Hen do planning help

[Laura236]

Hi all,

I am MOH for my friend who is getting married October 2027.
Hen do is going to be around May 27.

When would you start booking?
Bride is wanting to book ASAP but I would like to hold off to prevent drop outs and extra costs on remaining.
The hen do is looking like it will already be very expensive.

My thoughts were:
Villa first as can be cancelled for a smaller one if needs be?
Flights 6m before?
Activities/events 3m before?
Personalised gift bags etc after all above has been booked and paid for.

TIA!

The wedding will probably cost:
2 x £300 hotel stays
Bridesmaid dress
Gift

Hen weekend:
£600
Split cost from all the drop outs
Spending money
Miscellaneous costs like Hen Goody Bag etc

Annual leave for Hen weekend and possibly around the wedding...

If it's this stressy already, OP - It. Will. Only. Get. Worse.

Let one of her rich friends organise it, and deal with her micromanaging.

@viques Sorry if it sounds confusing. All I’m saying is I agree with what people are saying but what can I do? This is what the bride wants so I’m looking to to mow I could make it happen. If that means not everyone goes that’s on her. And yes I may be included in that but I would still be happy to organise.
I don’t want to upset her no but that’s the way I am. I do agree it’s selfish but I also understand people get wrapped up in it all and she wants what she sees on social media without looking at costs etc.
so when I say I would ask about costs, if everyone says £400 and what I’ve calculated is double she’s either going to have to lower her expectations or have a smaller group. I do get what you’re saying about dismissing my concerns too and tbh I’m not happy about that, need to stick to my guns next time I address it.
I also agree about the dresses I paid for my bridesmaids hair makeup dresses shoes and accommodation but I can’t make her pay if she doesn’t want to.

I totally agree with @viques

at 12.43 you said you would tell her you can't organise this for her and you will tell her so, and step down as MoH if need be.

then, at 12.48 you are back to considering all the options.

This is clearly not going to work - you have said you are aware of 3 of you hoping to have babies in the next year or two. There is NO WAY in the world that any of those people can commit to going even without other people who haven't discussed TTC with you. It is a ridiculous plan.

She has said she will pay for our hair but we pay for our dresses and makeup. She also wants the bridal party to stay at the venue day before and night of the wedding which is very expensive and when I said I couldn't justify she said its over 2 years away and she would be offended

But this should be enough to make you step down as MoH anyway.

She can be offended as much as she likes. If there are two years to save, then why isn't it her doing the saving, if it is her doing the demanding ?
Any costs incurred by people who are dressing a certain way or looking a certain way need to be paid by the bride. Particularly a bride who is able to afford to put £9K on a band.

Just tell her you hadn't realised being a MoH was going to cost so much and it isn't in your family budget so you are stepping down and she will have to find someone else.

Honestly I would pull out of all of this nonsense.
The hen do, the buying of your own dress, staying in an expensive hotel pre wedding…… all with the audacity of “plenty of time to save”

nope. Either you accept you’re going to be forking out ££££ to pander to this bridezillaz demands OR you nip this batshittery in the bud now.

I would say you cannot afford more than X amount, good chance you'll be pregnant and you have a family vacation to save for and that takes precedence, and you need to hand the moh duties back to her.
Good luck.

Realistically, as things stand, being MoH is likely to cost you about £2000.

How many days/hours would you need to work to earn that?
What else could you do with the money?
Where in your family budget could you economise to afford the luxury of pandering to the bride?

If you are heavily pregnant or have a newborn when the 'hen' or wedding occurs, you might not even attend.

Back out now, and let Bridezilla sort out her own thing.

I’d book a villa with free cancellation. You could do that now to appease bride
Everyone books their own flights
Look at trips/activities nearer time but only book for those who have paid. Don’t pay for anything without having the money up front.
Maybe give a rough idea of costs now and offer a monthly payment plan so people know what to expect.

Also, it is probable that - aside from the people TTCing - there will be at least one unexpted pregnancy among the group. Plus a job loss, parental illness, chlid illness, etc. I reckon that only about half the original invited group will make it to the increasingly expensive hen do. And then it's on you to sort out the bride's ruffled feathers and enormous sums.

If booking flights for others, you leave yourself open to an admin nightmare.
The name on the flight booking needs to match the name on the passport, and you might find out too late that someone forgot to mention that their middle name is Clare not Claire or whatever.

People will also drop out when it gets to the sharp end of actually buying a non-refundable plane ticket. And then you'll have all the hassle of trying to find a smaller villa.

God, it all sounds like a nightmare. We've seen so many threads about that kind of thing on here!

I certainly wouldn’t buy the flights.

However that also causes it’s own issues, as some people will go ahead book the flights and follow the plan only to see the costs rising day by day as people drop out. I do go on holiday with friends, but I would never start considering it so far in advance because it’s just ridiculous. We also go for hotels now so no one person is left with a logistical and financial nightmare.

Dropping out seems like a good option OP, but if you persist with this madness it may be worth having a nice hotel up your back sleeve. If you book fully cancelled as soon as they let you, it should be relatively cheap and I know from booking.com that we were able to cancel one of the rooms without it impacting the other ones.

I can't actually think of it anything worse than spending.So much time effort annual leave and money on such a boring holiday. Congratulating somebody for doing something extremely ordinary, which is getting married, aren't spending all that time effort and money on it.No, thank you, just go and get married.

Oh god yes, all having to dance attendance on the Queen bride, wearing stupid t-shirts and whatever, posing for endless pictures for the socials 🙄

One of my colleagues did this. 3 hen parties and 3 weddings.

One very expensive hen do on a Spanish island all with matching swim wear and shirts and monogrammed pajamas. Then she had a home hen do.

Then covid cancelled her wedding so she had a very small one. Then she had the big party when restrictions were lifted. Then she had a third wedding party for no particular reason. No expense spared on any of them.

Then married life wasn't what she expected. She became pregnant and started the same shenanigans over gender reveals and baby showers. Then in all of this her husband had been cheating on her. Now she is a soon to be divorced single mother.

All that money on hen parties and weddings could have been better saved given the circumstances she is in.

Thanks everyone I know some of my replies are back and forth tbh I don’t like upsetting people, I find it hard to be direct, am torn the best way to go about it and when to bring it up and obvs don’t know the first thing about planning a hen do 🤣 so many things ride on other factors it’s hard to know what to do first so sorry if my replies are all over the place.
im just wary i dont want to speak too soon and then when the WhatsApp group goes live everyone says their budget is 300-400 anyways.
I think I’m going to mention it this weekend at the engagement party. Say what costs I’m getting and try get a feel for what other people are saying.
I really do appreciate your replies, thank you!!

"plenty of time to save"
There's your red flag right there. Don't do it.

This ⬆️. Please take the combined wise advice on here.
Don't.

This sounds like a nightmare. So she’s given her demands, isn’t paying for the hen do or your dress for the wedding?
Even if you could afford it (plus annual leave) I would gracefully bow out now. People like the bride are never happy, and you could put your heart and soul into this for months, managing the other hens and loads of issues, and still she’ll still fall out with you.

Don’t book anything before flight schedules are available. I recently bought concert tickets abroad and booked accommodation straight away while it was affordable. Then the flights came out and didn’t align with the accommodation dates I’d booked and it was a nightmare.

And I didn’t have to factor in people pencilling in dates, securing annual leave and childcare and then finding out the dates need to change to accommodate flights and then not being able to make it.

But I also don’t get long engagements, 6 months to a year is plenty long enough. People’s lives change too much to start making plans two years out. There’s untold number of divorces, babies, redundancies and fall outs that can happen in that time that means plans will need to change!

...but I can’t make her pay if she doesn’t want to.

So surely she can't make you organise this if you don't want to? Why does what she wants trump everything else?

Does she have some sort of special power over you? Just say no. It's so far in the future anyway that the likelihood is that everyone will have fallen out by then, or she will have new friends that she wants more closely involved.

I do think that there are certain types of people who are very generous/wealthy who love organising and planning this kind of stuff but if that’s not you then you need to let the bride know so she can pick someone more suitable to organise her hen do. If that means she no longer values you as a friend then you’ve found out exactly the type of friend she is. I personally wouldn’t want a friend like that. I’d be so relieved to pass on this problem to someone else and just be a regular guest at her wedding or a bridesmaid but only if my only expense was max £200 for the hen do and my accommodation (if needed) for the wedding and a wedding present.

sorry op, no way would i commit to any kind of trip abroad a whole 2 years in advance.

I would definitely duck out of organising it as it will only give you stress you don’t need.

Try and get some other friends on your side, maybe they will also refuse to commit 2 years in advance.

I haven't even committed to a holiday for myself less than a year in advance as the flights schedule isnt out yet. It's foolish to do otherwise.

Odds on her having a divorce party??