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Original poster

Uninvited from Hen Do

53 replies

Sybll · 23/05/2025 12:38

My friend gets married April 2026 and I am her MOH.

I found out 2 weeks ago that I am pregnant (which was planned and she knew we were trying). Her hen do isn’t planned or booked however I know she was aiming for February 2026.

I have told her I’m pregnant, way earlier than I would’ve liked but I wanted to give her plenty notice to see if we could plan the hen do for a different month as I am due at the end of January. I suggested bringing it forward to this year as she would like an ‘away hen’ and doing a night out in March next year when I’ll not be pregnant. She was all up for this however her other bridesmaids didn’t want to bring it forward therefore I suggested a date in March as suggested by the bride, this was agreed to then be told later on March is too close to the wedding and they’re sorry but the hen do will be in February as planned.

I can’t help but be upset about the situation, I know it’s her day and I’m biting my tongue because I don’t want to make it about me but I feel I should tell her that I am upset? I have tried to work it around me being pregnant by bringing it forward or pushing it back and now I’m not really sure where I fit in, I know it was my choice to become pregnant but I genuinely thought we could’ve made it work and we would have if it wasn’t for the other bridesmaids not wanting to bring it forward..

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
powershowerforanhour · 23/05/2025 13:02

"I know it’s her day and I’m biting my tongue because I don’t want to make it about me but I feel I should tell her that I am upset?"

Yes, it's her day. Don't tell her- what would it achieve apart from making her feel like shit? Trying to get as many people as possible able to take annual leave at the same time is tough anyway, she's better just sticking to the plan.

middleagedandinarage · 23/05/2025 13:03

Also when were you proposing it was moved to if it's before the baby? I'm guessing would need to be November because who can or wants to go on an away henny in December or early January? So it's not like you're suggesting it's moved by a couple of weeks, literally bringing it forward months! Definitely an unreasonable expectation.

Favouritefruits · 23/05/2025 13:03

I think you have been blessed! No way will you feel like a hen do with a newborn!

Jackiebrambles · 23/05/2025 13:04

Also hopefully there won’t be a fall out over whether the baby is invited to the wedding!

Original poster
Sybll · 23/05/2025 13:09

Judging by a lot of your comments you clearly haven’t read this all the way through. The hen do hasn’t been planned in any shape or form, those attending the hen didn’t even know February was the idea. I am not expecting it to be rearranged as it isn’t even arranged.

I am certainly not making it about me as I haven’t even said anything to the bride, I have agreed to her wishes because it is her hen do and her wedding and that’s what’s most important.

I am however still expected to plan the hen do which I will do because it’s for her.

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 23/05/2025 13:10

I do think you’re being a bit unreasonable here. And if it’s more than a few hours event, I guarantee you won’t be ready to leave your newborn, so you’ll be very glad it’s not in March. Take your friend out for a spa day or something nice to celebrate with her before baby arrives and let them all arrange some crazy expensive drunken hen do without you. I do understand why you’re upset but I do think you’ll be relieved once you’re heavily pregnant or have a newborn. Let this one go.

Velmy · 23/05/2025 13:11

You haven't been 'uninvited'; the date is staying the same because that's what's best for the majority.

Go ahead and guilt trip her about it though, why not 🤷🏻‍♂️

Original poster
Sybll · 23/05/2025 13:11

middleagedandinarage · 23/05/2025 13:03

Also when were you proposing it was moved to if it's before the baby? I'm guessing would need to be November because who can or wants to go on an away henny in December or early January? So it's not like you're suggesting it's moved by a couple of weeks, literally bringing it forward months! Definitely an unreasonable expectation.

I should’ve clarified the bride wanted it brought forward also, it was the other bridesmaids that unfortunately couldn’t make it work. If it wasn’t what she wanted I wouldn’t have suggested it to the bridesmaids.

OP posts:
Jackiebrambles · 23/05/2025 13:13

It makes no sense for you to plan it when you aren’t going though??

slamdunk66 · 23/05/2025 13:14

You are being unreasonable. You want your planned pregnancy to trump a date what works better for everyone else.

JustAnInchident · 23/05/2025 13:15

I don’t think you’re wrong to be a bit upset you won’t be able to go (although you’re being a bit dramatic saying you’ve been ‘uninvited’!) but you can’t really expect everyone else to fit around you, rather than going with the majority. Unfortunately it’s just one of those things… and, ime anyway, one of many things you’ll have to say no to with a baby coming! With that being said, I think I’d probably take a step back from planning if I couldn’t actually go, seems a bit daft!

Calliopespa · 23/05/2025 13:16

Sybll · 23/05/2025 13:09

Judging by a lot of your comments you clearly haven’t read this all the way through. The hen do hasn’t been planned in any shape or form, those attending the hen didn’t even know February was the idea. I am not expecting it to be rearranged as it isn’t even arranged.

I am certainly not making it about me as I haven’t even said anything to the bride, I have agreed to her wishes because it is her hen do and her wedding and that’s what’s most important.

I am however still expected to plan the hen do which I will do because it’s for her.

Some people have missed those details op; but the bottom line is the bride did have an idea of when it would be and that date still works except for working around your pregnancy.

I just think you need to accept your circumstances have changed and it might not suit the bride to work round it.

To be honest I might not be in her position. There are so many moving parts with a wedding and if you still want to go to the hen do after baby comes, you are in the minority of new mums. It’s hard to envisage now, but your priorities change, they just do.

I think your friend is being quite wise to anticipate this.

FionnulaTheCooler · 23/05/2025 13:17

YABU. You knew when the wedding was when you chose to get pregnant. Your friend wants to have her hen do at a time that suits her, you can't expect everyone to work around your choices.

ExceedinglyCharacteristic · 23/05/2025 13:18

Sybll · 23/05/2025 13:09

Judging by a lot of your comments you clearly haven’t read this all the way through. The hen do hasn’t been planned in any shape or form, those attending the hen didn’t even know February was the idea. I am not expecting it to be rearranged as it isn’t even arranged.

I am certainly not making it about me as I haven’t even said anything to the bride, I have agreed to her wishes because it is her hen do and her wedding and that’s what’s most important.

I am however still expected to plan the hen do which I will do because it’s for her.

But you say you’ve talked to the bride, if you’ve told her you’re pregnant and suggested date alterations to the projected date. And yes, you are making it about you, if you’ve suggested moving dates that work for other people to accommodate your pregnancy. If, as you say, this was a planned pregnancy, surely you knew this was a possibility?

ExceedinglyCharacteristic · 23/05/2025 13:19

But I’d step down as organiser. It makes no sense to organise a hen you won’t be attending.

Communitywebbing · 23/05/2025 13:22

Seems odd that the bridesmaids are telling the bride when the hen do is! Much odder than one of them being unable to go to the hen do because of a new baby.

pikkumyy77 · 23/05/2025 13:24

Just take the imaginary negotiations out of the picture as they are causing you to feel hurt and somehow offended. Just take a deep breath and step back. Being bride is not being queen for a year or two and being Maid of Honour is not being the Queen’s Lady of the Robes for several years.

You can’t attend the Hen for obvious reasons and you shouldn’t be asked to plan it (because planning involves responsibility for things going wrong in the run up and during the hen do itself).

Of course you have nothing to apologize for as your pregnancy, planned or unplanned, takes precedence over a hen do or any bridal fuss.

Just be calm, politely regretful, and withdraw from the Hen.

heroinechic · 23/05/2025 13:24

Ah I do feel for you, it’s disappointing to feel left out and it’s an odd situation where you’ll be planning hen do for everyone else to go on while you stay at home.

That said, you knew the bride wanted Feb ‘26 and went ahead with TTC (which you were right to do because putting it off for someone else’s life event is daft) and unfortunately the others can’t make a 2025 date work. It is what it is.

Plan a special hen do for you and the bride. Don’t let the pregnancy keep you from celebrating with her! But don’t vent your frustration to her. It doesn’t sound like there’s a way round it without potentially excluding others (who can’t make the Nov ‘25 date).

ParmaVioletTea · 23/05/2025 13:25

Yes, YABU to expect your friend to reorganise events around her wedding to suit you. These things happen, and it's part of life.

Coconutter24 · 23/05/2025 13:25

Sybll · 23/05/2025 13:11

I should’ve clarified the bride wanted it brought forward also, it was the other bridesmaids that unfortunately couldn’t make it work. If it wasn’t what she wanted I wouldn’t have suggested it to the bridesmaids.

Show quote history

Couldn’t be they did t want it brought forward for financial reasons?
yanbu to be upset but equally you were trying for a baby so you knew there’d be a chance you might not be able to go surely? I do think it’s unreasonable to have a plan a gen do that you aren’t going on, I would tell the bride to ask one of the other hens to organise. They can’t accommodate you (which they don’t have to) but all expect you to plan their trip? You’d be a mug to do it tbh.

Olika · 23/05/2025 13:37

Yes you are being unreasonable. Everybody else should not be changing plans because of you.

OurManyEnds · 23/05/2025 14:06

Communitywebbing · 23/05/2025 13:22

Seems odd that the bridesmaids are telling the bride when the hen do is! Much odder than one of them being unable to go to the hen do because of a new baby.

It’s probably more that if a few can’t make it on a certain month it makes sense to change it. I doubt they’re ganging up telling her when she’s allowed to have her hen.

Communitywebbing · 23/05/2025 14:15

OurManyEnds · 23/05/2025 14:06

It’s probably more that if a few can’t make it on a certain month it makes sense to change it. I doubt they’re ganging up telling her when she’s allowed to have her hen.

Show quote history

The way OP put it sounds like that: bride says she wants a Match date and bridesmaids say it’s not convenient. But who knows.

dreamingbohemian · 23/05/2025 15:05

Don't plan a hen do you're not going on! That's crazy

Excitedbride2b · 26/05/2025 11:28

Why should they change plans for you?

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