Petty - after a child free wedding

[Magicboobies]

I know this is v petty - anyone feel the same ?

You see photos all over social of a couple who had a child-free/baby free wedding a while back (and you either could not attend due to breastfeeding or went to a massive effort to sort childcare out for your brood, on the pretence that they wanted you to be able to enjoy yourself, as if you don’t enjoy being with your kids) and now they’re posing taking their baby to a wedding “look how smart baby is in a suit etc etc”

I am fully aware this is entirely unreasonable 🤣 but also sort of want them to feel the slight annoyance I did, all whilst being judged by the masses at how dare I think a child could possibly be invited to a wedding.

“We want you to enjoy yourself” is obviously code for “We do not want to invite your kids and risk them being noisy/expensive/badly behaved ”

People say stuff like that all the time “we need to do this again” (to be polite and wrap up the day) “ let me know if I can do anything for you” (and be absent when you need help)

It is unfair to expect child-free people to know how much hassle it is to find childcare. Some people land on their feet and have lots of people who they can ask but some people have no one or everyone they would ask is at the wedding.

The other side of this is that a child-free wedding can provide a convenient excuse to decline an invitation without looking rude because you’re putting the bride and groom first by not bringing your kids.

This ⬆️!

When we got married 8 years ago I couldn’t imagine for a second why anyone would want a child-free wedding. Kids are fun at weddings! But we had a total of 5 children at our wedding, and 2 were our nieces.

When one of my best friends (and bridesmaid at my wedding) got married last year, everyone on our table was a parent to at least one child under the age of 4. It would have doubled the size of the event to allow everyone to bring their children and some kind of child entertainment might even have been needed to keep the marauding toddlers in line. It suddenly made much more sense. I wouldn’t have wanted our wedding to be the same vibe as a toddler’s birthday party either! Sometimes you just have to remember the event isn’t only about you.

It would annoy me too. I think people change after they have had a child they realise that it isn't that simple to leave a baby possible overnight.

No, very small children wouldn't have doubled the size of the event. They're not going to need a meal. Mostly they're entertained enough by what's going one, although I have been to ones where they've brought in an entertainer.
At one wedding they had a magician, which was great for children and adults alike!

They wanted a child free wedding. And now they are attending someone else’s wedding, who didn’t want that. It’s not complicated or anything to be bitter about?

Jesus wept. Not this again. The people who invited you to a child and baby free wedding, didn’t mind if you sat it out. Presumably they are attending a wedding that includes children, or else an exception was made. What’s your point OP?

Fair point. You'll get the schadenfreude when they post about how disappointed they are that they can't take little Bonzo with them to the Beckham wedding and how weddings are so much nicer as a family occasion. Smile to yourself when that comes around.

And yes, the 'we just want you to enjoy yourselves!' line is bullshit.

Yes I am definitely. I don’t think I realised how hard it would be leaving the baby (was Child number 1 and very needy bab) and hearing them crying down the phone etc while I was rushing back and forth from venue, it would now be a hard no from me 👍🏽

I know what you mean OP. It’s galling when someone bans your kid from their wedding on the grounds that kids are annoying and spoil the event, then a while later when they’ve got a kid, they boast about how lovely their child looks in their wedding outfit. But rest assured, their child won’t be allowed to every wedding.

Some people take it VERY personally when their child is not invited to a wedding. They say it’s about childcare etc, but I think some people only live through their DC once they have them, and actually can’t bear to go to anything without them, or have a day to have other relatives fawn over them.

Aww, that's really tough. I can see how their post would be galling.

I had a child free wedding because I did NOT want lots of children at my wedding! Nothing to do with people enjoying themselves or not. If we’d allowed children, they would have outnumbered the adults and that’s not the day we wanted. Several people didn’t attend because of this and that’s fine, totally understandable.

But, OP, you did have a choice whether to attend or not and it sounds like you were unhappy with that choice then and now. I do think the excuse of saying parents being able to enjoy themselves is utter bollocks, just say it like it is.

Sounds like baby was very small, did you ask?

I can see why you're bothered by it.

Clearly you are being absolutely unreasonable OP, but I too would feel cheated out of the opportunity for a nice bit of schadenfreude in the circumstances!

Yeah I think it shows a lack of insight on their part. Their baby is a huge part of their lives now, it’s a shame they couldn’t see that before.

I get it, it seems incredibly self-centred.

The rules are up to each individual couple that are getting married. I’m sure they didn’t rock up to a wedding they were told not to bring their baby to, with a baby.

YABU.

Kid free weddings are better by a mile.

It’s self centred to have the wedding you want? But it’s not self centred for other people to expect to be able to bring their children? Ok.

People generally make exceptions for babes in arms so I would feel a bit bitter that they didn’t.

(also I think babies look stupid dressed in suits)

Their baby didn't exist before. So it was obviously not part of their life then 😅

That sounds difficult but instead of blaming them you need to take responsibility because you chose to go and leave your baby.

Whats done is done though, your baby was fine and you did what you thought was best at the time.
Don’t feel guilty or angry over something that you can’t change.

Those who think “it’s an invite, not a summons” aren’t entirely right.

We had to go to an overseas wedding recently, in school term, which cost us a fortune in flights and hotels.

We initially declined due to cost, but since it was a close relative all hell broke loose and we had to go, or have a massive falling out.

I wouldn’t mind, but a few years ago we had to attend an overseas wedding for this same person. Their sense of entitlement is astounding. I’m not going to any more weddings that put me out, unless it’s my own child’s, and I mean it.

And that's absolutely fine... surely nobody forced you to go? I didn't go to a wedding when my baby was tiny (he wasn't invited and I didn't want to leave him).

weddings with child are fun… maybe remove from actual ceremony