ASDA online pharmacy) with other companies, does anyone have any recommendations? I'd rather have a reputable company than the cheapest, but it's not exactly cheap! I'm going for Wegovy rather than MJ so loss is hopefully steadier and it's also cheaper!

I dont think you can take the issue with your card as a sign, its a simple piece of admin. Do what you need to do for you.

i did simple online pharmacy and it was an easy process and they arrive promptly, if you want a referal code PM me

My friend collapsed with kidney pain and there was no buildup or warning, it’s just sensible to tell someone.

Everybody saying you have to tell your husband so he can inform the hospital, what do you think happens to those of us without husbands? We have to communicate this information ourselves. Or trust they will check our medical records.

I didn't tell anybody for a while but I've slowly started admitting it and nobody cares. DH said he was more upset that I felt the need to hide it and he'd been worried about me, he thought I was starving myself. My best friend said a similar thing when I told her.

I kept the secret from my mother in law who I tell everything, I didn't want to tell her as she'd been doing so well losing weight. When I told her, she said she had been on mounjaro since start of last year but was embarrassed so hadn't told me!

I have lost 50lb since end of August on WeGovy. I did one month of 1.7mg but I didn't like the way I felt so went back down. I have hidden mine in the bottom of my fridge with the veg because kids don't go in there!

I think the OPs explained her reasoning very clearly, and your friends are very very unusual in what happened to them, @Disturbia81.

@Nancylancy have you seen the https://igovy.co.uk price comparison site? The current cheapest is Numan but they are a subscription service. You should be able to cancel before any second order to avoid a steep increase in price. Then the cheapest non subscription is Lloyds who are a well known high street name who are doing a decent new customer discount at the moment. You can change pharmacy each month to save money if you want or need to.

Absolutely, but if there’s a faster way of communicating that information when someone can’t speak for themselves.
It’s just sensible. And weird not to share something like this with the person you are sharing your life with. Sounds like a lot of crap marriages/relationships.

It’s probably unusual to pass out I admit.

I would find it odd to be married to someone i couldnt tell but i recognise how lucky i am to have the support i do from my DH. He would never judge but hes not that sort of person. One of the reasons i married him lol. I was taken very ill last year and couldnt speak for myselft and was glad he could speak for me. (Not all providers tell the gp) and at that point there was nothing on my record to say i was on MJ.
My ex husband on the other hand......

My family know and my DH has been really supportive but my friend who started about 8 months after me has a husband who is really uncomfortable and not very supportive of her, he can’t wait for her to stop taking them, when I’ve been at their house he makes comments like well you 2 won’t want to eat or drink will you, very patronising and unhelpful, she wishes she hadn’t told him.

Perfect example

Once you get more confidence in your decision to medicalise your weight loss you might also feel more confident about opening up to your dh.

I bought the pens and had them in the fridge for over a week (he isn't very observant!) before I used / told dh.

I was completely honest with him, told him things we had never discussed before, I think doing my research before buying them helped me find the words to explain what my relationship with food was like. I told him about food noise, about not being able to control it, about eating ridiculous amounts of snacks once he had gone to bed, about my BMI being classed as "mobidly", my ankles creaking in the morning and not feeling confident on the stairs and my worries I was heading towards disabling mobility issues and needed help. He was a bit shocked and just said "I didn't know..."

He was supportive, his next concern was safety as all he had seen was a couple of dramatic news headlines. But he knew and trusted I would have done all my homework and we had a chat about them and I explained how they worked. He also agreed to keep my confidence and I didn't want anyone else to know except my SIL/adult niece who I am close to and I knew I could trust him. We have since talked about what he might say if someone asked (I have lost 9st so it is very noticeable).

If he was judgemental after I had explained my very real health concerns so openly he wouldn't be the man I thought I married and I would have made it clear his attitude towards a medical treatment was unacceptable would not be tolerated.

Your dh's/dp's might be more supportive than you think if you tell them them openly the impact your obesity is having on you and can explain how the treatment works.

This is the sort of thing my DH says, he also said surely you're clothes don't fit now after losing so much weight, I said they are the clothes I've always had but they were too small since I put on weight! He'd 100% deny that he meant anything negative if I confronted him about it. I just avoid the subject.

My husband knows and my mum and sister. My best mates don’t know though because when one went on them the other messaged me some nasty things about it. I did tell her off but had decided I don’t need to think people are whispering behind my back. So haven’t told mates or peers. I’ve lost 35lbs and am a size 6 again (was up at a 12 before after the most stressful two years of my life).

Why? Her medical records should inform the hospital, or she can if awake or they’ll figure it out eventually. You don’t implicitly need someone to inform paramedics about your medications… they have tests!

Make sure your GP is informed by the company in order that the medication shows on your health records. I wouldnt have thought any hospital would think to test for whether someone is on WLI or necessarily whether it would even show up.

I agree 'husbands' dont need to know so that they can tell paramedics that is a ridiculous notion, mine wouldnt even remember what day to day meds Im on in any case and get it all arse about face. But OP it should be communicated from the clinc to your own GP

Also lol to the idea that we have husbands or partners wondering what that 300 quid bill in. Does no one have their own account!!!

I wondered this, do people walk around surgically attached to their husbands everywhere the go just in case they all
of a sudden totally out of the blue collapse because they’re taking MJ?
i do kind of ask this semi seriously too! Because I sure as shit don’t go everywhere with my dh so him knowing about it wouldn’t make any difference if I fell unconscious unless I was at home with him of an evening together.
your medical records will contain everything medics will need.

She hid it from the gp.

It still won’t cause a major issue if they don’t know. It’s not like it interacts with opioids or caused overdose etc

Other than the whole of MN, I haven't told a single soul in my real life about WLI. I could not be doing with the judgy comments (my family are sooooooooooo judgemental about everything). DP, who I was with until recently was actively against WLI, despite being even more fat than I was, so I definitely wasn't going to be telling him. And I didn't want the DC to be worrying about me.

I lost the weight really slowly so it took ages for people to notice. When anyone comments now, I say that I cut back the calories and increased the exercise which is completely true.

Good luck @Nancylancy WLI have been life changing for me in so many ways.