Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Bridesmaids dresses - who should pay?

122 replies

Autumnbaththoughts · 04/10/2024 08:12

Is it ok to give a colour or theme and let/have the bridesmaids pick their own dresses? It seems more common now but I still feel a bit awkward! I’m tempted to pay for them but partner thinks we shouldn’t (tight budget and it’s all so £££!). We’ve got them flowers but won’t do bridesmaid hair/make up either.
I was recently a bridesmaid and we picked our own dresses but it was fairly casual and the expectation was wear something you already own, or buy something you’d wear again.

OP posts:
2chocolateoranges · 04/10/2024 08:54

If you want someone to be your bridesmaid then you as the bride pays for their outfit etc. I paid for my bridesmaids shoes, dress, hair and make up. We had a budget and my budget only stretched to 1 bridesmaid and 2 flower girls.

meditrina · 04/10/2024 08:56

If you want to hire someone to do hair and make up, then you pay for all.

But it's also OK for everyone to do their own.

CheeseWisely · 04/10/2024 08:58

We paid for everything except shoes as we weren't fussy about what they wore, just metallic / nude or whatever went with the dresses. They all already had something suitable but if they hadn't then we'd have bought them shoes too. Hair, make up, dresses, transport to and from the wedding all covered by us. We weren't fussed about jewellery so they all just wore what they usually would.

If I was asked to be a bridesmaid but then expected to pay for the privilege I'd decline unless the circumstances made sense (rushed wedding because someone was very ill or some such).

elQuintoConyo · 04/10/2024 09:00

B&G pays.
If you want to dictate dress, style, colour then you pay.
If you can't afford it, don't have bridesmaids. We couldn't, so we didn't.
When I was a BM, B&G paid for the dress, sheoes and hair. Make up I did myself. All I paid for was the necessary shape wear 😆 but also : gift, hotel, beer money. Weddings cost guests an imperial fuckton. I would decline being a BM if I then had to cough up a dress and shoes.

LegoHouse274 · 04/10/2024 09:00

I think if you're specifying anything about what they wear, even if it's just colour or something vague, you need to pay. You could give them a small cash budget say £50-100 each and if they spend more that's their choice. You can get nice enough dresses for £50 even if you're not very prescriptive about what they should wear. But you do need to pay unless you're literally saying they can wear whatever they want.

Hair and makeup you need to pay too if you want anything specific. If not then you don't need to. I have been a bridesmaid twice and had to financially contribute to my outfit both times even though the bride and groom were pretty prescriptive with what they wanted which I was very annoyed about on principle. However they were very low cost which is the only reason I went along with it, and in one of the two it was items that I could easily wear again at least. I did my own hair and makeup both times which wasn't an issue and sorted my own shoes which was also fine as it was up to me.

At my own wedding I wanted my bridesmaids in specific dresses and therefore paid for those as well as hair accessories although latter were optional. They sorted their own hair and makeup, shoes etc as all that I had no 'rules' for so they could use what they already had anyway.

Viviennemary · 04/10/2024 09:01

I think the bride should pay for the dresses. But not necessarily hair and make up. If bridesmaids can't afford it they can do their own.

honeylulu · 04/10/2024 09:02

Traditionally, in the UK, the bride's family paid for the attendants clothes, flowers and accessories. In more recent decades when brides marry after being in the career ladder some time, the bride usually pays herself.

I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses and hair accessories. I offered to pay for shoes (which would have been very simple white satin court shoes from an outlet as I was on a tight budget) or they could supply their own if they preferred. They did all supply their own in the end. They did their own hair and make up, as did I.

I've been a bridesmaid twice and also a "best woman". On all occasions the dress and accessories were provided though each time I provided my own shoes. This was the only controversial thing! For one wedding the bride's mother decided we should wear particular silver sandals which cost about £85 (we would have had to pay ourselves) and then got the hump when we all declined.

At another wedding the bride wanted us to wear our hair up and offered the services of her hairdresser for £30 each (we had to pay) but I and another bridesmaid did each others - we did practice a lot before the day and it looked really professional!

If it's relevant all these were in our 20s when we were all on quite limited incomes.

But the theme seems to be if you choose = you should be willing to pay.

JohnCravensNewsround · 04/10/2024 09:05

Whoever wants to play dress up should pay.

Shinyandnew1 · 04/10/2024 09:06

If you want a bridesmaid wearing something other than a dress she already owns then you should be paying! They wouldn’t need to pay for a fancy dress if it wasn’t your wedding.

The hair is up to them-they can pay to get it done if they want but you can’t say it has to be styled in a particular way, unless you are paying.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 04/10/2024 09:13

Let them wear what they want, and don't pay for the dress. Do pay for their hair and make up.

If you want any control (even just colour) over the dress, then you should pay for it. Or an amount eg "please get a navy dress, here's £x towards it" but make that amount something where they could definitely get a nice dress without having to contribute themselves.

MrsDoubtfire123 · 04/10/2024 09:15

The bride pays , for her bridesmaids dresses.

autienotnaughty · 04/10/2024 09:15

I paid for bridesmaids dresses because I wanted something specific.
I also paid for flowers.

Shoes I said choose their own and make up and hair optional so they paid.

If you are happy to say wear eg a green dress and let them manage budget/style then yes they could pay.

NigellaAwesome · 04/10/2024 09:18

We didn't have bridesmaids, best man or groomsmen. We asked 2 close friends to be witnesses and they wore what they wanted.

But for the op, yes, I think you should pay. Dresses don't need to be a fortune, my DSis bought her dresses at Monsoon

Dawevi · 04/10/2024 09:18

Bride and groom pay, always. It's your wedding, so your costs.

If you want specific hairstyles then you pay for them. If they can just do their own usual hair then they can do that. Same with makeup, if they can just do their own then fine but if you want a specific look then you pay for it to be done.

I think the US way of getting everyone else to pay for your wedding is crass and rude

MilesOfCarpetTiles · 04/10/2024 09:19

If the couple is specifying anything, even colour, then you pay. Only exception would be if you all agreed to wear sonething they already owned, and even then I'd pay for shoes/hair.

Verite1 · 04/10/2024 09:20

I could not contemplate not paying for bridesmaid dresses. If you can’t afford it, don’t have them. I wouldnt pay for hair and make up though - they can presumably just do their own?

Verite1 · 04/10/2024 09:21

I paid for dresses, shoes, two nights accommodation and bought them all a necklace to say thank you.

exprecis · 04/10/2024 09:22

In general, the bride. But if you really don't mind what they wear and it's a colour anyone will own something in - the other way you could go is to ask them what dresses they already own and figure out if there is a common colour and go with that

If it's only a couple of bridesmaids, they probably do already own blue or green dresses for example

littlemissalwaystired · 04/10/2024 09:22

I'm a bride to be and I'm paying for the dresses (even alterations) and hair and make up. I've said they can wear their own shoes and jewellery but I'm also not dictating any colours etc. In my eyes I've asked them to do this and they're doing it for me so why would I put them out of pocket? Weddings are already expensive for guests, let alone girls planning a hen do etc! I'm covering accommodation the night before as well but not the night of as they'll stay with partnersSmile

AllAboutNiamh · 04/10/2024 09:23

Of course the bride should pay. Really cheeky to ask someone to be your bridesmaid and then expect them to buy their own dress.

CheeseWisely · 04/10/2024 09:23

Verite1 · 04/10/2024 09:20

I could not contemplate not paying for bridesmaid dresses. If you can’t afford it, don’t have them. I wouldnt pay for hair and make up though - they can presumably just do their own?

I think hair and make up is a grey area and depends on the bridesmaids. Some people are brilliant at doing their own and happy to, others (me included) are not. I wouldn't want to be the one poorly made up / wild haired bridesmaid stuck out like a sore thumb among the others so I'd probably end up paying a professional, which I'd resent (or decline being a bridesmaid over).

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 04/10/2024 09:25

The bride/groom should pay for the whole outfit including shoes.

peachgreen · 04/10/2024 09:26

Always the bride. If you can't afford it, don't have bridesmaids. That goes for everything to do with a wedding, to be honest – none of it is essential or a right.

It baffles me that people expect others to fund their wedding – and I say this as someone currently organising a wedding! It's so expensive just to attend a wedding, you shouldn't expect guests or members of the bridal party to spend a penny more.

Noshowlomo · 04/10/2024 09:28

No, you buy their dress.

Killerqueenie · 04/10/2024 09:29

Bride should definitely pay for dresses and hair/ make up.

I asked my bridesmaids to get their own shoes or wear some they already had, as the dresses were long and not noticeable anyway, so I wanted them to wear something comfortable and they could wear again.