Bit of a mixed bag today.
I attempted to order Mounjaro from 5 different pharmacies and they all declined my orders. Some because I'd recently been prescribed MJ and wanted to ensure I was taking the medication safely (which sounds like a nice way of saying, no stockpiling), some because I was a new customer.
Each time I paid and then an hour later, got a rejection email, that did suck, but actually what was way worse was... Having to submit full length photos each time that needed to be taken afresh on that pharmacy's app. Some of them had me hold my t-shirt up, others I had to hold my arms out like I was going through airport security. My partner took them each time so we did five different photoshoots and I've gone from feeling OK about myself for the first time in ages, to feeling like a grabby blob.
It's almost as though I'm starting to feel ashamed about needing Mounjaro at all, and who do I think I am taking it when it was never meant to be available so frivolously, when I should just lose the weight by (insert Mounjaro bingo here). It's a nuisance. There's so much shame around being above a certain weight and not looking a certain way, already, and then there's all this additional, subtle, bullshit manufactured shame.
We went out after work and I was totally absent, trapped in a mental cul-de-sac about how I would need to increase my exercise and go for long walks - that helped in the pandemic - and that would get me to goal, sod Mounjaro.
All the while ignoring the griping pain in my hip that has been there for 3, the reason I stopped exercising in the first place, as well as the pain and instability in my knee since tearing my ACL.
I could potentially be dealing with something a bit savage with my joints - my shoulders have been awful for YEARS and it was a shock when my lower body joined in. I might not be able to simply work out until I'm healthy.
GOD I was in a much better mental space this morning. What a fucking day.