No kids allowed at the wedding is on father's day!

[IrisRuby]

My husband is best man at his close friends wedding and for years we always thought they would be kids at the wedding as our friends do like kids.

Last year I was at a wedding with this couple and the wedding we went to had no kids (apart from close family children) but did allow babies and I over heard the bride to be tell DH close friend" well I think it was very good of her to allow babies because I'm telling you now I'm not" I was abit taken back by this.

several months went by and no mention of if kids were allowed which I found odd because normally people would know well in advance if not to arrange child care. I just sent a text saying I'm looking at booking a hotel are the kids coming so I know how many to book for just to see if they were allowed. I got a text back saying nothing under teens allowed as I want everybody to enjoy a day with their partner and she said she doesn't think it would be child friendly.

I was upset by this and so was my kids as we have been talking about the wedding for so long all of our other friends going are also gutted by this too. To make matters worse I've just realised that it falls on father's day. My husband is great dad and we are both big on spending time together as a family.

My husband friend has to run everything past her she is very much the boss. So it's no surprise he has had no input into the wedding, but I just thought of all days why fathers day with no kids allowed. We both agree it's going to taint the day for us now.

I think society has become really intolerant of children and it's really sad.

You'd hope the baby would be no trouble, but OP said that hers "doesn't really sleep", and with 13, 8 and 4 year olds to manage too - and potentially on her own - the B&G may well feel that has possible disaster written all over it

For weddings, though, inviting the children of your cousins might mean 10 fewer places for your friends. You might be perfectly tolerant of your cousins’ kids and still prefer to have your friends there.

Me neither!

I think in this circumstance showing some consideration to the best man's partner for a wedding 3 hours away with four children, one breastfed, would have been the polite thing to do. It's not like the best man can decline going.

Indeed. I was speaking generally - this is by no means an uncommon scenario - but neglected to make that clear.

Surely you mean 'her way', she sounds to be bullying her way through this, hopefully her fiance will LTB before she starts to manage the rest of his life too! Any woman who refers to 'my wedding' deserves to be dumped or it will be 'my house' and 'my baby'.

Close family children are always welcome at weddings where I'm from but I don't know anyone who would take children to a wedding of their friend or work colleague.

I'm BM later this year for a friend and assumed my dc wouldn't be invited and when invitation came they weren't on it. I'm thrilled! Lots of time to plan a babysitter and no guilt in not taking them as they're not allowed.

I think op you've made lots of assumptions without really finding out the details well in advance. Especially with 4 kids involved, it being on a Sunday and a small baby.

I don't think it is a new fad. I've been married for 32 years & had a child free wedding.

It's not something I'd have even considered but we went to a wedding the year before where there was a lot of children & it was utter chaos, the ceremony was ruined & not what we wanted for our wedding.

We only got one refusal over it & everyone else came & seemed perfectly happy with the arrangements...at least to our faces.

Saying that I went to a wedding last week where there were no children but 4 BF babies & you wouldn't have known they were there.

Well, we are aware that the OP doesn’t like the bride and is blaming her for things that are clearly in the groom’s control.

Only one thing I would say is that I wouldn't care about it being Fathers Day - OR Mothers Day, it's the fact it's a SUNDAY that would bother me, because it's a stupid day for a wedding IMO. For reasons I gave earlier. People have work the next day/kids have school (for weddings that don't exclude them!) So I would probably not go for that reason!

Not fair to say Fathers Day is nonsensical bullshit though (and Mothers Day.) Some people actually do enjoy it!

Seriously. Who are these bananas posters?

I have no problem with a wedding on any day, the world does not revolve around specific days

And I would not mention children attending a wedding unless I knew they were invited

If we couldn't go fine if we could we would I don't see any reason to make it into an issue

Now this is actually some helpful advice.

“Only one thing I would say is that I wouldn't care about it being Fathers Day - OR Mothers Day, it's the fact it's a SUNDAY that would bother me, because it's a stupid day for a wedding IMO. For reasons I gave earlier. People have work the next day/kids have school (for weddings that don't exclude them!) So I would probably not go for that reason!”

There are only 52 Saturdays in the year. Some people get married on a Friday but that means a day off work for most guests.

On a Sunday, nearby guests can get a cab home at midnight, far away guests can stay for the ceremony and the first dance and then drive home. No one has to take a day off.

My daughter is getting married in August. The cost per head is astronomical - £125 per adult and £60 per child. Her wedding is child free apart from my 3yr and 6yr old granddaughters (her nieces) who are bridesmaids.

If the wedding you are invited to is similarly priced (which many are...we went with the 'mid-priced' package option too...there was a Gold package that was double the cost!) can you now understand why including everyone's children would sky-rocket a couples budget? Your family alone could easily add an additional £180 - then multiply that by all the other children!

At my daughters's wedding, the number of guests are 90...out of that 90, there would be 32 children which would be a total of £1920... we would HAVE to pay that, even knowing that the vast majority of the food would probably end up in the bin.

And this is only the daytime reception costs...there's additional 'per head' costs for the evening reception (£32 per adult and £16 per child) so that's another £500 just for the children's food.

Couples are usually on a really tight budget and cutting what could essentially be over £2k by having a child free wedding seems eminently sensible. Children rarely enjoy them, parents get frustrated and can't relax and one of the parents (usually mum!) often ends up leaving early as the kids have had enough and are acting out!

It's their choice. Everything else you've said is irrelevant. If you don't want to go, don't go 🤷‍♀️ why all the drama? 🙄

If they don't want kids they don't want kids, but they need to own that. I agree £60 for a kid's meal is absolutely ridiculous. But deliberately choosing an expensive venue then pretending your hands are tied by the expense is one of the stupidest things I've heard.

You overheard her last year saying she won't want babies/children at their wedding. So this was before you had the baby. Did you actually consider that they weren't invited or that they might not want a baby there either?

Sorry OP, you get to have feelings but you've put yourself in this situation as you've put your expectations onto the couple.

At no point from your posts have you reflected on your behaviour, and want to blame the bride. You're also upset that its on Father's day- they probably didn't even realise when they booked it and it's not much of an event for most people.

She sent out her invites, but not the grooms. It's a joint event, the groom has equal responsibility to hand out his invitations. It's not the women's problem he is useless. She probably told him numerous times to send them.

They may not want to let your baby go as it could also cause tensions with family members that might get funny that a baby can attend but not their children.

It really didn't need to be a big deal. You've made it a big deal.

If you and DH are so close to the couple, why didn't either of you just ask them months ago?

If they are not named on the invite they are not invited I don't understand why your dh is having to tell people this? It's common sense.

I can't stand weddings with children. What should be a fun affair of mingling and meeting new people connected to the bride and groom is mired with adults constantly checking on children or, leaving them to their own devices and screeching around.
A friend thought she was being a wonderful host by inviting everyone and their kids and setting up play areas and sweetie stalls and kiddie meals. The kids refused to leave the play area to eat so none of them ate their meal. Parents were off supervising so ate very little and were absent from tables leaving huge gaps on tables with some singletons left totally alone. The speeches were drowned out by screaming from the bouncy castle and parents wandering in and out.
By the time the band came on around 7pm the children and their parents were totally over it and disappeared leaving about 15 people behind to enjoy the actual party. She was utterly devastated.

Why should they choose somewhere cheaper?

The problem with weddings is that it's the couples big day to have it as they want-yet guests seem to think the couple should change it to suit their ideals.

So yes, children being too expensive is a valid reason.

Why do posters keep saying this??? It's really NOT unusual at all!! I got married on a Sunday 35 years ago!

Out of 8 weddings I've been to in the past 2 years, only 2 have been on a Saturday...2 were a Sunday, 1 was on a Thursday, 1 a Monday and 2 on a Friday 🤷‍♀️

There are 7 days in a week...you can get married on ANY of those days 🤦‍♀️👍

I do not see the point of child free weddings. Two families are joining not just a man from one and a woman from another.
Children, bossy Mums, outrageous cousins dottie Aunts and drunken Uncles. I think there should be a vow "for better for worse and the relatives"
I know I am old and see the past through a rose coloured light.

I’m quite old too but I really don’t see it as two families joining.
Whilst our kids/grandchild are, of course, perfect 😁 …. other people’s kids annoy me now.