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Original poster

Bridesmaids dresses - who should pay?

122 replies

Autumnbaththoughts · 04/10/2024 08:12

Is it ok to give a colour or theme and let/have the bridesmaids pick their own dresses? It seems more common now but I still feel a bit awkward! I’m tempted to pay for them but partner thinks we shouldn’t (tight budget and it’s all so £££!). We’ve got them flowers but won’t do bridesmaid hair/make up either.
I was recently a bridesmaid and we picked our own dresses but it was fairly casual and the expectation was wear something you already own, or buy something you’d wear again.

OP posts:

SometimesCalmPerson · 04/10/2024 08:16

Personally I think if you want to pick a colour or theme then you have to pay. It doesn’t seem fair to ask someone who is doing you a favour to pay for it.

StormingNorman · 04/10/2024 08:16

I think the bride should pay, and do hair and make-up.

MontyVerdi · 04/10/2024 08:17

I'd buy their dresses.

MsBaggins · 04/10/2024 08:18

The bride. They are doing something for you because you asked them to. It's unfair for that to cost them money.

If you can't afford it I would suggest having less bridesmaids. It's really bad to expect them to pay for their own dress.

Wolfpa · 04/10/2024 08:18

If you want them all to look similar you should pay. If you are happy for them to wear whatever they want it is fine for them to pay

itwasnevermine · 04/10/2024 08:19

I'd say give them a colour and then let them pick a dress they'll wear again

Strawberryyy · 04/10/2024 08:19

If you want a particular colour or style then you need to pay for the dress. If you want particular hairstyles and makeup, then you also need to pay. If you can't afford all of these, then don't have any bridesmaids.

Changingplace · 04/10/2024 08:20

If you’re giving a theme/colour you should pay, if they have total free reign maybe they could be it’s much more normal for the bride and groom to cover dresses, hair & makeup for bridesmaids & suits for best man and grooms men.

RachLeeds · 04/10/2024 08:21

You should pay for something, it’s a lot to expect them to pay for dress/hair and make up.

Pixilicious1 · 04/10/2024 08:21

100% bride pays. You are asking them to be part of your wedding, something for you, so why would you them to fund that? If you expect them to have their hair and makeup done professionally you should pay for that too. And shoes if you expect them to match.
if you can’t do these things you need to have fewer bridesmaids.

Wonderballs · 04/10/2024 08:21

The couple getting married should pay unless they can wear something they already own

2Old2Tango · 04/10/2024 08:22

The wedding couple (if they're financing their own wedding) should pay. By all means give them a fixed budget if you want them to choose their own dress. It's your wedding OP, and your expense. If you can't afford bridesmaids then don't have them/too many.

MiddleAgedDread · 04/10/2024 08:22

The bride

Mrsttcno1 · 04/10/2024 08:23

Yeah I agree bride has to pay unless you say they can wear something they already own.

BananaGrapeMelon · 04/10/2024 08:23

It's ok to ask them to pay as long as you don't mind what they wear and you're happy for them to do their own hair and make up. If you are dictating what they wear (eg a colour or theme) then I think you should pay.

username2013 · 04/10/2024 08:23

I paid for my BM dresses because they all had to be the same dress. And we picked ones that you can wear in different ways as everyone has different body shapes. They weren't particularly expensive around £60 each. Didn't do hair and makeup they did their own- as that is really pricey.

I also said they can wear the dress in anyway they preferred but they all chose to tie it the same way.

professionaloverthinker · 04/10/2024 08:24

I wanted certain colour and style for my bridesmaids so I bought them, when it came to hair and make up I paid for one and they paid for the other which they was happy with

GetDownkeith · 04/10/2024 08:25

You pay if you want a particular colour or theme. You can’t ask them to pay for something that you want.
Same if they have to get hair and make up done.
if they can do their own hair and make up that’s fine but you cannot ask them to pay for something you are making a requirement to be a bridesmaid.

I did my own wedding make up and so did my bridesmaids. I paid for the dresses and hairdresser as they were thing I wanted.

Pinkelephant66 · 04/10/2024 08:26

I think you can ask them to pay or perhaps make a small contribution-£50?

everyone knows how expensive weddings are- just feeding everyone alone. If they don’t want to take part then they can decline. If they’re your friends then I am sure they will understand and be happy to pay. I think the bride and groom having to pay for EVERYTHING is actually very outdated. Weddings just cost a fortune

HangDai · 04/10/2024 08:27

The bride pays.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 04/10/2024 08:27

I think it depends what your expectations are of them and to some extent what has been the norm in your friendship group. In mine we've all just asked each other to buy a dress in a particular colour rather than buying specific dresses and some depending on if they could afford it have paid towards hair/make up. But then we're all a bit older (getting married in our late 30/early 40s) so didn't bother with actual bridesmaids just had our best friends supporting us.
I was a bridesmaid back in the day for another friend and she wanted me to wear a specific dress and as such I would have been pretty miffed if I'd had to pay for it as it was very clearly a bridesmaids dress and not something I could ever wear again.

Autumnalfun · 04/10/2024 08:27

I’ve been a bridesmaid three times, twice I paid for myself.

I understand the temptation to load the cost onto the bridesmaids but I’m not sure it’s right to do that. I think the bride should pay.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 04/10/2024 08:29

IMO bride must pay for dress, hair and makeup if doing that and accommodation the night before if required. I think it’s staggeringly rude to ask someone to be a bridesmaid and then expect them to fork out substantial sums for the privilege, especially when the bridesmaids will likely have already spent quite a bit of money on hen do, gifts, drinks/travel/accommodation for the night of the wedding. If this makes things a stretch then have fewer bridesmaids or choose cheaper options.

Notonthestairs · 04/10/2024 08:29

I paid for dress, hair, shoes, make up and accommodation.

No good suggesting you dictate colour and tell them to buy something they'll wear again. I've been bridesmaid and had to wear colours I would never voluntarily wear again.

Took the view that bridesmaid/best man were doing us a favour and didn't want them to be out of pocket.

Autumnalfun · 04/10/2024 08:29

Pinkelephant66 · 04/10/2024 08:26

I think you can ask them to pay or perhaps make a small contribution-£50?

They don’t need to cost a fortune. The bride and groom can have a wedding in line with their budget, so a few extra guests and pay for the dresses, or no drinks, less flowers.

it’s a choice.

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