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Original poster

No kids allowed at the wedding is on father's day!

491 replies

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 05:41

My husband is best man at his close friends wedding and for years we always thought they would be kids at the wedding as our friends do like kids.

Last year I was at a wedding with this couple and the wedding we went to had no kids (apart from close family children) but did allow babies and I over heard the bride to be tell DH close friend" well I think it was very good of her to allow babies because I'm telling you now I'm not" I was abit taken back by this.

several months went by and no mention of if kids were allowed which I found odd because normally people would know well in advance if not to arrange child care. I just sent a text saying I'm looking at booking a hotel are the kids coming so I know how many to book for just to see if they were allowed. I got a text back saying nothing under teens allowed as I want everybody to enjoy a day with their partner and she said she doesn't think it would be child friendly.

I was upset by this and so was my kids as we have been talking about the wedding for so long all of our other friends going are also gutted by this too. To make matters worse I've just realised that it falls on father's day. My husband is great dad and we are both big on spending time together as a family.

My husband friend has to run everything past her she is very much the boss. So it's no surprise he has had no input into the wedding, but I just thought of all days why fathers day with no kids allowed. We both agree it's going to taint the day for us now.

OP posts:
SkiingIsHeaven · 04/05/2024 09:56

@Hugosmaid no. I mean you can't stand chatting with a group of friends without keeping an eye on them, so you are not totally focused on your conversation with your friends and not living in the moment.

We had a wedding at a venue with lovely gardens but there were ponds in the garden.

Would you take your eyes off your kids if there was a risk they could drown?

You are not letting your hair down if you are distracted.

I did say it was my opinion and others would disagree.

Original poster
IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 09:57

The groom is very disorganised he leaves things to the very last minute. I think he's to layed back Hasn't got suits or anything yet and my husbands been trying but he says he has to run things pass his bride

OP posts:
TigathaChristie · 04/05/2024 09:57

@Hugosmaid - couldn't agree more. One of my fondest wedding memories is watching my recently widowed mum dancing with my nephew (aged 3) at my cousins wedding.

I haven't been to a wedding for years but children are part of families and I don't understand the whole idea of them spoiling a perfect day. The most memorable weddings I have attended have had spontaneous little things said or done, often by the children. People say what the couple want is the most important but surely they are inviting people to share the day because they want them to be part of it.

I remember going to several weddings as a young child and do wonder if it's a fairly recent thing.

MississippiAF · 04/05/2024 09:58

But surely no one actually believes this is why people write it?

It just sounds nicer than - we don’t want it your kids there spoiling it.

Hugosmaid · 04/05/2024 09:59

MississippiAF · 04/05/2024 09:58

But surely no one actually believes this is why people write it?

It just sounds nicer than - we don’t want it your kids there spoiling it.

Yes 😂😂

LindaDawn · 04/05/2024 10:00

It’s their wedding and they can choose to have a child free wedding. Weddings are very expensive. I sometimes think if you haven’t already got children when you are getting married then you have a different view. Wouldn’t bother me at all. I think,it’s nice to have some time as a couple away from your kids. As for it being Father’s Day, my take on it is Father’s Day is every day of the year. Too hyped up for my liking.

Hugosmaid · 04/05/2024 10:00

SkiingIsHeaven · 04/05/2024 09:56

@Hugosmaid no. I mean you can't stand chatting with a group of friends without keeping an eye on them, so you are not totally focused on your conversation with your friends and not living in the moment.

We had a wedding at a venue with lovely gardens but there were ponds in the garden.

Would you take your eyes off your kids if there was a risk they could drown?

You are not letting your hair down if you are distracted.

I did say it was my opinion and others would disagree.

Honestly you can if your a parent 😂

LesmisPhantom · 04/05/2024 10:02

So what it’s on Father’s Day…you can celebrate that another day.

It’s her wedding and if she doesn’t want any children then that’s entirely her choice. And it’s your choice not to go if you understandably don’t want to leave your baby. I have a baby and a toddler and having been to child free weddings, I understand why people choose them. It’s not for you to
get stroppy over.

Hugosmaid · 04/05/2024 10:08

TigathaChristie · 04/05/2024 09:57

@Hugosmaid - couldn't agree more. One of my fondest wedding memories is watching my recently widowed mum dancing with my nephew (aged 3) at my cousins wedding.

I haven't been to a wedding for years but children are part of families and I don't understand the whole idea of them spoiling a perfect day. The most memorable weddings I have attended have had spontaneous little things said or done, often by the children. People say what the couple want is the most important but surely they are inviting people to share the day because they want them to be part of it.

I remember going to several weddings as a young child and do wonder if it's a fairly recent thing.

That’s a lovely memory - I have a similar one with my grandad and my eldest when she was little,.

I don’t think it’s a new thing but just not as common as now. I don’t think family holds as much importance as it did - and family does include children. Maybe it’s a financial aspect to it or if the bride really doesn’t want other people’s kids there.

But it really isn’t for the benefit of the parents as it actually makes life harder for them. it’s funny that these brides think they are actually doing them a favour 😂😂

Timetoheal4good · 04/05/2024 10:08

@IrisRuby from someone who themselves had a child free wedding and one of my best friends was unhappy about it ... Had I had children at my wedding there would have been 30 plus children. Family children alone there would have been 14.

Aside from being expensive, I wanted to enjoy my wedding day. I only planned on having one wedding day and whether it sounds harsh or not, children running around, shouting, having tantrums was not what I pictured.

I am a parent but I would respect anyone making this decision because while I appreciate that children are the centre of their parents world, this does not need to be the case for anyone else. It doesn't make the bride selfish in any way whatsoever. I would actually also point out, would your husband as the best man really enjoy his day as much trying to parent 4 children as well as be a best man and catch up with everyone at the wedding? It doesn't make him less of a father for admitting that actually, it wouldn't. Nor does it make you less of a mother.

Hope that makes sense x

Hugosmaid · 04/05/2024 10:10

SkiingIsHeaven · 04/05/2024 09:56

@Hugosmaid no. I mean you can't stand chatting with a group of friends without keeping an eye on them, so you are not totally focused on your conversation with your friends and not living in the moment.

We had a wedding at a venue with lovely gardens but there were ponds in the garden.

Would you take your eyes off your kids if there was a risk they could drown?

You are not letting your hair down if you are distracted.

I did say it was my opinion and others would disagree.

Also didn’t you know we have actual eyes on the backs of our heads? We are quite capable of standing with a glass of fizz chatting to people with one swivel eye on little Danny who’s crawled under someone’s table to make a den 😉

SheilaFentiman · 04/05/2024 10:25

MississippiAF · 04/05/2024 09:58

But surely no one actually believes this is why people write it?

It just sounds nicer than - we don’t want it your kids there spoiling it.

Exactly!

Zwicky · 04/05/2024 10:34

You are giving this far too much headspace. Just don’t go. You don’t even like her. If you liked her you would be happy to celebrate Father’s Day on the Saturday and make a big effort to get there on the Sunday for at least part of the wedding. Yabu to expect people to invite 4 extra people on the basis that they are friends dc and you shouldn’t have wound your dc up into excitement about the wedding without knowing if they were going. Peoples own children, nephews and nieces are one thing but most people don’t want to pay £££ to cater for a load of extra kids and it really is fair enough. If you invite 20 friends you can easily be catering for 40 kids you don’t even want there.
I never had childcare when mine were little and I ebf all of them for well over a year each and you do miss things, that’s part of being a parent.
I didn’t have kids at my wedding because I didn’t know any. Non of my friends or family had dc. I did have a few 15/16 yo cousins who would have been invited no matter what age they are but they weren’t exactly “kids”. It never occurred to me that my wedding might not “sit right” with people but if it had I definitely wouldn’t have cared.
I don’t have a father and I’m not a father. I couldn’t tell you what month Father’s Day is in. It’s only on my radar a tiny but because my dc will get something for DH and when they were small I was obviously doing that with them but before dc I wasn’t really aware of it as a thing.

SkiingIsHeaven · 04/05/2024 10:37

@Hugosmaid 😂😂😂 I am a parent too but I obviously watch my children more closely than you do. Maybe I love my children more then you love yours. 😂😂😂

Original poster
IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 10:38

You have not read my post I wouldn't have not have got save the date if my husband wasn't at the grooms house. We found out the link to the website in February time, this is a wedding for a 100 people to attend.

I didn't continue to tell the kids from last August my eldest daughter remembers that she thought she was going and then obviously told my other daughter. I had my suspicions and we're shocked because I would of thought they would of said no kids at wedding without having to ask out right 4 months before.

My eldest two have accepted their not going now.

OP posts:
LakeSnake · 04/05/2024 10:39

Hmm… this wedding sounds like it’s going to be a messy one.

A wedding in June, invites in February but nothing about it a child free wedding. Asking the best man to tell other people that they can’t bring their child.

I can see things not going to plan tbh.
During and after the wedding.

everythinglooksbetterpaintedblack · 04/05/2024 10:40

@IrisRuby you just need to get over it.
It's their day!
How disorganised they are is irrelevant!
It's going to be a child free day.

Iloveyoubut · 04/05/2024 10:41

Josette77 · 04/05/2024 05:47

I'd just celebrate Father's day the day before.

I'd be fine with this. You obviously suspected it would be kid free. I would have asked before discussing it with the kids.

So would I, I’d celebrate Father’s Day on the Saturday instead.

Hugosmaid · 04/05/2024 10:43

SkiingIsHeaven · 04/05/2024 10:37

@Hugosmaid 😂😂😂 I am a parent too but I obviously watch my children more closely than you do. Maybe I love my children more then you love yours. 😂😂😂

Maybe 😁

or maybe my eldest is turning 28 in August and I’ve managed to keep them all alive until now - never had a death at a wedding yet! 😂😂

what a shame you can’t let your hair down around your kids. You must go wild when you manage to get child free time 😂😂

Trulyme · 04/05/2024 10:45

It sounds like you don’t like the bride very much.

Lots of people have child free weddings.

Some decide it right from the beginning and some decide it after realising it’s not worth the cost/could cause issues.

The fact it’s on Father’s Day is irrelevant.
You just celebrate Father’s Day the day before/after.

You wouldn’t not go because it was your birthday, you would just celebrate your birthday the day before/after.

I had a job interview and a smear test on my birthday.
I went to both because the birthday can be celebrated the next day.

You’re making this a bigger deal than it needs to be.

If you can’t go because you are BF then just tell them that and it will mean not having to find a babysitter.

Your DH can go and enjoy his friends wedding on his own.

BacktoBeginnersFran · 04/05/2024 10:49

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:52

Me neither it was my mum that mentioned it by looking in her diary to book day off work, she was going to look after our dog

Yet your big issue in your OP is that it's Father's Day, and therefore your DC should be with their father.

I got married 25 years ago and had a child free wedding, so it's not a new trend.

It's so obvious from all your posts that you really don't like the bride, imagine begrudging your best man's GF a wedding meal.

Original poster
IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 10:53

I just was shocked at no kids that's all and then to say I couldn't bring my baby. I'll be honest yea I do think that was a step to far. I am entitled to have feelings. I've seen a few red flags for a while with this bride she tried to stop grooms own parents from coming to their only sons wedding (he's an only child) If it's a joint decision but I know it isn't but to be fair it's his own fault.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 04/05/2024 10:54

I do wonder if all the bride’s side save the dates and invites went out and the groom’s side didn’t, because they split the task. But maybe I’m a cynic 😀

Since your DH is best man, surely he/you knew the date as soon as they did?!

Original poster
IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 10:55

She openly admitted she sent hers ages ago and left him to send them out, but she knows what he's like.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 04/05/2024 10:56

“I've seen a few red flags for a while with this bride she tried to stop grooms own parents from coming to their only sons wedding (he's an only child)”

How so?

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