Asked for honeymoon contribution as gifts - should we give bank details?

[Pinkmittens9]

In our invitations we said not expecting any gifts but if they want to, then something for our honeymoon would be lovely. Feel awkward even saying that! But I know people usually want to get you something and we’ve already got a house full of “stuff”.
someone asked the other day if we want cash or whether we’ll share our bank details. What’s the done thing? I guess a lot of people don’t do cheques these days and maybe don’t have cash. But does it seem icky to send our bank details? I was thinking of emailing out some final details for the day before the wedding to guests so could include it but I’m really not sure!!

OP, good.This is a great compromise. I think you knew all along bank details/QRC were off.

Have a wonderful wedding! 💐

Oh my god, how many times do I have to say it?

I couldn't give a shit who knows my bank details because the only thing they can do with them is pay money into my account.

I wouldn't put my bank details on my wedding invitation/website and ask people to pay me money in lieu of gifts because many people think that is rude and tacky.

JFC.

We set up a PayPal account specifically for this occasion which felt maybe less weird than sharing bank details? I do tend to still give cash if this isn't an option but it does feel a bit riskier. We got our car broken into the day after our wedding! By some miracle they left behind the tin with literally all of the cash in it. Our wedding was a few years ago now so we got a few cheques too but i wouldn't think anyone really has cheques these days.

I agree with that but if you are asking for money anyway?

No idea about other cultures. Sorry. Talking about the UK.

@Pinkmittens9. We had combined 2 houses so really didn't want more 'stuff' just like you.

On our invitation we said the cliche about 'wanting your presence not presents' but people then contacted us to say that they really wanted to give us something so we then gave them the wine list or charity option.

So maybe just say that you have everything you need, then if guests contact you suggest the honeymoon fund and give bank details.

We said no presents as we have everything we need but if you want to spend money please treat yourself.

I think that's a generational thing. I'm at an age where my peers are getting married (I married young, eloped years ago) - they don't want crockery and bedding because they're 30+ years old and already have everything they need and more. They are established independent adults, not setting up house for the first time. And in my experience, if they say "just your presence", they really mean it!

Haha so true! So many old fashioned idealists on here.

I would give out details. I never take cash to a wedding now after what happened to one of my friends about 10 years ago - someone walked off with their "card box" that was on a table at the reception, taking all the cards and cash with them. Hotel said there was no cctv available but we always felt it might have been a member of staff/agency staff who nicked it.

Bank details definitely a no no! It can come across distasteful.

We mentioned in our invites, "No need for gifts but if you'd like to, cash is preferred". We got cash and vouchers. Most people are generally thoughtful and may provide an amount to 'pay for their seats'. It is very common in some cultures to gift money in that respect.

Hugely arrogant of you to put your own need to buy something (which they and the planet don't need) over what they've actually asked for (a memorable experience, much more worth having than a set of cutlery).
Your attitude stinks.

I don't think it's supposed to be mentioned in the invitations. You're supposed to turn it into a huge drawn out admin exercise where they ask your parents or maid of honour for the wedding list, who's then going to have to say there isn't one so you have to work out what to do next as hopefully they'd not gift a physical item without prior consultation?

But in absence of a wedding list, I don't see a problem a guest giving cash, even if it ends up paying towards the wedding or honeymoon. If everyone gave them towels, saucepans etc and they paid for their own honeymoon, it has the same effect on their finances in the end as if the guests paid towards their honeymoon and they had to buy their own towels and saucepans when they needed them.

or hugely arrogant to ask for people for money to travel (which the planet doesn't need)

or hugely arrogant to ask people to spend money to attend your wedding when all you need is 2 witnesses and a council office

or hugely arrogant to serve beef at your meeting - have you seen what it has done to the planet....

Really don't see why a list asking for "stuff" - unwanted stuff - is classy, and a message asking for something they actually WANT is tacky.

Surely if you're going to their wedding, you love/are fond of, the people getting married - so why wouldn't you want your contribution to be something they will ENJOY, rather than stuff they don't need and will be wasted/charity shopped.

Weird.

Apparently it's polite to prefer silver ladles. Because that certainly isn't a needless waste of anyone's money.

Haha so true. Have a lovely experience on your honeymoon? Nah, have some "bed linens" (who even says this rather than bedding these days) that are nothing like your taste. It's not the 1800's!

Agree. I got married 15 years ago mid 30s.

People gave lovely, thoughtflul things, if they wanted.

My parents got married at 21 and needed pots and pans😮

And naturally everyone has storage space for all these linens, silver (is silver a thing that actually needs replacing?!) for however many decades until the current ones wear out. Perish the thought that a couple getting married might not have quite as big a house as that poster did several decades ago!

Why are people so keen on giving physical gifts rather than a cash gift? Honestly a lot of the physical gifts we received (and certainly all the ones that were not on our gift list) just feel like clutter. In many cultures, cash is the way to go (and people are not as penny pinching with the cash gifts as in the UK either). In some cultures, the unwritten code is to “cover your plate” which can end up being quite a lot.

Of course people can give what they want, and it will be received graciously, but it isn't thoughtful if the couple neither want or need it.

I prefer websites where you can pay into a honeymoon fund (we used the Wedding Shop, other friends have used Zola and similar) because it feels easier than giving actual cash (we have a generous cash gift to a couple from one of the “cover your plate” cultures and never received a thank you note so now I don’t know if the gift ever made it across and they were just ungracious or they never got the gift because it got stolen!)

A cousin provided bank transfer details for her wedding presents but tbh that did feel a bit weird, very transactional. Also no thank you card — please send thank you cards for goodness’ sake!

See, I would consider thankyou cards an old fashioned waste of paper. 😆

We are clearly very different.

A gift is a an optional choice; not a demand.

"Cover your plate"? No idea. Why would I?

I'm not a card fan myself. Thank you text is better! But I know some people like that kind of thing.

It's one of the difficulties with wedding etiquette in the UK at the moment. The traditional customs are in flux and you'll never please everyone.

A gift neither wanted or needed isn't really a gift though - it's another job for the recipient. The thought doesn't count if it's yourself you're thinking of.