@Darlinghag posted this on the previous thread which really ressonated with somethings I have been mulling over:
"i was thinking 50kg was low but its actually not!! Just googled my idel weight at each bmi point between 18-25 and BMI 18 at my height is 46.08kg or 7st 3.6lb, which is almost bang on the weight I have already lost. Wild to think if I got there, which feels unfathomable, it would mean losing almost two thirds of my highest weight!!
i think i have normalised obesity so much that 7st something feels underweight when its really not!"
I seem to have completely lost reality with how I view my body.
Or more correctly - I have never had a realistic view of my body.
I can see my entire collar bone now and I have lost 5 chins. I can feel my jaw line - its incredible. I know I have lost a lot of weight, and I see it, feel it. Other times I catch sight of my belly or thighs and I feel like my body is the same as when it was 35kg heavier.
I also cannot tell who is "normal sized" or more like who might be a healthy BMI. I simply cannot tell.
I guess my point is this is a head issue - this is an issue in my head that I don't seem to be able to correct. I see myself as fat all the time. I've always believed myself to be fat. As a teen in the 80's I was told I was fat (I wasn't - I was tall and always fairly solidly built), but I took that on and I became fatter and fatter - like a self fulfilling prophecy.
Thinking on this it seems to me that I cannot be trusted to make judgements about my body. Its all over the place & often not grounded in reality. And now I am getting attention over weight loss etc - its all the same. Feeling happy & pleased with weightloss, seems to be simply the other side of the same coin of being dissatisfied & judgemental about my body. All involve judgements about my body that I know can be very incorrect and also lead to harmful behaviour.
I don't really know where I'm going with this but have decided to apply some kind of radical acceptance to myself and I hope that this will help me. If I feel myself making any kind of judgement about my body I try and intervene & focus on little mantras of self acceptance. I know years of therapy etc hasn't made a blind bit of difference to these destructive, warped and incorrect ideas I have in my head about my own body. I am now focusing on things like how powerful my body is in yoga, or walking up a hill, how much I enjoy dancing and free movement of my body etc. I'm focusing on simply noticing & accepting rather than making judgements. I can't keep going round and round in my head with this - so I'm trying on repeating messages of radical acceptance.
I don't know what else to do but I do really need to address this. I feel like this is going to be vitally important when it comes to maintenance.