I need outside opinions on this.
My FIL has offered to buy the suits (or hire) for our wedding. At times he's said he's not buying the best man or grooms man suit - not sure why.
He has said twice now that he's told HIS grandson (so my fiancés nephew) that he will be MATCHING the groom. When this was first mentioned, because I have 3 nephews on my side, I pointed out that we weren't having page boys and if he was dressed matching it would look like we'd snuck him into being one.
My fiancé has said he doesn't mind or have a preference on if he matches or not. I said, if he matches, I'll tell my dad which suit to buy and he can buy it for my 3 nephews. My fiancé has blown up any time we discuss this and say he doesn't want the boys matching him as we're not having page boys.
I've explained that that's fine, he can just tell his dad not to match HIS nephew (obviously, still buy him a suit!) so then none of them match?
I have pointed out that if HE (my fiancé) doesn't care and only his dad and I have any sort of opinion, then mine (as the BRIDE) trumps his dad's wishes?
It's not offensive to politely say, he can be dressed to the nines but we're not having page boys and it would look like he was, so he can't match me. I think my fiancé doesn't want to even say that to his dad but finds it offensive when I say ok, then I'll mention it?
I've asked my sister what her thoughts were if out other nephew has a matching suit and she immediately said "I thought you weren't having page boys" so it's not just me (she was offended if her two sons and my brothers son were then excluded). I can't however rely on her unbiased opinion...
My fiancé has now gone as far to say it won't even be noticed because we wouldn't get a "full family shot" with both sides so it wouldn't matter but would look nice in his side photos. I pointed out perhaps I want MY nephews to match him in "my side". You can imagine even this comment has sent me reeling because we're meant to join together - I am not signing up to join some "firm" and abandon my family. This has almost come down to principle now and I've said if he thinks he can "hide" his nephew having a matching suit, he can't and I'll just call the store and get my dad to match the other kids. Simple. No hassle for him. He has gone ballistic everytime it's mentioned. I really don't know what to do.
How do I approach this? And sadly I don't think speaking to FIL will work.
Thanks in advance!