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Original poster

No kids allowed at the wedding is on father's day!

491 replies

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 05:41

My husband is best man at his close friends wedding and for years we always thought they would be kids at the wedding as our friends do like kids.

Last year I was at a wedding with this couple and the wedding we went to had no kids (apart from close family children) but did allow babies and I over heard the bride to be tell DH close friend" well I think it was very good of her to allow babies because I'm telling you now I'm not" I was abit taken back by this.

several months went by and no mention of if kids were allowed which I found odd because normally people would know well in advance if not to arrange child care. I just sent a text saying I'm looking at booking a hotel are the kids coming so I know how many to book for just to see if they were allowed. I got a text back saying nothing under teens allowed as I want everybody to enjoy a day with their partner and she said she doesn't think it would be child friendly.

I was upset by this and so was my kids as we have been talking about the wedding for so long all of our other friends going are also gutted by this too. To make matters worse I've just realised that it falls on father's day. My husband is great dad and we are both big on spending time together as a family.

My husband friend has to run everything past her she is very much the boss. So it's no surprise he has had no input into the wedding, but I just thought of all days why fathers day with no kids allowed. We both agree it's going to taint the day for us now.

OP posts:
mrsdineen2 · 04/05/2024 14:24

2boyzNosleep · 04/05/2024 14:11

Why should they choose somewhere cheaper?

The problem with weddings is that it's the couples big day to have it as they want-yet guests seem to think the couple should change it to suit their ideals.

So yes, children being too expensive is a valid reason.

Show quote history

It may be a reason, but it's not a reason beyond their control. So don't act like it is.

LaMarschallin · 04/05/2024 14:28

I don't think it matters how others see it. It's one day that's important to the bride and groom. The rest of the marriage can be about two families merging or, of course, going N/LC and grey-rocking if they're on MN.

Strictlymad · 04/05/2024 14:34

I do think it’s very wrong of people to exclude babies (shoot me!) they don’t cost to feed! Then it’s puts people in the position of leaving a new born or not attending, then they have the nerve to get the hump over it!

SavingTheBestTillLast · 04/05/2024 14:40

If we were invited to a no kids wedding when ours were young and I was breastfeeding we just wouldn’t go.
Its fine to not go to someone’s wedding if you just can’t.

Appreciate you were told kids would be going but clearly the bride has changed her mind ( doesn’t sound like the groom has a say ). People can change their minds.
I would be mildly upset by this as it seems you had to go out of your way to confirm what’s going on but I wouldn’t dwell on it. (I hope you haven’t already spent money on wedding outfits )
Life’s too short OP
Have a nice day and don’t tell the kids it’s Father’s Day, celebrate the day before or after.

SavingTheBestTillLast · 04/05/2024 14:43

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:04

We got a save the date card in February, but that was only because my husband went to their house and picked it up with a link to their website with no information of no kids or anything. Just info about the venue and when it starts.

Obviously it was at this stage they should have advised re no kids so people can sort out childcare.
It’s very amiss to not do this.

IcedPurple · 04/05/2024 14:43

rookiemere · 04/05/2024 07:30

There's childfree, and there is separating a BF baby from its DM.
My wedding was child reduced - so full family invites for people who were travelling, but not for those who lived locally, but I changed that for a friend when she explained she was breast feeding.

Show quote history

Childfree is childfree.

Nobody is 'separating' anyone from going. She is free to decline the invitation, as it appears she has done.

LizLooney · 04/05/2024 14:45

Josette77 · 04/05/2024 05:47

I'd just celebrate Father's day the day before.

I'd be fine with this. You obviously suspected it would be kid free. I would have asked before discussing it with the kids.

Yes this

therealcookiemonster · 04/05/2024 14:45

OnehundredStars · 04/05/2024 05:44

Their day, their way I’m afraid

I think this approach is the root of all wedding related psychopathic behaviour

if someone wants to have a wedding that is about them, why invite guests at all? just have a small private beach wedding. when anyone invites guests, they become the host and therefore responsible for ensuring their guests are happy and well looked after. excepting people to travel huge distances and make significant sacrifices (financial and otherwise including leaving their children behind unwillingly) just so they can see the couple have "their day" is just narcissistic. it just becomes an exercise in showing off in front of all these people rather than truly including them in a rite of passage.

BirthdayRainbow · 04/05/2024 14:46

All these people who think they are being lady bloody bountiful by allowing a parent to have a day from their kids need a reality check. Most people if given a days and night babysitting wouldn't choose to go to your wedding!

Kandalama · 04/05/2024 14:48

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:43

I can see I'm in the minority here with I don't like no kids weddings but that's my opinion on it.

I've decided I'm not going as it's too much to leave my baby and I won't enjoy myself. As I have mentioned I'm exclusively bf.

My husband will go solo that day.

We had a fantastic ‘no one is excluded’ wedding. We provided special food for the kids too, in our nievity ( or was it haste ) we even ordered pizza for a breastfed baby🤯😆.

Its not so much being in the minority as just having to accept it’s not our choice it’s the couples.

Similarly it’s not the couples choice on whether you decide to go or not…it’s yours!

IcedPurple · 04/05/2024 14:49

judgementfail · 04/05/2024 14:10

I can't stand weddings with children. What should be a fun affair of mingling and meeting new people connected to the bride and groom is mired with adults constantly checking on children or, leaving them to their own devices and screeching around.
A friend thought she was being a wonderful host by inviting everyone and their kids and setting up play areas and sweetie stalls and kiddie meals. The kids refused to leave the play area to eat so none of them ate their meal. Parents were off supervising so ate very little and were absent from tables leaving huge gaps on tables with some singletons left totally alone. The speeches were drowned out by screaming from the bouncy castle and parents wandering in and out.
By the time the band came on around 7pm the children and their parents were totally over it and disappeared leaving about 15 people behind to enjoy the actual party. She was utterly devastated.

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I think it's another of those situations where parents become so used to the noise and chaos of children that they forget that it's a real pain for other people. The presence of children just changes the vibe of an event completely, and it's certainly not appreciated by everyone.

NoraBattysCurlers · 04/05/2024 14:50

twentysevendresses · 04/05/2024 14:13

Why do posters keep saying this??? It's really NOT unusual at all!! I got married on a Sunday 35 years ago!

Out of 8 weddings I've been to in the past 2 years, only 2 have been on a Saturday...2 were a Sunday, 1 was on a Thursday, 1 a Monday and 2 on a Friday 🤷‍♀️

There are 7 days in a week...you can get married on ANY of those days 🤦‍♀️👍

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Wash your mouth out! This is sacrilege.

😊

Toodleoodleooh · 04/05/2024 14:56

I couldn’t get worked up about this. As far as I am concerned only nieces & nephews go to weddings anyway. My kids have never been invited to a wedding and I wouldn’t invite kids to a wedding. If you don’t like it don’t go but can’t see why you’d assume they would be invited anyway

Yalta · 04/05/2024 14:57

AnneNotEmily · 04/05/2024 05:59

Their wedding their choice, but I understand your annoyance.

I also hate it when the bride and groom say things like ‘it’s so you can really enjoy the wedding’. Actually it’s a pain organising childcare for a night and it would be less stressful to just bring the DC. Own the decision (they’re the ones paying after all) rather than acting like they’re doing the guests a favour!

I once overheard a couple talking about their upcoming child free wedding and how everyone can really enjoy themselves without having to be parents for a weekend. They talked about one of their friends who’s due date was 6 weeks before and it being so lucky their wedding hadn’t clashed with the birth and how after 6 weeks these friends will be really wanting a weekend off.

I just remember thinking how naive they really were.

I think weddings should have children there. It is after all 2 families becoming one

twentysevendresses · 04/05/2024 15:01

NoraBattysCurlers · 04/05/2024 14:50

Wash your mouth out! This is sacrilege.

😊

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Haha soap has been deployed in mouth…I’d forgotten that this was MN 🤣🤣

Samlewis96 · 04/05/2024 15:10

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:11

She said a couple of years ago she was going to have kids there.

Maybe she's attended a wedding with badly behaved kids since then and changed her mind

Blueroses99 · 04/05/2024 15:11

judgementfail · 04/05/2024 14:10

I can't stand weddings with children. What should be a fun affair of mingling and meeting new people connected to the bride and groom is mired with adults constantly checking on children or, leaving them to their own devices and screeching around.
A friend thought she was being a wonderful host by inviting everyone and their kids and setting up play areas and sweetie stalls and kiddie meals. The kids refused to leave the play area to eat so none of them ate their meal. Parents were off supervising so ate very little and were absent from tables leaving huge gaps on tables with some singletons left totally alone. The speeches were drowned out by screaming from the bouncy castle and parents wandering in and out.
By the time the band came on around 7pm the children and their parents were totally over it and disappeared leaving about 15 people behind to enjoy the actual party. She was utterly devastated.

Show quote history

Such a shame. I feel your friend had her heart in the right place even though it didn’t work out. Putting a boundary in place for example closing the play area for the duration of the meal may have helped (but equally may have led to lots of upset children).

2boyzNosleep · 04/05/2024 15:12

mrsdineen2 · 04/05/2024 14:24

It may be a reason, but it's not a reason beyond their control. So don't act like it is.

Show quote history

So you're just being difficult and pretending not to understand?

I said it's a valid reason, not that its outside their control- why should they change to a venue that's cheaper? A venue is a big part of a wedding.

Take children out of the equation:

If a couple said they could only afford 50 guests at a venue of their choice, you wouldn't expect them to change venue so they could invite an extra 20 people they aren't close with?

mrsdineen2 · 04/05/2024 15:15

2boyzNosleep · 04/05/2024 15:12

So you're just being difficult and pretending not to understand?

I said it's a valid reason, not that its outside their control- why should they change to a venue that's cheaper? A venue is a big part of a wedding.

Take children out of the equation:

If a couple said they could only afford 50 guests at a venue of their choice, you wouldn't expect them to change venue so they could invite an extra 20 people they aren't close with?

Show quote history

If I was one of those 20, of course I'd be very clear that they had chosen a venue over me.

The nicest venue we saw could hold about 40 less than our guest list. We weren't told this until we viewed it, otherwise we would have saved our time. But it simply wasn't viable.

Would you look a loved one in the eyes and say "you're lovely and all, but this venue is worth more than your attendance?"

GrannyRose15 · 04/05/2024 15:18

Are they really getting married on a Sunday? Is that a thing now? I thought Saturday if you want a week’s honeymoon or Friday if you just want a weekend away.

chicken2015 · 04/05/2024 15:19

I was childfree when married (10 years later now have 2 girls.) and we had mostly childfree but my uncles children were treated same as my husband brothers and sisters children. As they are similar in closeness . It's their wedding and their choose. They are paying for others to celebrate their day so its all what they want. I don't understand people who have issue with it. Don't like it don't go. A lot of my husbands cousins couldn't come as had children and they were not invited. It was fine. They didn't attend.

CountingCrones · 04/05/2024 15:24

Would you look a loved one in the eyes and say "you're lovely and all, but this venue is worth more than your attendance?"

Given some of your replies on this thread I would happily look in your eyes and say “yeah, we’re choosing that nice venue without you over Jolly Rancher with you and your offspring.”

It’s a wedding. It’s ok to want a nice venue and a childfree party with your mates rather than a massive cheap do with 2nd cousin Hannah and her four kids you barely know. It’s also ok to have it on the least celebrated made-up holiday in the country Father’s Day without it being a massive slur on all dads in existence.

jessycake · 04/05/2024 15:25

I would be more annoyed that she hasn't let you know other than a chance remark .

KomodoOhno · 04/05/2024 15:31

Wedding on Father's Day I do find odd, most people will have other plans. Childfree wedding is perfectly in her right. I wouldn't have one but each time their own. I do wonder if there is something else troubling you because you have really blown this out of proportion. Maybe you don't like the bride to be and this was the last straw?

SheilaFentiman · 04/05/2024 15:38

“Wedding on Father's Day I do find odd, most people will have other plans”

Unlikely those plans will be made in Feb, though.

”Hey, dad, it’s Sheila. I got asked to a wedding on Father’s Day. Fancy the pub for a roast the weekend after instead?”

Sorted.