My nephew (30) hasn’t invited his grandma to his wedding next year

[WildflowerGardens]

I am a woman whose nephew, who is 30, is getting married next year to his fiancée. He earns a good wage as a software developer.

He and my mother - his grandmother - are on good terms but don’t see each other - she’d love for him to visit but he doesn’t. It’s now emerged that she has only been invited to his wedding RECEPTION next year and not the wedding ceremony

I feel upset about this as my mother is 81 and this could be her last family wedding. It means that she won’t be in any of the family wedding photos - having a snapshot taken at the reception in some dark pub function room pales in comparison.

advice please!

Huh? This is the weirdest response yet! What does "quite common" even mean these days?? Not a word I've heard recently!

So you are invited currently? To the ceremony?

well op, if you want people to ‘keep their oar out’, why ask for opinions on a forum?!

you’ve still not answered any questions re the logistics of it all and just seem determined to make this your nephew and his bride’s personal mission to insult you and your mother

I don’t think it mattters how busy your sister is or what her job is (she could be the prime minister, you’re still apparently the closest family ever, so why isn’t she engaging in discussing this?) is, if you were all that close and things were so rosy as you seem to think, you’d have her over for a coffee or a wine and discuss this.

Or not.

Maybe just spelling out very clearly again for the OP who seems to be insistent in interfering in business that isn’t theirs.

To be honest, given the OP's update, I am just surprised they invited her!

😂It's very classy to honour your granny - especially among young people. I expect this couple are spending a lot to make the wedding venue look posh, upmarket touches, picture perfect...All that is moot if granny isn't invited. It'll be all fur coat and no knickers (as my granny would say).

I’d say an elderly grandmother is not “some random distant relative”

you need to invite some random distant relative you barely know/never see

The woman who birthed his own mother and helped raise him is a "random distant relative"??

On another thread, I was strongly agreeing that immigrants to the UK should integrate... but perhaps not this bit of UK culture!

What are you and your gran rattling on about 🙈

MN is weird about weddings, but in the real world it is the extended family's business if their mum, the groom's gran, isn't invited to his wedding. And most people would say something to him about it.

It's all very well saying 'his wedding, his rules' but again, in the real world we all have to make some of our choices based on family relationships. Not all choices can be solely about what we want - we owe it to those who have lived and cared for us to consider their feelings. Even when it costs money or is a bit inconvenient.
Having the right to do whatever you want, doesn't make it right to actually do so!

This isn’t UK culture. It’s culture of people who don’t value family.

Agree - also Love that this is being called ‘uk culture’ like the UK is one homogeneous mass of a country with one monoculture - tell me you’re uncultured without telling me you’re uncultured, making statements like this! 🙄

This isn’t UK culture. It’s culture of people who don’t value family.

I'd have thought that, hence so surprised at person after person seeing nothing wrong with this.

I couldn't imagine not inviting a grandparent, who had played a positive and significant part in my childhood (irrespective of how many times I see them now) to my wedding.

I could, however imagine disinheriting a poor excuse for a grandson though.

In what way had the Op insistently interfered aside from a WhatsApp to her sister ( who hadn’t replied)?

Shes hardly been haranguing the nephew.

I had someone ask if their daughter could bring their long term partner to my wedding. Which of course when it was mentioned made perfect sense. I had been so focused on “ small” and hadn’t considered boyfriends I’d met a handful of times. Which I should have.

It's his wedding and his choice, assuming this reflects his relationship with his grandmother. You may not be aware of the exact nature of the relationship or any issues.

My DD didn't invite one set of grandparents to her wedding. Her choice based on their behaviour towards her. I fully supported and understood her decision. Even if I didn't, it's an issue between them, not for me to have got in the middle of.

It is awful not to invite his grandmother. I can guarantee you tour grandmother would love to be there and she is going to be so hurt. One extra person is not going to break the bank.

Agree @WildflowerGardens

absolutely right for you to be hurt for your mum and also to get involved and find out why! That’s what family is about so hopefully your Dsis will be able to get involved and get granny there.

That’s awful behaviour from your nephew - the ungrateful little shit needs to pay for grandma to be there! And awful of your sister to have even let him think that was ok behaviour on his part

hope you all get to talk and sort things out xx

I don’t agree with you, neither do a lot of people. So you’re not necessarily “right”, though not surprised that you’ve taken the same view as the nephew.the option that upsets people.

I’m not sure where you get the “insisting” from? Not even sure that OP has approached the nephew? She’s just messaged her sister currently, and seems to be asking for advice.

But, the way you took the time to post each word on a separate line, with full stops etc, says a lot about you.

Is that how you speak to people in real life? You stand in front of them and say this is my view, I am right, so let me spell it out to you? And slowly and pointedly say what you’ve got to say? Even though it’s just your opinion, not law?

i doubt it, but from behind a key board…… you feel justified to do that.

Well said OP, nephew needs to realise it’s not just GM he’s upsetting and that people will judge him.

Wow, I'm always about how the bride and groom should choose, especially regarding no kids ... but what a little shit bag! That's terrible 😕 I can't even believe someone would do this

OP has made it clear that there are no issues in the relationship other than the nephew's total lack of interest in his grandmother.

OP, you haven't said why they need to pay for people to attend the ceremony. This is very unusual, isn't it? (or am I hopelessly out of date?) Does it involve lunch or something?

I agree and with OP. It's poor form.

As for the usual, stay out of it, OP is advocating for her 81 year old mother. And rightly so.

That's in her opinion and knowledge anyway. I don't know about you, but a sense of family duty to invite to these things, think about grandma's feelings and taking an interest in my grandmother wouldn't go out the window without some sort of reason behind it.