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Original poster

Bridesmaids dresses - who should pay?

122 replies

Autumnbaththoughts · 04/10/2024 08:12

Is it ok to give a colour or theme and let/have the bridesmaids pick their own dresses? It seems more common now but I still feel a bit awkward! I’m tempted to pay for them but partner thinks we shouldn’t (tight budget and it’s all so £££!). We’ve got them flowers but won’t do bridesmaid hair/make up either.
I was recently a bridesmaid and we picked our own dresses but it was fairly casual and the expectation was wear something you already own, or buy something you’d wear again.

OP posts:
CharlotteBog · 04/10/2024 09:33

and the expectation was wear something you already own, or buy something you’d wear again.

If you explained this expectation when you invited them to be your bridesmaids then it's fine.

It's convention that the bride pays for the BMs (everything - dress, hair, makeup, shoes), so going against that should have been explained before they agreed so they could make an informed decision.

sorrythetruthhurts · 04/10/2024 09:36

One of my friends did this and picked a colour that wasn't unusual but didn't happen to be in fashion at the time and it was such a struggle to find a dress I gave up and dropped out. I was glad I did because it didn't work at all, the bridesmaid lineup looked all straggly and it was like a row of mismatching prom dresses.

DannSindWirHelden · 04/10/2024 09:39

Talk. To. Them. They're meant to be your friends.

Say "I'm on a tight budget - is there any way we can finesse the bridesmaid "look" with clothes you already own and matching accessories? What colours work for you all? Does anyone have a brilliant idea you've seen at someone else's wedding? Would it work if I subbed you 50 quid each for dresses you fancy in toning colours?" Get together over a bottle of something and a laptop/phones to share pictures, or a zoom call if you can't do it in person.

MaggieBsBoat · 04/10/2024 09:39

The bride.

FussyFusspott · 04/10/2024 09:41

The bride should pay. When you say getting them flowers, do you mean paying for their bouquets? Or sending them flowers as a gift? Paying for their bouquet is obviously something you have to do if you want them to carry them. If you mean you're buying them flowers as a gift then don't do that just pay for the dresses.

24CRZZNKKA · 04/10/2024 09:42

I paid for everything, dress, hair, make up, jewellery. Only thing I didn't pay for was shoes (and they could wear shoes they already owned/buy something comfortable)

It's your wedding, they shouldn't be out of pocket.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/10/2024 09:44

I paid for my bridesmaids’ dresses, hair and makeup. I wanted them in a specific dress and their hair done a certain way so I paid. I didn’t buy their shoes but I said to wear whatever they wanted.

DeliciousApples · 04/10/2024 09:45

What the cost to hire dresses these days? Might be cheap? I'd ask. Also more environmentally friendly if that's a consideration

However if it's possible to get cheap dresses on eBay in a nice style that looks stretchy or easy to take in I'd go for that and pay myself.

However I'd measure everyone prior to ordering to make sure the dresses would fit ok as people say "I'm a size 10" when they actually "I'm a size 12 but I'll diet for the big day" (and then don't and the size 10 dress doesn't fit). Plus sizing of dresses made abroad is different. I'm a large in U.K. sizes but 3xl in some foreign sizes!

Re makeup, I'd be tempted to say that as you all do your makeup so well would you be up for doing it on the day?

I'd prob do my own too. I've not seen a bride amongst my pals who looked better done professionally than when she did her own makeup.

That could save money.

I'd get someone to do hair though unless you want it in their usual style that they know how to do it.

AliceMcK · 04/10/2024 09:46

I picked my bridesmaid and flower girl dresses and paid. I then gave my more mature MOH my credit card details and she picked something that suited her and my wedding colours. We also bought specific clothing for the men in DHs family and the ring bearer outfit.

The wedding party shouldn’t bare the costs, the bride and groom should.

Statsworry1 · 04/10/2024 09:47

Unless you were in the USA, then the bride pays for everything. I don’t think it should cost someone to be a part of your wedding. It costs enough as it is.

ThePoshUns · 04/10/2024 09:48

The bride pays.

ARichtGoodDram · 04/10/2024 09:52

The couple should pay. It shouldn't cost people to be your bridesmaids.

The whole "buy something you can wear again so you pay" is often very disingenuous- how often is someone going to wear a burnt orange/sage green floor length dress again?

If you're expecting the bridesmaids to make financial contributions then that should be made very clear before they accept being a BM.

MillyMollyMandHey · 04/10/2024 09:56

Bride pays. Especially if bride wants to choose colour etc

Ivyiris · 04/10/2024 09:56

Bride should pay, your asking them to be part of your wedding you should pay for the dresses.

MillyMollyMandHey · 04/10/2024 09:57

And no one ever wears their dress again - that's a cop out

JaninaDuszejko · 04/10/2024 09:58

Bride pays and have the number of bridesmaids you can afford to pay for. I also think the bridesmaids should have a say in their dress. I got married 25 years ago, my bridesmaids chose a dress in a colour they both liked and suited and that dictated the colours. And I wore my favourite colour when I was bridesmaid for my best friend.

mumzof4x · 04/10/2024 10:00

When I asked my bridesmaids It wouldn't cross my mind to expect them to contribute financially.
I paid for the dresses they chose / shoes / hair and make up trail and on the day.

Alwaystired23 · 04/10/2024 10:01

Another vote for the Bride/Groom pay. I've been bridesmaid 5 times, always had my dresses paid for. Paid for my 4 bridesmaids dresses and hair. We all did our own makeup.

Sugargliderwombat · 04/10/2024 10:02

I've been given a colour range and £30 towards a dress before and I was happy with that, But my friend wasn't tight, just having a very low budget wedding, if you're having a big wedding then pay for the dress instead of something you want.

Sugargliderwombat · 04/10/2024 10:03

She also told me when she asked me she could only afford to pay towards the dress so I knew when I said yes.

Illpickthatup · 04/10/2024 10:07

If your budget was tight why even bother having bridesmaids? They don't really do much except cost money. We didn't have a super tight budget but I didn't have bridesmaids because I didn't really see the point and couldn't be bothered with the hassle of organising dresses etc. I just asked my best friend and DHs sister to be our witnesses and sign the marriage certificate.

I do think of you're asking people to be part of the wedding party you should pay.

Umpteentimesnow · 04/10/2024 10:08

If someone asked me to be a bridesmaid and didn't buy me the dress I'd be stepping down, unless they were happy for me to just wear a dress I already had. It's very rude to expect them to spend money on your big day.

caringcarer · 04/10/2024 10:09

The bride should pay for bridesmaids dresses if she wants bridesmaids and tells them to pick a certain colour or style.

autumn1610 · 04/10/2024 10:12

Bride should pay and for hair if you want it a certain way. Optional for makeup as bridesmaids can do their own

garlictwist · 04/10/2024 10:12

I'm getting married soon. I told my bridesmaids they could wear whatever and don't intend to pay for their dresses as I don't care what they wear. As it happens they have all chosen to match in colour but that's up to them. I am paying for their hair and make up though even though I'm not having it done as the bride.