No kids allowed at the wedding is on father's day!

[IrisRuby]

My husband is best man at his close friends wedding and for years we always thought they would be kids at the wedding as our friends do like kids.

Last year I was at a wedding with this couple and the wedding we went to had no kids (apart from close family children) but did allow babies and I over heard the bride to be tell DH close friend" well I think it was very good of her to allow babies because I'm telling you now I'm not" I was abit taken back by this.

several months went by and no mention of if kids were allowed which I found odd because normally people would know well in advance if not to arrange child care. I just sent a text saying I'm looking at booking a hotel are the kids coming so I know how many to book for just to see if they were allowed. I got a text back saying nothing under teens allowed as I want everybody to enjoy a day with their partner and she said she doesn't think it would be child friendly.

I was upset by this and so was my kids as we have been talking about the wedding for so long all of our other friends going are also gutted by this too. To make matters worse I've just realised that it falls on father's day. My husband is great dad and we are both big on spending time together as a family.

My husband friend has to run everything past her she is very much the boss. So it's no surprise he has had no input into the wedding, but I just thought of all days why fathers day with no kids allowed. We both agree it's going to taint the day for us now.

Who the feck has a WEDDING on a Sunday?

That alone would put me off going to be honest. Many people have work on a Monday, and children have school. (Some people do allow children at weddings!) 🙄

Many people would want to stay late at the 'night do' and some people would want to stay over (in the hotel it was at, or a local hotel etc...) And many people would still have alcohol in their system the next day. Sunday is a terrible day for a wedding!

But yeah personally @IrisRuby I'd be declining in this instance. You always get a bunch of 'their wedding, their choice' posters piling on threads like this, but in the real world, many people hate childfree weddings. They are a right royal pain in the arse, and many people DO struggle to get someone to look after their kids whilst they fuck off to a wedding for the day/possibly 2 days.

And if it's 'family' you can forget going, unless you have a friend who will look after your kids for a day or two. Most people don't have that. The vast majority of couples getting married don't have kids, so they don't have a CLUE how hard it is to get someone to look after yours kids for 1-2 days!

I know 2 couples who went for childfree weddings last year, and they invited 45-50 people to the wedding. Around 10 people turned it down as they had no-one to look after the kids! The couple ended up dishing out invitations to neighbours and work colleagues (with no school age children.) to make up the numbers!

Each to their own, but I am not a fan of childfree weddings. (Many people aren't!)

When you were a child you probably hadn't heard because you didn't even realise you weren't invited.

Children aren't stupid! 🙄 They would know if their parents went to a wedding that THEY weren't invited to themselves!

This. ^ It's a 21st century thing! Every wedding I ever went to pre 2000 had children there. It's so weird - and rude (IMO) to exclude peoples children!

Did the groom hold a gun to your husbands head to make him agree to be best man? This is for him to sort , you have already decided you aren’t going , the kids aren’t invited , so the next move is his.

Actually everyone does know. Because unless your children's names are on the invite, they aren't invited.

Now you've worried them by being so ridiculous that you "had no idea" that all your children weren't invited, despite them never inviting them. So now they think they need to get the message out that uninvited children are indeed, not invited.

If someone asks you and your husband to a dinner party, do you turn up with all four of your kids and do the whole 'pikachu shocked face' at the idea you shouldn't have brought them? No one else does this, not at a dinner party, not at a wedding.

Oh, there's a massive hole in your story by the way: When she said last year, that no babies would be at her wedding...why have you then been hyping up your children for a wedding that you knew you wouldn't be attending by the very fact you would have a 4mth old??

But surely the save the date card only had you and your husband's names on the envelope?

I should imagine you are feeling short changed because she had a ‘three course dinner’ at your wedding. Ask your husband to take a Tupperware box and ask the kitchen to put your meal in there. Most grooms loosely arrange their own stag nights. Did he just do nothing because he couldn’t be bothered?

I understand your frustration about no children allowed at wedding. But the Father’s Day thing to me is just nonsense. If it’s so important to you (which to me is bizarre) celebrate the day before?

I was upset by this and so was my kids as we have been talking about the wedding for so long

Maybe it would have been better to clarify this before getting the DCs excited about going - especially as in the past she'd said both that kids would be invited and later that they wouldn't?

Sending your DH on his own sounds like a good decision though; apart from anything else I doubt it would have been much fun wrangling 4 kids on your own even if they had gone

+1 for this comment.

Not necessarily.

It IS rude to stipulate no children and then get all angsty when parents decline the invitation.

Father’s Day is made up! It’s not a thing. There is literally always a reason not to pick a date for a wedding, you just have to be selfish and go with whatever suits you best. That includes whether you have kids there or not. I said all kids welcome to try and accommodate everyone and quite honestly it was really stressful. Would say babies and family kids only if I ever did it again.

I think it’s fine she’s saying no kids but she could allow you to come with baby. I think it’s also fine for you to bow out due to the bf. If bride doesn’t have kids she might feel differently if/when she has her own. My cousin had a wedding abroad and kids were allowed but had to be in a separate part of the venue with only French-speaking nannys. We left our 3 year old there for a few hours but he was a bit freaked out and didn’t know any other children. Years later after they had kids they said to me, ‘We get it now’ and admitted they wouldn’t have done it like that now.

There’s nothing to indicate that the bride cares as much as op whether op goes or not, is there?
All the angst is coming from op.

Can see both sides. Completely understand why people want child free weddings but a bf 4 month old really is no trouble.

Just enjoy the day at home with the kids.

This is so………weird.

Sorry but it's her day? Why would it taint it for you? I find it a bit weird. Perhaps it's better you don't go.

I every parent knows you don't get kids excited about things that aren't set in stone so YABU.

You heard her last August say children weren’t invited so why didn’t you check this with her back then? I doubt they would have even realised it was booked for Father’s Day when they booked it.

You are making it sound as though it’s the brides fault that the groom forgot to give his invites out. The groom being late to your wedding is irrelevant.

YABU not to go now if you have told them you are coming, they will likely have to pay for you and weddings are expensive. You should have checked who was invited before confirming you would go.

After attending a wedding recently where one set of parents made absolutely no effort whatsoever to either care for or attend to their many children, I can understand why couples would opt for a child-free wedding.

Screaming toddlers and children running riot made the reception a very unpleasant experience for everyone present.

A bit dramatic to be shocked, don’t you think.

They are free to invite (or not) whoever they want.
But with that freedom comes a need to accept that this will ruin the day for many people, if you are good enough to turn up in spite of your kids not being there.
I would absolutely not go. I wouldn't be offended but I wouldn't tolerate them to be offended either - they have to know that guests saying no thanks comes with the territory.

Their wedding isn’t about you or your children.

I don't like weddings much so I'd be happy for an excuse to stay home with the kids. I'd decline, no fuss.

Fathers Day is just a day dreamt up by card companies, plenty of other days to spend time as a family surely?