Asked for honeymoon contribution as gifts - should we give bank details?

[Pinkmittens9]

In our invitations we said not expecting any gifts but if they want to, then something for our honeymoon would be lovely. Feel awkward even saying that! But I know people usually want to get you something and we’ve already got a house full of “stuff”.
someone asked the other day if we want cash or whether we’ll share our bank details. What’s the done thing? I guess a lot of people don’t do cheques these days and maybe don’t have cash. But does it seem icky to send our bank details? I was thinking of emailing out some final details for the day before the wedding to guests so could include it but I’m really not sure!!

You might find a discounted home item (eg a Le Crueset dish for £35 instead of £70), but you might feel obliged to give £50 in cash, where as a £70 gift reduced to less than you'd put in an envelope is obviously cheaper.

Because gifts can be on sale, offer etc.

I can find a gift reduced from £50 to £25 but I bet people judge me putting £25 in a card. They say they don't but they do just like they say they don't want a gift and then say give me honeymoon money.

Let's be honest most people give money these days and you aren't going to end up with 3 toasters any more but you are certainly going to put pressure on people who have already spent a fortune on your wedding (outfits, gifts, hens etc) to hand over a bunch of cash.

I find asking for money very rude in any situation.

I totally agree. Why would people think giving another toaster or an unwanted set of towels is better than putting money towards a lovely experience? And then there's the expectation that the happy couple must be extremely grateful for this gift that will be stuck in a cupboard for years.

It makes it all about the giver.

But that's an assumption that the couple would prefer (as per pp example) a dish than £35. I'm sure most couples appreciate anything they receive, but established older couples won't want duplicate kitchenware but might be very pleased to have a lunch on their honeymoon funded.
I think it's quite rude to insist on giving people things they don't want to be honest.

I’m in Ireland and cash is the usual gift at weddings these days. It’s so common now that people don’t usually need to make it clear if cash is their preference should guests give a gift. So it’s a bit different from OP’s situation in that sense, as the bride and groom usually don’t say anything re gifts.

I’ve never seen anyone give their bank details. I would consider that a bit much tbh.

Mostly people give cash in a card. It was common practice to just hand the envelope to the best man or another member of the wedding party on the day, usually at the reception after the ceremony. The last few weddings I went to had a postbox sort of thing at the reception and you just dropped the envelope in there. The postbox is kept locked so it’s quite safe.

Your bank details are on the cheque tho...

But you can still give a gift instead of cash.

Quite. I've yet to hear of anyone refusing to accept a gift. Whether or not they keep it is another matter...

I guess a lot of people don’t do cheques these days and maybe don’t have cash.

Anyone can get cash easily enough. Even I can walk to a cash machine and I live in the arse end of nowhere. For some people, a bank transfer is a bit transactional and lacks the personal act of giving you a gift.

"emaling out final instructions for the day with bank details" is nothing other than awful.

Others think it is fine. Some would put a QR code.

OP has to decide if it is indeed "icky" or not.

Nobody gives toasters to established couples.

The OP said ' no gifts or cash'

We used a sustainable/responsible travel website that offered vouchers to buy online and a wide range of options for our trip in the area we wanted to go to.

Very true!

I suppose if you're going to go down the road of giving a physical item when asked not to so it isn't clear how much you spent, the best thing to do is ensure it's something the charity shop can use. Nothing personalised.

Weddings are losing all meaning.They are so expensive to attend and so transactional if QR codes and bank details/ dictats for gifts become the norm, I see many people not attending.

Depressing.

you do realise that cheques have bank details on?

She means sending out your own bank details in final instructions. Not the details on a cheque.

The meaning is for two people to sign a legal document, with an optional meal/party, that people can attend or not. What's depressing about that?

People will not attend: too expensive and too transactional,as I said.

Seems all of us from cultures where cash gifts are the norm have been having meaningless, transactional weddings for a long time, eh!

This is not what I said.

I’m gathering that cash gifts are the norm, it’s how they’re asked for that’s the issue.
I do agree about bank details, QR codes being a bit far (and I’m glad I asked, because I hadn’t considered it before and when the friend asked I thought maybe it was now the done thing) and won’t be doing this.
Hopefully no one is offended by mentioning the honey moon, I don’t really think they will, and almost everyone we invited is coming.

You said weddings are losing all meaning, and that it's transactional to give money using some of the more modern electronic methods. Which people from such cultures often now do when observing those traditions, because they're becoming more common. Are these weddings not transactional and losing meaning, then, and if not why?

Correct. I absolutely said that.

Best part of the wedding in DHs country is dancing the cash over to the bride. You'd look nuts if you took a saucepan instead - that's the grooms job 😂

You've missed out the explanation of how it means those weddings aren't meaningless and transactional.