My nephew (30) hasn’t invited his grandma to his wedding next year

[WildflowerGardens]

I am a woman whose nephew, who is 30, is getting married next year to his fiancée. He earns a good wage as a software developer.

He and my mother - his grandmother - are on good terms but don’t see each other - she’d love for him to visit but he doesn’t. It’s now emerged that she has only been invited to his wedding RECEPTION next year and not the wedding ceremony

I feel upset about this as my mother is 81 and this could be her last family wedding. It means that she won’t be in any of the family wedding photos - having a snapshot taken at the reception in some dark pub function room pales in comparison.

advice please!

Beautifully said.

Someone's the only reason is that the person can't be arsed to do the decent thing.

Many of us are close enough to our siblings and know our nieces and nephews well enough, to be aware of any conflicts or bad feeling between family members.

That doesn't mean that OP is actually aware of anything though.

Yes, being an arse is also a reason someone might not invite a grandparent to something like this though.

But not everyone would agree with this. If your mother has been upset by your sister's son, then I think it is your business to some extent. I wouldn't go wading in, but I'd be tryng to understand what is going on, in the hope that I might be able to help improve things. In my case I'd do that by speaking to my sister.

My granny would have said that too!!!

Ok afraid that is absolutely disgusting on behalf of your nephew. Both you and your sister should speak to him. The fact that he even thinks it’s ok leaves me gob smacked.

You can absolutely feel annoyed and disappointed on the behalf of your mother, but it's his wedding and up to him who is invited. I personally agree with your feelings on. Weddings cause so much family drama, seen it with family weddings where some aunts and uncles were invited, and others weren't.

It turned out that my late husband's son was unaware that DH hadn't been invited to the granddaughter's 18th. He seemed shocked when I told him (after the event - we'd no idea that male family members were included until we saw the pics on FB). I didn't immediately tell the DSS - DH had made a somewhat bitter remark the next time we saw his son, and the son obviously didn't understand why, hence my explanation.

I have no idea whether he ever said anything about it to his sister, however.

If there was an issue he wouldn't have invited her to the wedding reception after. There could have been a numbers issue depending on the size of the church or venue. People love to look for issues where there is none.

Your DD needs to learn how to forgive history has a funny way of repeating itself. She is a copy of you and her grandmother. Our children learn from us how to behave and how to carry hurt and upset.

I think your name says it all you're a lonely person.

Well, you were the one who said she hadn’t replied! If you’d said ‘She hasn’t replied yet but she’s Very Busy And Important’ that would have been met with different responses.

Could it be an oversight? I really can't imagine any of my children/friends children behaving in this way.

Repeat after me… it isn’t my wedding…it isn’t my wedding. Do not do anything.

Is it nice? No. Is it what they decided? Yes.

Do leave them organise what they like and don’t start something you can’t possibly win.

Process your upset in an other way that making them change what they organised.

Repeat after me… it isn’t my wedding…it isn’t my wedding. Do not do anything.

It's her mother though. No she can't make them change their wedding, but she's perfectly entitled to her opinion, and to not attend.
Their choice, but if that choice is hurtful to their family, they can't expect zero repercussions.

I know how that feels to just be invited to evening do when others went to whole day. Not a relative though. Didn’t realise others had gone to ceremony until at the evening do they showed me the room it was held in and how lovely it was and the meal. I just made the most of the evening and danced ate some buffet and enjoyed a glass or two. I didn’t say anything to show my disappointment, except to my partner afterwards. I hope the lady gets to enjoy the evening and if she wanted to go to the whole event I hope they can arrange for her invitation to be sent.

I agree, that last sentence needs to be publicised far more often in this world of entitlement.

The modern way seems to say 'you're wedding your rulz' but ultimately it's really selfish and hurtful to exclude one family member.

So rude of your nephew. He sounds selfish and immature. Of course family should be invited. Literally the point of weddings!

And mine. Absolutely classless to not invite someone who has contributed to your upbringing.

I’m sorry but when grandparents get old it is now the turn of the young to visit. I’m sure she did her visiting when he was a young boy. My children (30’s) visited their grandmother up until she died recently.

Is it church wedding? If so it's open to anyone to attend. No-one needs to be invited to it. Take her to that and the evening

This is wonderfully said.

If they are getting married in a church service then in principle it's a public celebration of the sacrament. However I'm sure an older lady would not just attend, especially for a family wedding where shes not been invited. It feels very sad that the grandmother should be excluded. But you need to think carefully how you can ask him to reconsider without making it worse. Can you gently ask about the reasoning? If it's a church wedding can you approach the vicar?

So have you heard back from your sister yet @WildflowerGardens ?

OPs mother is upset, it’s become her business.